Last Saturday all I could type was a subject line that said all that
needed saying: Mary died.

The response from this group was amazing and I found it enormously
comforting. I've read the whole thread several times. Thanks!

I've been a wreck for a few days, but I'm starting to feel stronger.

There were periods of pain and despair today as there undoubtedly will
be in days forward, but on the whole today was a good day. My
absolutely incredible family, including two who themselves are
grieving over the loss of a parent, are providing support beyond
belief -- and it is working. I'm alone tonight for the first time and
doing just fine. I'm alone tonight only because I asserted that I
would be OK, I certainly wasn't abandoned. Had an email checkin a
while ago. Check.

I'm far from done, but I think I'm well started off the line with
slicks smoking.

Food entered my body only by sheer discipline until yesterday. I ate
only because I knew I must. Don't have to eat much, but zero is not a
viable option. Two somethings a day.

Night before last, son Kevin and girlfriend Kelsey took over my
kitchen and prepared a meal for all of us including Dave, Hassan 'n
Ann. Blackened cajun chicken prepared on the grill (Kevin) and
oven roasted veggies (thin sliced potatoes, beets, sweet onions and
sweet 'taters) au Kelsey. Kev had discovered a very pleasant Barbera
wine for six bux a bottle in a Wisconsin store. He bought them out.
That food actually tasted good! Dayum! Tonight we had pizza that also
tasted good and we demolished it. Yesterday I bought ribeye steaks,
fresh green beans and idaho bakers for tomorrow. I've returned to the
living and walking wounded. Look out! EEeeeeyaaaahhhhhhh!

My bad times seem to be in the morning and then again about
midafternoon. Who knows why, that's just how it is. Maybe it
correlates to level of activity. I also had a lot of happy thoughts
and memories today. Mary and I had a very happy life together and we
noted that every day. Hm. I wrote "life" rather than "lives".
Interesting to think about.

Others are dreading the funeral on Monday. I'm not and never have. If
I fall apart, then I do. I'm the bereft spouse, not there to impress
anyone or meet anyone's expectations of stiff upper lip. But I am
starting to feel a bit of strength.

It is on Monday because Fort Snelling doesn't do interments on
weekends and this family wanted to get it all done in one day.
There will be a two hour gathering for family and close friends, no
formal service. There is no dress code. Mary will be buried in the
clothes she wore on our wedding day in Scotland (pink sweater and gray
slacks)and I will be wearing the clothes I wore that day.

Mary said for years that she did not want a funeral if she went before
I. I never said anything until recently when that started to look
like a possibility. Then I said that maybe the many who love you
might need a funeral for closure, do you want to deny them that?

Mmph. Oh all right, yes I want a funeral but a simple one: a
gathering of family and close friends. Done and done. "Oh, and I no
longer want to be cremated." "OK, why?" "Because when they burned
that skin cancer off my nose that really stank and I can just imagine
how being cremated must stink." Roger that!

She'll be interred at Fort Snelling National Cemetary. An adjacent
plot will be reserved for me. Her Dad, Mom, Grandfather and
Grandmother are there too.

I'm starting to look forward to little projects I want to do. Little
things, but progress happens one step at a time. Today I repaired a
broken board on the futon Kev brought over for my newly-liberated
spare bedroom. I made a pin to replace a lost one and I zinc-plated
it. Kev, Hassan and I went out and bought a small flat-screen TV to
put in front of my treadmill in its new location. The old TV was too
deep to go there. Tomorrow I want to go buy a vegetable steamer with
Ann.

I had a lot of happy thoughts and memories today. Mary and I had a
very happy life together and we noted that every day. When I think
about her tonight, I smile. Seldom dry-eyed, but with a smile rather
than the grimace that accompanies racking wails of despair when
nobody's looking or maybe even when they are.

A friend and neighbor of years ago stopped in this afternoon. It was
good to see him, but I'd forgotten how a little of him and his various
opinions is enough, more is not better.

If a guy was feeling bad about living alone, an hour with Bob would
help him be grateful for his situation. Mary liked Bob. Tough and
crusty as he was and is, his knowledge of flora is astounding.

My sweet, gentle Mary would be very proud of me and her kids and mine,
we lot functioning as a family like never before. The generosity,
compassion and quiet strength that has been happening here has been
almost Mary-grade, inspired by Mary's example, and it don't get
better than that.

Don Foreman wrote:
Last Saturday all I could type was a subject line that said all that
needed saying: Mary died.

The response from this group was amazing and I found it enormously
comforting. I've read the whole thread several times. Thanks!

I've been a wreck for a few days, but I'm starting to feel stronger.

There were periods of pain and despair today as there undoubtedly will
be in days forward, but on the whole today was a good day. My
absolutely incredible family, including two who themselves are
grieving over the loss of a parent, are providing support beyond
belief -- and it is working. I'm alone tonight for the first time and
doing just fine. I'm alone tonight only because I asserted that I
would be OK, I certainly wasn't abandoned. Had an email checkin a
while ago. Check.

I'm far from done, but I think I'm well started off the line with
slicks smoking.

Food entered my body only by sheer discipline until yesterday. I ate
only because I knew I must. Don't have to eat much, but zero is not a
viable option. Two somethings a day.

Night before last, son Kevin and girlfriend Kelsey took over my
kitchen and prepared a meal for all of us including Dave, Hassan 'n
Ann. Blackened cajun chicken prepared on the grill (Kevin) and
oven roasted veggies (thin sliced potatoes, beets, sweet onions and
sweet 'taters) au Kelsey. Kev had discovered a very pleasant Barbera
wine for six bux a bottle in a Wisconsin store. He bought them out.
That food actually tasted good! Dayum! Tonight we had pizza that also
tasted good and we demolished it. Yesterday I bought ribeye steaks,
fresh green beans and idaho bakers for tomorrow. I've returned to the
living and walking wounded. Look out! EEeeeeyaaaahhhhhhh!

My bad times seem to be in the morning and then again about
midafternoon. Who knows why, that's just how it is. Maybe it
correlates to level of activity. I also had a lot of happy thoughts
and memories today. Mary and I had a very happy life together and we
noted that every day. Hm. I wrote "life" rather than "lives".
Interesting to think about.

Others are dreading the funeral on Monday. I'm not and never have. If
I fall apart, then I do. I'm the bereft spouse, not there to impress
anyone or meet anyone's expectations of stiff upper lip. But I am
starting to feel a bit of strength.

It is on Monday because Fort Snelling doesn't do interments on
weekends and this family wanted to get it all done in one day.
There will be a two hour gathering for family and close friends, no
formal service. There is no dress code. Mary will be buried in the
clothes she wore on our wedding day in Scotland (pink sweater and gray
slacks)and I will be wearing the clothes I wore that day.

Mary said for years that she did not want a funeral if she went before
I. I never said anything until recently when that started to look
like a possibility. Then I said that maybe the many who love you
might need a funeral for closure, do you want to deny them that?

Mmph. Oh all right, yes I want a funeral but a simple one: a
gathering of family and close friends. Done and done. "Oh, and I no
longer want to be cremated." "OK, why?" "Because when they burned
that skin cancer off my nose that really stank and I can just imagine
how being cremated must stink." Roger that!

She'll be interred at Fort Snelling National Cemetary. An adjacent
plot will be reserved for me. Her Dad, Mom, Grandfather and
Grandmother are there too.

I'm starting to look forward to little projects I want to do. Little
things, but progress happens one step at a time. Today I repaired a
broken board on the futon Kev brought over for my newly-liberated
spare bedroom. I made a pin to replace a lost one and I zinc-plated
it. Kev, Hassan and I went out and bought a small flat-screen TV to
put in front of my treadmill in its new location. The old TV was too
deep to go there. Tomorrow I want to go buy a vegetable steamer with
Ann.

I had a lot of happy thoughts and memories today. Mary and I had a
very happy life together and we noted that every day. When I think
about her tonight, I smile. Seldom dry-eyed, but with a smile rather
than the grimace that accompanies racking wails of despair when
nobody's looking or maybe even when they are.

A friend and neighbor of years ago stopped in this afternoon. It was
good to see him, but I'd forgotten how a little of him and his various
opinions is enough, more is not better.

If a guy was feeling bad about living alone, an hour with Bob would
help him be grateful for his situation. Mary liked Bob. Tough and
crusty as he was and is, his knowledge of flora is astounding.

My sweet, gentle Mary would be very proud of me and her kids and mine,
we lot functioning as a family like never before. The generosity,
compassion and quiet strength that has been happening here has been
almost Mary-grade, inspired by Mary's example, and it don't get
better than that.

You and I both know there will be rough spots in the road ahead . But it
sounds like you've gotten the worst behind you . I hope I can be as strong
if/when I'm faced with this .
--
Snag
Learning keeps
you young !

Don Foreman wrote in
:

Last Saturday all I could type was a subject line that said all that
needed saying: Mary died.

The response from this group was amazing and I found it enormously
comforting. I've read the whole thread several times. Thanks!

I've been a wreck for a few days, but I'm starting to feel stronger.

snip

Mary said for years that she did not want a funeral if she went before
I. I never said anything until recently when that started to look
like a possibility. Then I said that maybe the many who love you
might need a funeral for closure, do you want to deny them that?

Mmph. Oh all right, yes I want a funeral but a simple one: a
gathering of family and close friends. Done and done. "Oh, and I no
longer want to be cremated." "OK, why?" "Because when they burned
that skin cancer off my nose that really stank and I can just imagine
how being cremated must stink." Roger that!

She'll be interred at Fort Snelling National Cemetary. An adjacent
plot will be reserved for me. Her Dad, Mom, Grandfather and
Grandmother are there too.
snip

Fumerals aren't for the deceased. They have better things to do with
their time. Funerals are for the living who have to pick up the pieces &
move on. Funerals can help the healing in in host of ways. It is a
chance for you and those who loved her to mark Mary's passing in a way
that feels best for YOU, and it sounds like you are doing just fine. If
a 21 gun salute would feel good, I say go for it.

Doug White

"Don Foreman" wrote

My sweet, gentle Mary would be very proud of me and her kids and mine,
we lot functioning as a family like never before. The generosity,
compassion and quiet strength that has been happening here has been
almost Mary-grade, inspired by Mary's example, and it don't get
better than that.

AND, (if you believe in that sort of thing, I do), you shall all be together
again in another dimension.

My aunt went through an experience like Mary's (add 20+ years of dialysis
and all that goes with it), and I never ONCE heard the woman complain. Mary
sounds like that kind of strong person.

You're off to a good start, and you have a lot of support.

Peace be with you.

Steve

Don Foreman wrote:

(...)

My sweet, gentle Mary would be very proud of me and her kids and mine,
we lot functioning as a family like never before. The generosity,
compassion and quiet strength that has been happening here has been
almost Mary-grade, inspired by Mary's example, and it don't get
better than that.

I knew you paid careful attention to the important stuff.

--Winston

Don Foreman wrote:

My sweet, gentle Mary would be very proud of me and her kids and mine,
we lot functioning as a family like never before. The generosity,
compassion and quiet strength that has been happening here has been
almost Mary-grade, inspired by Mary's example, and it don't get
better than that.

I don't know if there will be an eulogy as part of the ceremony but the above are good
words to use in her praise.

Wes

Don Foreman wrote:

Mary said for years that she did not want a funeral if she went before
I. I never said anything until recently when that started to look
like a possibility. Then I said that maybe the many who love you
might need a funeral for closure, do you want to deny them that?

My Dad never wanted a funeral. He'd say, "If someone wants to come
traipsing halfway across the world to say how wonderful I am, let
them do it while I'm still alive."

We honored his wishes - just immediate family at my brother Dan's
house, and we ate and drank a toast to Dad, that sort of thing. I
remember after everybody ran out of stuff to say, we plopped down
in front of the TV and watched "Toy Story."

There must have been something in the air that day, it seems each
of us "got something our eye" at one time or another.

Life goes on - I remember when my Uncle Wayne died - I was about
eleven-ish; Wayne was Mom's only brother. Anyway, we went to the
funeral, and on the way to the cemetary, I noticed a dog peeing
on a tree, and thought, "Hmmm. I guess life _does_ go on."

Anyway, I wanted to share that, and it's good to hear that you're
starting to get your appetite back and getting on with stuff, and
yada yada, blah blah blah. :-)

Regards,
Rich

Don Foreman wrote:

Others are dreading the funeral on Monday. I'm not and never have. If
I fall apart, then I do. I'm the bereft spouse, not there to impress
anyone or meet anyone's expectations of stiff upper lip. But I am
starting to feel a bit of strength.

I hope the funeral goes as smoothly as can be expected. Stay strong!

Chris

"Christopher Tidy" wrote in message
...
Don Foreman wrote:

Others are dreading the funeral on Monday. I'm not and never have. If
I fall apart, then I do. I'm the bereft spouse, not there to impress
anyone or meet anyone's expectations of stiff upper lip. But I am
starting to feel a bit of strength.

I hope the funeral goes as smoothly as can be expected. Stay strong!

Chris

Early in life my Daddy said, "Son, you cry AFTER the funeral........."
Sometimes that helped, and other times not ............

Steve

Heart surgery pending?
www.cabgbypasssurgery.com

My deepest condolences for your loss

805+732+5308 .
Gunner

Don wrote:
Last Saturday all I could type was a subject line that said all that
needed saying: Mary died.
The response from this group was amazing and I found it enormously
comforting. I've read the whole thread several times. Thanks!
I've been a wreck for a few days, but I'm starting to feel stronger.
There were periods of pain and despair today as there undoubtedly will
be in days forward, but on the whole today was a good day. My
absolutely incredible family, including two who themselves are
grieving over the loss of a parent, are providing support beyond
belief -- and it is working. I'm alone tonight for the first time and
doing just fine. I'm alone tonight only because I asserted that I
would be OK, I certainly wasn't abandoned. Had an email checkin a
while ago. Check.
I'm far from done, but I think I'm well started off the line with
slicks smoking.
Food entered my body only by sheer discipline until yesterday. I ate
only because I knew I must. Don't have to eat much, but zero is not a
viable option. Two somethings a day.
Night before last, son Kevin and girlfriend Kelsey took over my
kitchen and prepared a meal for all of us including Dave, Hassan 'n
Ann. Blackened cajun chicken prepared on the grill (Kevin) and
oven roasted veggies (thin sliced potatoes, beets, sweet onions and
sweet 'taters) au Kelsey. Kev had discovered a very pleasant Barbera
wine for six bux a bottle in a Wisconsin store. He bought them out.
That food actually tasted good! Dayum! Tonight we had pizza that also
tasted good and we demolished it. Yesterday I bought ribeye steaks,
fresh green beans and idaho bakers for tomorrow. I've returned to the
living and walking wounded. Look out! EEeeeeyaaaahhhhhhh!
My bad times seem to be in the morning and then again about
midafternoon. Who knows why, that's just how it is. Maybe it
correlates to level of activity. I also had a lot of happy thoughts
and memories today. Mary and I had a very happy life together and we
noted that every day. Hm. I wrote "life" rather than "lives".
Interesting to think about.
Others are dreading the funeral on Monday. I'm not and never have. If
I fall apart, then I do. I'm the bereft spouse, not there to impress
anyone or meet anyone's expectations of stiff upper lip. But I am
starting to feel a bit of strength.
It is on Monday because Fort Snelling doesn't do interments on
weekends and this family wanted to get it all done in one day.
There will be a two hour gathering for family and close friends, no
formal service. There is no dress code. Mary will be buried in the
clothes she wore on our wedding day in Scotland (pink sweater and gray
slacks)and I will be wearing the clothes I wore that day.
Mary said for years that she did not want a funeral if she went before
I. I never said anything until recently when that started to look
like a possibility. Then I said that maybe the many who love you
might need a funeral for closure, do you want to deny them that?
Mmph. Oh all right, yes I want a funeral but a simple one: a
gathering of family and close friends. Done and done. "Oh, and I no
longer want to be cremated." "OK, why?" "Because when they burned
that skin cancer off my nose that really stank and I can just imagine
how being cremated must stink." Roger that!
She'll be interred at Fort Snelling National Cemetary. An adjacent
plot will be reserved for me. Her Dad, Mom, Grandfather and
Grandmother are there too.
I'm starting to look forward to little projects I want to do. Little
things, but progress happens one step at a time. Today I repaired a
broken board on the futon Kev brought over for my newly-liberated
spare bedroom. I made a pin to replace a lost one and I zinc-plated
it. Kev, Hassan and I went out and bought a small flat-screen TV to
put in front of my treadmill in its new location. The old TV was too
deep to go there. Tomorrow I want to go buy a vegetable steamer with
Ann.
I had a lot of happy thoughts and memories today. Mary and I had a
very happy life together and we noted that every day. When I think
about her tonight, I smile. Seldom dry-eyed, but with a smile rather
than the grimace that accompanies racking wails of despair when
nobody's looking or maybe even when they are.
A friend and neighbor of years ago stopped in this afternoon. It was
good to see him, but I'd forgotten how a little of him and his various
opinions is enough, more is not better.
If a guy was feeling bad about living alone, an hour with Bob would
help him be grateful for his situation. Mary liked Bob. Tough and
crusty as he was and is, his knowledge of flora is astounding.
My sweet, gentle Mary would be very proud of me and her kids and mine,
we lot functioning as a family like never before. The generosity,
compassion and quiet strength that has been happening here has been
almost Mary-grade, inspired by Mary's example, and it don't get
better than that.


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