Similes
Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)


--
Dave - The Medway Handyman

On 06/07/2016 16:17, David Lang wrote:
Similes
Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)


As useful a a pork chop in a Synagogue
As effective as a f*rt in a spacesuit

"David Lang" wrote in message
...
Similes
Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)

"Sweating like a peado in a playground"

"As dry as a Nun's ****"

--
Adam

On 06/07/2016 17:28, Malcolm Race wrote:
On 06/07/2016 16:17, David Lang wrote:
Similes
Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)


As useful a a pork chop in a Synagogue
As effective as a f*rt in a spacesuit

Making more noise than "a skeleton having a wank in a biscuit tin".

--
Cheers,

John.

/================================================== ===============\
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| John Rumm - john(at)internode(dot)co(dot)uk |
\================================================= ================/

On 06/07/2016 17:28, Malcolm Race wrote:
On 06/07/2016 16:17, David Lang wrote:
Similes
Heard these recently which made me laugh;
"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".
As useful a a pork chop in a Synagogue
As effective as a f*rt in a spacesuit

I'd heard that last as
"as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit"

On Wed, 6 Jul 2016 17:28:42 +0100, Malcolm Race
wrote:

On 06/07/2016 16:17, David Lang wrote:
Similes
Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)


As useful a a pork chop in a Synagogue

Or an 'ashtray on a motorbike' or a 'chocolate teapot'. ;-)

Cheers, T i m

In message
"ARW" wrote:

"David Lang" wrote in message
...
Similes
Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)

"Sweating like a peado in a playground"

"As dry as a Nun's ****"

" Fanny like a wizard's sleeve"
--
Jim

On Wednesday, 6 July 2016 16:17:06 UTC+1, David Lang wrote:
Similes
Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".


As popular as a rattlesnake in a lucky dip.
Couldn't organise a **** up in a brothel.
If your brains were made of gunpowder, there wouldn't be enough to blow your hat off.

"ARW" Wrote in message:
"David Lang" wrote in message
...
Similes
Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)

"Sweating like a peado in a playground"

"As dry as a Nun's ****"


Class ;-)
--
Jim K


----Android NewsGroup Reader----
http://usenet.sinaapp.com/

David Lang Wrote in message:
Similes
Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)


--
Dave - The Medway Handyman


My favourite recently "Lower than a snakes belly in a wheel rut"

Phil
--


----Android NewsGroup Reader----
http://usenet.sinaapp.com/

On 06/07/2016 20:39, Jim White wrote:
In message
"ARW" wrote:

"David Lang" wrote in message
...
Similes
Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)

"Sweating like a peado in a playground"

"As dry as a Nun's ****"

" Fanny like a wizard's sleeve"

Works better as "chuff like a wizard's sleeve" IMHO ;-)


--
Cheers,

John.

/================================================== ===============\
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| John Rumm - john(at)internode(dot)co(dot)uk |
\================================================= ================/

You mean as useful as a chocolate fireguard or an ashtray on a motor bike
That guy is a few slates short of a roof

That idea is like planting a cabbage in a snail farm.


Brian


--
----- -
This newsgroup posting comes to you directly from...
The Sofa of Brian Gaff...

Blind user, so no pictures please!
"David Lang" wrote in message
...
Similes
Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)


--
Dave - The Medway Handyman

TheChief wrote:
David Lang Wrote in message:
Similes
Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)


--
Dave - The Medway Handyman


My favourite recently "Lower than a snakes belly in a wheel rut"

Phil

Useless as teats on a bull

David Lang wrote:
Similes
Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)

He's as much use as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest.

--
Mike Barnes
Cheshire, England

In article ,
"ARW" wrote:

"As dry as a Nun's ****"

This shows how depraved we have become!
I first saw that in the cartoon strip "Barry McKenzie" in Private Eye in
(what?) the early 70s(?), when he introduced us to "As dry as a nun's
nasty" (he pronounced it narsty of course)[1].

And "He was up her like a rat up a drainpipe."

j.

[1] (How do I know how he pronounced it? Was it in the film??)

"jim" k wrote in message
...
"ARW" Wrote in message:
"David Lang" wrote in message
...
Similes
Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)

"Sweating like a peado in a playground"

"As dry as a Nun's ****"


Class ;-)


And the one that I save for the wank apprentices "As thick as pig ****"

But not for much longer as two of them have just been given their final
notice and only the two good ones will be left.




--
Adam

"David Lang" wrote in message
...
Similes
Heard these recently which made me laugh;


"As welcome as a ginger stepson"


Prince Phillip, Di , Hewitt and a car crash?



--
Adam

On Wed, 06 Jul 2016 16:17:15 +0100, David Lang wrote:

Similes Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)

The first two were "so so" (just the faintest of wry smiles). However,
the last one was so funny, I couldn't read it out loud for laughing (a
full belly laugh, no less!). I guess what made it so funny was my
comparison to the original, "It went down like a lead balloon" which, I
sincerely hope, was the inspiration for this 'refreshing update' on what
has become a rather tired smile raising simile.

I'm sorry to say, I can't think of any such smile inducing similes off
the top of my head that aren't already in common use or else *extremely*
rude. I just thought you'd be pleased to know that the third one scored a
'bullseye' with at least one of your readers.

--
Johnny B Good

On Wed, 06 Jul 2016 18:49:33 +0100, John Rumm wrote:

On 06/07/2016 17:28, Malcolm Race wrote:
On 06/07/2016 16:17, David Lang wrote:
Similes Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)


As useful a a pork chop in a Synagogue As effective as a f*rt in a
spacesuit

Making more noise than "a skeleton having a wank in a biscuit tin".

It's strange (thought it best to avoid 'funny') how such a mental image,
conjured up by that last one, can induce laughter in spite of the many
implausibilities in such a concept of a (presumably male and somehow
animated) skeleton wanking into a biscuit tin despite the complete lack
of the fleshy member required to perform such an action.

I guess the act of discounting the first implausibility of a skeleton
being able to mimic the functions of the live person of which it was
previously a vital part simply commutes to discounting the remaining
implausibility due to the absence of fleshy parts otherwise so vital to
the act of wanking.

I rather suspect that the funnier it seems (assuming you've never
previously encountered this phrase on a frequent and regular basis), the
more intelligent and cerebral you're *likely* to be. You need a vivid
imagination and an enquiring mind to get the most out of this particular
mental image, methinks. :-)

Dammit! There I go again! Analysing the humour out of yet another funny
simile. No, wait a moment... No, it's ok, I *still* find it funny! :-)

--
Johnny B Good

On Wed, 06 Jul 2016 18:51:21 +0100, soup wrote:

On 06/07/2016 17:28, Malcolm Race wrote:
On 06/07/2016 16:17, David Lang wrote:
Similes Heard these recently which made me laugh; "As full as a fat
woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".
As useful a a pork chop in a Synagogue As effective as a f*rt in a
spacesuit

I'd heard that last as "as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit"

That's how I remember it. Unfortunately, since a spacesuit encloses only
the individual responsible for the source of said farts, personally
speaking, I normally enjoy my *own* farts which belies the intended
meaning behind that simile afaiac.

I suspect I'm not peculiar in appreciating the aroma of one's *own*
farts. I think it offers reassuring feedback on both the state of health
of your digestive system and the efficacy of the "Marking of your
personal space".

If the originator of that simile truly doesn't enjoy the smell of their
own farts, all I can say is, "I'm glad I'm not him"[1].

[1] It can only be a "him" since women don't fart (at least according to
popular western culture).

--
Johnny B Good

On Wed, 06 Jul 2016 20:39:38 +0100, Jim White wrote:

In message
"ARW" wrote:

"David Lang" wrote in message
...
Similes Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)

"Sweating like a peado in a playground"

"As dry as a Nun's ****"

Those first two were just the sort of grossly rude similes I deemed were
unworthy to quote. In this case, largely because of their common usage
which ought to have saved the need to quote them here in the first
instance.


" Fanny like a wizard's sleeve"

Which is a *memorable* quote from the "Two Pints" comedy series that was
aired on BBC3 way back in... let me see now... Ah, yes! Here it is. Six
and a quarter minutes in, episode 42 entitled "Bababababa" aired the 19th
of December 2005.

Actually, you've quoted a (slightly) de-bowdlerised version. The
original as aired went, " a chuff like a wizard's sleeve!" which was part
of a rant by Janet at her friend, Donna, for making light of her motherly
obsession with her new born son.

This, even as quoted, is a worthy contender but not the first two, imo.

In the meantime, I've thought of a simile that might be considered
funny. It's one I first heard about four decades or so back expressed by
my now deceased father (more than likely the reason it remains so
memorable but you can judge for yourselves as to its witty humour). It
goes:

"Sweating like a bull in a tight jersey."

Which, on my first hearing of the expression, conjured up a fleeting
impression of a bull wearing a piece of tight woollen apparel before it
occurred to me that it was really about a bull servicing a Jersey cow.

The nice thing about such a simile is that it can be used safely in
mixed company across the whole age range, imparting the same basic
description of sweating profusely even though via totally different
interpretive routes. It's also worth noting that similes that operate on
more than one level will also be more memorable as a result of the cross-
linked interpretations.

--
Johnny B Good

On Wed, 06 Jul 2016 23:49:19 +0100, John Rumm wrote:

On 06/07/2016 20:39, Jim White wrote:
In message
"ARW" wrote:

"David Lang" wrote in message
...
Similes Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)

"Sweating like a peado in a playground"

"As dry as a Nun's ****"

" Fanny like a wizard's sleeve"

Works better as "chuff like a wizard's sleeve" IMHO ;-)

Aha! Another fan of the Two Pints series then? :-)

--
Johnny B Good

On 08/07/2016 01:28, Johnny B Good wrote:
On Wed, 06 Jul 2016 18:49:33 +0100, John Rumm wrote:

On 06/07/2016 17:28, Malcolm Race wrote:
On 06/07/2016 16:17, David Lang wrote:
Similes Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)


As useful a a pork chop in a Synagogue As effective as a f*rt in a
spacesuit

Making more noise than "a skeleton having a wank in a biscuit tin".

It's strange (thought it best to avoid 'funny') how such a mental image,
conjured up by that last one, can induce laughter in spite of the many
implausibilities in such a concept of a (presumably male and somehow
animated) skeleton wanking into a biscuit tin despite the complete lack
of the fleshy member required to perform such an action.

A key part of of the mental image for me, is not the wanking *into" a
biscuit tin, but rather wanking while *in* a biscuit tin... i.e. the
noise of the clatter of bones promoted by the physical activity would be
greatly amplified by containment in a tin.

Hopefully one conjures the mental image, and immediately thinks, "yup,
that would be loud"

Rather like describing an old common rail diesel engine as sounding like
a "wardrobe falling down the stairs".

I guess the act of discounting the first implausibility of a skeleton
being able to mimic the functions of the live person of which it was
previously a vital part simply commutes to discounting the remaining
implausibility due to the absence of fleshy parts otherwise so vital to
the act of wanking.

As with much humour, it does not stand scrutiny, but hopefully by the
time you get to that bit its already done its job ;-)

I rather suspect that the funnier it seems (assuming you've never
previously encountered this phrase on a frequent and regular basis), the
more intelligent and cerebral you're *likely* to be. You need a vivid
imagination and an enquiring mind to get the most out of this particular
mental image, methinks. :-)

Dammit! There I go again! Analysing the humour out of yet another funny
simile. No, wait a moment... No, it's ok, I *still* find it funny! :-)

That's ok then!


--
Cheers,

John.

/================================================== ===============\
| Internode Ltd - http://www.internode.co.uk |
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| John Rumm - john(at)internode(dot)co(dot)uk |
\================================================= ================/

On 08/07/2016 04:02, Johnny B Good wrote:
On Wed, 06 Jul 2016 23:49:19 +0100, John Rumm wrote:

On 06/07/2016 20:39, Jim White wrote:
In message
"ARW" wrote:

"David Lang" wrote in message
...
Similes Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)

"Sweating like a peado in a playground"

"As dry as a Nun's ****"

" Fanny like a wizard's sleeve"

Works better as "chuff like a wizard's sleeve" IMHO ;-)

Aha! Another fan of the Two Pints series then? :-)

Indeed... for a young lass, the girl that wrote that had an incredibly
dirty mind at times! (which is not a bad thing IMHO)


--
Cheers,

John.

/================================================== ===============\
| Internode Ltd - http://www.internode.co.uk |
|-----------------------------------------------------------------|
| John Rumm - john(at)internode(dot)co(dot)uk |
\================================================= ================/

On 08/07/2016 01:48, Johnny B Good wrote:
On Wed, 06 Jul 2016 18:51:21 +0100, soup wrote:

On 06/07/2016 17:28, Malcolm Race wrote:
On 06/07/2016 16:17, David Lang wrote:
Similes Heard these recently which made me laugh; "As full as a fat
woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".
As useful a a pork chop in a Synagogue As effective as a f*rt in a
spacesuit

I'd heard that last as "as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit"

That's how I remember it. Unfortunately, since a spacesuit encloses only
the individual responsible for the source of said farts, personally
speaking, I normally enjoy my *own* farts which belies the intended
meaning behind that simile afaiac.

I suspect I'm not peculiar in appreciating the aroma of one's *own*
farts. I think it offers reassuring feedback on both the state of health
of your digestive system and the efficacy of the "Marking of your
personal space".

If the originator of that simile truly doesn't enjoy the smell of their
own farts, all I can say is, "I'm glad I'm not him"[1].

[1] It can only be a "him" since women don't fart (at least according to
popular western culture).

Have we had "That went down as well as a pork pie at a Jewish wedding" yet.


--
Cheers,

John.

/================================================== ===============\
| Internode Ltd - http://www.internode.co.uk |
|-----------------------------------------------------------------|
| John Rumm - john(at)internode(dot)co(dot)uk |
\================================================= ================/

On 08/07/2016 00:55, Johnny B Good wrote:
On Wed, 06 Jul 2016 16:17:15 +0100, David Lang wrote:

Similes Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)

The first two were "so so" (just the faintest of wry smiles). However,
the last one was so funny, I couldn't read it out loud for laughing (a
full belly laugh, no less!). I guess what made it so funny was my
comparison to the original, "It went down like a lead balloon" which, I
sincerely hope, was the inspiration for this 'refreshing update' on what
has become a rather tired smile raising simile.

I'm sorry to say, I can't think of any such smile inducing similes off
the top of my head that aren't already in common use or else *extremely*
rude. I just thought you'd be pleased to know that the third one scored a
'bullseye' with at least one of your readers.

Talking of rude...

I recall one from when at school. A lad was setting off some home made
fireworks (made with chemicals pilfered from the science lab) thorough a
length of scaffold pole that was laying about near the gardeners shed -
with one or two close conspirators watching, plus one rather "wet"
individual from a younger form who would not take the hint to bugger
off. Some time later, Mrs Jones, an elderly, but very sweet, gentle and
slightly prim English teacher wandered past and enquired if the
assembled group of boys knew any reason why her dog (which was normally
left quietly sleeping in her car in the car park on cool days) seemed
rather "agitated"[1]. Everyone quickly declared they could think of no
reason at all! That was apart from the young lad who then piped up
"Maybe it was the fireworks!". Fortunately that must have sounded
sufficiently off the wall for 5pm on a summers evening, that she did not
pay much attention to the comment, and then wandered off back to her car.

As soon as she was out of earshot, Malcolm the gardener (who was
obviously listening in on all this), piped up in his very broad west
country accent: "you've got more mouth than a Jersey cows' got ****!"

[1] Think of Mrs Slocomb in "are you being served" enquiring about the
wellbeing of her pussy.

--
Cheers,

John.

/================================================== ===============\
| Internode Ltd - http://www.internode.co.uk |
|-----------------------------------------------------------------|
| John Rumm - john(at)internode(dot)co(dot)uk |
\================================================= ================/

"David Lang" wrote in message
...
Similes
Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)

How about the "height of impossibility" type -
The "n word" down a coal mine trying to pick blackheads out of his balls
wearing boxing gloves.

On Fri, 08 Jul 2016 09:41:11 +0100, John Rumm wrote:

On 08/07/2016 01:28, Johnny B Good wrote:
On Wed, 06 Jul 2016 18:49:33 +0100, John Rumm wrote:

On 06/07/2016 17:28, Malcolm Race wrote:
On 06/07/2016 16:17, David Lang wrote:
Similes Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)


As useful a a pork chop in a Synagogue As effective as a f*rt in a
spacesuit

Making more noise than "a skeleton having a wank in a biscuit tin".

It's strange (thought it best to avoid 'funny') how such a mental
image,
conjured up by that last one, can induce laughter in spite of the many
implausibilities in such a concept of a (presumably male and somehow
animated) skeleton wanking into a biscuit tin despite the complete lack
of the fleshy member required to perform such an action.

A key part of of the mental image for me, is not the wanking *into" a
biscuit tin, but rather wanking while *in* a biscuit tin... i.e. the
noise of the clatter of bones promoted by the physical activity would be
greatly amplified by containment in a tin.

Yep! There's that interpretation too (multiple levels - the more levels
of interpretation, the better the simile).


Hopefully one conjures the mental image, and immediately thinks, "yup,
that would be loud"

Rather like describing an old common rail diesel engine as sounding like
a "wardrobe falling down the stairs".

I'd have guessed that a better simile might be:

a "wardrobe full of spanners falling down the stairs". :-)


I guess the act of discounting the first implausibility of a skeleton
being able to mimic the functions of the live person of which it was
previously a vital part simply commutes to discounting the remaining
implausibility due to the absence of fleshy parts otherwise so vital to
the act of wanking.

As with much humour, it does not stand scrutiny, but hopefully by the
time you get to that bit its already done its job ;-)

Indeed, that's certainly the case for me and the widespread usage of such
similes suggests this must also apply to almost everyone else. You can
analyse all you want *after* you've enjoyed the humorous content since
it's more likely to add to, rather than detract from, from the humour by
virtue of letting you have a laugh at yourself for even picturing the
logically implausible event or set of circumstances in the first place.

However, the analysis simply highlights the absurdity of a hypothetical
construct used to reveal another logical truth (in this case just how
noisy such a hypothetical skeleton can be if, hypothetically speaking, it
were to wank into a biscuit tin - hypothetically speaking, it would be
damn loud!).

The thing with hypothetical constructs is that they can be as absurd as
you like, they're just hypothetical[1] and there aren't any limits on
what you can hypothesise. However, it's best to lend such hypotheses a
consistent internal logic for best results.


I rather suspect that the funnier it seems (assuming you've never
previously encountered this phrase on a frequent and regular basis),
the more intelligent and cerebral you're *likely* to be. You need a
vivid imagination and an enquiring mind to get the most out of this
particular mental image, methinks. :-)

Dammit! There I go again! Analysing the humour out of yet another
funny
simile. No, wait a moment... No, it's ok, I *still* find it funny! :-)

That's ok then!

Well, the one consolation I have is that even if I keep dwelling on it
to the point that it stops being 'laugh out loud funny', it'll still
remain an effective simile regardless and I'll still be able to
appreciate its humour simply by the memory of my initial reaction.

[1] From the full definition of hypothesis:

" an assumption or concession made for the sake of argument"

the operative word in this case being "concession".

--
Johnny B Good

On 08/07/2016 18:51, Johnny B Good wrote:
On Fri, 08 Jul 2016 09:41:11 +0100, John Rumm wrote:

Rather like describing an old common rail diesel engine as sounding like
a "wardrobe falling down the stairs".

I'd have guessed that a better simile might be:

a "wardrobe full of spanners falling down the stairs". :-)

Or the way of describing someone not particularly attractive as having a
"face like a bag of spanners".


--
Cheers,

John.

/================================================== ===============\
| Internode Ltd - http://www.internode.co.uk |
|-----------------------------------------------------------------|
| John Rumm - john(at)internode(dot)co(dot)uk |
\================================================= ================/

On 08/07/2016 21:38, John Rumm wrote:
On 08/07/2016 18:51, Johnny B Good wrote:
On Fri, 08 Jul 2016 09:41:11 +0100, John Rumm wrote:

Rather like describing an old common rail diesel engine as sounding like
a "wardrobe falling down the stairs".

I'd have guessed that a better simile might be:

a "wardrobe full of spanners falling down the stairs". :-)

Or the way of describing someone not particularly attractive as having a
"face like a bag of spanners".


Or a welders bench. Or a robbers dog.


--
Dave - The Medway Handyman

On 08/07/2016 21:54, Chris Hogg wrote:
On Fri, 8 Jul 2016 21:38:14 +0100, John Rumm
wrote:

On 08/07/2016 18:51, Johnny B Good wrote:
On Fri, 08 Jul 2016 09:41:11 +0100, John Rumm wrote:

Rather like describing an old common rail diesel engine as sounding like
a "wardrobe falling down the stairs".

I'd have guessed that a better simile might be:

a "wardrobe full of spanners falling down the stairs". :-)

Or the way of describing someone not particularly attractive as having a
"face like a bag of spanners".

In similar vein "couldn't mark her with a hatchet"

Fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.....

--
Dave - The Medway Handyman

On Fri, 08 Jul 2016 21:38:14 +0100, John Rumm wrote:

On 08/07/2016 18:51, Johnny B Good wrote:
On Fri, 08 Jul 2016 09:41:11 +0100, John Rumm wrote:

Rather like describing an old common rail diesel engine as sounding
like a "wardrobe falling down the stairs".

I'd have guessed that a better simile might be:

a "wardrobe full of spanners falling down the stairs". :-)

Or the way of describing someone not particularly attractive as having a
"face like a bag of spanners".

That sounds just like the sort of simile Les Dawson would have used.
Indeed I think he did use exactly that simile (BICBW).

--
Johnny B Good

On Fri, 08 Jul 2016 21:54:07 +0100, Chris Hogg wrote:

On Fri, 8 Jul 2016 21:38:14 +0100, John Rumm
wrote:

On 08/07/2016 18:51, Johnny B Good wrote:
On Fri, 08 Jul 2016 09:41:11 +0100, John Rumm wrote:

Rather like describing an old common rail diesel engine as sounding
like a "wardrobe falling down the stairs".

I'd have guessed that a better simile might be:

a "wardrobe full of spanners falling down the stairs". :-)

Or the way of describing someone not particularly attractive as having a
"face like a bag of spanners".

In similar vein "couldn't mark her with a hatchet"

Possibly yet another of Les Dawson's quips. :-)

--
Johnny B Good

On Fri, 08 Jul 2016 22:07:17 +0100, David Lang wrote:

On 08/07/2016 21:54, Chris Hogg wrote:
On Fri, 8 Jul 2016 21:38:14 +0100, John Rumm
wrote:

On 08/07/2016 18:51, Johnny B Good wrote:
On Fri, 08 Jul 2016 09:41:11 +0100, John Rumm wrote:

Rather like describing an old common rail diesel engine as sounding
like a "wardrobe falling down the stairs".

I'd have guessed that a better simile might be:

a "wardrobe full of spanners falling down the stairs". :-)

Or the way of describing someone not particularly attractive as having
a "face like a bag of spanners".

In similar vein "couldn't mark her with a hatchet"

Fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.....

Now that one, I'm certain is a Les Dawson quote! :-)

--
Johnny B Good

On Wednesday, 6 July 2016 16:17:06 UTC+1, David Lang wrote:
Similes
Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)



"A face like a smacked arse."

One with a DIY conection " a tile short of a full roof"
The lights on but no one is inside
He/She is so lucky if they fell off the Co-Op they would land in the divi

Richard

On 7/6/2016 4:17 PM, David Lang wrote:
Similes
Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)


Not a simile, but a nice metaphor from Marina Hyde's Guardian piece on
Andrea Leadson

€œI want to speak to the markets,€� Leadsom smiled, with the air of
someone who imagines you can negotiate with gravity.

And this isn't bad either.

Even the verdicts of her friends tend toward the confusing. €œShe has
steel,€� blethered Iain Duncan Smith, €œbut there is a velvet glove of
compassion.€� Oh Iain! God knows Ive learned to manage my expectations
as far as IDS is concerned. But I would like a secretary of state who
understood a basic despot metaphor before he accidentally deployed it.

On Sat, 09 Jul 2016 02:43:33 +0000, Johnny B Good wrote:

On Fri, 08 Jul 2016 21:38:14 +0100, John Rumm wrote:

On 08/07/2016 18:51, Johnny B Good wrote:
On Fri, 08 Jul 2016 09:41:11 +0100, John Rumm wrote:

Rather like describing an old common rail diesel engine as sounding
like a "wardrobe falling down the stairs".

I'd have guessed that a better simile might be:

a "wardrobe full of spanners falling down the stairs". :-)

Or the way of describing someone not particularly attractive as having
a "face like a bag of spanners".

That sounds just like the sort of simile Les Dawson would have used.
Indeed I think he did use exactly that simile (BICBW).

Face like a bulldog chewing on a wasp?



--
Windows 8.1 on PCSpecialist box

On Wed, 06 Jul 2016 16:17:15 +0100, David Lang wrote:

Similes Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)

Full as a butcher's dog?

[Although the time that a butcher had to have a dog to chase all the other
dogs away is long past.]

Tight as a duck's arse?

Tight as a bull's arse in fly time?

As beautiful as you are intelligent?

As rough as a bear's bum?

Still trying to locate a "laugh out loud" one.

As welcome as a turd in a swimming pool?


Must get on with something productive, I suppose.

Cheers


Dave R


--
Windows 8.1 on PCSpecialist box

On Wednesday, 6 July 2016 16:17:06 UTC+1, David Lang wrote:
Similes
Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)

Bent as a nine bob note.