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Posted to alt.bitterness,rec.gardens,alt.home.repair,soc.culture.usa,misc.rural
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RACCOONS: dig up the old lady's annual flower garden, **** all over
the decks, and tear up the cushions on deck furniture. Why? On three sides of this property, there are woods, farmland, ponds, and streams ..... a wildlife paradise; yet they sometimes get on the roof and try to access the house. Why? Yes, I'll anti-freeze them and don't care who likes it. WOODCHUCKS: are even worse digging burrows near the east side property line, but at least they have an excuse with the row of mulberry trees that defines that property line. Still, it's a bitch dodging the burrows on the tractor. I set a record this year by killing seven of them, two of whom while they were mating on -- believe it or not -- Valentine's Day. Heh. WHITETAIL: deer can be dangerous, especially in autumn. One decided to live under a deck. He had an injured leg. He had absolutely no fear and would approach the old lady while she played in the perennial flower garden. Shotgun blasts did not scare him. One day while on a deck, I dropped a 10 lb. barbell plate on him. He was quick enough to dodge it but he finally got the message. He spent a few days down below by the pond but then disappeared. WILLIE THE WILD TURKEY: adopted us one summer. He terrorized the cats, attacked his own reflection in auto bumpers, and slept on the roof, even in thunderstorms. The only good thing about Willie was that he exterminated most of the cricket population. ASSORTED SMALL BIRDS: attack their reflections in windows and really create a mess. This year, a robin, last year, a lady cardinal, the year before that, a song sparrow. Still, some wildlife is enjoyable. Young turkey vultures are friendly and inquisitive while you work outside. Their parents demonstrate a high degree of surgical skill extracting a brain from a deceased woodchuck or raccoon through the decedent's eye sockets. Interesting to observe. Then there were the pheasants strutting and eating a ton of bugs but they suddenly and mysteriously disappeared 20-25 years ago. |
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