Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

--
Regards,
Harry (M1BYT) (L)
http://www.ukradioamateur.co.uk

"Harry Bloomfield" wrote in message
. uk...
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

--
Regards,
Harry (M1BYT) (L)
http://www.ukradioamateur.co.uk



There is only one answer... No! I'm a tenant on housing benefit. They soon
go away.

Peter

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

"No - probation service owns this half-way house"

Zhang Dawei wrote:

Although people may well have seen this one which deals with telephone
calls, I think with a bit of thought, one might be able to do
something with the same effect for doorstep cold callers:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7YEbpjCeqg

Thanks for that. Brilliant!

--
Electric cars are very healthy - when the battery runs out you have to
walk home.

Harry Bloomfield wrote:

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Well for you it's easy isn't it? "No, you'll have to come back when my
mum's home."

"Harry Bloomfield" wrote in message
. uk...
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at
our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

--
Regards,
Harry (M1BYT) (L)
http://www.ukradioamateur.co.uk



Easy - "No I'm just robbing the place"

AWEM

Harry Bloomfield wrote:
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at
our door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

You should just hone up on your 'answering a question with a question'.

'...are you the home owner?'
'why do you want to know?'
'well, my firm produces excellent double glazing ....'
'was your mamma good to you when you were a baby?'


--
Electric cars are very healthy - when the battery runs out you have to
walk home.

GB wrote:
'was your mamma good to you when you were a baby?'

Does yer dad own a brewery?

jgharston wrote:

GB wrote:

'was your mamma good to you when you were a baby?'

Does yer dad own a brewery?

http://youtu.be/KBq5Qo2QhTI

"GB" wrote in message
...
Harry Bloomfield wrote:
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at
our door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

You should just hone up on your 'answering a question with a question'.

'...are you the home owner?'
'why do you want to know?'
'well, my firm produces excellent double glazing ....'
'was your mamma good to you when you were a baby?'

I had a double glazing salesman come to the door a long time ago, asking me
if he could come in and discuss my needs, he had with him someone who he was
training, after about half an hour I suggested to him that he was not very
good at his job as he had not noticed that we already had double glazingm he
left in a bit of a hurry!

Many years an american gentleman had posted, one way to deal with cold
callers, unfortuately it only works if the caller is a female, let them
chater on for a while, then ask if you can ask them a question, the answer
is always 'yes' so you ask 'what colour knickers do you have on', most times
they just hang up, on one occasson the manaager told me off for being rude
and I pointed out to him that I didn't make the cal he did, on one other
occassion the woman told me what colour they were, we both had a laugh about
it, but she gave up.

Alan

We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the
drugs began to take hold. I remember Harry Bloomfield
saying something like:

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

No, I'm just house-sitting while the owner's inside for hacking a
salesman to pieces.

In article ,
Grimly Curmudgeon writes:
We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the
drugs began to take hold. I remember Harry Bloomfield
saying something like:

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

No, I'm just house-sitting while the owner's inside for hacking a
salesman to pieces.

or "No, I buried him under the patio"

--
Andrew Gabriel
[email address is not usable -- followup in the newsgroup]

"Yes - but I'm a bit busy right now. Why don't you come back later -
some time around midnight? It's a full moon and we're having a few
friends round....."

In article , Harry
Bloomfield writes
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Best answer is no answer, say nothing and close door.

Is you must say something:

"No thanks", close door

or

"None of your business", close door but that's more of my time than they
deserve.
--
fred
BBC3, ITV2/3/4, channels going to the DOGs

fred
wibbled on Friday 12 February 2010 19:54

In article , Harry
Bloomfield writes
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Best answer is no answer, say nothing and close door.

Is you must say something:

"No thanks", close door

or

"None of your business", close door but that's more of my time than they
deserve.


Answer the door adorned thus:

http://smuttygifts.com/images/upload...r_apron_e2.jpg

or thus:

http://www.cine-collector.com/catalo...face2003-1.jpg


--
Tim Watts

Managers, politicians and environmentalists: Nature's carbon buffer.

In message , fred writes
In article , Harry
Bloomfield writes
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Best answer is no answer, say nothing and close door.

Is you must say something:

"No thanks", close door

Got one yesterday

"Oh do **** off"

slam door shut

works for me


--
geoff

In article , geoff
writes
In message , fred writes
In article , Harry
Bloomfield writes
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Best answer is no answer, say nothing and close door.

Is you must say something:

"No thanks", close door

Got one yesterday

"Oh do **** off"

slam door shut

works for me

IME saying anything or displaying any emotion gives them an inflated
view of their own importance.
--
fred
BBC3, ITV2/3/4, channels going to the DOGs

In message , fred writes
In article , geoff
writes
In message , fred writes
In article , Harry
Bloomfield writes
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Best answer is no answer, say nothing and close door.

Is you must say something:

"No thanks", close door

Got one yesterday

"Oh do **** off"

slam door shut

works for me

IME saying anything or displaying any emotion gives them an inflated
view of their own importance.

Then we both came out of it with a result


--
geoff

"geoff" wrote in message
...
In message , fred writes
In article , Harry
Bloomfield writes
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Best answer is no answer, say nothing and close door.

Is you must say something:

"No thanks", close door

Got one yesterday

"Oh do **** off"

slam door shut

works for me

I did think of putting a notice on the door saying 'If you are selling
something or offering a service I do not want, and you want me to be VERY
RUDE to you, please knock on the door!

Alan

On Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:46:20 GMT, Harry Bloomfield
wrote:

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Say nothing ...just point to the little card on the door that says
" No Sales Persons,No Collectors " and shut the door.

"Usenet Nutter" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:46:20 GMT, Harry Bloomfield
wrote:

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Say nothing ...just point to the little card on the door that says
" No Sales Persons,No Collectors " and shut the door.

That is the correct answer. But I use an A4 sized display in the window that
is visible to visitors before they get to the door.

The blind lady collecting for guide dogs did not see it, but what the hell,
I gave her £20.

Adam

On 12/02/2010 20:25 ARWadsworth wrote:

But I use an A4 sized display in the window
that is visible to visitors before they get to the door.

We had a small card behind the glass in the door but since we got a new
plastic door with double glazed panels even quite a large font is
unreadable through the obscured glazing. Anyone any thoughts on how to
get the message across without using a 240pt font on a piece of A2?

The neighbour across has got a note taped to the outside of her door
(which says she's not buying at the door and doesn't want to change her
energy supplier or her god...) but I don't want to have anything as
inelegant as that.

--
F

F wrote:
On 12/02/2010 20:25 ARWadsworth wrote:

But I use an A4 sized display in the window
that is visible to visitors before they get to the door.

We had a small card behind the glass in the door but since we got a new
plastic door with double glazed panels even quite a large font is
unreadable through the obscured glazing. Anyone any thoughts on how to
get the message across without using a 240pt font on a piece of A2?

The neighbour across has got a note taped to the outside of her door
(which says she's not buying at the door and doesn't want to change her
energy supplier or her god...) but I don't want to have anything as
inelegant as that.


I make customised notices for my factory with a cold laminator, using
self-adhesive film. They survive for a couple of years if used outdoors
and applied to a clean, dry, smooth surface.

Colin Bignell

In message ,
ARWadsworth writes

"Usenet Nutter" wrote in
message ...
On Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:46:20 GMT, Harry Bloomfield
wrote:

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Say nothing ...just point to the little card on the door that says
" No Sales Persons,No Collectors " and shut the door.

That is the correct answer. But I use an A4 sized display in the window
that is visible to visitors before they get to the door.


I used to have one I brought back from Indonesia on the front room bay
window

I would point at it and say

"Can't you read ****ing Indonesian ?"

gone now

--
geoff

In article ,
ARWadsworth writes

That is the correct answer. But I use an A4 sized display in the window that
is visible to visitors before they get to the door.

The blind lady collecting for guide dogs did not see it, but what the hell,
I gave her £20.

Told you not to put in that handrail
--
fred
BBC3, ITV2/3/4, channels going to the DOGs

"fred" wrote in message ...
In article , ARWadsworth
writes

That is the correct answer. But I use an A4 sized display in the window
that
is visible to visitors before they get to the door.

The blind lady collecting for guide dogs did not see it, but what the
hell,
I gave her £20.

Told you not to put in that handrail
--
fred
BBC3, ITV2/3/4, channels going to the DOGs


How do you write "**** off" in braille on a handrail?


Adam

In message ,
ARWadsworth writes

"fred" wrote in message ...
In article ,
ARWadsworth writes

That is the correct answer. But I use an A4 sized display in the
window that
is visible to visitors before they get to the door.

The blind lady collecting for guide dogs did not see it, but what the
hell,
I gave her £20.

Told you not to put in that handrail
-- fred
BBC3, ITV2/3/4, channels going to the DOGs


How do you write "**** off" in braille on a handrail?

Use syringe needles


--
geoff

In article ,
ARWadsworth writes

"fred" wrote in message ...
In article ,
ARWadsworth
writes

That is the correct answer. But I use an A4 sized display in the window
that
is visible to visitors before they get to the door.

The blind lady collecting for guide dogs did not see it, but what the
hell,
I gave her £20.

Told you not to put in that handrail

How do you write "**** off" in braille on a handrail?

In razor wire

or in anti climb paint (with a wet paint notice)
--
fred
BBC3, ITV2/3/4, channels going to the DOGs

"ARWadsworth" wrote in message
om...

"fred" wrote in message ...
In article , ARWadsworth
writes

That is the correct answer. But I use an A4 sized display in the window
that
is visible to visitors before they get to the door.

The blind lady collecting for guide dogs did not see it, but what the
hell,
I gave her £20.

Told you not to put in that handrail
--
fred
BBC3, ITV2/3/4, channels going to the DOGs


How do you write "**** off" in braille on a handrail?

..... ... .

ARWadsworth wrote:

"Usenet Nutter" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:46:20 GMT, Harry Bloomfield
wrote:

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Say nothing ...just point to the little card on the door that says
" No Sales Persons,No Collectors " and shut the door.

That is the correct answer. But I use an A4 sized display in the window
that is visible to visitors before they get to the door.

The blind lady collecting for guide dogs did not see it, but what the
hell, I gave her £20.

You mean you *told* her it was £20...

ARWadsworth wrote:

The blind lady collecting for guide dogs did not see it, but what the
hell, I gave her £20.

Adam

You were conned Adam! Guide dogs for the Blind Association do not collect
door to door.

Regards,
Iain (Guide Dog owner for last 16 years)

"Swarfmaker" wrote in message
...
ARWadsworth wrote:

The blind lady collecting for guide dogs did not see it, but what the
hell, I gave her £20.

Adam

You were conned Adam! Guide dogs for the Blind Association do not collect
door to door.

Regards,
Iain (Guide Dog owner for last 16 years)


I doubt it. She lives 3 doors away.

Adam

In message ,
ARWadsworth writes

"Swarfmaker" wrote in message
...
ARWadsworth wrote:

The blind lady collecting for guide dogs did not see it, but what the
hell, I gave her £20.

Adam

You were conned Adam! Guide dogs for the Blind Association do not
collect door to door.

Regards,
Iain (Guide Dog owner for last 16 years)


I doubt it. She lives 3 doors away.

Double life ?

--
geoff

Usenet Nutter
wibbled on Friday 12 February 2010 20:04

On Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:46:20 GMT, Harry Bloomfield
wrote:

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Say nothing ...just point to the little card on the door that says
" No Sales Persons,No Collectors " and shut the door.

Point to the door under the stairs and say "Just go down to the cellar and
wait, I won't be a moment..."

--
Tim Watts

Managers, politicians and environmentalists: Nature's carbon buffer.

"Usenet Nutter" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:46:20 GMT, Harry Bloomfield
wrote:

Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

Say nothing ...just point to the little card on the door that says
" No Sales Persons,No Collectors " and shut the door.

We have one of those cards, but SWMBO would not have it near the front of
the door!

"Harry Bloomfield" wrote in message
. uk...
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

--
Regards,
Harry (M1BYT) (L)
http://www.ukradioamateur.co.uk



"....what colour underwear are you wearing?"

On Fri, 12 Feb 2010 20:36:24 +0000, Toby wrote:

"Harry Bloomfield" wrote in message
. uk...
Good inventive answers please, for the next salesman that knocks at our
door and asks '...are you the home owner?'

--
Regards,
Harry (M1BYT) (L)
http://www.ukradioamateur.co.uk



"....what colour underwear are you wearing?"

That's what I use on the US-based "you have won a holiday" people, the
female ones at least. The male ones...I ask the colour of their
boyfriend's underwear.

--
Use the BIG mirror service in the UK:
http://www.mirrorservice.org

In article ,
Bob Eager writes:
On Fri, 12 Feb 2010 20:36:24 +0000, Toby wrote:
"....what colour underwear are you wearing?"

That's what I use on the US-based "you have won a holiday" people, the
female ones at least. The male ones...I ask the colour of their
boyfriend's underwear.

What reaction do you get?

--
Andrew Gabriel
[email address is not usable -- followup in the newsgroup]

On Sat, 13 Feb 2010 00:54:02 +0000, Andrew Gabriel wrote:

In article ,
Bob Eager writes:
On Fri, 12 Feb 2010 20:36:24 +0000, Toby wrote:
"....what colour underwear are you wearing?"

That's what I use on the US-based "you have won a holiday" people, the
female ones at least. The male ones...I ask the colour of their
boyfriend's underwear.

What reaction do you get?

The last one was taken aback, and just said it was rather intrusive. I
replied that so was calling me at home without my permission.



--
Use the BIG mirror service in the UK:
http://www.mirrorservice.org

On 12/02/2010 20:56 Bob Eager wrote:

That's what I use on the US-based "you have won a holiday" people, the
female ones at least. The male ones...I ask the colour of their
boyfriend's underwear.

We get some of those calls: 'Press 9 to claim your prize'. I can't
imagine how it might be possible, but I've had a couple of acquaintances
*insist* that if I do press 9 it'll cost me an arm and a leg in 'phone
charges. If, as I suspect, this is impossible I'll be pressing 9 and
asking about knockers next time I get one! Anyone able to enlighten me?

--
F