Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

--
Regards,
Harry (M1BYT) (L)
http://www.ukradioamateur.co.uk

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

"No - probation service owns this half-way house"

"Harry Bloomfield" wrote in message
. uk...
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

--
Regards,
Harry (M1BYT) (L)
http://www.ukradioamateur.co.uk



There is only one answer... No! I'm a tenant on housing benefit. They soon
go away.

Peter

Harry Bloomfield wrote:

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Well for you it's easy isn't it? "No, you'll have to come back when my
mum's home."

"Harry Bloomfield" wrote in message
. uk...
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at
our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

--
Regards,
Harry (M1BYT) (L)
http://www.ukradioamateur.co.uk



Easy - "No I'm just robbing the place"

AWEM

Harry Bloomfield wrote:
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at
our door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

You should just hone up on your 'answering a question with a question'.

'...are you the home owner?'
'why do you want to know?'
'well, my firm produces excellent double glazing ....'
'was your mamma good to you when you were a baby?'


--
Electric cars are very healthy - when the battery runs out you have to
walk home.

We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the
drugs began to take hold. I remember Harry Bloomfield
saying something like:

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

No, I'm just house-sitting while the owner's inside for hacking a
salesman to pieces.

"Yes - but I'm a bit busy right now. Why don't you come back later -
some time around midnight? It's a full moon and we're having a few
friends round....."

In article , Harry
Bloomfield writes
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Best answer is no answer, say nothing and close door.

Is you must say something:

"No thanks", close door

or

"None of your business", close door but that's more of my time than they
deserve.
--
fred
BBC3, ITV2/3/4, channels going to the DOGs

On Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:46:20 GMT, Harry Bloomfield
wrote:

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Say nothing ...just point to the little card on the door that says
" No Sales Persons,No Collectors " and shut the door.

"Usenet Nutter" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:46:20 GMT, Harry Bloomfield
wrote:

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Say nothing ...just point to the little card on the door that says
" No Sales Persons,No Collectors " and shut the door.

That is the correct answer. But I use an A4 sized display in the window that
is visible to visitors before they get to the door.

The blind lady collecting for guide dogs did not see it, but what the hell,
I gave her £20.

Adam

On 12/02/2010 20:25 ARWadsworth wrote:

But I use an A4 sized display in the window
that is visible to visitors before they get to the door.

We had a small card behind the glass in the door but since we got a new
plastic door with double glazed panels even quite a large font is
unreadable through the obscured glazing. Anyone any thoughts on how to
get the message across without using a 240pt font on a piece of A2?

The neighbour across has got a note taped to the outside of her door
(which says she's not buying at the door and doesn't want to change her
energy supplier or her god...) but I don't want to have anything as
inelegant as that.

--
F

"Harry Bloomfield" wrote in message
. uk...
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

--
Regards,
Harry (M1BYT) (L)
http://www.ukradioamateur.co.uk



"....what colour underwear are you wearing?"

fred
wibbled on Friday 12 February 2010 19:54

In article , Harry
Bloomfield writes
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Best answer is no answer, say nothing and close door.

Is you must say something:

"No thanks", close door

or

"None of your business", close door but that's more of my time than they
deserve.


Answer the door adorned thus:

http://smuttygifts.com/images/upload...r_apron_e2.jpg

or thus:

http://www.cine-collector.com/catalo...face2003-1.jpg


--
Tim Watts

Managers, politicians and environmentalists: Nature's carbon buffer.

Usenet Nutter
wibbled on Friday 12 February 2010 20:04

On Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:46:20 GMT, Harry Bloomfield
wrote:

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Say nothing ...just point to the little card on the door that says
" No Sales Persons,No Collectors " and shut the door.

Point to the door under the stairs and say "Just go down to the cellar and
wait, I won't be a moment..."

--
Tim Watts

Managers, politicians and environmentalists: Nature's carbon buffer.

Harry Bloomfield wrote:
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

No, it all belongs to Her Majesty. I lease it off her.

On Fri, 12 Feb 2010 20:36:24 +0000, Toby wrote:

"Harry Bloomfield" wrote in message
. uk...
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

--
Regards,
Harry (M1BYT) (L)
http://www.ukradioamateur.co.uk



"....what colour underwear are you wearing?"

That's what I use on the US-based "you have won a holiday" people, the
female ones at least. The male ones...I ask the colour of their
boyfriend's underwear.

--
Use the BIG mirror service in the UK:
http://www.mirrorservice.org

In message , fred writes
In article , Harry
Bloomfield writes
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Best answer is no answer, say nothing and close door.

Is you must say something:

"No thanks", close door

Got one yesterday

"Oh do **** off"

slam door shut

works for me


--
geoff

In message ,
ARWadsworth writes

"Usenet Nutter" wrote in
message ...
On Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:46:20 GMT, Harry Bloomfield
wrote:

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Say nothing ...just point to the little card on the door that says
" No Sales Persons,No Collectors " and shut the door.

That is the correct answer. But I use an A4 sized display in the window
that is visible to visitors before they get to the door.


I used to have one I brought back from Indonesia on the front room bay
window

I would point at it and say

"Can't you read ****ing Indonesian ?"

gone now

--
geoff

In article ,
ARWadsworth writes

That is the correct answer. But I use an A4 sized display in the window that
is visible to visitors before they get to the door.

The blind lady collecting for guide dogs did not see it, but what the hell,
I gave her £20.

Told you not to put in that handrail
--
fred
BBC3, ITV2/3/4, channels going to the DOGs

In article , geoff
writes
In message , fred writes
In article , Harry
Bloomfield writes
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Best answer is no answer, say nothing and close door.

Is you must say something:

"No thanks", close door

Got one yesterday

"Oh do **** off"

slam door shut

works for me

IME saying anything or displaying any emotion gives them an inflated
view of their own importance.
--
fred
BBC3, ITV2/3/4, channels going to the DOGs

In message , fred writes
In article , geoff
writes
In message , fred writes
In article , Harry
Bloomfield writes
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Best answer is no answer, say nothing and close door.

Is you must say something:

"No thanks", close door

Got one yesterday

"Oh do **** off"

slam door shut

works for me

IME saying anything or displaying any emotion gives them an inflated
view of their own importance.

Then we both came out of it with a result


--
geoff

On Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:46:20 GMT, Harry Bloomfield
wrote:

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

1. A sign which reads "Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be
shot again" (stolen from a sign in America)

2. "No, I'm the squatter".

"fred" wrote in message ...
In article , ARWadsworth
writes

That is the correct answer. But I use an A4 sized display in the window
that
is visible to visitors before they get to the door.

The blind lady collecting for guide dogs did not see it, but what the
hell,
I gave her £20.

Told you not to put in that handrail
--
fred
BBC3, ITV2/3/4, channels going to the DOGs


How do you write "**** off" in braille on a handrail?


Adam

In message ,
ARWadsworth writes

"fred" wrote in message ...
In article ,
ARWadsworth writes

That is the correct answer. But I use an A4 sized display in the
window that
is visible to visitors before they get to the door.

The blind lady collecting for guide dogs did not see it, but what the
hell,
I gave her £20.

Told you not to put in that handrail
-- fred
BBC3, ITV2/3/4, channels going to the DOGs


How do you write "**** off" in braille on a handrail?

Use syringe needles


--
geoff

In article ,
ARWadsworth writes

"fred" wrote in message ...
In article ,
ARWadsworth
writes

That is the correct answer. But I use an A4 sized display in the window
that
is visible to visitors before they get to the door.

The blind lady collecting for guide dogs did not see it, but what the
hell,
I gave her £20.

Told you not to put in that handrail

How do you write "**** off" in braille on a handrail?

In razor wire

or in anti climb paint (with a wet paint notice)
--
fred
BBC3, ITV2/3/4, channels going to the DOGs

"ARWadsworth" wrote in message
om...

"fred" wrote in message ...
In article , ARWadsworth
writes

That is the correct answer. But I use an A4 sized display in the window
that
is visible to visitors before they get to the door.

The blind lady collecting for guide dogs did not see it, but what the
hell,
I gave her £20.

Told you not to put in that handrail
--
fred
BBC3, ITV2/3/4, channels going to the DOGs


How do you write "**** off" in braille on a handrail?

..... ... .

In message , Nick
writes

"ARWadsworth" wrote in message
. com...

"fred" wrote in message ...
In article , ARWadsworth
writes

That is the correct answer. But I use an A4 sized display in the window
that
is visible to visitors before they get to the door.

The blind lady collecting for guide dogs did not see it, but what the
hell,
I gave her £20.

Told you not to put in that handrail
--
fred
BBC3, ITV2/3/4, channels going to the DOGs


How do you write "**** off" in braille on a handrail?

.... ... .


How do you write, not how do you spell

smiley or summat ...

--
geoff

In article ,
Bob Eager writes:
On Fri, 12 Feb 2010 20:36:24 +0000, Toby wrote:
"....what colour underwear are you wearing?"

That's what I use on the US-based "you have won a holiday" people, the
female ones at least. The male ones...I ask the colour of their
boyfriend's underwear.

What reaction do you get?

--
Andrew Gabriel
[email address is not usable -- followup in the newsgroup]

In article ,
Grimly Curmudgeon writes:
We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the
drugs began to take hold. I remember Harry Bloomfield
saying something like:

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

No, I'm just house-sitting while the owner's inside for hacking a
salesman to pieces.

or "No, I buried him under the patio"

--
Andrew Gabriel
[email address is not usable -- followup in the newsgroup]

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

No, the bank is, i'm being evicted in two weeks.

On Feb 13, 6:46 am, Harry Bloomfield
wrote:
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Salesmen seem to be too stupid to know how to open my gate. So I don't
get any salesmen or Halloween visitors.

This gate:
http://i42.tinypic.com/2r478dg.jpg

"Harry Bloomfield" wrote in message
. uk...
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

"This is a bail hostel, please make sure it is a member of the staff you are
disturbing."

On Sat, 13 Feb 2010 00:54:02 +0000, Andrew Gabriel wrote:

In article ,
Bob Eager writes:
On Fri, 12 Feb 2010 20:36:24 +0000, Toby wrote:
"....what colour underwear are you wearing?"

That's what I use on the US-based "you have won a holiday" people, the
female ones at least. The male ones...I ask the colour of their
boyfriend's underwear.

What reaction do you get?

The last one was taken aback, and just said it was rather intrusive. I
replied that so was calling me at home without my permission.



--
Use the BIG mirror service in the UK:
http://www.mirrorservice.org

On Sat, 13 Feb 2010 00:17:30 +0000, geoff wrote:

In message , Nick
writes

"ARWadsworth" wrote in message
.com...

"fred" wrote in message ...
In article , ARWadsworth
writes

That is the correct answer. But I use an A4 sized display in the window
that
is visible to visitors before they get to the door.

The blind lady collecting for guide dogs did not see it, but what the
hell,
I gave her £20.

Told you not to put in that handrail
--
fred
BBC3, ITV2/3/4, channels going to the DOGs


How do you write "**** off" in braille on a handrail?

.... ... .


How do you write, not how do you spell

Dot It Yourself

smiley or summat ...


--
Peter.
2x4 - thick plank; 4x4 - two of 'em.

ARWadsworth wrote:

"Usenet Nutter" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:46:20 GMT, Harry Bloomfield
wrote:

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Say nothing ...just point to the little card on the door that says
" No Sales Persons,No Collectors " and shut the door.

That is the correct answer. But I use an A4 sized display in the window
that is visible to visitors before they get to the door.

The blind lady collecting for guide dogs did not see it, but what the
hell, I gave her £20.

You mean you *told* her it was £20...

GB wrote:
'was your mamma good to you when you were a baby?'

Does yer dad own a brewery?

Matty F wrote:
On Feb 13, 6:46 am, Harry Bloomfield
wrote:
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Salesmen seem to be too stupid to know how to open my gate. So I don't
get any salesmen or Halloween visitors.

This gate:
http://i42.tinypic.com/2r478dg.jpg

Another one of your angle grinder jobs, made out of one piece? Not
surprised they couldn't open it.


--
Ian White

On Feb 12, 5:46*pm, Harry Bloomfield
wrote:
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

--
Regards,
* * * * Harry (M1BYT) (L)http://www.ukradioamateur.co.uk
"
I get this situation regularly, mainly on the phone. All I say is "no
its rented from the council". They don’t bother you they ring off. Or
if its a caller at the door, just say Its rented.

F wrote:
On 12/02/2010 20:25 ARWadsworth wrote:

But I use an A4 sized display in the window
that is visible to visitors before they get to the door.

We had a small card behind the glass in the door but since we got a new
plastic door with double glazed panels even quite a large font is
unreadable through the obscured glazing. Anyone any thoughts on how to
get the message across without using a 240pt font on a piece of A2?

The neighbour across has got a note taped to the outside of her door
(which says she's not buying at the door and doesn't want to change her
energy supplier or her god...) but I don't want to have anything as
inelegant as that.


I make customised notices for my factory with a cold laminator, using
self-adhesive film. They survive for a couple of years if used outdoors
and applied to a clean, dry, smooth surface.

Colin Bignell