A couple of RCM regulars have pinged me recently, and Karl checks on
me every once in a while.

I lurk from time to time but haven't had anything I thought worth
posting since the remote valve grabber -- which works great, by the
way.

I'm lurchin' along. A grief counseller told me I'm doing very well. I
thought she was pulling my chain; if this is "well" I'd hate to see
"lousy". Then I went to a grief support group meeting. Yeah, OK, I
guess I'm doing about as well as anyone does at this stage of the
process. It's a slow process and it can't be hurried. There's a lot
to do and a lot to learn. If ya don't do and learn then ya don't
progress. Much of of it is difficult and some of it is painful, but
that's how it works.

Life changes permanently when a spouse dies. It can never again be as
it was before, so the survivor will never "get over it". That doesn't
mean it can't eventually be good, just that it will be different. The
challenge is then to decide and define how life will be.

I am definitely capable of joy and laughter, and I do have some happy
times with friends and family. I've been to the cabin three times
with friends, family or when I knew that lake friends and neighbors
would be there, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It's too miserably hot
and humid to go this week.

----

Did the trainwreck in Fridley make the news anywhere outside of the
twin cities metro area?

http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2011/0...ls-in-fridley/
http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/photo-...in-derailment/

My local walking trail goes under that bridge. I walked under that
bridge every day, sometimes when there was a train rolling overhead.

That trail will be closed for a while. When they get the bridge
fixed, I don't think I'll be walking under it when there's a train on
it or coming!

They're working on it as a priority. Lots of very bright work lights
over there tonight.

On Jul 17, 11:36*pm, Don Foreman
wrote:
A couple of RCM regulars have pinged me recently, and Karl checks on
me *every once in a while.

I lurk from time to time but haven't had anything I thought worth
posting since the remote valve grabber -- which works great, by the
way.

I'm lurchin' along. *A grief counseller told me I'm doing very well. I
thought she was pulling my chain; *if this is "well" I'd hate to see
"lousy". *Then I went to a grief support group meeting. *Yeah, OK, I
guess I'm doing about as well as anyone does *at this stage of the
process. It's a slow process and it can't be hurried. *There's a lot
to do and a lot to learn. *If ya don't do and learn then ya don't
progress. Much of of it is difficult and some of it is painful, but
that's how it works.

Life changes permanently *when a spouse dies. It can never again be as
it was before, so the survivor will never "get over it". *That doesn't
mean it can't eventually be good, just that it will be different. *The
challenge is then to decide and define how life will be. * *


I'm not religious, but if she was looking down from heaven at you, I'm
guessing that she would want two things: 1) for you not to forget her
and 2) for you to be happy and carry on.

Did the trainwreck in Fridley make the news anywhere outside of the
twin cities metro area?

It made the news in Dassel. We certainly claim to be outside the metro
area. We even talk bad about those city people. They move out here and
bring their selffish ways and city values and then expect us to
conform to thier expectations. In my local government job, most of the
complaints come from those "city people"

That looked like a real large pile of corn in the water.

Karl

On 7/17/2011 9:36 PM, Don Foreman wrote:
A couple of RCM regulars have pinged me recently, and Karl checks on
me every once in a while.

I lurk from time to time but haven't had anything I thought worth
posting since the remote valve grabber -- which works great, by the
way.

I'm lurchin' along. A grief counseller told me I'm doing very well. I
thought she was pulling my chain; if this is "well" I'd hate to see
"lousy". Then I went to a grief support group meeting. Yeah, OK, I
guess I'm doing about as well as anyone does at this stage of the
process. It's a slow process and it can't be hurried. There's a lot
to do and a lot to learn. If ya don't do and learn then ya don't
progress. Much of of it is difficult and some of it is painful, but
that's how it works.

Life changes permanently when a spouse dies. It can never again be as
it was before, so the survivor will never "get over it". That doesn't
mean it can't eventually be good, just that it will be different. The
challenge is then to decide and define how life will be.

I am definitely capable of joy and laughter, and I do have some happy
times with friends and family. I've been to the cabin three times
with friends, family or when I knew that lake friends and neighbors
would be there, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It's too miserably hot
and humid to go this week.

----

Did the trainwreck in Fridley make the news anywhere outside of the
twin cities metro area?

http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2011/0...ls-in-fridley/
http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/photo-...in-derailment/

My local walking trail goes under that bridge. I walked under that
bridge every day, sometimes when there was a train rolling overhead.

That trail will be closed for a while. When they get the bridge
fixed, I don't think I'll be walking under it when there's a train on
it or coming!

They're working on it as a priority. Lots of very bright work lights
over there tonight.




You may not know this but many times when a spouse dies the surviving
one's life after the passing is better than when the spouse was alive.
Most of the time this happens when it's the man who dies and the woman
who keeps living. In that case many of them go on to live for many years
and find that they are happier than when they had a spouse.

On the other side, lots of time when a wife dies the husband passes away
rather quickly. But these days a lot of people are living to very old
ages and on their own.

I remember something an older woman told my 50 something year old
grandmother when she was about to get remarried. The friend told her not
to do it because if she stayed on her own she would get to use the TV
remote as much as she wanted. So you see, it is the little things in
life that count. 8-)

Hawke

Don Foreman wrote:

I am definitely capable of joy and laughter, and I do have some happy
times with friends and family. I've been to the cabin three times
with friends, family or when I knew that lake friends and neighbors
would be there, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It's too miserably hot
and humid to go this week.

Well, for what it's worth, if I had a spouse and I died, and my spirit
lived on in "heaven" or whatever, I'd want my living spouse to go ahead
and let me go, get on with her life, and have fun however she can, whenever
she's done with the sadness part.

Actually, I'd want that for her even if I simply ended, which I guess
is what Agnostics and Neodruids believe happens. (I'd definitely be
surprised if when I buy it, there are actual "Pearly Gates" - as soon
as I saw them, I'd know I'm screwed for all of eternity.) :-

Life, after all, is for the living. :-)

Cheers!
Rich

"Hawke" wrote in message ...
...... as much as she wanted. So you see, it is the little things in
life that count. 8-)

Hawke

===================

A friend of mine with the tiniest penis I have ever heard of, used to say
that all the time.

--

Eric

On Mon, 18 Jul 2011 04:58:52 -0700 (PDT), "Denis G."
wrote:

On Jul 17, 11:36*pm, Don Foreman
wrote:
A couple of RCM regulars have pinged me recently, and Karl checks on
me *every once in a while.

I lurk from time to time but haven't had anything I thought worth
posting since the remote valve grabber -- which works great, by the
way.

I'm lurchin' along. *A grief counseller told me I'm doing very well. I
thought she was pulling my chain; *if this is "well" I'd hate to see
"lousy". *Then I went to a grief support group meeting. *Yeah, OK, I
guess I'm doing about as well as anyone does *at this stage of the
process. It's a slow process and it can't be hurried. *There's a lot
to do and a lot to learn. *If ya don't do and learn then ya don't
progress. Much of of it is difficult and some of it is painful, but
that's how it works.

Life changes permanently *when a spouse dies. It can never again be as
it was before, so the survivor will never "get over it". *That doesn't
mean it can't eventually be good, just that it will be different. *The
challenge is then to decide and define how life will be. * *


I'm not religious, but if she was looking down from heaven at you, I'm
guessing that she would want two things: 1) for you not to forget her
and 2) for you to be happy and carry on.

There's no way I will ever forget Mary K. McCann unless I get
Alzheimer's, and she absolutely would want me to carry on and be
happy. I can almost hear her saying "Way to go, Foreman".

On Mon, 18 Jul 2011 12:05:42 -0700, Hawke
wrote:






You may not know this but many times when a spouse dies the surviving
one's life after the passing is better than when the spouse was alive.
Most of the time this happens when it's the man who dies and the woman
who keeps living. In that case many of them go on to live for many years
and find that they are happier than when they had a spouse.

I do know of several cases like that, most involving women who were
married to jerks or at least very controlling men. Widowed spouses of
either gender who were genuinely happy with their lives and their
mates miss them terribly.

People who have not lost a spouse they cared about have absolutely no
idea what it's like. That's not just my opinion, it's a fact stated in
most literature about grief.

We had a very happy life together, perhaps at least partly because we
both regarded that as first priority. Living with Mary was a lot of
fun just about every day. Our life included a lot of laughter, joy and
warm companionship, doing something together every single day however
mundane. If asked six months ago, I'd have said I couldn't imagine any
kind of life I'd want to bother with without Mary. Now that's
exactly what I must do. I'm still having a lot of trouble figuring
out how to devise and pursue a reasonably enjoyable life without her.
It takes a lot of time, effort and discomfort, particularly for a
senior.

On the other side, lots of time when a wife dies the husband passes away
rather quickly. But these days a lot of people are living to very old
ages and on their own.

That's true. Living to very old age is very low on my priority list.
When my happy days are done I want to be done. I think there can
still be some happy days in front of me.

On Mon, 18 Jul 2011 13:30:32 -0700, Rich Grise
wrote:


Life, after all, is for the living. :-)

As are joy, happiness, pain and misery.

On Tue, 19 Jul 2011 00:52:36 -0500, Don Foreman
wrote:


That's true. Living to very old age is very low on my priority list.
When my happy days are done I want to be done. I think there can
still be some happy days in front of me.

My dad turns 80 next month. He has been a widower for almost 10 yrs so
far..and is doing just fine. He will live into his 90s based on his
family history, in pretty darned good health.

You can do the same.

You just have to Want to.

Gunner

--
Maxim 12: A soft answer turneth away wrath.
Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head.

On Mon, 18 Jul 2011 23:45:40 -0700, Gunner Asch
wrote:

On Tue, 19 Jul 2011 00:52:36 -0500, Don Foreman
wrote:


That's true. Living to very old age is very low on my priority list.
When my happy days are done I want to be done. I think there can
still be some happy days in front of me.

My dad turns 80 next month. He has been a widower for almost 10 yrs so
far..and is doing just fine. He will live into his 90s based on his
family history, in pretty darned good health.

You can do the same.

You just have to Want to.

Gunner

Is he reasonably happy?

On Tue, 19 Jul 2011 02:35:55 -0500, Don Foreman
wrote:

On Mon, 18 Jul 2011 23:45:40 -0700, Gunner Asch
wrote:

On Tue, 19 Jul 2011 00:52:36 -0500, Don Foreman
wrote:


That's true. Living to very old age is very low on my priority list.
When my happy days are done I want to be done. I think there can
still be some happy days in front of me.

My dad turns 80 next month. He has been a widower for almost 10 yrs so
far..and is doing just fine. He will live into his 90s based on his
family history, in pretty darned good health.

You can do the same.

You just have to Want to.

Gunner

Is he reasonably happy?

Ayup. In the winter time, he is a Snowbird in Florida. Keeps a 35'
travel trailer down there. He shoots twice a week with buddies, has
taken up golf, does a lot of odd jobs for the other retired folks in his
trailer resort.

In the summer time, he is up at his home in Michigan, where he shoots 3
times a week, plays pool, putters around the house, and does odd jobs
for his friends. He seldom charges for his handywork.

Though..he is closing down the house this summer and will be trying to
sell it after owning it for 40+ yrs. He and I built it. Rather nice one.
And then he will move back down to Florida full time. Things are NOT
selling very well in his town..so its unlikely it will be sold anytime
soon. Im trying to talk him into renting it out via a rental management
company, but he is still pondering.

I think the house reminds him of Mom..so it may be niggling at the back
of his skull. Shrug

I rather think he has dinner with a number of single ladies..but its not
something he talks much about. And I dont push it. His health is
excellent..the men in that side of the family live to their 90s. Its
been said his dad died at 85 after falling down the back stairs of a
upscale house of ill repute..shrug.

I just hope I do as well at his age. Moms side of the family..dont live
anywhere near as long. Hope I got his genes...

He travels with several cats and a ferret and has friends all over the
US, so he visits them going south and returning north..though they are
passing away as time goes on. I think that bothers him more than Mom
passing. She developed senile dementia in her late 60s, as most of the
women in her side of the family do..and per her letter of intent..when
she got pneumonia..they let her pass. She took care of her mom for 30
yrs . Grandma died in her 90s..lites on, but nobody home. So she wrote a
will that when it was her time...DNR.
Anyways..Pop stays busy. We swap hand loading data and talk. about every
week. He is doing fine.

Gunner

--
Maxim 12: A soft answer turneth away wrath.
Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head.

Don Foreman wrote:

Glad to hear from you.

Did the trainwreck in Fridley make the news anywhere outside of the
twin cities metro area?

http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2011/0...ls-in-fridley/
http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/photo-...in-derailment/

Didn't see it in Michigan but the 'news' was only covering Casey whatsername.

Yeah, I'd just watch the train go over from a bit away in the future.

Wes

On Jul 19, 12:28*am, Don Foreman
wrote:
On Mon, 18 Jul 2011 04:58:52 -0700 (PDT), "Denis G."





wrote:
On Jul 17, 11:36*pm, Don Foreman
wrote:
A couple of RCM regulars have pinged me recently, and Karl checks on
me *every once in a while.

I lurk from time to time but haven't had anything I thought worth
posting since the remote valve grabber -- which works great, by the
way.

I'm lurchin' along. *A grief counseller told me I'm doing very well. I
thought she was pulling my chain; *if this is "well" I'd hate to see
"lousy". *Then I went to a grief support group meeting. *Yeah, OK, I
guess I'm doing about as well as anyone does *at this stage of the
process. It's a slow process and it can't be hurried. *There's a lot
to do and a lot to learn. *If ya don't do and learn then ya don't
progress. Much of of it is difficult and some of it is painful, but
that's how it works.

Life changes permanently *when a spouse dies. It can never again be as
it was before, so the survivor will never "get over it". *That doesn't
mean it can't eventually be good, just that it will be different. *The
challenge is then to decide and define how life will be. * *

I'm not religious, but if she was looking down from heaven at you, I'm
guessing that she would want two things: 1) for you not to forget her
and 2) for you to be happy and carry on.

There's no way I will ever forget Mary K. McCann unless I get
Alzheimer's, *and she absolutely would want me to carry on and be
happy. I can almost hear her saying *"Way to go, Foreman".- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

I figured so. You two sounded like a real good match and I think that
you would want the same for her if your places were reversed. Still,
it's hard to lose a treasure ...

On Tue, 19 Jul 2011 02:35:55 -0500, Don Foreman
wrote:

On Mon, 18 Jul 2011 23:45:40 -0700, Gunner Asch
wrote:

On Tue, 19 Jul 2011 00:52:36 -0500, Don Foreman
wrote:


That's true. Living to very old age is very low on my priority list.
When my happy days are done I want to be done. I think there can
still be some happy days in front of me.

My dad turns 80 next month. He has been a widower for almost 10 yrs so
far..and is doing just fine. He will live into his 90s based on his
family history, in pretty darned good health.

You can do the same.

You just have to Want to.

Is he reasonably happy?

You are, too, Don, when you stop to think about it. You have a
wonderful famly and warm friends supporting you, a lake to go to, and
lots of skills to keep you busy. You'll meet new lady friends when
you're ready and if you like. Relax. Grief fades and life continues.

--
One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love.
-- Sophocles

On 18/07/2011 12:36 PM, Don Foreman wrote:
A couple of RCM regulars have pinged me recently, and Karl checks on
me every once in a while.

I lurk from time to time but haven't had anything I thought worth
posting since the remote valve grabber -- which works great, by the
way.

I'm lurchin' along. A grief counseller told me I'm doing very well. I
thought she was pulling my chain; if this is "well" I'd hate to see
"lousy". Then I went to a grief support group meeting. Yeah, OK, I
guess I'm doing about as well as anyone does at this stage of the
process. It's a slow process and it can't be hurried. There's a lot
to do and a lot to learn. If ya don't do and learn then ya don't
progress. Much of of it is difficult and some of it is painful, but
that's how it works.

Life changes permanently when a spouse dies. It can never again be as
it was before, so the survivor will never "get over it". That doesn't
mean it can't eventually be good, just that it will be different. The
challenge is then to decide and define how life will be.

I am definitely capable of joy and laughter, and I do have some happy
times with friends and family. I've been to the cabin three times
with friends, family or when I knew that lake friends and neighbors
would be there, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It's too miserably hot
and humid to go this week.

----

Did the trainwreck in Fridley make the news anywhere outside of the
twin cities metro area?

http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2011/0...ls-in-fridley/
http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/photo-...in-derailment/

My local walking trail goes under that bridge. I walked under that
bridge every day, sometimes when there was a train rolling overhead.

That trail will be closed for a while. When they get the bridge
fixed, I don't think I'll be walking under it when there's a train on
it or coming!

They're working on it as a priority. Lots of very bright work lights
over there tonight.



Nasty train crash Don. I guess the wildlife will have a feeding frenzy
on that spilt corn. Glad you weren't under it!

On 7/18/2011 10:52 PM, Don Foreman wrote:
On Mon, 18 Jul 2011 12:05:42 -0700, Hawke
wrote:






You may not know this but many times when a spouse dies the surviving
one's life after the passing is better than when the spouse was alive.
Most of the time this happens when it's the man who dies and the woman
who keeps living. In that case many of them go on to live for many years
and find that they are happier than when they had a spouse.

I do know of several cases like that, most involving women who were
married to jerks or at least very controlling men. Widowed spouses of
either gender who were genuinely happy with their lives and their
mates miss them terribly.

Actually, it's pretty common. I attribute it to the fact that so many
marriages are no good. People stay together that shouldn't and only when
one passes away does the remaining one get a decent life. I've seen this
in my own family. It only goes to show what marriage is really like.
Half of them break up and of those that stay together I'd say more than
half of them are not happy ones.



People who have not lost a spouse they cared about have absolutely no
idea what it's like. That's not just my opinion, it's a fact stated in
most literature about grief.


I'm not in that boat myself but I can understand what it must be like
for someone to lose a spouse that really mattered to them and they
really loved. Hell, I know how bad I feel just to lose a dog. I can only
imagine what I'd feel like if I loved someone dearly and they passed
away. On the other hand, I think it would depend on my age. If I was old
I think I would handle it better.


We had a very happy life together, perhaps at least partly because we
both regarded that as first priority. Living with Mary was a lot of
fun just about every day. Our life included a lot of laughter, joy and
warm companionship, doing something together every single day however
mundane. If asked six months ago, I'd have said I couldn't imagine any
kind of life I'd want to bother with without Mary. Now that's
exactly what I must do. I'm still having a lot of trouble figuring
out how to devise and pursue a reasonably enjoyable life without her.
It takes a lot of time, effort and discomfort, particularly for a
senior.

That's the problem people get when they are part of a good team for many
years. You kind of lose your own identity and when you're left on your
own you have to relearn what its like to live as an individual and not
as part of a team.



On the other side, lots of time when a wife dies the husband passes away
rather quickly. But these days a lot of people are living to very old
ages and on their own.

That's true. Living to very old age is very low on my priority list.
When my happy days are done I want to be done. I think there can
still be some happy days in front of me.

I know what you mean. I see the very old and think that they're cursed.
Life is not good for them and I don't care what anyone says differently.
Life is just the time you have until you die. So all you can do is try
to enjoy it the best you can. It ends for all of us pretty damn fast.
You have some time left. Make the best of it. You have forever to be dead.

Hawke

Don Foreman wrote:

A couple of RCM regulars have pinged me recently, and Karl checks on
me every once in a while.

I lurk from time to time but haven't had anything I thought worth
posting since the remote valve grabber -- which works great, by the
way.

I'm lurchin' along. A grief counseller told me I'm doing very well. I
thought she was pulling my chain; if this is "well" I'd hate to see
"lousy". Then I went to a grief support group meeting. Yeah, OK, I
guess I'm doing about as well as anyone does at this stage of the
process. It's a slow process and it can't be hurried. There's a lot
to do and a lot to learn. If ya don't do and learn then ya don't
progress. Much of of it is difficult and some of it is painful, but
that's how it works.

Life changes permanently when a spouse dies. It can never again be as
it was before, so the survivor will never "get over it". That doesn't
mean it can't eventually be good, just that it will be different. The
challenge is then to decide and define how life will be.

I am definitely capable of joy and laughter, and I do have some happy
times with friends and family. I've been to the cabin three times
with friends, family or when I knew that lake friends and neighbors
would be there, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It's too miserably hot
and humid to go this week.

----

Did the trainwreck in Fridley make the news anywhere outside of the
twin cities metro area?

http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2011/0...ls-in-fridley/
http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/photo-...in-derailment/

My local walking trail goes under that bridge. I walked under that
bridge every day, sometimes when there was a train rolling overhead.

That trail will be closed for a while. When they get the bridge
fixed, I don't think I'll be walking under it when there's a train on
it or coming!

They're working on it as a priority. Lots of very bright work lights
over there tonight.


I'm glad you checked in. I was starting to worry about you, but I
didn't want to bother you with an e-mail.

From what I've seen of others, you are on the right track, and doing
well.

How about posting something at least once a week so that we know that
you're OK? If nothing more than 'Hello', or 'I'm still here'? You're
one of the good guys and we don't want to lose you from our ranks.


--
It's easy to think outside the box, when you have a cutting torch.

Wes wrote:

Don Foreman wrote:

Glad to hear from you.

Did the trainwreck in Fridley make the news anywhere outside of the
twin cities metro area?

http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2011/0...ls-in-fridley/
http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/photo-...in-derailment/

Didn't see it in Michigan but the 'news' was only covering Casey whatsername.


Just be glad yo don't live near orlando. It's all they have talked
about for most of this year. It ticked me off when the 'talking TV
heads' complained that they had to bring jurors in from another part off
the state when there hasn't been more than a day at a time that they
didn't talk about her. It was impossible not to hear about the case, and
they were the ones who polluted the local jury pool. that cost the
state another half million dollars, simply because they wouldn't shut
up..


--
It's easy to think outside the box, when you have a cutting torch.

Den 18-07-2011 06:36, Don Foreman skrev:

A couple of RCM regulars have pinged me recently, and Karl checks on
me every once in a while.

I lurk from time to time but haven't had anything I thought worth
posting since the remote valve grabber -- which works great, by the
way.

No news = good news


I'm lurchin' along. A grief counseller told me I'm doing very well. I
thought she was pulling my chain; if this is "well" I'd hate to see
"lousy". Then I went to a grief support group meeting. Yeah, OK, I
guess I'm doing about as well as anyone does at this stage of the
process. It's a slow process and it can't be hurried. There's a lot
to do and a lot to learn. If ya don't do and learn then ya don't
progress. Much of of it is difficult and some of it is painful, but
that's how it works.

Life changes permanently when a spouse dies. It can never again be as
it was before, so the survivor will never "get over it". That doesn't
mean it can't eventually be good, just that it will be different. The
challenge is then to decide and define how life will be.

It is your life and nobody can live it for you.


I am definitely capable of joy and laughter, and I do have some happy
times with friends and family. I've been to the cabin three times
with friends, family or when I knew that lake friends and neighbors
would be there, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It's too miserably hot
and humid to go this week.

Alive, maybe not 'alive and kicking' but alive and on your way.
Way to go.


----

Did the trainwreck in Fridley make the news anywhere outside of the
twin cities metro area?

http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2011/0...ls-in-fridley/
http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/photo-...in-derailment/

My local walking trail goes under that bridge. I walked under that
bridge every day, sometimes when there was a train rolling overhead.

That trail will be closed for a while. When they get the bridge
fixed, I don't think I'll be walking under it when there's a train on
it or coming!

They're working on it as a priority. Lots of very bright work lights
over there tonight.

Fwiw it did not hit the news in Denmark......



--
Uffe Bærentsen

On Tue, 19 Jul 2011 06:26:12 -0700, Larry Jaques
wrote:

On Tue, 19 Jul 2011 02:35:55 -0500, Don Foreman
wrote:

On Mon, 18 Jul 2011 23:45:40 -0700, Gunner Asch
wrote:

On Tue, 19 Jul 2011 00:52:36 -0500, Don Foreman
wrote:


That's true. Living to very old age is very low on my priority list.
When my happy days are done I want to be done. I think there can
still be some happy days in front of me.

My dad turns 80 next month. He has been a widower for almost 10 yrs so
far..and is doing just fine. He will live into his 90s based on his
family history, in pretty darned good health.

You can do the same.

You just have to Want to.

Is he reasonably happy?

You are, too, Don, when you stop to think about it. You have a
wonderful famly and warm friends supporting you, a lake to go to, and
lots of skills to keep you busy. You'll meet new lady friends when
you're ready and if you like. Relax. Grief fades and life continues.

Good point, Larry, thanks for that. There is a huge hole in my life
and part (but not all) of every day is painful, but I am basically
happy. I am able to laugh and experience joy when I am with others. I
miss my companion terribly part of every day right now but I'm told by
people that should know (BTDT) that this will ease with time.

On Tue, 19 Jul 2011 13:12:09 -0700, Hawke
wrote:

On 7/18/2011 10:52 PM, Don Foreman wrote:
On Mon, 18 Jul 2011 12:05:42 -0700, Hawke
wrote:






You may not know this but many times when a spouse dies the surviving
one's life after the passing is better than when the spouse was alive.
Most of the time this happens when it's the man who dies and the woman
who keeps living. In that case many of them go on to live for many years
and find that they are happier than when they had a spouse.

I do know of several cases like that, most involving women who were
married to jerks or at least very controlling men. Widowed spouses of
either gender who were genuinely happy with their lives and their
mates miss them terribly.

Actually, it's pretty common. I attribute it to the fact that so many
marriages are no good. People stay together that shouldn't and only when
one passes away does the remaining one get a decent life. I've seen this
in my own family. It only goes to show what marriage is really like.
Half of them break up and of those that stay together I'd say more than
half of them are not happy ones.

Getting it right requires several things:
1. You must have miraculously good luck to encounter the right mate
--and know when that happens
2. You both have to want a really good relationship enough to work at
it, build, give and take and compromise for years. Believe me, it's
worth it.



People who have not lost a spouse they cared about have absolutely no
idea what it's like. That's not just my opinion, it's a fact stated in
most literature about grief.


I'm not in that boat myself but I can understand what it must be like
for someone to lose a spouse that really mattered to them and they
really loved. Hell, I know how bad I feel just to lose a dog. I can only
imagine what I'd feel like if I loved someone dearly and they passed
away. On the other hand, I think it would depend on my age. If I was old
I think I would handle it better.

That's because you're not old yet. Younger people have more life in
front of them so more time to rediscover and rebuild, and they have
the strength, energy and robust health to not expect to need any help
for quite a while if living alone.


We had a very happy life together, perhaps at least partly because we
both regarded that as first priority. Living with Mary was a lot of
fun just about every day. Our life included a lot of laughter, joy and
warm companionship, doing something together every single day however
mundane. If asked six months ago, I'd have said I couldn't imagine any
kind of life I'd want to bother with without Mary. Now that's
exactly what I must do. I'm still having a lot of trouble figuring
out how to devise and pursue a reasonably enjoyable life without her.
It takes a lot of time, effort and discomfort, particularly for a
senior.

That's the problem people get when they are part of a good team for many
years. You kind of lose your own identity and when you're left on your
own you have to relearn what its like to live as an individual and not
as part of a team.

If either partner loses his or her identity, it won't be a good
relationship for long because there's no one there for the other to
love, admire and respect. When Mary was with me there was she, me and
we. We made a point of doing something together every day, but we
were also apart doing our separate activities for several hours each
day.

Now there is no she or we, just me. That's a loss!





On the other side, lots of time when a wife dies the husband passes away
rather quickly. But these days a lot of people are living to very old
ages and on their own.

That's true. Living to very old age is very low on my priority list.
When my happy days are done I want to be done. I think there can
still be some happy days in front of me.

I know what you mean. I see the very old and think that they're cursed.
Life is not good for them and I don't care what anyone says differently.
Life is just the time you have until you die. So all you can do is try
to enjoy it the best you can. It ends for all of us pretty damn fast.
You have some time left. Make the best of it.

Believe me, I'm trying! A grief counsellor told me today that I'm
making excellent progress. I sure appreciate that feedback and
encouragement because it doesn't seem so to me. She said that's how
it works but I'm doing everything I should be doing and nothing I
shouldn't be doing and I'm trying a lot of new things, reaching out,
branching out, exploring. It takes time to heal but it also take some
effort and discomfort.

On Tue, 19 Jul 2011 22:01:09 +0800, Dennis wrote:



Nasty train crash Don. I guess the wildlife will have a feeding frenzy
on that spilt corn. Glad you weren't under it!

I can definitely think of worse ways to go, and I've had a hell of a
good life.

If that corn ferments, Locke Lake water could sell well!

On Tue, 19 Jul 2011 16:25:35 -0400, "Michael A. Terrell"
wrote:


Don Foreman wrote:

A couple of RCM regulars have pinged me recently, and Karl checks on
me every once in a while.

I lurk from time to time but haven't had anything I thought worth
posting since the remote valve grabber -- which works great, by the
way.

I'm lurchin' along. A grief counseller told me I'm doing very well. I
thought she was pulling my chain; if this is "well" I'd hate to see
"lousy". Then I went to a grief support group meeting. Yeah, OK, I
guess I'm doing about as well as anyone does at this stage of the
process. It's a slow process and it can't be hurried. There's a lot
to do and a lot to learn. If ya don't do and learn then ya don't
progress. Much of of it is difficult and some of it is painful, but
that's how it works.

Life changes permanently when a spouse dies. It can never again be as
it was before, so the survivor will never "get over it". That doesn't
mean it can't eventually be good, just that it will be different. The
challenge is then to decide and define how life will be.

I am definitely capable of joy and laughter, and I do have some happy
times with friends and family. I've been to the cabin three times
with friends, family or when I knew that lake friends and neighbors
would be there, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It's too miserably hot
and humid to go this week.

----

Did the trainwreck in Fridley make the news anywhere outside of the
twin cities metro area?

http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2011/0...ls-in-fridley/
http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/photo-...in-derailment/

My local walking trail goes under that bridge. I walked under that
bridge every day, sometimes when there was a train rolling overhead.

That trail will be closed for a while. When they get the bridge
fixed, I don't think I'll be walking under it when there's a train on
it or coming!

They're working on it as a priority. Lots of very bright work lights
over there tonight.


I'm glad you checked in. I was starting to worry about you, but I
didn't want to bother you with an e-mail.

From what I've seen of others, you are on the right track, and doing
well.

How about posting something at least once a week so that we know that
you're OK? If nothing more than 'Hello', or 'I'm still here'? You're
one of the good guys and we don't want to lose you from our ranks.

OK. Thanks, Michael!

Gunner Asch on Tue, 19 Jul 2011 02:06:57 -0700
typed in rec.crafts.metalworking the following:

I rather think he has dinner with a number of single ladies..but its not
something he talks much about. And I dont push it. His health is
excellent..the men in that side of the family live to their 90s. Its
been said his dad died at 85 after falling down the back stairs of a
upscale house of ill repute..shrug.

Those places _are+ bad for your health.

I just hope I do as well at his age. Moms side of the family..dont live
anywhere near as long. Hope I got his genes...
--
pyotr filipivich
We will drink no whiskey before its nine.
It's eight fifty eight. Close enough!

Gunner Asch on Mon, 18 Jul 2011 23:45:40 -0700
typed in rec.crafts.metalworking the following:
On Tue, 19 Jul 2011 00:52:36 -0500, Don Foreman
wrote:


That's true. Living to very old age is very low on my priority list.
When my happy days are done I want to be done. I think there can
still be some happy days in front of me.

My dad turns 80 next month. He has been a widower for almost 10 yrs so
far..and is doing just fine. He will live into his 90s based on his
family history, in pretty darned good health.

You can do the same.

You just have to Want to.

I think Don doesn't want to live into "Old{Decrepit|} Age" so much
as he doesn't want to live into "Old{Geezer|Respected Elder} Age".

Remember back when 50 was _old_?

--
pyotr filipivich
Old farts these days - not like when I was a boy! We used to
have us Real Geezers in those days! Now, they'll let anybody
with a little gray hair be an old fart!

Don Foreman wrote:

Michael A. Terrell wrote:

How about posting something at least once a week so that we know that
you're OK? If nothing more than 'Hello', or 'I'm still here'? You're
one of the good guys and we don't want to lose you from our ranks.

OK. Thanks, Michael!


What are freinds for, if not to remind you when you need it?


--
It's easy to think outside the box, when you have a cutting torch.

Don Foreman wrote:

On Tue, 19 Jul 2011 22:01:09 +0800, Dennis wrote:


Nasty train crash Don. I guess the wildlife will have a feeding frenzy
on that spilt corn. Glad you weren't under it!

I can definitely think of worse ways to go, and I've had a hell of a
good life.

If that corn ferments, Locke Lake water could sell well!


If you can get the drunks out of the lake, long enough to pump it
out! ;-)


--
It's easy to think outside the box, when you have a cutting torch.

Don Foreman wrote:

On Wed, 20 Jul 2011 12:15:12 -0700, pyotr filipivich
wrote:

Gunner Asch on Mon, 18 Jul 2011 23:45:40 -0700
typed in rec.crafts.metalworking the following:
On Tue, 19 Jul 2011 00:52:36 -0500, Don Foreman
wrote:


That's true. Living to very old age is very low on my priority list.
When my happy days are done I want to be done. I think there can
still be some happy days in front of me.

My dad turns 80 next month. He has been a widower for almost 10 yrs so
far..and is doing just fine. He will live into his 90s based on his
family history, in pretty darned good health.

You can do the same.

You just have to Want to.

I think Don doesn't want to live into "Old{Decrepit|} Age" so much
as he doesn't want to live into "Old{Geezer|Respected Elder} Age".

Remember back when 50 was _old_?

I don't want "life is misery" old age. I've seen what life in
nursing homes is like and I want none of it. If I can't do some of
what I enjoy doing, have some mobility and freedom and have some joy
each day, more of that does not appeal.


My 'retirement plan' is to keep busy at something, till the day I
die.


--
It's easy to think outside the box, when you have a cutting torch.

Don Foreman on Wed, 20 Jul 2011
20:20:06 -0500 typed in rec.crafts.metalworking the following:
On Wed, 20 Jul 2011 12:15:12 -0700, pyotr filipivich
wrote:

Gunner Asch on Mon, 18 Jul 2011 23:45:40 -0700
typed in rec.crafts.metalworking the following:
On Tue, 19 Jul 2011 00:52:36 -0500, Don Foreman
wrote:


That's true. Living to very old age is very low on my priority list.
When my happy days are done I want to be done. I think there can
still be some happy days in front of me.

My dad turns 80 next month. He has been a widower for almost 10 yrs so
far..and is doing just fine. He will live into his 90s based on his
family history, in pretty darned good health.

You can do the same.

You just have to Want to.

I think Don doesn't want to live into "Old{Decrepit|} Age" so much
as he doesn't want to live into "Old{Geezer|Respected Elder} Age".

Oops that should have been "he wants to live into
"Old{Geezer|Respected Elder} Age"."


Remember back when 50 was _old_?

I don't want "life is misery" old age. I've seen what life in
nursing homes is like and I want none of it. If I can't do some of
what I enjoy doing, have some mobility and freedom and have some joy
each day, more of that does not appeal.
Having friends who worked in the old folks home, it seems that
even there, there exists a hierarchy of "at least I'm not ..." from
the ambulatory thinking "At least I don't need a walker" all the way
through to the bed ridden thinking "At least I'm not dead." But I
agree, there is "living to a ripe old age", and there is existing till
the last possible moment. Not the quantity of years, but the quality
of those years.

As my Dad said "Fifty nine is a good age. Sixty just sounds
old." Ten years later it was "Sixty nine is a good age, Seventy just
sound _old_". Same when he was turning eighty. I'm sure next year,
he'll be complaining that "Ninety just sounds old."

--
pyotr filipivich
We will drink no whiskey before its nine.
It's eight fifty eight. Close enough!

"Michael A. Terrell" on Wed, 20 Jul 2011
22:43:56 -0400 typed in rec.crafts.metalworking the following:

Don Foreman wrote:

On Wed, 20 Jul 2011 12:15:12 -0700, pyotr filipivich
wrote:

Gunner Asch on Mon, 18 Jul 2011 23:45:40 -0700
typed in rec.crafts.metalworking the following:
On Tue, 19 Jul 2011 00:52:36 -0500, Don Foreman
wrote:


That's true. Living to very old age is very low on my priority list.
When my happy days are done I want to be done. I think there can
still be some happy days in front of me.

My dad turns 80 next month. He has been a widower for almost 10 yrs so
far..and is doing just fine. He will live into his 90s based on his
family history, in pretty darned good health.

You can do the same.

You just have to Want to.

I think Don doesn't want to live into "Old{Decrepit|} Age" so much
as he doesn't want to live into "Old{Geezer|Respected Elder} Age".

Remember back when 50 was _old_?

I don't want "life is misery" old age. I've seen what life in
nursing homes is like and I want none of it. If I can't do some of
what I enjoy doing, have some mobility and freedom and have some joy
each day, more of that does not appeal.


My 'retirement plan' is to keep busy at something, till the day I
die.

If you can do that, more power to you.

tschus
pyotr

--
pyotr filipivich
We will drink no whiskey before its nine.
It's eight fifty eight. Close enough!

On Fri, 22 Jul 2011 10:11:30 -0700, pyotr filipivich
wrote:

"Michael A. Terrell" on Wed, 20 Jul 2011
22:43:56 -0400 typed in rec.crafts.metalworking the following:

Don Foreman wrote:

On Wed, 20 Jul 2011 12:15:12 -0700, pyotr filipivich
wrote:

Gunner Asch on Mon, 18 Jul 2011 23:45:40 -0700
typed in rec.crafts.metalworking the following:
On Tue, 19 Jul 2011 00:52:36 -0500, Don Foreman
wrote:


That's true. Living to very old age is very low on my priority list.
When my happy days are done I want to be done. I think there can
still be some happy days in front of me.

My dad turns 80 next month. He has been a widower for almost 10 yrs so
far..and is doing just fine. He will live into his 90s based on his
family history, in pretty darned good health.

You can do the same.

You just have to Want to.

I think Don doesn't want to live into "Old{Decrepit|} Age" so much
as he doesn't want to live into "Old{Geezer|Respected Elder} Age".

Remember back when 50 was _old_?

I don't want "life is misery" old age. I've seen what life in
nursing homes is like and I want none of it. If I can't do some of
what I enjoy doing, have some mobility and freedom and have some joy
each day, more of that does not appeal.


My 'retirement plan' is to keep busy at something, till the day I
die.

If you can do that, more power to you.

tschus
pyotr
"Better 5 bad moments in a Cessna than 5 bad years in a nursing home"

pyotr filipivich wrote:

Michael A. Terrell wrote:

My 'retirement plan' is to keep busy at something, till the day I
die.

If you can do that, more power to you.


So far, so good!


--
It's easy to think outside the box, when you have a cutting torch.

On Fri, 22 Jul 2011 14:25:43 -0400, "Michael A. Terrell"
wrote:


pyotr filipivich wrote:

Michael A. Terrell wrote:

My 'retirement plan' is to keep busy at something, till the day I
die.

If you can do that, more power to you.


So far, so good!
When I retired 17 years ago, I took advantage of a lot more time to
enjoy life!
Gerry :-)}
London, Canada

On Wed, 20 Jul 2011 20:20:06 -0500, Don Foreman
wrote:

On Wed, 20 Jul 2011 12:15:12 -0700, pyotr filipivich
wrote:

Gunner Asch on Mon, 18 Jul 2011 23:45:40 -0700
typed in rec.crafts.metalworking the following:
On Tue, 19 Jul 2011 00:52:36 -0500, Don Foreman
wrote:


That's true. Living to very old age is very low on my priority list.
When my happy days are done I want to be done. I think there can
still be some happy days in front of me.

My dad turns 80 next month. He has been a widower for almost 10 yrs so
far..and is doing just fine. He will live into his 90s based on his
family history, in pretty darned good health.

You can do the same.

You just have to Want to.

I think Don doesn't want to live into "Old{Decrepit|} Age" so much
as he doesn't want to live into "Old{Geezer|Respected Elder} Age".

Remember back when 50 was _old_?

I don't want "life is misery" old age. I've seen what life in
nursing homes is like and I want none of it. If I can't do some of
what I enjoy doing, have some mobility and freedom and have some joy
each day, more of that does not appeal.

As I said..my pop does quite a bit of labor for his neighbors, trims
trees, runs a chain saw, cleans gutters, does plumbing and until this
year..has pulled a 35' travel trailer all over the US. He only stopped
doing it because of the expense, not because of any physical or mental
conditions. He has found a nice retirees RV park in Florida, with a
number of gun ranges around him to keep him busy reloading and shooting,
and hanging out with the boys (and girls G)

He is VERY mobile.



Gunner

--
Maxim 12: A soft answer turneth away wrath.
Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head.

On Fri, 22 Jul 2011 13:48:11 -0400, wrote:

On Fri, 22 Jul 2011 10:11:30 -0700, pyotr filipivich
wrote:

"Michael A. Terrell" on Wed, 20 Jul 2011
22:43:56 -0400 typed in rec.crafts.metalworking the following:

Don Foreman wrote:

On Wed, 20 Jul 2011 12:15:12 -0700, pyotr filipivich
wrote:

Gunner Asch on Mon, 18 Jul 2011 23:45:40 -0700
typed in rec.crafts.metalworking the following:
On Tue, 19 Jul 2011 00:52:36 -0500, Don Foreman
wrote:


That's true. Living to very old age is very low on my priority list.
When my happy days are done I want to be done. I think there can
still be some happy days in front of me.

My dad turns 80 next month. He has been a widower for almost 10 yrs so
far..and is doing just fine. He will live into his 90s based on his
family history, in pretty darned good health.

You can do the same.

You just have to Want to.

I think Don doesn't want to live into "Old{Decrepit|} Age" so much
as he doesn't want to live into "Old{Geezer|Respected Elder} Age".

Remember back when 50 was _old_?

I don't want "life is misery" old age. I've seen what life in
nursing homes is like and I want none of it. If I can't do some of
what I enjoy doing, have some mobility and freedom and have some joy
each day, more of that does not appeal.


My 'retirement plan' is to keep busy at something, till the day I
die.

If you can do that, more power to you.

tschus
pyotr
"Better 5 bad moments in a Cessna than 5 bad years in a nursing home"


ROFLMAO!! indeed!

Gunner

--
Maxim 12: A soft answer turneth away wrath.
Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head.

Gerald Miller wrote:

On Fri, 22 Jul 2011 14:25:43 -0400, "Michael A. Terrell"
wrote:


pyotr filipivich wrote:

Michael A. Terrell wrote:

My 'retirement plan' is to keep busy at something, till the day I
die.

If you can do that, more power to you.

So far, so good!

When I retired 17 years ago, I took advantage of a lot more time to
enjoy life!


I enjoy working. I can't stand to do nothing.


--
It's easy to think outside the box, when you have a cutting torch.

On Fri, 22 Jul 2011 21:22:39 -0700, Gunner Asch
wrote:

On Fri, 22 Jul 2011 13:48:11 -0400, wrote:

On Fri, 22 Jul 2011 10:11:30 -0700, pyotr filipivich
wrote:

"Michael A. Terrell" on Wed, 20 Jul 2011
22:43:56 -0400 typed in rec.crafts.metalworking the following:

Don Foreman wrote:

On Wed, 20 Jul 2011 12:15:12 -0700, pyotr filipivich
wrote:

Gunner Asch on Mon, 18 Jul 2011 23:45:40 -0700
typed in rec.crafts.metalworking the following:
On Tue, 19 Jul 2011 00:52:36 -0500, Don Foreman
wrote:


That's true. Living to very old age is very low on my priority list.
When my happy days are done I want to be done. I think there can
still be some happy days in front of me.

My dad turns 80 next month. He has been a widower for almost 10 yrs so
far..and is doing just fine. He will live into his 90s based on his
family history, in pretty darned good health.

You can do the same.

You just have to Want to.

I think Don doesn't want to live into "Old{Decrepit|} Age" so much
as he doesn't want to live into "Old{Geezer|Respected Elder} Age".

Remember back when 50 was _old_?

I don't want "life is misery" old age. I've seen what life in
nursing homes is like and I want none of it. If I can't do some of
what I enjoy doing, have some mobility and freedom and have some joy
each day, more of that does not appeal.


My 'retirement plan' is to keep busy at something, till the day I
die.

If you can do that, more power to you.

tschus
pyotr
"Better 5 bad moments in a Cessna than 5 bad years in a nursing home"


ROFLMAO!! indeed!

Gunner
I would rather be riding the two seat ultralight that shows as my
wallpaper on this machine (N199LS) than the Cessna.
Gerry :-)}
London, Canada

On Sat, 23 Jul 2011 18:48:41 -0400, Gerald Miller
wrote:

On Fri, 22 Jul 2011 21:22:39 -0700, Gunner Asch
wrote:

On Fri, 22 Jul 2011 13:48:11 -0400, wrote:

On Fri, 22 Jul 2011 10:11:30 -0700, pyotr filipivich
wrote:

"Michael A. Terrell" on Wed, 20 Jul 2011
22:43:56 -0400 typed in rec.crafts.metalworking the following:

Don Foreman wrote:

On Wed, 20 Jul 2011 12:15:12 -0700, pyotr filipivich
wrote:

Gunner Asch on Mon, 18 Jul 2011 23:45:40 -0700
typed in rec.crafts.metalworking the following:
On Tue, 19 Jul 2011 00:52:36 -0500, Don Foreman
wrote:


That's true. Living to very old age is very low on my priority list.
When my happy days are done I want to be done. I think there can
still be some happy days in front of me.

My dad turns 80 next month. He has been a widower for almost 10 yrs so
far..and is doing just fine. He will live into his 90s based on his
family history, in pretty darned good health.

You can do the same.

You just have to Want to.

I think Don doesn't want to live into "Old{Decrepit|} Age" so much
as he doesn't want to live into "Old{Geezer|Respected Elder} Age".

Remember back when 50 was _old_?

I don't want "life is misery" old age. I've seen what life in
nursing homes is like and I want none of it. If I can't do some of
what I enjoy doing, have some mobility and freedom and have some joy
each day, more of that does not appeal.


My 'retirement plan' is to keep busy at something, till the day I
die.

If you can do that, more power to you.

tschus
pyotr
"Better 5 bad moments in a Cessna than 5 bad years in a nursing home"


ROFLMAO!! indeed!

Gunner
I would rather be riding the two seat ultralight that shows as my
wallpaper on this machine (N199LS) than the Cessna.
Gerry :-)}
London, Canada
Rather my Pegazair - but it's not flying yet!!!

On Fri, 22 Jul 2011 20:33:01 -0400, Gerald Miller
wrote
When I retired 17 years ago, I took advantage of a lot more time to
enjoy life!

Darn it, Gerry, you beat me. I retired in '95, coming up for 16
years in October.

Life is wonderful, no more 5 am starts unless I WANT to get up
early. New residence should be completed about the end of August,
then I can get my workshop set up in my half of the shed.