On Sat, 25 Jun 2011 13:33:13 +0100, "Max Demian"
wrote:

"Peter Duncanson" wrote in message
.. .
On Fri, 24 Jun 2011 18:32:29 +0100, "Steve Thackery"
wrote:

"Rick" wrote in message ...


Somehow I don't think that even the most powerful vacuum cleaner
imaginable
would be much good in space :-)


That's OK, we'll just take some compressed air up with us, so it's got
something to suck on....

OK... let's get practical about this.

So far we have vacuum cleaners floating about in space. If one finds an
asteroid to suck on it will just attach itself without noticeable affect
to its path. Using a long piece of cable to tether a vacuum cleaner to a
suitable planet, or whatever, is a trifle impractical. The solution is
to attach a rocket to each vacuum cleaner to pull the vac and attached
asteroid in the required direction.

The rocket's exhaust gases will surround the cleaner where it is
touching the asteroid thereby giving it something to suck on.

All we need now is an asteroid, a vacuum cleaner and a rocket with which
to perform a proof-of-concept experiment.

Plea to doubters: restrain yourselves until the research grant has been
obtained.

I've just invented a new kind of vacuum cleaner that uses no energy. Just
attach one end of a very long tube to a satellite in geostationary orbit,
with the other end dangling down to Earth. There's a stopper in the bottom
end which you remove to suck up all the dust into space.

Bit of a bugger to sort through when, inevitably, you suck up that
missing SD card or diamond ear stud.

Nick

In article ,
Max Demian wrote:

I've just invented a new kind of vacuum cleaner that uses no energy. Just
attach one end of a very long tube to a satellite in geostationary orbit,
with the other end dangling down to Earth. There's a stopper in the bottom
end which you remove to suck up all the dust into space.

A tube to space won't suck air up. Gravity would hold the air in the
tube down, just like it does the rest of the air.

-- Richard

In article ,
Albert Ross wrote:

Being named after a DEC computer is an added bonus.

Nothing sucks like a VAX, as they never actually said.

Perhaps you should run it in conjunction with one of these:

http://groups.csail.mit.edu/mac/proj...tinguisher.jpg

-- Richard

On Sat, 25 Jun 2011 13:36:06 +0000 (UTC),
(Richard Tobin) wrote:

In article ,
Max Demian wrote:

I've just invented a new kind of vacuum cleaner that uses no energy. Just
attach one end of a very long tube to a satellite in geostationary orbit,
with the other end dangling down to Earth. There's a stopper in the bottom
end which you remove to suck up all the dust into space.

A tube to space won't suck air up. Gravity would hold the air in the
tube down, just like it does the rest of the air.

The tube starts empty by being out of the atmosphere. A stopper is put
in one end which is them lowered to the Earth's surface. When the
stopper is removed air and small objects rush in.

This reminds me of a thread crossposted to a farming newsgroup. The OP
was suggesting a means of generating electricity by harnessing the
difference in water pressure between the surface of the sea and several
kilometres down. I showed him the problem with this by describing a way
of doing the job analogous to the long dangly vacuum cleaner tube above.
A tube with turbine and generator at one end would have a closed valve
at the inlet to the turbine. The turbine end would be lowered to the
seabed. The valve would be opened and water would rush through the
turbine generating electricity lots of nice electricity ... until the
tube was full. The person in charge should then go somewhere quiet and
do an expenditure and income analysis for both money and energy.

--
Peter Duncanson
(in uk.tech.digital-tv)

On Sat, 25 Jun 2011 13:40:42 +0000 (UTC),
(Richard Tobin) wrote:

In article ,
Albert Ross wrote:

Being named after a DEC computer is an added bonus.

Nothing sucks like a VAX, as they never actually said.

Perhaps you should run it in conjunction with one of these:

http://groups.csail.mit.edu/mac/proj...tinguisher.jpg

Below the UNIX fire extinguisher on the page are some UNIX modular
bookshelves. I have some in my sitting room. They must be over 40 years
old.
http://cm.bell-labs.com/cm/cs/who/dmr/otherunix.html

--
Peter Duncanson
(in uk.tech.digital-tv)

In article , Peter Duncanson
wrote:
On Sat, 25 Jun 2011 13:33:13 +0100, "Max Demian"
wrote:


I've just invented a new kind of vacuum cleaner that uses no energy.
Just attach one end of a very long tube to a satellite in
geostationary orbit, with the other end dangling down to Earth.
There's a stopper in the bottom end which you remove to suck up all
the dust into space.

If space elevators [ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_elevator ]
work, why not this?

It will work nicely until the pressure in the tube equals the pressure
outside the tube. Then it will stop sucking. After that you would need
to pull the tube up into space, empty it, put the stopper back in and
lower the end back to the surface.

Unfortunately, both the dangling sucker and the space elevator require
energy for their construction and use.

In one sense the 'invention' isn't a new one. I recall reading some
research studies some decades ago on something similar. The idea was,
indeed, based on a very tall 'chimney'. However it sets out to exploit the
temperature gradient.

The idea is that you 'prime' the process by deliberately warming the air in
the tall chimmey column. [1] This causes an updraft to initiate. Once this
is started the chimney keeps drawing in warmer air from the base are
letting it rise. The result is a column of lower-density warmer air at each
level compared with its surroundings. So the process continues.

You can then fit turbines to take off power.

AFAIC it is theoretically feasible provided you have a temperature gradient
with the temperature falling with height at a suitable rate. The snags are
all 'in practice' - as usual for neatly novel ideas. First build your
chimney (some kilometers high)...

In essence all it does is trap and use the convection currents that occur
anyway as the Sun warms the ground and starts updrafts. Birds and gliders
make good use of this at present. Quite a lot of power is available. But
only if you can build on a suitably grand scale. :-) People in the d-i-y
group might like to try this in their garden... if they can get planning
permission. ;-

Slainte,

Jim

[1] One way to do this is to paint the chimney black so it absorbs sunlight
and warms the air inside. This also helps the process that follows.

--
Please use the address on the audiomisc page if you wish to email me.
Electronics http://www.st-and.ac.uk/~www_pa/Scot...o/electron.htm
Armstrong Audio http://www.audiomisc.co.uk/Armstrong/armstrong.html
Audio Misc http://www.audiomisc.co.uk/index.html

On 25 Jun,
Frank Erskine wrote:

I always admired the Hoover Constellation for its idea. I don't know
whether they actually worked though :-)

They did. They also would blow. Not many modern ones will, I wish I'd kept
mine.

--
B Thumbs
Change lycos to yahoo to reply

Gib Bogle wrote:
On 6/25/2011 6:59 AM, Andy Champ wrote:
On 24/06/2011 18:52, The Medway Handyman wrote:
On 24/06/2011 16:53, Jim Lesurf wrote:

Should work. They are called "vacuum cleaners" aren't they?

Pedant mode on

Suction cleaners actually

Pedant mode off


more pedant They _are_ _called_ vacuum cleaners./more

Even though "suction cleaner" would be a better term I've never heard it
before.

That's when they aren't called Hoovers of course. Regardless of brand.

Andy

Ours was always called an Electrolux, even when it wasn't.
Because we had vans and not cars when I was little and because I have a
van now, whenever we're in the car I always refer to it as the van. I
just can't help it.

When I was a kid our house had a through lounge with windows at the
front and at the back that was called the front room, because at my
grandma's house the best room was at the front. Where I live now the
best room is at the back but we call it the front room. We also have a
cupboard that is not under the stairs but it is called the under the
stairs cupboard.

Bill

On Sat, 25 Jun 2011 05:52:17 -0700 (PDT), Jim K wrote:

how d'ya get the stopper out?

Pull it it's only got about 1 bar holding it in...

--
Cheers
Dave.

In article o.uk,
Dave Liquorice wrote:
On Sat, 25 Jun 2011 05:52:17 -0700 (PDT), Jim K wrote:

how d'ya get the stopper out?

Pull it it's only got about 1 bar holding it in...

How big a stopper ? For more than a few square inches that's a lot of
lbf !

Nick
--
Serendipity: http://www.leverton.org/blosxom (last update 29th March 2010)
"The Internet, a sort of ersatz counterfeit of real life"
-- Janet Street-Porter, BBC2, 19th March 1996

"Richard Tobin" wrote in message
...
In article ,
Max Demian wrote:

I've just invented a new kind of vacuum cleaner that uses no energy. Just
attach one end of a very long tube to a satellite in geostationary orbit,
with the other end dangling down to Earth. There's a stopper in the bottom
end which you remove to suck up all the dust into space.

A tube to space won't suck air up. Gravity would hold the air in the
tube down, just like it does the rest of the air.

Bummer. I thought I was onto something.

--
Max Demian

On 25/06/2011 22:32, Max Demian wrote:
"Richard wrote in message
...
In ,
Max wrote:

I've just invented a new kind of vacuum cleaner that uses no energy. Just
attach one end of a very long tube to a satellite in geostationary orbit,
with the other end dangling down to Earth. There's a stopper in the bottom
end which you remove to suck up all the dust into space.

A tube to space won't suck air up. Gravity would hold the air in the
tube down, just like it does the rest of the air.

Bummer. I thought I was onto something.


Don't despair Max. The moon is zero gravity, so if the other end of the
tube were on the moon it could well work.

Count me in. This time next year we will be millionaires.



--
Dave - The Medway Handyman www.medwayhandyman.co.uk

On Jun 25, 4:08*pm, Peter Duncanson wrote:
On Sat, 25 Jun 2011 13:40:42 +0000 (UTC),

(Richard Tobin) wrote:
In article ,
Albert Ross wrote:

Being named after a DEC computer is an added bonus.

Nothing sucks like a VAX, as they never actually said.

Perhaps you should run it in conjunction with one of these:

*http://groups.csail.mit.edu/mac/proj...tinguisher.jpg

Below the UNIX fire extinguisher on the page are some UNIX modular
bookshelves. I have some in my sitting room. They must be over 40 years
old.http://cm.bell-labs.com/cm/cs/who/dmr/otherunix.html

--
Peter Duncanson
(in uk.tech.digital-tv)

Whether this is new or not (and the fact that no one else has posted
it makes me suspect the former), this must be posted here.

http://www.noob.us/humor/you-will-ne...is-ad-is-about

Rob

In article ,
The Medway Handyman wrote:
Don't despair Max. The moon is zero gravity, so if the other end of the
tube were on the moon it could well work.

Not zero gravity on the moon - just less than the earth. Don't you
remember pics of the astronauts leaping?

--
*Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Dave Plowman London SW
To e-mail, change noise into sound.

On Jun 25, 4:08*pm, Peter Duncanson wrote:
On Sat, 25 Jun 2011 13:40:42 +0000 (UTC),

(Richard Tobin) wrote:
In article ,
Albert Ross wrote:

Being named after a DEC computer is an added bonus.

Nothing sucks like a VAX, as they never actually said.

Perhaps you should run it in conjunction with one of these:

*http://groups.csail.mit.edu/mac/proj...tinguisher.jpg

Below the UNIX fire extinguisher on the page are some UNIX modular
bookshelves. I have some in my sitting room. They must be over 40 years
old.http://cm.bell-labs.com/cm/cs/who/dmr/otherunix.html

--
Peter Duncanson
(in uk.tech.digital-tv)

On the basis that no one else has posted this, it must be new, and is
a must for this thread.

http://www.noob.us/humor/you-will-ne...is-ad-is-about

On Sun, 26 Jun 2011 01:34:15 -0700, robgraham wrote:

On Jun 25, 4:08Â*pm, Peter Duncanson wrote:
On Sat, 25 Jun 2011 13:40:42 +0000 (UTC),

(Richard Tobin) wrote:
In article , Albert Ross
wrote:

Being named after a DEC computer is an added bonus.

Nothing sucks like a VAX, as they never actually said.

Perhaps you should run it in conjunction with one of these:

Â*http://groups.csail.mit.edu/mac/proj...tinguisher.jpg

Below the UNIX fire extinguisher on the page are some UNIX modular
bookshelves. I have some in my sitting room. They must be over 40 years
old.http://cm.bell-labs.com/cm/cs/who/dmr/otherunix.html

--
Peter Duncanson
(in uk.tech.digital-tv)

Whether this is new or not (and the fact that no one else has posted it
makes me suspect the former), this must be posted here.

http://www.noob.us/humor/you-will-ne...is-ad-is-about

I saw it three or four weeks ago, for the first time. Perhaps I should
have posted it!

It is excellent.

--
Use the BIG mirror service in the UK:
http://www.mirrorservice.org

*lightning protection* - a w_tom conductor

On Sunday, June 26th, 2011 at 01:34:15 -0700, Rob Graham wrote:

Whether this is new or not (and the fact that no one else has posted it
makes me suspect the former), this must be posted here.

Very amusing.

Technically they appear to have done a very good job with
the lighting of the shots.

Are the hallways lights really the only lights being used to
illuminate the scene where the party goes to the bedroom door?

On 26/06/2011 09:42, Dave Plowman (News) wrote:
In ,
The Medway wrote:
Don't despair Max. The moon is zero gravity, so if the other end of the
tube were on the moon it could well work.

Not zero gravity on the moon - just less than the earth. Don't you
remember pics of the astronauts leaping?


yeat another pedant

Well, the moon is in free fall. If you were where it is you'd feel as if
you were in zero gravity too. The astronauts of course feel the
_moon's_ gravity.

As does the dust they kick up, as you should always point out to one of
those nutters who thinks the whole thing was faked.

Andy

In article ,
Andy Champ wrote:

Well, the moon is in free fall. If you were where it is you'd feel as if
you were in zero gravity too.

That's true of almost anywhere...

-- Richard

In article ,
Andy Champ wrote:
On 26/06/2011 09:42, Dave Plowman (News) wrote:
In ,
The Medway wrote:
Don't despair Max. The moon is zero gravity, so if the other end of
the tube were on the moon it could well work.

Not zero gravity on the moon - just less than the earth. Don't you
remember pics of the astronauts leaping?


yeat another pedant

Well, the moon is in free fall. If you were where it is you'd feel as if
you were in zero gravity too. The astronauts of course feel the
_moon's_ gravity.

The same applies to the Earth?

As does the dust they kick up, as you should always point out to one of
those nutters who thinks the whole thing was faked.

There wouldn't be any dust if there were zero gravity relative to the
moon. ;-)

--
*Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

Dave Plowman London SW
To e-mail, change noise into sound.

In article , Jim Lesurf wrote:

In one sense the 'invention' isn't a new one. I recall reading some
research studies some decades ago on something similar. The idea was,
indeed, based on a very tall 'chimney'. However it sets out to exploit the
temperature gradient.

The idea is that you 'prime' the process by deliberately warming the air in
the tall chimmey column. [1] This causes an updraft to initiate. Once this
is started the chimney keeps drawing in warmer air from the base are
letting it rise. The result is a column of lower-density warmer air at each
level compared with its surroundings. So the process continues.

You can then fit turbines to take off power.
[...]
[1] One way to do this is to paint the chimney black so it absorbs sunlight
and warms the air inside. This also helps the process that follows.

See also https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikiped..._updraft_tower
(Running the whole thing off sunlight (with optional overnight thermal
store), not just priming.)

On Sat, 25 Jun 2011 13:26:08 +0100, John Williamson
wrote:

Frank Erskine wrote:
On Sat, 25 Jun 2011 13:05:13 +0100, Albert Ross
wrote:

On Sat, 25 Jun 2011 15:37:01 +1200, Gib Bogle
wrote:

On 6/25/2011 6:59 AM, Andy Champ wrote:
On 24/06/2011 18:52, The Medway Handyman wrote:
On 24/06/2011 16:53, Jim Lesurf wrote:
Should work. They are called "vacuum cleaners" aren't they?
Pedant mode on

Suction cleaners actually

Pedant mode off

more pedant They _are_ _called_ vacuum cleaners./more

Even though "suction cleaner" would be a better term I've never heard it
before.

That's when they aren't called Hoovers of course. Regardless of brand.

Andy
Ours was always called an Electrolux, even when it wasn't.
Yes, uprights were Hoovers, cylinder cleaners were Electroluxes.

I always admired the Hoover Constellation for its idea. I don't know
whether they actually worked though :-)


Only on hard floors, and then only until the rim got damaged.

About as useful as a Dalek on stairs

On Sat, 02 Jul 2011 11:52:09 +0100, Albert Ross wrote:

About as useful as a Dalek on stairs

Talking of which, I am surprised nobody has mentioned the what
are surely useless, especially for stairs, robot vacuum cleaners,
now being sold in supermarkets, eg Samsung Navibot.

http://www.robotshop.COM/eu

The site includes not only robot vacuum cleaners but items even
William Wright Esquire would appreciate -- a self cleaning
cat litter box -- for all his cats

On Sat, 2 Jul 2011 15:47:59 +0000 (UTC), J G Miller
wrote:

On Sat, 02 Jul 2011 11:52:09 +0100, Albert Ross wrote:

About as useful as a Dalek on stairs

Talking of which, I am surprised nobody has mentioned the what
are surely useless, especially for stairs, robot vacuum cleaners,
now being sold in supermarkets, eg Samsung Navibot.

http://www.robotshop.COM/eu

The site includes not only robot vacuum cleaners but items even
William Wright Esquire would appreciate -- a self cleaning
cat litter box -- for all his cats

Good grief! What sort of TV programmes do the robots like to watch, I
wonder?

--
Peter Duncanson
(in uk.tech.digital-tv)

On Sat, 02 Jul 2011 17:16:40 +0100, Peter Duncanson wrote:

Good grief! What sort of TV programmes do the robots like
to watch, I wonder?

"Fireball XL5" and "Lost in Space" of course.

Maybe even "Futurama".

J G Miller wrote:
On Sat, 02 Jul 2011 11:52:09 +0100, Albert Ross wrote:

About as useful as a Dalek on stairs

Talking of which, I am surprised nobody has mentioned the what
are surely useless, especially for stairs, robot vacuum cleaners,
now being sold in supermarkets, eg Samsung Navibot.

http://www.robotshop.COM/eu

The site includes not only robot vacuum cleaners but items even
William Wright Esquire would appreciate -- a self cleaning
cat litter box -- for all his cats


We have no cats. It was natural wastage that did it. No cats were
dismissed, made redundant, redeployed, or transferred to other branches.
No cats were remanded in custody, although if there were prisons for
cats I think all of ours would have all spent time inside. No cats were
driven up to the moors and slung out of the car door, although
sometimes, well . . . lets just say I did get a bit exasperated once or
twice.

Quite simply, for the last 12 years I have had a rigid policy of taking
on no new cats. There have been plenty of applicants though. They have
appeared almost daily at our door. Experienced middle aged cats claiming
skilled rodent operative status. Elderly genteel cats in reduced
circumstances, desirous only of a quiet home in which to spend their
declining years and assuredly and most definitely not incontinent, not
even slightly. Even baby cats, irresistible to all except me, orphaned
and in dire straights, mewing piteously, have been unceremoniously
rejected and sent on their way. €œOh Dad, its snowing!€� €œThats not my
fault. Anyway, theyve got fur.€�

Not long ago the last cat made her exit. Shed hung on and hung on,
finally becoming quite helpless, and when we took her on that horrid one
way trip the vet took one look and unquestioningly reached for her
lethal needle. This cat had done well for 17 years, but the time had come.

Cats:

Blacky (rather fierce), Ginger (pretended to be fierce, but he was a big
sissy really), Spook (a seemingly respectable old lady with a shadowy
past), Susy (the cleverest of cats), Charlie (her brother, the dimmest
of cats), Dandy (short lived), and Tiger (Carolyn's first love).

Cat highlights:

When Susy went silently upstairs, then suddenly urine came out of one of
the living room lights.
When Blackie reached out to steal my forkful of food, but misjudged it.
His paw went into my mouth and I had a severely lacerated tongue and
lower lip.
When I was testing some big speakers and Spook jumped vertically up off
the beanbag and had diarrhoea in mid air.
When Ginger would jump on the windowsill and lean on the door handle to
let the other cats in or out.
When Hil ran Charlie over. He used to go to sleep in cardboard boxes in
the road. The wheel of the Volvo went right over him. He was flat. I
picked him up and he cried. I put him down on the ground and he sort of
swelled back into shape like in the cartoons and walked off. The vet
couldn't find any damage (still charged plenty though).
When I was ill and immobile for two months. Every day Charlie came
upstairs and settled next to me, sometimes licking my face and purring.
When I had to tell Carolyn (12) that her beloved Tiger was dead. The
worst thing I've ever had to do (amazingly).
When we walked up the field and a cat would follow, only to stop at the
edge of her territory and meow at us, as if to say €œYoure going over
the edge of the world!€�
When Spook gave birth in a cardboard box in the field, and Louise (10)
thought the little tails hanging out of the bottom belonged to rats.
When Spook would run across the yard in her inimitable way, her back end
not quite behind her front end, like a 'cut and shut' car, nervously
dodging from cover to cover like a guerrilla fighter.
When I was up a tree and I chopped off a really big branch and then saw
Charlie sitting directly below, looking up with gormless interest. He
lived, by some miracle.
But now we have no cats. We can leave food on the table unguarded. We
dont need to do a headcount when we hear brakes screech outside. We
dont have to deal with occasional nasty smells in inaccessible corners.
All of these are good things. But somehow, it doesnt seem right. The
house seems very empty.

I think Ill get a dog.

Bill

"J G Miller" wrote in message
...
On Sat, 02 Jul 2011 11:52:09 +0100, Albert Ross wrote:

About as useful as a Dalek on stairs

Talking of which, I am surprised nobody has mentioned the what
are surely useless, especially for stairs, robot vacuum cleaners,
now being sold in supermarkets, eg Samsung Navibot.

Useless as most of the hassle of vacuuming is the trouble to move furniture
and mats around.

--
Max Demian

On Saturday, July 20th, 2011 at 22:17:29h +0100, Bill Wright wrote:

[well written piece of prose]

You really should get stuff like that published.

Or read it out as a "commentary" on local radio.

On Sat, 2 Jul 2011 22:44:15 +0100, "Max Demian"
wrote:

"J G Miller" wrote in message
...
On Sat, 02 Jul 2011 11:52:09 +0100, Albert Ross wrote:

About as useful as a Dalek on stairs

Talking of which, I am surprised nobody has mentioned the what
are surely useless, especially for stairs, robot vacuum cleaners,
now being sold in supermarkets, eg Samsung Navibot.

Useless as most of the hassle of vacuuming is the trouble to move furniture
and mats around.

Most of the hassle of vacuuming is the dust, fluff and dog hairs in
the first place :-)


--
Frank Erskine

J G Miller wrote:
On Saturday, July 20th, 2011 at 22:17:29h +0100, Bill Wright wrote:

[well written piece of prose]

You really should get stuff like that published.

Or read it out as a "commentary" on local radio.

Thank you.

Bill

On Sat, 2 Jul 2011 22:44:15 +0100, Max Demian wrote:

"J G Miller" wrote in message
...
On Sat, 02 Jul 2011 11:52:09 +0100, Albert Ross wrote:

About as useful as a Dalek on stairs

Talking of which, I am surprised nobody has mentioned the what
are surely useless, especially for stairs, robot vacuum cleaners,
now being sold in supermarkets, eg Samsung Navibot.

Useless as most of the hassle of vacuuming is the trouble to move furniture
and mats around.

Oh, is that supposed to be done?
--
Peter.
The gods will stay away
whilst religions hold sway

On 02/07/2011 22:17, Bill Wright wrote:
J G Miller wrote:
On Sat, 02 Jul 2011 11:52:09 +0100, Albert Ross wrote:

About as useful as a Dalek on stairs

Talking of which, I am surprised nobody has mentioned the what
are surely useless, especially for stairs, robot vacuum cleaners,
now being sold in supermarkets, eg Samsung Navibot.

http://www.robotshop.COM/eu

The site includes not only robot vacuum cleaners but items even
William Wright Esquire would appreciate -- a self cleaning
cat litter box -- for all his cats


We have no cats. It was natural wastage that did it. No cats were
dismissed, made redundant, redeployed, or transferred to other branches.
No cats were remanded in custody, although if there were prisons for
cats I think all of ours would have all spent time inside. No cats were
driven up to the moors and slung out of the car door, although
sometimes, well . . . lets just say I did get a bit exasperated once or
twice.

Quite simply, for the last 12 years I have had a rigid policy of taking
on no new cats. There have been plenty of applicants though. They have
appeared almost daily at our door. Experienced middle aged cats claiming
skilled rodent operative status. Elderly genteel cats in reduced
circumstances, desirous only of a quiet home in which to spend their
declining years and assuredly and most definitely not incontinent, not
even slightly. Even baby cats, irresistible to all except me, orphaned
and in dire straights, mewing piteously, have been unceremoniously
rejected and sent on their way. €œOh Dad, its snowing!€� €œThats not my
fault. Anyway, theyve got fur.€�

Not long ago the last cat made her exit. Shed hung on and hung on,
finally becoming quite helpless, and when we took her on that horrid one
way trip the vet took one look and unquestioningly reached for her
lethal needle. This cat had done well for 17 years, but the time had come.

Cats:

Blacky (rather fierce), Ginger (pretended to be fierce, but he was a big
sissy really), Spook (a seemingly respectable old lady with a shadowy
past), Susy (the cleverest of cats), Charlie (her brother, the dimmest
of cats), Dandy (short lived), and Tiger (Carolyn's first love).

Cat highlights:

When Susy went silently upstairs, then suddenly urine came out of one of
the living room lights.
When Blackie reached out to steal my forkful of food, but misjudged it.
His paw went into my mouth and I had a severely lacerated tongue and
lower lip.
When I was testing some big speakers and Spook jumped vertically up off
the beanbag and had diarrhoea in mid air.
When Ginger would jump on the windowsill and lean on the door handle to
let the other cats in or out.
When Hil ran Charlie over. He used to go to sleep in cardboard boxes in
the road. The wheel of the Volvo went right over him. He was flat. I
picked him up and he cried. I put him down on the ground and he sort of
swelled back into shape like in the cartoons and walked off. The vet
couldn't find any damage (still charged plenty though).
When I was ill and immobile for two months. Every day Charlie came
upstairs and settled next to me, sometimes licking my face and purring.
When I had to tell Carolyn (12) that her beloved Tiger was dead. The
worst thing I've ever had to do (amazingly).
When we walked up the field and a cat would follow, only to stop at the
edge of her territory and meow at us, as if to say €œYoure going over
the edge of the world!€�
When Spook gave birth in a cardboard box in the field, and Louise (10)
thought the little tails hanging out of the bottom belonged to rats.
When Spook would run across the yard in her inimitable way, her back end
not quite behind her front end, like a 'cut and shut' car, nervously
dodging from cover to cover like a guerrilla fighter.
When I was up a tree and I chopped off a really big branch and then saw
Charlie sitting directly below, looking up with gormless interest. He
lived, by some miracle.
But now we have no cats. We can leave food on the table unguarded. We
dont need to do a headcount when we hear brakes screech outside. We
dont have to deal with occasional nasty smells in inaccessible corners.
All of these are good things. But somehow, it doesnt seem right. The
house seems very empty.

I think Ill get a dog.

There is a book in there Bill!



--
Dave - The Medway Handyman www.medwayhandyman.co.uk

Bill Wright wrote:

We have no cats.

A delightful piece, Bill. I've saved it on my PC 'cos it's great.

SteveT

In message , The Medway Handyman
writes
On 02/07/2011 22:17, Bill Wright wrote:

Snip excellent tails:-)

I think Ill get a dog.

There is a book in there Bill!

Don't get a dog.

They have even bigger routine Vets bills than cats. They need emptying
twice a day. This may seem to be an advantage over cats who take care of
their own toiletries but actually involves carting a plastic bag
containing brown lozenges of consistency determined by diet for 90% of
your walk. Dog poo bins are never where you need them and, as we all
know, dogs will not **** on their own doorsteps.

Further, you will be tempted to shortcut the exercise routine. This may
be justified by the need to take Susie to her music lesson or your
football team playing at home. Inevitably this leads to the acquisition
of the ubiquitous tennis ball thrower, Frisbee etc......

In the interests of remaining friends I will stop at this point but
there is more, much more!

regards

--
Tim Lamb

In article ,
Tim Lamb wrote:
Further, you will be tempted to shortcut the exercise routine. This may
be justified by the need to take Susie to her music lesson or your
football team playing at home. Inevitably this leads to the acquisition
of the ubiquitous tennis ball thrower, Frisbee etc......

In the interests of remaining friends I will stop at this point but
there is more, much more!

One of the advantages of having a dog is that it should force you to have
exercise too - and some contemplation time to yourself as well. Of course
you *can* just go for a walk without a dog - but that requires will power
when you've got 'better' things to do.

The other thing is if you smile and say hello to total strangers when
walking alone you'll likely be treated with suspicion. With a dog, it's
the norm.

--
*A dog's not just for Christmas, it's alright on a Friday night too*

Dave Plowman London SW
To e-mail, change noise into sound.

On Sunday, July 3rd, 2011 at 07:50:22h +0100, Peter C asked:

On Sat, 2 Jul 2011 22:44:15 +0100, Max Demian wrote:

Useless as most of the hassle of vacuuming is the trouble to move
furniture and mats around.

Oh, is that supposed to be done?

Yes.

So the obvious answer is to install levitating furniture that
will rise when the robotic vacuum cleaner needs to suck up the
various particles which have accumulated around the base of
the item of furniture.

J G Miller wrote:

So the obvious answer is to install levitating furniture that
will rise when the robotic vacuum cleaner needs to suck up the
various particles which have accumulated around the base of
the item of furniture.

In fact that's so obvious I wonder why you can't just go out and buy
levitating furniture now. It'd make it much easier to move around,
too.

SteveT

"Dave Plowman (News)" wrote:
[snip]

The other thing is if you smile and say hello to total strangers when
walking alone you'll likely be treated with suspicion.

Only in London.

With a dog, it's the norm.

I find that in London it's the norm to walk past any dog owner, taking care
to avoid eye contact. This is because the overwhelming majority of urban
dogs are fighting breeds.

PeterC wrote:
On Sat, 2 Jul 2011 22:44:15 +0100, Max Demian wrote:

"J G Miller" wrote in message
...
On Sat, 02 Jul 2011 11:52:09 +0100, Albert Ross wrote:

About as useful as a Dalek on stairs
Talking of which, I am surprised nobody has mentioned the what
are surely useless, especially for stairs, robot vacuum cleaners,
now being sold in supermarkets, eg Samsung Navibot.
Useless as most of the hassle of vacuuming is the trouble to move furniture
and mats around.

Oh, is that supposed to be done?
Only by the anally retentive. Vacuuming where you can't see is the same
as using face bricks when you're going to render.

Bill

Steve Thackery wrote:
Bill Wright wrote:

We have no cats.

A delightful piece, Bill. I've saved it on my PC 'cos it's great.

SteveT


Thanks.

Bill