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#1
Posted to rec.woodworking
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OT - Globalization - Computer Migration - Software Upgrading - part IV - Y ES and NO
The Victim, having FINALLY suceeded in "activating" DreawmWeaver CS3
1.1, began The Next Step To Recovery - installing Adobe LightRoom, the recomended by Adobe Sales cousin of the version of Adobe PhotoShop he HAD been using on The Old Apple G3. Confident that since it was a) recomended by Adobe Sales (in retrospect you have to wonder why that assumption was made) and b) was purchased as New and at Full Retail Price - no special upgrade "deals" - for Mac OS 1.5, aka Leopard - the installation would go as effortlessly as all the other software (and hardware) installations he'd done on The Old Mac G3. He was right - sort of. The INSTALLATION of the software went as expected - put the CD in the computer, open it and click on Install. A few minutes later he opened Lightroom and began exploring - 1ooking for the Old PhotoShop functions he needed - Curves, Layers, Brightness/Contrast, Hue/Saturation - tools he'd been using - Magic Wand, Clone, "fences/selction', Crop, Line , Text - and Filters - Sharpen and its cousing Blur. Given the available MODES in LightRoom - one being "WEB" - he started with "WEB MODE" - and noted that half of the precious "screen real estate" was taken up by Menus he had no idea what to do with. Fifteen minutes of "see what this does" and he moved on to DEVELOP. Finding little there familiar he moved on to LIBRARY. There he found something familiar - generate a clickable CATALOGUE of thumb nails which, by clicking on a thumbnail, opened the selected image full size - to work on. Unfortunately, this functionality was not part of the Old PhotoShop, but rather a feature of a ShareWare package called Graphic Converter. In an hour, The Victim a) couldn't find most of the functions he was looking for and b) was less than thrilled about all the screen clutter of the multitude of menus. Faced with calling SALES or CUSTOMER SERVICE (the latter being ANYTHING BUT "customer service" based on his recent experienceS), with trepidation, he dialed the number to Adobe Sales. Ring - Ring - Click ----- MUZAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now this doesn't rise to the Torture Meter level of Water Boarding, which The Bush Administration insists SHOULD NOT be "called" torture at all since it's "merely ENHANCED INTEROGATION", but being forced to listen to MUZAK for twenty minutes has to be on the lower to mid range on the Torture Meter. I believe psychologists refer to what The Victim was being subjected to as Aversion Therapy - to discourage an undesirable "behavior" you subject the "subject" (or as the person on the receiving end calls it - The Victim) to Negative Rewards (read Electric Shock, Loud Noise(s), a Cold Shower - or in this case MIND NUMBING, BRAIN FUNCTION SUPPRESSING, ANGER GENERATING - M U Z A K !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) to and "unpleasant experience". But The Victim is one of those "tenacious/bullheaded" S.O.B.s who Stays The Course - No Matter What. And after a mere five minutes of Finger Drumming and Teeth Gnashing - his perserverence is rewarded - he hears a human voice - that he can effortlessly understand is speaking - english! His face de-contorts and he begins to describe that LightRoom, which Adobe Sales assured him had the Old PhotoShop functions he'd specified earlier, and which he bought - actually received, successfully installed and TRIED to use - DID NOT have the functionality he, The Victim, needed. "Of course it doesn't" - the Sales Voice says. "What you NEED is PhotoShop Elements" - the voice continues. At this point The Victim protests - "I've used PhotoShop Elements" - it's come with every printer/scanner and digital camera I've owned - and IT'S A JOKE! Has no real power and it SUCKS!" Sales Voice: "You're right - the OLD versions of Elements SUCKED. It was put out as a very low end intro to PhotoShop - sort of like bait to hook folks on the far more expensive PhotoShop. But - the NEW Elements, version 6.0, HAS all the functions you specified - and MORE." The Victim: "And - it's only ....." Sales Voice: "Are you ready for this? SEVENTY NINE DOLLARS!" The Victim: I'll take it! AND I want to pay the extra $4 to get it shipped to me in TWO days - NOT the defaults Five To Seven BUSINESS DAYS. Sales Voice: Great, I'll get that out to you TODAY. Anything else I can do for you? The Victim: Who do I send the $299 LightRoom back to? Sales Voice: Oh that won't be necessary. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO - is go to the Adobe Website, download a copy of The Letter Of Software Destruction, print it, fill in the boxes, sign it - and FAX it to Adobe and we'll refund your money. The Victim: But I DON'T HAVE A FAX. Who uses FAXes anymore when there's e-mail? Sales Voice: Then what you need is our special editable PDF version of The Letter Of Software Destruction. Open the pdf file, fill in the blanks and follow the rest of the instructions. The Victim: I can't believe how easy what I thought would be a nightmare has been taken care of. THANKS! Foolish Victim - dumb enough to actually beleive that what he'd next experience would be easy - cause it wasn't. Since the browsers on his Old Familiar computer DON'T WORK for the Adobe Web Site - he had to switch to his New Computer, the one with the Newest Version of Safari - Apple's comes with the computer - super duper web browser. Then, once again, he was faced with Adobe's "site navigation" (which I'm sure is modeled on the "navigation" of MicroSoft's web site) - which is designed specifically to SELL a visitor/ victim something - not to provide a customer with info and assistance. After a half an hour of trying the potentially obvious click paths to The Letter Of Software Destructions - he was forced to use the "Site Search" feature ("feature" actually meaning "toruture device"). Having typed "Letter Of Software Destruction" in the "box" he hits the "search icon" - and gets (wait for it) TWENTY THREE PAGES OF "HITS", ten "hits" per page. By the time he's slogged through three and a half pages of possibilities he gives up - broken, but unbowed. He'll fight THAT battle - AFTER he gets Elements 6.0. Two "working days" later, Elements 6.0 arrives - wait for it - for Windows XP - with Service Pack 2 - and Vista. AH SON OF A %@&***($#%%%%#%$%^())__%%$$$ !!!!!!!!!!!!!! But wait - even though that's what is says on the side of the box - maybe, just maybe - this is a Dual Platform Version. So he pops the CD into his New Computer - and opens it - foolishly hoping that SOMEBODY at Adobe HASN'T screwed up - again - hope springing eternal once more. AH SON OF A %@&***($#%%%%#%$%^())__%%$$$ !!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS A "WINDOWS" VERSION!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm gonna find the Mo Fo who screwed me AGAIN - and I'm gonna wring his F**KING NECK - AFTER I SUBJECT THE SOB TO SOME "ENHANCED INTEROGATION TECHNIQUES! After a One Day Cooling Off Period, The Victim ONCE MORE prepares to do battle with Adobe. He sharpens his weapons - a handfull of No.2 Pencils and gets a ream of paper out, picks up the phone and dials The Customer Support Number. Ring - Ring - Click ----- MUZAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Followed by the "Welcome to Adobe's Customer Service" phone tree introduction. When the selection for the "service" he needs FINALLY comes around he presses it's number on his touch tone phone. Ring - Ring - Click ----- MUZAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Customer Service Voice: Uninetliigible sounds from a female voice, the only barely recognizable word being something that might be "Adobe". The Victim: I can't understand you - please speak slowly and clearly. Customer Service Voice: Dis - es - cuss tom air - say - er - vezz, Maiegh - eye - hay-vuh - u-erh - fahr - s - t - nay - um - pa - leah - zeeee. The Victim: Koo - d - eu - pa - leah - zeee - kawn - nek - me - to sahm - wun - hooooo - sap - pee - kahs - en - glishch? Customer Service Voice: Ser - ahee - sap - pee - kah - parh - fe - ka - en - gli - shaw. Ha - oh - wah kahn aieye - be - auhf - ah - sisssst ahhhhh -nst? The Victim: Can you speak Spanish? (since "english" isn't working he figures he's got nothing to lose by trying for Spanish) Click ----- MUZAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AH SON OF A %@&***($#%%%%#%$%^())__%%$$$ !!!!!!!!!!!!!! And just as he's ready to hurl the phone through the nearest window of his home - another human voice The Voice: Welcome to Adobe Customer Service. May I have your first name? The Victim: Before I give you MY first name, would you please give me your FULL Name - and location - either the City and Country, or at least which hemisphere where you are located? The Voice: My name is Carol and I'm located in Adobe's India Call Center. Now may I have your first name please? The Victim: Sure - it's Clint - Clint Eastwood (he resists the temptation to add "Do you feel lucky - PUNK? Well do you - PUNK?") The Voice: How may I be of assistance today - Clint? The Victim: I paid for a Mac OS 10.5 - aka Leopard - version of Photo Shop Elements Six Point Oh - and got the Windows XP With Service Pack 2 or Vista version. Then there's the give me the serial number of what you received - yup - that's the wrong software for your computer and operating system. I will put in the order to ship you the CORRECT version of the program - for "free" - and I aplogize for the "inconvenience" Now The Victim has become HYPER SENSITIVE to the use of words. "Free" and "Inconvenient" trigger a RAGE RESPONSE. The Victim: Lady, "free" means it doesn't cost ANYTHING. I've waited for the product I PAID FOR to be delivered and I've "SPENT" a couple of hours now trying to GET what I PAID FOR - so this transaction is NOT "FREE"!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND - the insane ORDEAL I've been through with Adobe in NO WAY even remotely can be described by the word INCONVENIENCE. SO - please choose your words carefully. How long will it take for me to actually RECEIVE what I PAID FOR ALREADY? The Voice: Five to Seven Days, and those are "working days" - at no cost to you. The Victim: NO - ABSOLUTELY NOT. You WILL overnight me the product I BOUGHT AND PAID FOR. The Voice: I'm terribly sorry sir - but I cannot do THAT. The Victim: I want to speak with YOUR supervisor - and if you put me on hold - I'll do whatever is necessary to find YOU - anywhere on this planet - and "persuade" you to introduce me to your supervisor. I have been put on hold by people in your "service center" and then disconnected too many times before. So put the phone on the desk, go find your supervisor and hand him - or her - your phone. (background sounds of a Call Center - for the next five minutes) New Voice: Hello Clint - this is Robert - can you hear me? The Victim: Yes I can hear you. New Voice: Clint - can you hear me? The Victim: Yes, I can hear you Robert. New Voice: I can't hear you Clint. Can you hear ME? (repeat this exchange three more times) New Voice: I can't hear you Clint. I'm hanging up now. Please call back. DIAL TONE AH SON OF A %@&***($#%%%%#%$%^())__%%$$$ !!!!!!!!!!!!!! %@&***($#%%%%#%$%^())__%%$$$ *!@#$%^&*()###%%%%%%%@!!!&&&&)))&^$$#$$%%%%$$$#### !!!!!!!! The victim googles "hit man" + India and begins looking for a "local expiditer" in India. And lo and behold - there's an 800 Number! The Victim: They're not going to get off the hook that easy. more touch tone button pressing and it's back to Ring - Ring - Click ----- MUZAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then, in his time of need, The Victim encounters - an angel - who speaks english - with a slight New Zealand accent - named RANDALL - who also happens to be in Manila, the Phillipines. Randall: Welcome to Adobe Customer Service. May I have your first name please? The Victim: Before I give you my first name, may I have YOUR name, preferably your FULL NAME - and location? Randall: Certainly. My name is Randall - spelled R - A - N - D - A - L - L and I'm speaking to you from Adobe's Manila Customer Support Center. How may I help you - sir? The Victim: Oh thank GOD! You speak english! I'm overjoyed Randall! My name is (and he gives her his real name). Randall: What can I do FOR YOU today? The Victim repeats the very abbreviated version of the ordeal he's experience so far - and quickly gets to You Sent Me The Wrong Version of the software I bought and paid for - that's been confirmed by you folks already but here's the TWENTY FOUR DIGIT serial number when you're ready for it. Randall: I'm going to put the phone down - and I WON'T put you on hold - while I check things out on this end. Give me your phone number so I can call you back if ANYTHING for ANY reason goes wrong. And my last name is (and she spells out her last name). The Victim is now in tears, overwhelmed by the kindness and consideration Randall has shown him - after all the abuse he's experienced with his earlier dealingSSSSSS with Adobe. He begins designing the Randall Appreciation Monument he plans to erect in honor of this Helpful Individual. Randall: Sir - the correct version of the software you orderd and paid for is being shipped Two Day FedEx and I aplogize for the horrible experience you had to endure. NO Adobe customer should ever be subjected to that level of horrible service. Is there anything else I can do for you today? The Victim takes a moment to compose himself, wiping the tears of joy from his eyes. The Victim: Oh bless you Randall. My children and my children's children will bless your name for as long as they live. To Whom, within Adobe, should I be commending my appreciation and praise for the service you have provided me? And THAT's how The Victim got an actual e-mail address for ANYONE at Adobe. Randall: Again, my apologies on behalf of Adobe for what you experienced. I hope I was able to make your day a little better. Have a nice day. Dial Tone. It was an hour of dancing and singing and celebrating - filled with Thank God For Randalls - before The Victim began his e-mail message to Adobe singing The Praises of Randall! And then he rested - exhausted - but filled with hope - and waited for The Right Software To Arrive. Tune in Monday for the Next Installment of OT - Globalization - Computer Migration - Software Upgrading charlie b ps - I found X11 included in Mac OS 10.5 (Leopard) and have started looking at the open source software that MAY free me from Adobe. THANKS for making me aware of this promising alternative to "Customer Service? We've Already Got YOUR MONEY - So Why Should We Provide Any Service - At All? |
#2
Posted to rec.woodworking
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OT - Globalization - Computer Migration - Software Upgrading -part IV - Y ES and NO
On Jun 8, 1:17*pm, charlieb wrote:
[a long, sad story] charlie, I feel your pain. I had a one-week wrestling/language/ patience match with Bell Canada. The high-speed at my shop, simply wasn't. Your dialogue wasn't that different than mine, but I had a weapon in my arsenal: the threat of switching to Cable! ( Along with a whole whack of other Bell 'services'.) In other news, Leopard has been rock solid, and I'm very pleased. It is truly amazing how reliable it has been, and I ask a fair bit from my shop-puter as it works as my Windows and Linux machines. (Soon, that will change) |
#3
Posted to rec.woodworking
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OT - Globalization - Computer Migration - Software Upgrading - part IV - Y ES and NO
"charlieb" ranted and raved That was exhausting Charlie. Is this ordeal ever going to end? My latest experience is having comcast go down for most of a day. The result was that it corrupted files on several programs I had to reinstall two programs and had to duplicate some things in other programs. And comcast has the unique feature of their phone program that there is no way to talk to a human. So you have to keep calling back again and again and try every option they have. Eventually you will get through to a human. It will be illogical, but the reward is an actual human to talk to. |
#4
Posted to rec.woodworking
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OT - Globalization - Computer Migration - Software Upgrading -part IV - Y ES and NO
This is why people would rather pirate software than buy it. You
could have picked up everything you just ordered via bit torrent (along with key generators if required) in less time than you've spent disking around with vendors. It would probably install and work correctly the first time also. I've gotten used to walking away from retailers, vendors or whoever else that wastes my time with bad service or bad products. Nothing changes until enough customers walk away. I also enjoy telling a CSM they can put my overloaded basket of groceries away because I'm not waiting in a checkout line for 30 minutes. |
#5
Posted to rec.woodworking
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OT - Globalization - Computer Migration - Software Upgrading -part IV - Y ES and NO
On Jun 8, 10:25*pm, dayvo wrote:
This is why people would rather pirate software than buy it. *You could have picked up everything you just ordered via bit torrent (along with key generators if required) in less time than you've spent disking around with vendors. *It would probably install and work correctly the first time also. *I've gotten used to walking away from retailers, vendors or whoever else that wastes my time with bad service or bad products. *Nothing changes until enough customers walk away. *I also enjoy telling a CSM they can put my overloaded basket of groceries away because I'm not waiting in a checkout line for 30 minutes. I used to buy software on the chance that it might do what I want. After a few wasted chunks of change, I either borrowed it from somebody or (these days) bitorrent it in. But, like my music downloads, if I like it, I buy it. I don't take away money from creative people....I'd LOVE to screw the record companies out of their cut, but you can't without robbing the artist as well. I know way too many people who need their residual cheques to feed their families. And do you know what really burns my ass? A flame, 3 feet high. |
#6
Posted to rec.woodworking
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OT - Globalization - Computer Migration - Software Upgrading - part IV - Y ES and NO
"dayvo" wrote in message ... This is why people would rather pirate software than buy it. You could have picked up everything you just ordered via bit torrent (along with key generators if required) in less time than you've spent disking around with vendors. It would probably install and work correctly the first time also. I've gotten used to walking away from retailers, vendors or whoever else that wastes my time with bad service or bad products. Nothing changes until enough customers walk away. I also enjoy telling a CSM they can put my overloaded basket of groceries away because I'm not waiting in a checkout line for 30 minutes. You do realize your simply trying to justify unethical, illegal and rude behavior.....and behavior that makes both imagined issues worse for all valuable customers. In other words the footprints you leave behind make the world just a little bit worse for you being here. Rod |
#7
Posted to rec.woodworking
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OT - Globalization - Computer Migration - Software Upgrading -part IV - Y ES and NO
You do realize your simply trying to justify unethical, illegal and rude
behavior.....and behavior that makes both imagined issues worse for all valuable customers. In other words the footprints you leave behind make the world just a little bit worse for you being here. * Rod Good point as it relates to piracy. I didn't say that I pirate software - just that other people do. I use open source, which is free. Unless you talk to Bill Gates who will insist that your a thief if you make a product and give it away for free. I could also agree that leaving an hours worth of shopping at the front checkout is rude but it's just as rude to make me wait there for 30 minutes. Especially when employees are socializing nearby. If you'd rather get walked on in fear of being rude then you deserve the service you get. When customers insist on what they want then the market adapts. Otherwise the customer adapts to bad service. |
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