On Mon, 18 Jul 2011 12:05:42 -0700, Hawke
wrote:






You may not know this but many times when a spouse dies the surviving
one's life after the passing is better than when the spouse was alive.
Most of the time this happens when it's the man who dies and the woman
who keeps living. In that case many of them go on to live for many years
and find that they are happier than when they had a spouse.

I do know of several cases like that, most involving women who were
married to jerks or at least very controlling men. Widowed spouses of
either gender who were genuinely happy with their lives and their
mates miss them terribly.

People who have not lost a spouse they cared about have absolutely no
idea what it's like. That's not just my opinion, it's a fact stated in
most literature about grief.

We had a very happy life together, perhaps at least partly because we
both regarded that as first priority. Living with Mary was a lot of
fun just about every day. Our life included a lot of laughter, joy and
warm companionship, doing something together every single day however
mundane. If asked six months ago, I'd have said I couldn't imagine any
kind of life I'd want to bother with without Mary. Now that's
exactly what I must do. I'm still having a lot of trouble figuring
out how to devise and pursue a reasonably enjoyable life without her.
It takes a lot of time, effort and discomfort, particularly for a
senior.

On the other side, lots of time when a wife dies the husband passes away
rather quickly. But these days a lot of people are living to very old
ages and on their own.

That's true. Living to very old age is very low on my priority list.
When my happy days are done I want to be done. I think there can
still be some happy days in front of me.