Zhang Dawei wrote:

Although people may well have seen this one which deals with telephone
calls, I think with a bit of thought, one might be able to do
something with the same effect for doorstep cold callers:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7YEbpjCeqg

Thanks for that. Brilliant!

--
Electric cars are very healthy - when the battery runs out you have to
walk home.

Harry Bloomfield wrote:
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at
our door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Just ask him to wait. Shut the door. Go back to what you were doing. If he
is still there after 10 minutes, I'd make him a cup of tea.



--
Electric cars are very healthy - when the battery runs out you have to
walk home.

On 12/02/2010 20:56 Bob Eager wrote:

That's what I use on the US-based "you have won a holiday" people, the
female ones at least. The male ones...I ask the colour of their
boyfriend's underwear.

We get some of those calls: 'Press 9 to claim your prize'. I can't
imagine how it might be possible, but I've had a couple of acquaintances
*insist* that if I do press 9 it'll cost me an arm and a leg in 'phone
charges. If, as I suspect, this is impossible I'll be pressing 9 and
asking about knockers next time I get one! Anyone able to enlighten me?

--
F

In message , PeterC
writes
On Sat, 13 Feb 2010 00:17:30 +0000, geoff wrote:

In message , Nick
writes

"ARWadsworth" wrote in message
a.com...

"fred" wrote in message ...
In article , ARWadsworth
writes

That is the correct answer. But I use an A4 sized display in the window
that
is visible to visitors before they get to the door.

The blind lady collecting for guide dogs did not see it, but what the
hell,
I gave her £20.

Told you not to put in that handrail
--
fred
BBC3, ITV2/3/4, channels going to the DOGs


How do you write "**** off" in braille on a handrail?

.... ... .


How do you write, not how do you spell

Dot It Yourself

Vbg ...




smiley or summat ...



--
geoff

jgharston wrote:

GB wrote:

'was your mamma good to you when you were a baby?'

Does yer dad own a brewery?

http://youtu.be/KBq5Qo2QhTI

GB wrote:
Harry Bloomfield wrote:
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at
our door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Just ask him to wait. Shut the door. Go back to what you were doing. If he
is still there after 10 minutes, I'd make him a cup of tea.




There's no excuse for being rude to people knocking at your door. There
but for the grace of God go most of us.
I have been known to lecture them about training to be a plasterer, or
something useful, though. I just hate to see these able bodied young
people wasting their time flogging dusters or getting you to change your
gas supplier.

"Harry Bloomfield" wrote in message
. uk...

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

--
Regards,
Harry (M1BYT) (L)
http://www.ukradioamateur.co.uk


Why not learn translations in some foreign language or other for
some choice phrases, and practice them until the accent is near
perfect.

Choice phrases ideally in the form of a question such as "Are dribbling
retards like you allowed out on your own ?" or "Is everyone in your family
as ugly as you ?" or "Shouldn't you be at home *****ing your ****er ? (sexual
activity and family member to suit) etc etc

Simply repeat this phrase and any others you've learned in your language
of choice, over and over again - becoming increasingly agitated until
the caller decides to leave.



michael adams

In message , Stuart
Noble writes
GB wrote:
Harry Bloomfield wrote:
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at
our door and asks '...are you the home owner?'
Just ask him to wait. Shut the door. Go back to what you were doing.
If he is still there after 10 minutes, I'd make him a cup of tea.


There's no excuse for being rude to people knocking at your door. There
but for the grace of God go most of us.
I have been known to lecture them about training to be a plasterer, or
something useful, though. I just hate to see these able bodied young
people wasting their time flogging dusters or getting you to change
your gas supplier.


Well, they have the right to knock, I have the right to greet them in
the manner I seem fit

You could extend your argument to "I didn't want to be an assassin, but
tit was the only work I could find"

legalities aside, of course


--
geoff

In message , michael adams
writes

"Harry Bloomfield" wrote in message
.uk...

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

--
Regards,
Harry (M1BYT) (L)
http://www.ukradioamateur.co.uk


Why not learn translations in some foreign language or other for
some choice phrases, and practice them until the accent is near
perfect.

Well you could ...

but where's the fun in that ?



--
geoff

ARWadsworth wrote:

The blind lady collecting for guide dogs did not see it, but what the
hell, I gave her £20.

Adam

You were conned Adam! Guide dogs for the Blind Association do not collect
door to door.

Regards,
Iain (Guide Dog owner for last 16 years)

"Swarfmaker" wrote in message
...
ARWadsworth wrote:

The blind lady collecting for guide dogs did not see it, but what the
hell, I gave her £20.

Adam

You were conned Adam! Guide dogs for the Blind Association do not collect
door to door.

Regards,
Iain (Guide Dog owner for last 16 years)


I doubt it. She lives 3 doors away.

Adam

In message ,
ARWadsworth writes

"Swarfmaker" wrote in message
...
ARWadsworth wrote:

The blind lady collecting for guide dogs did not see it, but what the
hell, I gave her £20.

Adam

You were conned Adam! Guide dogs for the Blind Association do not
collect door to door.

Regards,
Iain (Guide Dog owner for last 16 years)


I doubt it. She lives 3 doors away.

Double life ?

--
geoff

On 13/02/2010 14:17, F wrote:
On 12/02/2010 20:56 Bob Eager wrote:

That's what I use on the US-based "you have won a holiday" people, the
female ones at least. The male ones...I ask the colour of their
boyfriend's underwear.

We get some of those calls: 'Press 9 to claim your prize'. I can't
imagine how it might be possible, but I've had a couple of acquaintances
*insist* that if I do press 9 it'll cost me an arm and a leg in 'phone
charges. If, as I suspect, this is impossible I'll be pressing 9 and
asking about knockers next time I get one! Anyone able to enlighten me?

As I understand it pressing 9 means you pay for the call not them. And
of course it is a premium rate call. Press 9 at your peril!

--
David in Normandy.
To e-mail you must include the password FROG on the
subject line, or it will be automatically deleted
by a filter and not reach my inbox.

David in Normandy wrote:

As I understand it pressing 9 means you pay for the call not them. And
of course it is a premium rate call.

Care to show what mechanism could be used to charge for the call?

FX: Waits patiently ...

On Sat, 13 Feb 2010 18:45:21 +0100, David in Normandy wrote:

On 13/02/2010 14:17, F wrote:
On 12/02/2010 20:56 Bob Eager wrote:

That's what I use on the US-based "you have won a holiday" people, the
female ones at least. The male ones...I ask the colour of their
boyfriend's underwear.

We get some of those calls: 'Press 9 to claim your prize'. I can't
imagine how it might be possible, but I've had a couple of
acquaintances *insist* that if I do press 9 it'll cost me an arm and a
leg in 'phone charges. If, as I suspect, this is impossible I'll be
pressing 9 and asking about knockers next time I get one! Anyone able
to enlighten me?

As I understand it pressing 9 means you pay for the call not them. And
of course it is a premium rate call. Press 9 at your peril!

Rubbish. Urban myth.

--
Use the BIG mirror service in the UK:
http://www.mirrorservice.org

"Harry Bloomfield" wrote in message
. uk...
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'


They're only doing their job, albeit a **** one. I give them one chance,
even if they have ignored the sign on the door banning hawkers of utilities
etc. If they choose to ignore the polite refusal they get some wrath, same
as those 'charity' collectors in the High Street or, worst of the lot, the
****ing tambourine-banging born again christian ******* asking if I've found
god.

Si

We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the
drugs began to take hold. I remember "Mungo \"Two Sheds\" Toadfoot"
saying something like:

worst of the lot, the
****ing tambourine-banging born again christian ******* asking if I've found
god.

He seems to get lost a lot.

"Stuart Noble" wrote in message
om...
GB wrote:
Harry Bloomfield wrote:
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at
our door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Just ask him to wait. Shut the door. Go back to what you were doing. If he
is still there after 10 minutes, I'd make him a cup of tea.




There's no excuse for being rude to people knocking at your door.

There is when their only reason for knocking is to try and persuade
you that your front garden would look a lot better if you allowed
them to chop down all your trees. As ocurred today as it happens.


michael adams

....

"geoff" wrote in message ...
In message , michael adams
writes

"Harry Bloomfield" wrote in message
.uk...

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

--
Regards,
Harry (M1BYT) (L)
http://www.ukradioamateur.co.uk


Why not learn translations in some foreign language or other for
some choice phrases, and practice them until the accent is near
perfect.

Well you could ...

but where's the fun in that ?

It saves having to argue with them, or be polite and listen to their
speil, or be downright offensive. Faced with someoen who apparently
doesn't speak English presumably they'll soon lose interest

While on the other hand as as you know presumably know the meaning
of what you're saying - if they catch you at an inconvenient time say -
it allows you to be rude as you like to them without them realising.


michael adams

....













--
geoff

On 13/02/2010 17:45 David in Normandy wrote:

As I understand it pressing 9 means you pay for the call not them. And
of course it is a premium rate call. Press 9 at your peril!

That's what I was told but I can't see how I can take over paying for a
call someone else initiated.

--
F

On 13/02/2010 14:27 Stuart Noble wrote:

There's no excuse for being rude to people knocking at your door.

My wife answered the door to someone touting an alternative energy
supplier recently. She has more patience than me when it comes to such
enquiries. She said 'No thanks' four times. The pr*t carried on with the
script (he'd started, so he was going to finish). I got fed up with
listening to it and with his bullying, went to the front door and asked
him which part of 'No thanks' he had trouble understanding. He b*ggered off.

How much longer should he have been given?

--
F

In message , michael adams
writes

"Stuart Noble" wrote in message
. com...
GB wrote:
Harry Bloomfield wrote:
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at
our door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Just ask him to wait. Shut the door. Go back to what you were doing. If he
is still there after 10 minutes, I'd make him a cup of tea.




There's no excuse for being rude to people knocking at your door.

There is when their only reason for knocking is to try and persuade
you that your front garden would look a lot better if you allowed
them to chop down all your trees. As ocurred today as it happens.


The day before yesterday was "I'm not selling anything, we have some
surveyors in the area and ..."

Well he WAS selling and he was a lying ******* with it - why should I be
polite


--
geoff

In message , michael adams
writes

"geoff" wrote in message
...
In message , michael adams
writes

"Harry Bloomfield" wrote in message
.uk...

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

--
Regards,
Harry (M1BYT) (L)
http://www.ukradioamateur.co.uk


Why not learn translations in some foreign language or other for
some choice phrases, and practice them until the accent is near
perfect.

Well you could ...

but where's the fun in that ?

It saves having to argue with them,

I don't argue with them

or be polite and listen to their
speil,

Alien concept to me, that

or be downright offensive.

I do enjoy that bit

Faced with someoen who apparently
doesn't speak English presumably they'll soon lose interest

So you think telling them to **** off in another language would make
them lose interest ?

No, they'd just start waving their arms around and make gestures
involving the few words of French that they remember from school because
its forrin and you're a forriner

No - "**** off" works

No other language on the planet is so well blessed with meaningful words
of abuse as English - use it in all it's expressive glory


While on the other hand as as you know presumably know the meaning
of what you're saying - if they catch you at an inconvenient time say -
it allows you to be rude as you like to them without them realising.

Good gutteral language like german for example?

Ver**** dich, hau ab

Nah nothing has the verbal force of our anglo-saxon heritage

--
geoff

F wrote:

On 13/02/2010 17:45 David in Normandy wrote:

As I understand it pressing 9 means you pay for the call not them. And
of course it is a premium rate call. Press 9 at your peril!

That's what I was told but I can't see how I can take over paying for a
call someone else initiated.

I think some insecurely configured private automatic exchanges used to
provide the facility of transferring the call back to the system by
pressing 9 thus enabling the caller to dial another extension or even an
outside line.

--
Mike Clarke

On 13/02/2010 21:42, F wrote:
On 13/02/2010 17:45 David in Normandy wrote:

As I understand it pressing 9 means you pay for the call not them. And
of course it is a premium rate call. Press 9 at your peril!

That's what I was told but I can't see how I can take over paying for a
call someone else initiated.


Hmmm. You've got me wondering now. I was under the impression it was the
case in the UK. It is like that here in France, pressing 9 when prompted
by such phone calls initiates some sort of call back.
I'm sure I've heard it mentioned in the UK - isn't it supposed to be a
mechanism for doing a reverse charges call if someone phones you?
Maybe I'm just going senile...
--
David in Normandy.
To e-mail you must include the password FROG on the
subject line, or it will be automatically deleted
by a filter and not reach my inbox.

On Sat, 13 Feb 2010 23:00:46 +0100, David in Normandy wrote:

On 13/02/2010 21:42, F wrote:
On 13/02/2010 17:45 David in Normandy wrote:

As I understand it pressing 9 means you pay for the call not them. And
of course it is a premium rate call. Press 9 at your peril!

That's what I was told but I can't see how I can take over paying for a
call someone else initiated.


Hmmm. You've got me wondering now. I was under the impression it was the
case in the UK. It is like that here in France, pressing 9 when prompted
by such phone calls initiates some sort of call back. I'm sure I've
heard it mentioned in the UK - isn't it supposed to be a mechanism for
doing a reverse charges call if someone phones you? Maybe I'm just going
senile...

No, it doesn't work. This has been done to death in the uk.telecom
newsgroups in the past...hang on...

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2003/12..._snares_wilts/

is an good example.



--
Use the BIG mirror service in the UK:
http://www.mirrorservice.org

On Sat, 13 Feb 2010 23:39:31 +0000, John Rumm wrote:

Bob Eager wrote:
On Sat, 13 Feb 2010 23:00:46 +0100, David in Normandy wrote:

On 13/02/2010 21:42, F wrote:
On 13/02/2010 17:45 David in Normandy wrote:

As I understand it pressing 9 means you pay for the call not them.
And of course it is a premium rate call. Press 9 at your peril!
That's what I was told but I can't see how I can take over paying for
a call someone else initiated.


Hmmm. You've got me wondering now. I was under the impression it was
the case in the UK. It is like that here in France, pressing 9 when
prompted by such phone calls initiates some sort of call back. I'm
sure I've heard it mentioned in the UK - isn't it supposed to be a
mechanism for doing a reverse charges call if someone phones you?
Maybe I'm just going senile...

No, it doesn't work. This has been done to death in the uk.telecom
newsgroups in the past...hang on...

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2003/12..._snares_wilts/

is an good example.

and also:

http://www.snopes.com/fraud/telephone/jailcall.asp

Yes...I omitted that URL because it was rather US-centric.

If further proof were needed: as noted elsewhere, I have on several
occasions pressed 9 and talked to the operator at the other end, usually
to ask the colour of their underwear .-)

I have never been charged ANYTHING (and I check my bills carefully).



--
Use the BIG mirror service in the UK:
http://www.mirrorservice.org

geoff wrote:

In message , michael adams
writes

"Stuart Noble" wrote in message

There's no excuse for being rude to people knocking at your door.

The day before yesterday was "I'm not selling anything, we have some
surveyors in the area and ..."

Well he WAS selling and he was a lying ******* with it - why should I be
polite

To demonstrate that you have not lowered yourself to their level?

My usual response to "I'm not selling...." is, "That's fine, I'm
not buying, good day."

Chris
--
Chris J Dixon Nottingham UK


Have dancing shoes, will ceilidh.

Chris J Dixon wrote:
geoff wrote:

In message , michael adams
writes
"Stuart Noble" wrote in message

There's no excuse for being rude to people knocking at your door.
The day before yesterday was "I'm not selling anything, we have some
surveyors in the area and ..."

Well he WAS selling and he was a lying ******* with it - why should I be
polite

To demonstrate that you have not lowered yourself to their level?

My usual response to "I'm not selling...." is, "That's fine, I'm
not buying, good day."

Chris

I like that one

On 13/02/2010 23:39, Bob Eager wrote:
On Sat, 13 Feb 2010 23:00:46 +0100, David in Normandy wrote:

On 13/02/2010 21:42, F wrote:
On 13/02/2010 17:45 David in Normandy wrote:

As I understand it pressing 9 means you pay for the call not them. And
of course it is a premium rate call. Press 9 at your peril!

That's what I was told but I can't see how I can take over paying for a
call someone else initiated.


Hmmm. You've got me wondering now. I was under the impression it was the
case in the UK. It is like that here in France, pressing 9 when prompted
by such phone calls initiates some sort of call back. I'm sure I've
heard it mentioned in the UK - isn't it supposed to be a mechanism for
doing a reverse charges call if someone phones you? Maybe I'm just going
senile...

No, it doesn't work. This has been done to death in the uk.telecom
newsgroups in the past...hang on...

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2003/12..._snares_wilts/

is an good example.


Interesting. Thanks. Looks like it is an urban legend then.

--
David in Normandy.
To e-mail you must include the password FROG on the
subject line, or it will be automatically deleted
by a filter and not reach my inbox.

Huge wrote:
On 2010-02-13, Stuart Noble wrote:
GB wrote:
Harry Bloomfield wrote:
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at
our door and asks '...are you the home owner?'
Just ask him to wait. Shut the door. Go back to what you were doing. If he
is still there after 10 minutes, I'd make him a cup of tea.



There's no excuse for being rude to people knocking at your door.

Yes there is. They've already been rude to you by intruding on your
personal space and time to try and sell you things.


One's home being one's castle. How deeply entrenched that notion is in
English culture. These days it's more likely to be the bank's castle
anyway.

In message , Chris J Dixon
writes
geoff wrote:

In message , michael adams
writes

"Stuart Noble" wrote in message

There's no excuse for being rude to people knocking at your door.

The day before yesterday was "I'm not selling anything, we have some
surveyors in the area and ..."

Well he WAS selling and he was a lying ******* with it - why should I be
polite

To demonstrate that you have not lowered yourself to their level?

Why, ffs ?

I enjoy it

--
geoff

"GB" wrote in message
...
Harry Bloomfield wrote:
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at
our door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

You should just hone up on your 'answering a question with a question'.

'...are you the home owner?'
'why do you want to know?'
'well, my firm produces excellent double glazing ....'
'was your mamma good to you when you were a baby?'

I had a double glazing salesman come to the door a long time ago, asking me
if he could come in and discuss my needs, he had with him someone who he was
training, after about half an hour I suggested to him that he was not very
good at his job as he had not noticed that we already had double glazingm he
left in a bit of a hurry!

Many years an american gentleman had posted, one way to deal with cold
callers, unfortuately it only works if the caller is a female, let them
chater on for a while, then ask if you can ask them a question, the answer
is always 'yes' so you ask 'what colour knickers do you have on', most times
they just hang up, on one occasson the manaager told me off for being rude
and I pointed out to him that I didn't make the cal he did, on one other
occassion the woman told me what colour they were, we both had a laugh about
it, but she gave up.

Alan

"geoff" wrote in message
...
In message , fred writes
In article , Harry
Bloomfield writes
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Best answer is no answer, say nothing and close door.

Is you must say something:

"No thanks", close door

Got one yesterday

"Oh do **** off"

slam door shut

works for me

I did think of putting a notice on the door saying 'If you are selling
something or offering a service I do not want, and you want me to be VERY
RUDE to you, please knock on the door!

Alan

"Usenet Nutter" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:46:20 GMT, Harry Bloomfield
wrote:

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Say nothing ...just point to the little card on the door that says
" No Sales Persons,No Collectors " and shut the door.

We have one of those cards, but SWMBO would not have it near the front of
the door!

"Harry Bloomfield" wrote in message
. uk...
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

A lot of very good suggestions, I must try to remember some of them!(:-)

Alan




--
Regards,
Harry (M1BYT) (L)
http://www.ukradioamateur.co.uk

geoff wrote:

No other language on the planet is so well blessed with meaningful words
of abuse as English - use it in all it's expressive glory

I hear that Yiddish can be quite inventive as well.

Pete

On 14/02/2010 20:34, Pete Verdon wrote:
geoff wrote:

No other language on the planet is so well blessed with meaningful
words of abuse as English - use it in all it's expressive glory

I hear that Yiddish can be quite inventive as well.

Pete

Heard a bit about Yiddish a few months ago on Radio 4, just found the
basic story:

Yiddish is still evolving. Many speakers exchange blitspostn on dos
internets (emails on the internet), chat on their tselkes (mobile
phones) and even use shmekldekers (condoms — from shmekl, the
affectionate diminutive of shmuk[1], and dekn, to cover). Maybe the
battle to keep secular Yiddish alive has indeed been lost. But there are
an estimated half-a-million native speakers of Yiddish of child-bearing
age in the strictly-Orthodox community who are bringing their children
up in Yiddish. Within 50 or so years the language could once again be
the mame-loshn for millions. The future of Yiddish is safe in their hands.

http://www.thejc.com/lifestyle/lifestyle-features/20749/kvetchers-guide-yiddish

[1] In Yiddish, "Schmuck" basically means "jerk," but it originally
meant "penis."

The funny thing about this is that in German, "Schmuck" means "jewelry."
No etymological relation, even though many Yiddish words have German
origins.

--
Rod

Rod wrote:

[1] In Yiddish, "Schmuck" basically means "jerk," but it originally
meant "penis."

That's incorrect. "Schmuck" means "jewels" and is used pejoratively as
in "family jewels". Yiddish insults generally have layered, punning
meanings so calling someone a "schmuck" is a double insult meaning both
"prick" and "precious" (i.e. less than a man). There is a wealth of
terms for the penis in Yiddish, schlang (snake), putz, schwanz (tail)
being just a few. All of these terms are also used as terms of abuse and
general knock-about obscenity such as "kein schwanz" - "not a prick in
sight."

It's essentially old fashioned German with some Hebrew influences and
fairly understandable once one has a reasonable grasp of German.

In message , Pete Verdon
d writes
geoff wrote:

No other language on the planet is so well blessed with meaningful
words of abuse as English - use it in all it's expressive glory

I hear that Yiddish can be quite inventive as well.

Inventive and expressive are not the same thing

"Wouldst thou not prefer to perambulate to some other fine residence to
ply your trade ?"

Nah

Plain anglo-saxon every time

--
geoff