On Wed, 20 Apr 2005 18:29:03 +0100, "Mary Fisher"
wrote:


"Andy Hall" wrote in message
.. .
On Wed, 20 Apr 2005 09:05:46 +0100, "Mike" wrote:


"Andy Hall" wrote in message
...

Do you know why wedding dresses are white, Mary?

Well.... I was told that it was to match the other domestic
appliances.

Poggenpau did something like that in a magazine advert about twenty years
ago. Rumour is sales plummetted.


I suppose that was before we had the political correctness of the
Advertising Standards Authority.

Nowadays one can't even have Roger More posters.

Who's Roger More and does he wear a wedding dress?

Mary

It's a play on words, Mary.

Roger Moore played James Bond in some of the films

The marketing pundits at SSL International, makers of the leading
brand of French Letter, made a parody of this

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3046247.stm

("Roger" being a quaint old term for.... well.... you know....)

The particular product advertised, Performa, has a small amount of a
mild anaesthetic inside, intended to reduce the man's sensitivity and
thus prolong the aforesaidmentioned "Roger".

Anyway, the ASA took a different view and made them take the posters
down because it was deemed to be in bad taste.

I think that they should focus their attention on British Gas who have
used advertising with their heating contract service operation made to
look like a 999 operation. In my experience, it's more like a 404.



--

..andy

To email, substitute .nospam with .gl

"Andy Hall" wrote in message



Nowadays one can't even have Roger More posters.

Who's Roger More and does he wear a wedding dress?

Mary

It's a play on words, Mary.

Roger Moore played James Bond in some of the films

The marketing pundits at SSL International, makers of the leading
brand of French Letter, made a parody of this

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3046247.stm

("Roger" being a quaint old term for.... well.... you know....)

Oh, I see. Thanks. Not a terribly clever parody though, was it! I've seen
far wittier ones on this ng.

The particular product advertised, Performa, has a small amount of a
mild anaesthetic inside, intended to reduce the man's sensitivity and
thus prolong the aforesaidmentioned "Roger".

REDUCE? The appliance doesthat well enough!

So I'm told of course, I wouldn't know anything about it. Never used them.

Anyway, the ASA took a different view and made them take the posters
down because it was deemed to be in bad taste.

They weren't flavoured then...

I think that they should focus their attention on British Gas who have
used advertising with their heating contract service operation made to
look like a 999 operation. In my experience, it's more like a 404.

Got me gain. I don't know what a 404 is.

While I have a lot of time for ASA there are some very silly protests which
cause them to act, like the beautiful picture of a newborn baby on some
fashion poster. There's absolutely nothing offensive about a baby.

Mary

"raden" wrote in message
...


My clan tartan was created in the '70s (not even the 1870s) when someone
from Florida (Florida ! I ask you !) obtained permission to resurrect
the defunct clan. That rather killed any interest in wearing plaid and
so my kilt is in the Hunting Gothic (black on black) instead.

Rubber ??

(Yes, I do know someone who has a rubber kilt)

I bet it's sweaty.

No idea, but you might be on to something there

The whips prolly give a bit of warmth too ...

Masochist: Beat me, beat me!

Sadist: No.

Mary

--
geoff

In article , Mary Fisher
wrote:

There's absolutely nothing offensive about a baby.

Oh yes there is. They don't even have a fur coat and tail. So I find them
offensive. Plus the fact that they tend to be all noise one end and mess the
other. Yucky things, should be drowned at birth. :-)

--
AJL Electronics (G6FGO) Ltd : Satellite and TV aerial systems
http://www.classicmicrocars.co.uk : http://www.ajlelectronics.co.uk

Mary Fisher wrote:

Got me gain. I don't know what a 404 is.

http://www.diyfaq.org.uk/whatisa404.htm

;-)


--
Cheers,

John.

/================================================== ===============\
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| John Rumm - john(at)internode(dot)co(dot)uk |
\================================================= ================/

"Mary Fisher" wrote in message
. net...

"Andy Hall" wrote in message

Do you know why wedding dresses are white, Mary?

No, I think it's a relatively modern (Victorian?) custom.

Mine was ivory. You can read into that what you like. I'm hoping to spray
it with gold in five years for our fiftieth annivesary but I'll have to
shed a couple of stones :-(

Only a couple?(:-)

--
alan

reply to alan(dot)holmes27(at)virgin(dot)net


Mary

"Mary Fisher" wrote in message
. net...

"Alan Holmes" wrote in message
...

"raden" wrote in message
...
In message , Alan Holmes
writes

In Corrie recently, one of the characters who was dying, made
arrangements
for a DIY coffin to be delivered.

Does anyone know if these things are really available, and where from?

Get some wood and DIY ... in between coronation street episodes

Have you got a plan/design?

Need to know your dimensions ... honest ones!

6'2" tall, weight 16 stone, width at shoulders approx 23",
width at waist approx 22", depth at tummy about 14"+, head big,
ego enormouse!

It will have to be very simple though, no complicated joints,
my joints are enough trouble as they are!

--
alan

reply to alan(dot)holmes27(at)virgin(dot)net

"Alan Holmes" wrote in message
...


Have you got a plan/design?

Need to know your dimensions ... honest ones!

6'2" tall, weight 16 stone, width at shoulders approx 23",
width at waist approx 22", depth at tummy about 14"+, head big,
ego enormouse!

It will have to be very simple though, no complicated joints,
my joints are enough trouble as they are!

There are two solutions, no joints involved. a plastic body bag or a shroud.
Easy.

Just don't get them through a funeral director, they charge the Earth AND
add disbursements.

What are disbursements?

Mary

Mary

"Andy Luckman (AJL Electronics)" wrote in message
. ..
In article , Mary Fisher
wrote:

There's absolutely nothing offensive about a baby.

Oh yes there is. They don't even have a fur coat and tail. So I find them
offensive. Plus the fact that they tend to be all noise one end and mess
the
other. Yucky things, should be drowned at birth. :-)

I should have said a new born baby.

But the other things you mention didn't show up on the picture.

Mary

--
AJL Electronics (G6FGO) Ltd : Satellite and TV aerial systems
http://www.classicmicrocars.co.uk : http://www.ajlelectronics.co.uk

"John Rumm" wrote in message
...
Mary Fisher wrote:

Got me gain. I don't know what a 404 is.

http://www.diyfaq.org.uk/whatisa404.htm

;-)

Uhuh ... Perhaps I'll go back to find the context.

Perhaps I shan't. Too much real funeral stuff going on atm.

Mary


--
Cheers,

John.

/================================================== ===============\
| Internode Ltd - http://www.internode.co.uk |
|-----------------------------------------------------------------|
| John Rumm - john(at)internode(dot)co(dot)uk |
\================================================= ================/

"Alan Holmes" wrote in message
...

"Mary Fisher" wrote in message
. net...

"Andy Hall" wrote in message

Do you know why wedding dresses are white, Mary?

No, I think it's a relatively modern (Victorian?) custom.

Mine was ivory. You can read into that what you like. I'm hoping to spray
it with gold in five years for our fiftieth annivesary but I'll have to
shed a couple of stones :-(

Only a couple?(:-)

Yes. I was 10 stones 7lbs then although the photos don't look like that.
Only last week a 15 year old grandson said it looked like me but that I
looked 12 years old.

So in fact it's less than two stones I need to lose. In five years. Possible
....

Mary

--
alan

reply to alan(dot)holmes27(at)virgin(dot)net


Mary

In article , Mary
Fisher wrote:
Just don't get them through a funeral director, they charge the
Earth AND add disbursements.

What are disbursements?

Money the FD pays to third parties on your behalf: fees to the
doctor (cremation certificate), crem/cemetery, minister, church,
organist, newspaper ads etc.

--
Tony Bryer SDA UK 'Software to build on' http://www.sda.co.uk
Free SEDBUK boiler database browser http://www.sda.co.uk/qsedbuk.htm
[Latest version QSEDBUK 1.10 released 4 April 2005]

On Thu, 21 Apr 2005 09:50:36 +0100, "Mary Fisher"
wrote:


"Andy Hall" wrote in message


I think that they should focus their attention on British Gas who have
used advertising with their heating contract service operation made to
look like a 999 operation. In my experience, it's more like a 404.

Got me gain. I don't know what a 404 is.



The message that you often get from a web server when a page doesn't
exist.

Hence in reference to a person or organisation meaning that there is
nothing there of substance.



--

..andy

To email, substitute .nospam with .gl

"Tony Bryer" wrote in message
...
In article , Mary
Fisher wrote:
Just don't get them through a funeral director, they charge the
Earth AND add disbursements.

What are disbursements?

Money the FD pays to third parties on your behalf: fees to the
doctor (cremation certificate), crem/cemetery, minister, church,
organist, newspaper ads etc.

Hmm. On my friend's contract they're listed separately.

Mary

--
Tony Bryer SDA UK 'Software to build on' http://www.sda.co.uk
Free SEDBUK boiler database browser http://www.sda.co.uk/qsedbuk.htm
[Latest version QSEDBUK 1.10 released 4 April 2005]

"Andy Hall" wrote in message
...
On Thu, 21 Apr 2005 09:50:36 +0100, "Mary Fisher"
wrote:


"Andy Hall" wrote in message


I think that they should focus their attention on British Gas who have
used advertising with their heating contract service operation made to
look like a 999 operation. In my experience, it's more like a 404.

Got me gain. I don't know what a 404 is.



The message that you often get from a web server when a page doesn't
exist.

Hence in reference to a person or organisation meaning that there is
nothing there of substance.

I see. I'll try to remember that, thanks.

Mary



--

.andy

To email, substitute .nospam with .gl

In article , Mary
Fisher wrote:
Money the FD pays to third parties on your behalf: fees to the
doctor (cremation certificate), crem/cemetery, minister, church,
organist, newspaper ads etc.

Hmm. On my friend's contract they're listed separately.

AIUI under the NAFD rules they have to be. This was one the ways in
which SCI found itself in trouble in the 1990's: they were offering
OPH's a £25 laying out fee (a cynic might think this a 'thank you'
for pointing the relatives in the 'right' direction) and it was held
that if this was a genuine payment for services rendered then it
should be shown as such. Some FD's will ask for a payment up front to
cover disbursements, especially if the financial status of the client
is uncertain.

To get back on topic you'll also get disbursements itemised
separately by various professionals: for example an architect who
pays a planning application fee on behalf of a client. If he lumped
this in with his fee he would have to charge VAT on it but if it is
itemised separately and is a genuine payment of this sort there is no
VAT to add (which is only fair).

--
Tony Bryer SDA UK 'Software to build on' http://www.sda.co.uk
Free SEDBUK boiler database browser http://www.sda.co.uk/qsedbuk.htm
[Latest version QSEDBUK 1.10 released 4 April 2005]

In article , Mary Fisher
wrote:


I should have said a new born baby.

Oh no! Even worse. I am happy to deal with new born kittens, but babies?
Pass the bucket. :-)

--
AJL Electronics (G6FGO) Ltd : Satellite and TV aerial systems
http://www.classicmicrocars.co.uk : http://www.ajlelectronics.co.uk

"Tony Bryer" wrote in message
...
In article , Mary
Fisher wrote:
Money the FD pays to third parties on your behalf: fees to the
doctor (cremation certificate), crem/cemetery, minister, church,
organist, newspaper ads etc.

Hmm. On my friend's contract they're listed separately.

AIUI under the NAFD rules they have to be.

That sort of thing SHOULD be listed separately.

But that leaves the question: What are the 'disbursements' - a separate
item?

Mary

Mary Fisher wrote:

Uhuh ... Perhaps I'll go back to find the context.

Perhaps I shan't. Too much real funeral stuff going on atm.

Look carefully at the error message you got visiting the non existent
link I posted...

Http error 404 = page not found!


--
Cheers,

John.

/================================================== ===============\
| Internode Ltd - http://www.internode.co.uk |
|-----------------------------------------------------------------|
| John Rumm - john(at)internode(dot)co(dot)uk |
\================================================= ================/

"Mary Fisher" wrote in message
. net...

"John Rumm" wrote in message
...
Mary Fisher wrote:

So I'll axe my participation now ...

You got me stumped girl... ;-)

Ah! You've twigged!



Aieeeeee! Enough of this.

you're all driving me Nuts!




--
Richard Sampson

mail me at
richard at olifant d-ot co do-t uk

"RichardS" wrote in message
...
"Mary Fisher" wrote in message
. net...

"John Rumm" wrote in message
...
Mary Fisher wrote:

So I'll axe my participation now ...

You got me stumped girl... ;-)

Ah! You've twigged!



Aieeeeee! Enough of this.

you're all driving me Nuts!


Leaf it out - it's sap-rising this has lasted so long..


--
Bob Mannix
(anti-spam is as easy as 1-2-3 - not)

"Andy Luckman (AJL Electronics)" wrote in message
. ..
In article , Mary Fisher
wrote:


I should have said a new born baby.

Oh no! Even worse. I am happy to deal with new born kittens, but babies?
Pass the bucket. :-)

I agree with what you said earlier - in your case.

Drowning at birth would save us a lot ...

Mary

"John Rumm" wrote in message
...
Mary Fisher wrote:

Uhuh ... Perhaps I'll go back to find the context.

Perhaps I shan't. Too much real funeral stuff going on atm.

Look carefully at the error message you got visiting the non existent link
I posted...

Http error 404 = page not found!

Yes, dear, I've got the message :-)

Now, would you like a cup of tea? You're not cold are you/ You might have
some visitors tonight ... :-)

Mary
Cheers,

John.

/================================================== ===============\
| Internode Ltd - http://www.internode.co.uk |
|-----------------------------------------------------------------|
| John Rumm - john(at)internode(dot)co(dot)uk |
\================================================= ================/

"RichardS" wrote in message
...
Mary Fisher wrote:

So I'll axe my participation now ...

You got me stumped girl... ;-)

Ah! You've twigged!



Aieeeeee! Enough of this.

you're all driving me Nuts!

You're board?

I suggest you block us ...

Mary




--
Richard Sampson

mail me at
richard at olifant d-ot co do-t uk

Mary Fisher wrote:
"raden" wrote
(Yes, I do know someone who has a rubber kilt)
I bet it's sweaty.

Better ventilated than rubber anything else, and as kilts open out flat,
easy enough to wipe clean.

Owain

Mary Fisher wrote:
Mine was ivory. You can read into that what you like. I'm hoping to spray
it with gold in five years for our fiftieth annivesary but I'll have to
shed a couple of stones :-(
....
So in fact it's less than two stones I need to lose. In five years. Possible
....

You could just slit down the chest to show some decolletage and up the
leg to show a bit of thigh...

Owain

Owain wrote:

You could just slit down the chest to show some decolletage and up the
leg to show a bit of thigh...

Sounds like a DIY autopsy...

Oh you meant the dress! ;-)

--
Cheers,

John.

/================================================== ===============\
| Internode Ltd - http://www.internode.co.uk |
|-----------------------------------------------------------------|
| John Rumm - john(at)internode(dot)co(dot)uk |
\================================================= ================/

Mary Fisher wrote:

You're board?

I suggest you block us ...

Ply us with a yew more firs-t

--
Cheers,

John.

/================================================== ===============\
| Internode Ltd - http://www.internode.co.uk |
|-----------------------------------------------------------------|
| John Rumm - john(at)internode(dot)co(dot)uk |
\================================================= ================/

Raden wrote;

(Yes, I do know someone who has a rubber kilt)

Would that be Betty Swollocks?


Dave

"Owain" wrote in message
...
Mary Fisher wrote:
Mine was ivory. You can read into that what you like. I'm hoping to
spray it with gold in five years for our fiftieth annivesary but I'll
have to shed a couple of stones :-(
...
So in fact it's less than two stones I need to lose. In five years.
Possible ....

You could just slit down the chest to show some decolletage and up the leg
to show a bit of thigh...

It's already low cut and the skirt is full.

The waist isn't :-(

Mary

Owain

"John Rumm" wrote in message
...
Owain wrote:

You could just slit down the chest to show some decolletage and up the
leg to show a bit of thigh...

Sounds like a DIY autopsy...

Which brings us nearer to the topic ...

Mary

"Owain" wrote in message
...
Mary Fisher wrote:
"raden" wrote
(Yes, I do know someone who has a rubber kilt)
I bet it's sweaty.

Better ventilated than rubber anything else,

I bow to your greater experience.

Mary

"John Rumm" wrote in message
...
Mary Fisher wrote:

You're board?

I suggest you block us ...

Ply us with a yew more firs-t

You're chipping in again!

Mary

--
Cheers,

John.

/================================================== ===============\
| Internode Ltd - http://www.internode.co.uk |
|-----------------------------------------------------------------|
| John Rumm - john(at)internode(dot)co(dot)uk |
\================================================= ================/

Andy Hall wrote:

On Wed, 20 Apr 2005 09:05:46 +0100, "Mike" wrote:


"Andy Hall" wrote in message
. ..

Do you know why wedding dresses are white, Mary?

Well.... I was told that it was to match the other domestic
appliances.

Poggenpau did something like that in a magazine advert about twenty years
ago. Rumour is sales plummetted.


I suppose that was before we had the political correctness of the
Advertising Standards Authority.

Nowadays one can't even have Roger More posters.
^^^^
Presumably that's a smutty pun? ;-)

wrote:
On Mon, 18 Apr 2005 17:12:49 GMT, "Alan Holmes"
wrote:


I want dance music to be played at my funeral.

How about Take That featuring Lulu - Relight My Fire

Tamperer/Maya - Feel it.
"What's she gonna look like with a chimney on her"

In message , John Stumbles
writes

I suppose that was before we had the political correctness of the
Advertising Standards Authority.

Nowadays one can't even have Roger More posters.
^^^^
Presumably that's a smutty pun? ;-)

Well, IIRC, according to a paper I read at school, he did have seven
illegitimate kids
--
geoff

"John Stumbles" wrote in message
news:Fbvae.3360

Nowadays one can't even have Roger More posters.

Has he been banned from Usenet?

Mary

"Ian Stirling" wrote in message
...
wrote:
On Mon, 18 Apr 2005 17:12:49 GMT, "Alan Holmes"
wrote:


I want dance music to be played at my funeral.

How about Take That featuring Lulu - Relight My Fire

Tamperer/Maya - Feel it.
"What's she gonna look like with a chimney on her"

It's getting too close for comfort, I go to a cremation on Monday :-(

Do you know, they charge for car parking if you can't get in with the
cortege?

We'll go on the scooter, Dayglo jackets with reflective strips, boots,
helms, the lot. Chain it to the chimney.

Mary

"Mary Fisher" wrote in news:426aaf99$0$28622
:

It's getting too close for comfort, I go to a cremation on Monday :-(

Do you know, they charge for car parking if you can't get in with the
cortege?

And car parking is more expensive in London. (This will only make sense
with this link.)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/g...re/4473479.stm

--
Rod

John Stumbles wrote:

Andy Hall wrote:

On Wed, 20 Apr 2005 09:05:46 +0100, "Mike" wrote:


I suppose that was before we had the political correctness of the
Advertising Standards Authority.

In Private Eye (IIRC): "You can't call it political correctness gone mad:
it's political correctness gone mentally challenged."