On 08/07/2016 00:55, Johnny B Good wrote:
On Wed, 06 Jul 2016 16:17:15 +0100, David Lang wrote:

Similes Heard these recently which made me laugh;

"As full as a fat woman's sock"
"As welcome as a ginger stepson"
"It went down like a fat kid on a see saw".

Anyone got any more? :-)

The first two were "so so" (just the faintest of wry smiles). However,
the last one was so funny, I couldn't read it out loud for laughing (a
full belly laugh, no less!). I guess what made it so funny was my
comparison to the original, "It went down like a lead balloon" which, I
sincerely hope, was the inspiration for this 'refreshing update' on what
has become a rather tired smile raising simile.

I'm sorry to say, I can't think of any such smile inducing similes off
the top of my head that aren't already in common use or else *extremely*
rude. I just thought you'd be pleased to know that the third one scored a
'bullseye' with at least one of your readers.

Talking of rude...

I recall one from when at school. A lad was setting off some home made
fireworks (made with chemicals pilfered from the science lab) thorough a
length of scaffold pole that was laying about near the gardeners shed -
with one or two close conspirators watching, plus one rather "wet"
individual from a younger form who would not take the hint to bugger
off. Some time later, Mrs Jones, an elderly, but very sweet, gentle and
slightly prim English teacher wandered past and enquired if the
assembled group of boys knew any reason why her dog (which was normally
left quietly sleeping in her car in the car park on cool days) seemed
rather "agitated"[1]. Everyone quickly declared they could think of no
reason at all! That was apart from the young lad who then piped up
"Maybe it was the fireworks!". Fortunately that must have sounded
sufficiently off the wall for 5pm on a summers evening, that she did not
pay much attention to the comment, and then wandered off back to her car.

As soon as she was out of earshot, Malcolm the gardener (who was
obviously listening in on all this), piped up in his very broad west
country accent: "you've got more mouth than a Jersey cows' got ****!"

[1] Think of Mrs Slocomb in "are you being served" enquiring about the
wellbeing of her pussy.

--
Cheers,

John.

/================================================== ===============\
| Internode Ltd - http://www.internode.co.uk |
|-----------------------------------------------------------------|
| John Rumm - john(at)internode(dot)co(dot)uk |
\================================================= ================/