Enjoy

Lew
------------------------------------------
ABOUT THE WRITER

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami
Herald.

Colonoscopy Journal:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an
appointment or a colonoscopy.

A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram
of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place,
at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough,
reassuring and patient manner.

I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said,
because my brain was shrieking,

'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a
prescription
for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to
hold a microwave oven.

I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say
that we
must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being
nervous.

Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation.

In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that
day;
all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less
flavor.

Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep.

You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug,
then you fill it with lukewarm water.

(For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32
gallons)..

Then you have to drink the whole jug.

This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes -
and here I am being kind - like a mixture ofgoat spit and
urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody
with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it,
'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'

This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof,
you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative.

I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a
space-shuttle launch?

This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle.
There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt.

You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting
violently.

You eliminate everything.

And then, when you figure you must be totally empty,
you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point,
as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start
eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.


The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic.

I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure,
but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep
spurtage.

I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?'

How do you apologize to a friend for something like that?

Flowers would not be enough..

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I
understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said.
Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people,
where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes
and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts,
the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than
when you are actually naked..

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left
hand.
Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was
already lying down.

Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.

At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this,
but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to
make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire
Hose Mode.

You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room,
where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist.

I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden
around there somewhere.

I was seriously nervous at this point.

Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began
hooking something up to the needle in my hand.

There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was
'Dancing Queen' by ABBA.

I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during
this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least
appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.


'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading
for more than a decade.

If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am
going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment,
ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,'
and the next moment, I was back in the other room,
waking up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt.

I felt excellent.

I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over,
and that my colon had passed with flying colors.

I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

On the subject of Colonoscopies.....

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were
quite humorous.....

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments
made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing
their colonoscopies:

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone
before!'

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

And the best one of all:

13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up
there?'

"Lew Hodgett" wrote in message
eb.com...

Colonoscopy Journal:

Well said and well written. My experience was similar 6 days ago.

TinWoodsmn

"Lew Hodgett" wrote in message
eb.com...
Enjoy

Lew
------------------------------------------
ABOUT THE WRITER

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami
Herald.

Colonoscopy Journal:

I had read this before. I had a colonoscopy, and the experience was very
similar with a twist. The doctor cheaped out, and re-used some $.19
syringes. Eight people got hepatitis. One recently died, and now the
charges are up to murder. I had to go for six months afterward for
hepatitis and HIV testing.

For anyone going to have one of these, I suggest this: Get a bottle of
mouthwash. Before drinking that stuff, rinse with mouthwash, and you can
chug a lug a little more before the gag reflex kicks in. I have heard that
now there is some pills they give you, or something a lot easier than the
two gallons of stuff I had to drink.

Steve

Bob wrote:
"Lew Hodgett" wrote in message
eb.com...

Colonoscopy Journal:

Well said and well written. My experience was similar 6 days ago.


The last one I had to go in for was a double procedure. They had to scope
down my throat to examine whether I had ulcers there, and then the
colonoscopy. Of course, I joked with the doctor about paying attention and
not getting the order of the procedures mixed up while I was out. He
immediately replied that I'd know immediately, if I burped and it smelled
like a fart. Gotta love a doctor with a sense of humor.

--

-Mike-

That's a keeper, Lew...

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments
made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing
their colonoscopies:

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone
before!'

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

And the best one of all:

13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up
there?'

On 10/10/2012 11:48 AM, Lew Hodgett wrote:
\
Colonoscopy Journal:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an
appointment or a colonoscopy.

13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up
there?'

Deja Vu all over again, three times now ... the first I wasn't sedated,
watched the screen, directed traffic and actually pointed out a polyp
before the doctor saw it. The last two weren't as much fun because they
didn't offer the no sedation option. Actual procedure is a piece of
cake, the prep is absolutely the worst part, but worth a few laughs when
the memory fades ... lost too many friends and relatives to colon
cancer, shame on you if you don't stay current on this procedure.

--
www.eWoodShop.com
Last update: 4/15/2010
KarlCaillouet@ (the obvious)
http://gplus.to/eWoodShop

On 10/10/2012 1:20 PM, Steve B wrote:
"Lew Hodgett" wrote in message
eb.com...
Enjoy

Lew
------------------------------------------
ABOUT THE WRITER

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami
Herald.

Colonoscopy Journal:

I had read this before. I had a colonoscopy, and the experience was very
similar with a twist. The doctor cheaped out, and re-used some $.19
syringes. Eight people got hepatitis. One recently died, and now the
charges are up to murder. I had to go for six months afterward for
hepatitis and HIV testing.

For anyone going to have one of these, I suggest this: Get a bottle of
mouthwash. Before drinking that stuff, rinse with mouthwash, and you can
chug a lug a little more before the gag reflex kicks in. I have heard that
now there is some pills they give you, or something a lot easier than the
two gallons of stuff I had to drink.

Steve



I've had two - 6 pills (take 4, wait a while, take the remaining 2), and
a small container of MiraLax, mixed with light-colored Gatorade - half
gallon in all, 8 ounces at a time every 15 minutes. Works great.

I'm good for another 4 years now.

Matt

On 10/10/2012 04:28 PM, Swingman wrote:
On 10/10/2012 11:48 AM, Lew Hodgett wrote:
\
Colonoscopy Journal:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an
appointment or a colonoscopy.

13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up
there?'

Deja Vu all over again, three times now ... the first I wasn't sedated,
watched the screen, directed traffic and actually pointed out a polyp
before the doctor saw it. The last two weren't as much fun because they
didn't offer the no sedation option. Actual procedure is a piece of
cake, the prep is absolutely the worst part, but worth a few laughs when
the memory fades ... lost too many friends and relatives to colon
cancer, shame on you if you don't stay current on this procedure.


Saved my life. In 2005, the guy doing the hose job found a cancerous
growth. Surgery removed a 12" or so of colon and the adrenal glands
surrounding. I've had five hose jobs since and other than normal
polyps, all OK. Finally on the three year schedule. BTW, my Dad went
down for the count with colon cancer - he never had a colonoscopy -
however he was 89.

During the first procedure, I was observing the TV and giving commentary
so the nurse put a towel over my head and instructed me to "shut up and
lay still". I now watch but keep my observations to myself...

The last prep was 32 pills, 4 at a time at 15 minute intervals for a
total of 20, then the same routine the next morning for three doses.
Easy other than having enough reading material in the loo.


--
"Socialism is a philosophy of failure,the creed of ignorance, and the
gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery"
-Winston Churchill

On 10/10/2012 4:44 PM, Richard wrote:
That's a keeper, Lew...


But the rest of this thread went down the toilet...

Doug Winterburn wrote:


During the first procedure, I was observing the TV and giving
commentary so the nurse put a towel over my head and instructed me to
"shut up and lay still". I now watch but keep my observations to
myself...

You guys that watch on the screen are sick - or too involved with
yourselves. Put me to sleep. Let me wake up when it's all over. Why in
the hell would I want to endure that and even more important - why the hell
would I want to watch it? Sleep is good...

--

-Mike-

On 10/10/2012 07:09 PM, Mike Marlow wrote:
Doug Winterburn wrote:


During the first procedure, I was observing the TV and giving
commentary so the nurse put a towel over my head and instructed me to
"shut up and lay still". I now watch but keep my observations to
myself...

You guys that watch on the screen are sick - or too involved with
yourselves. Put me to sleep. Let me wake up when it's all over. Why in
the hell would I want to endure that and even more important - why the hell
would I want to watch it? Sleep is good...


Well, I just want to make sure there isn't a hand on each of my shoulders!


--
"Socialism is a philosophy of failure,the creed of ignorance, and the
gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery"
-Winston Churchill

"Swingman" wrote

Deja Vu all over again, three times now ... the first I wasn't sedated,
watched the screen, directed traffic and actually pointed out a polyp
before the doctor saw it. The last two weren't as much fun because they
didn't offer the no sedation option. Actual procedure is a piece of cake,
the prep is absolutely the worst part, but worth a few laughs when the
memory fades ... lost too many friends and relatives to colon cancer,
shame on you if you don't stay current on this procedure.

My aunt was diagnosed, and was dead within three months. But this was back
in the seventies. Early detection saves soooooooo many lives.

Steve

"Mike Marlow" wrote


You guys that watch on the screen are sick - or too involved with
yourselves. Put me to sleep. Let me wake up when it's all over. Why in
the hell would I want to endure that and even more important - why the
hell would I want to watch it? Sleep is good...

--

-Mike-

I've watched at least four of my heart caths on the screen live.

Steve

"Matt" wrote

I've had two - 6 pills (take 4, wait a while, take the remaining 2), and a
small container of MiraLax, mixed with light-colored Gatorade - half
gallon in all, 8 ounces at a time every 15 minutes. Works great.

I'm good for another 4 years now.

Matt

Guess things have changed for the good.

Steve

"Lew Hodgett" wrote in message
eb.com...

Enjoy


Lew.....They put you out so you don"t hear the Doc say WHOOPS. WW













..

On 10/10/2012 9:50 PM, Steve B wrote:
"Mike wrote


You guys that watch on the screen are sick - or too involved with
yourselves. Put me to sleep. Let me wake up when it's all over. Why in
the hell would I want to endure that and even more important - why the
hell would I want to watch it? Sleep is good...

--

-Mike-

I've watched at least four of my heart caths on the screen live.

Steve




Ah big deal. (really)

You ain't lived until you have had a cystoscopy inspection.

Guess where THAT camera goes...

On 10/10/2012 8:35 PM, Richard wrote:
On 10/10/2012 9:50 PM, Steve B wrote:
"Mike wrote


You guys that watch on the screen are sick - or too involved with
yourselves. Put me to sleep. Let me wake up when it's all over.
Why in
the hell would I want to endure that and even more important - why the
hell would I want to watch it? Sleep is good...

--

-Mike-

I've watched at least four of my heart caths on the screen live.

Steve




Ah big deal. (really)

You ain't lived until you have had a cystoscopy inspection.

Guess where THAT camera goes...



LOL - I *know* where that camera goes... could have watched, too, but
the TV screen was on the side of my bad eye, and over my shoulder. Doc
offered to have it moved to where I could watch, but it really didn't
matter all that much to me anyway - the results and diagnosis were what
I was interested in. Water was damn cold too!

Matt

Lew Hodgett wrote:
Enjoy

Lew
------------------------------------------
ABOUT THE WRITER

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami
Herald.

Colonoscopy Journal:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an
appointment or a colonoscopy.

A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram
of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place,
at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough,
reassuring and patient manner.

I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said,
because my brain was shrieking,

'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a
prescription
for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to
hold a microwave oven.

I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say
that we
must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being
nervous.

Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation.

In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that
day;
all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less
flavor.

Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep.

You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug,
then you fill it with lukewarm water.

(For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32
gallons)..

Then you have to drink the whole jug.

This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes -
and here I am being kind - like a mixture ofgoat spit and
urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody
with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it,
'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'

This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof,
you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative.

I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a
space-shuttle launch?

This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle.
There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt.

You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting
violently.

You eliminate everything.

And then, when you figure you must be totally empty,
you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point,
as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start
eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.


The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic.

I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure,
but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep
spurtage.

I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?'

How do you apologize to a friend for something like that?

Flowers would not be enough..

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I
understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said.
Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people,
where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes
and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts,
the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than
when you are actually naked..

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left
hand.
Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was
already lying down.

Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.

At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this,
but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to
make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire
Hose Mode.

You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room,
where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist.

I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden
around there somewhere.

I was seriously nervous at this point.

Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began
hooking something up to the needle in my hand.

There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was
'Dancing Queen' by ABBA.

I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during
this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least
appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.


'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading
for more than a decade.

If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am
going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment,
ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,'
and the next moment, I was back in the other room,
waking up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt.

I felt excellent.

I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over,
and that my colon had passed with flying colors.

I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

On the subject of Colonoscopies.....

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were
quite humorous.....

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments
made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing
their colonoscopies:

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone
before!'

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

And the best one of all:

13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up
there?'




Tried that once (glycoprep similar stuff)never again
Now I have some stuff called picoprep which is no where near as diabolical.
Listen to this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otcVrKomXbk

On Wed, 10 Oct 2012 22:09:47 -0400, "Mike Marlow"
wrote:

Doug Winterburn wrote:


During the first procedure, I was observing the TV and giving
commentary so the nurse put a towel over my head and instructed me to
"shut up and lay still". I now watch but keep my observations to
myself...

You guys that watch on the screen are sick - or too involved with
yourselves. Put me to sleep. Let me wake up when it's all over. Why in
the hell would I want to endure that and even more important - why the hell
would I want to watch it? Sleep is good...


There are actually two types, a partial (you get to watch) and a full
(they put you out). I've had them both. It is like watching a sci-fi
movie rather than what is really going on.

Prep is about the same for both, but with the partial, you can drive
home or even go to work yourself. The disadvantage, if they find a
polyp, you'll be going back for the full anyway.

Ah big deal. (really)

You ain't lived until you have had a cystoscopy inspection.

Guess where THAT camera goes...

Still not there.

Try waking up from full anestesia on the table for a kidney stone removal,
as they are in the process of breaking it into pieces. I don't even know
how many probes they had in there at the time, but the sensation was that of
a power roto-rooter in action.
--
Jim in NC

On 10/10/2012 9:14 PM, Doug Winterburn wrote:

Well, I just want to make sure there isn't a hand on each of my shoulders!

ROTFLMAO ... no pun intended.


--
www.eWoodShop.com
Last update: 4/15/2010
KarlCaillouet@ (the obvious)
http://gplus.to/eWoodShop

On 10/10/2012 9:49 PM, Steve B wrote:
"Swingman" wrote

Deja Vu all over again, three times now ... the first I wasn't sedated,
watched the screen, directed traffic and actually pointed out a polyp
before the doctor saw it. The last two weren't as much fun because they
didn't offer the no sedation option. Actual procedure is a piece of cake,
the prep is absolutely the worst part, but worth a few laughs when the
memory fades ... lost too many friends and relatives to colon cancer,
shame on you if you don't stay current on this procedure.

My aunt was diagnosed, and was dead within three months. But this was back
in the seventies. Early detection saves soooooooo many lives.


One of my dearest friends, band mates, and coonass brethren, was lost to
colon cancer about fifteen years ago, leaving behind two small
daughters. I still want to kick his ass, between tears when thinking
about it, for not paying more attention to the symptoms and having a
colonoscopy ... the chance is excellent that he would still be with us
today had he done that.

Take heed, you young bullet proof mf's ...

--
www.eWoodShop.com
Last update: 4/15/2010
KarlCaillouet@ (the obvious)
http://gplus.to/eWoodShop

On Oct 10, 3:19*pm, "Steve B" wrote:

For anyone going to have one of these, I suggest this: *Get a bottle of
mouthwash. *Before drinking that stuff, rinse with mouthwash, and you can
chug a lug a little more before the gag reflex kicks in. *I have heard that
now there is some pills they give you, or something a lot easier than the
two gallons of stuff I had to drink.

Steve

The pills are the only way to go! You space taking them over a period
of hours the evening before and you take most of them with Ginger
Ale. By about 8:00 that evening I was beginning to think they were
not going to be effective and then "KaBooommm!" They were effective
for much of the night.

The actual procedure was pretty easy after the cleaning phase. The
gave me a light anesthetic which must have put me to sleep. Also, I
woke up a little goofier than usual. My wife said folks in the
recovery area, outside of my surgery room, heard me say "Well, Hell -
The act wasn't nearly exciting as the foreplay!"

RonB

On 10/11/2012 03:05 AM, Ed Pawlowski wrote:
On Wed, 10 Oct 2012 22:09:47 -0400, "Mike Marlow"
wrote:

Doug Winterburn wrote:


During the first procedure, I was observing the TV and giving
commentary so the nurse put a towel over my head and instructed me to
"shut up and lay still". I now watch but keep my observations to
myself...

You guys that watch on the screen are sick - or too involved with
yourselves. Put me to sleep. Let me wake up when it's all over. Why in
the hell would I want to endure that and even more important - why the hell
would I want to watch it? Sleep is good...


There are actually two types, a partial (you get to watch) and a full
(they put you out). I've had them both. It is like watching a sci-fi
movie rather than what is really going on.

Prep is about the same for both, but with the partial, you can drive
home or even go to work yourself. The disadvantage, if they find a
polyp, you'll be going back for the full anyway.

They wouldn't start my procedure until I had a driver there to take me
home and they have removed polyps, so I'm not sure of what you're
describing as a "partial"? For some reason, I'm never fully "out", but
my wife says she is when she has had the same procedure?


--
"Socialism is a philosophy of failure,the creed of ignorance, and the
gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery"
-Winston Churchill

Doug Winterburn wrote in
eb.com:

On 10/11/2012 03:05 AM, Ed Pawlowski wrote:
On Wed, 10 Oct 2012 22:09:47 -0400, "Mike Marlow"
wrote:

Doug Winterburn wrote:


During the first procedure, I was observing the TV and giving
commentary so the nurse put a towel over my head and instructed me
to "shut up and lay still". I now watch but keep my observations
to myself...

You guys that watch on the screen are sick - or too involved with
yourselves. Put me to sleep. Let me wake up when it's all over.
Why in the hell would I want to endure that and even more important
- why the hell would I want to watch it? Sleep is good...


There are actually two types, a partial (you get to watch) and a
full (they put you out). I've had them both. It is like watching a
sci-fi movie rather than what is really going on.

Prep is about the same for both, but with the partial, you can drive
home or even go to work yourself. The disadvantage, if they find a
polyp, you'll be going back for the full anyway.

They wouldn't start my procedure until I had a driver there to take me
home and they have removed polyps, so I'm not sure of what you're
describing as a "partial"? For some reason, I'm never fully "out",
but my wife says she is when she has had the same procedure?

I had a single session endoscopy and colonoscopy, up and down the whole
way. I was totally out during the procedure. Spouse came to get me home.
They wouldn't have let me go solo. That was a little over 10 years ago,
so I'm likely in for another session. The prep the night before is the
worst part of the whole thing.


--
Best regards
Han
email address is invalid

On Thu, 11 Oct 2012 15:35:47 +0000, Han wrote:

The prep the night before is the
worst part of the whole thing.

Yea verily! Some time back there was an OTC product called, IIRC,
Fleet's Phospho-soda. Essentially brine. Tasted awful, but you didn't
have to drink very much. Somebody at the FDA decided it was dangerous if
overused as a laxative and took it off the market, instead of just
requiring a prescription for it. I've used 2 or 3 different products
since then and muttered about them all.

BTW, just had my last colonoscopy Monday. My doc says having one after
80 is more dangerous than not having one. Too much chance of tearing the
colon wall.

And I feel really lucky. I had one little polyp. I heard the doc
telling a patient in the recovery room next door that she had 33!

--
When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and
carrying a cross.

On Thu, 11 Oct 2012 07:57:37 -0700, Doug Winterburn
wrote:




Prep is about the same for both, but with the partial, you can drive
home or even go to work yourself. The disadvantage, if they find a
polyp, you'll be going back for the full anyway.

They wouldn't start my procedure until I had a driver there to take me
home and they have removed polyps, so I'm not sure of what you're
describing as a "partial"? For some reason, I'm never fully "out", but
my wife says she is when she has had the same procedure?

With the partial, they don't probe as far and there is less
discomfort. After finding a polyp though, they scheduled me for the
whole deal. Both times I was out.

Last time they told me "the nurse will give you something to relax
you". I was laying in the exam room wondering when they would give me
that and next thing I know, I was asked "would you like some juice and
cookies?"

"Swingman" wrote

One of my dearest friends, band mates, and coonass brethren, was lost to
colon cancer about fifteen years ago, leaving behind two small daughters.
I still want to kick his ass, between tears when thinking about it, for
not paying more attention to the symptoms and having a colonoscopy ... the
chance is excellent that he would still be with us today had he done that.

Take heed, you young bullet proof mf's ...

Lived in Lafayette (Carencro, actually) during the oil boom of the
seventies. Miss the food, fishin, music, and people. Been every place they
have been on Swamp People so far. That Atchafalaya swamp and surrounding
wetlands and marsh are something else. If I hit the lottery, I think I'd
have a seasonal home there.

Steve

On Thu, 11 Oct 2012 22:22:00 -0400, Ed Pawlowski wrote:
Last time they told me "the nurse will give you something to relax
you". I was laying in the exam room wondering when they would give me
that and next thing I know, I was asked "would you like some juice and
cookies?"

That's exactly how I like it when I'm going in for some local
anesthetic surgical procedure.

On 10/10/2012 11:48 AM, Lew Hodgett wrote:
Enjoy

Lew
------------------------------------------
ABOUT THE WRITER

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami
Herald.

Colonoscopy Journal:


At age 50 I had my first, much as described. They found one polyp.

At age 60 doc decided I needed a check up, again, much as described. I
am happy to report that they decided I would not ever have to do the
procedure again. I interpreted the result to mean I had/was a perfect
asshole.

--


___________________________________

Keep the whole world singing . . .
Dan G
remove the seven

On Sun, 14 Oct 2012 18:26:32 -0500, DanG wrote:

I interpreted the result to mean I had/was a perfect asshole.

Naah - just a perfect ****bag :-).

--
When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and
carrying a cross.

"DanG" wrote:

At age 60 doc decided I needed a check up, again, much as described.
I am happy to report that they decided I would not ever have to do
the procedure again. I interpreted the result to mean I had/was a
perfect asshole.
-------------------------------------------------------------
WHEN THE LORD MADE MAN, ALL THE PARTS
OF THE BODY ARGUED OVER WHO WOULD BE BOSS.

THE BRAIN EXPLAINED THAT SINCE HE CONTROLLED
ALL PARTS OF THE BODY, HE SHOULD BE BOSS.

THE LEGS ARGUED THAT SINCE THEY TOOK THE MAN
WHEREVER HE WANTED TO GO, THEY SHOULD BE BOSS.

THE STOMACH COUNTERED WITH THE EXPLANATION
THAT SINCE HE DIGESTED ALL THE FOOD,
HE SHOULD BE BOSS.

THE EYES SAID THAT WITHOUT THEM, MAN WOULD
BE HELPLESS, SO THEY SHOULD BE BOSS.

THEN THE ASS HOLE APPLIED FOR THE JOB.

THE OTHER PARTS OF THE BODY LAUGHED SO HARD
THAT THE ASS HOLE BECAME MAD AND CLOSED UP.

AFTER A FEW DAYS THE BRAIN WENT FOGGY,
THE LEGS GOT WOBBLY, THE STOMACH GOT ILL,
THE EYES GOT CROSSED AND UNABLE TO SEE.

THEY ALL CONCEDED AND MADE THE ASS HOLE BOSS.

THIS PROVES THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A
BRAIN TO BE BOSS .....



JUST AN ASS HOLE