Okay - Steve Knight's request for writing got me started, and tho' he's
found his man... I think my next stop might be David Letterman... or not...

Top Ten Ways to Tell You Might Be a Woodworker:

10) Your wife asks for help fixing dinner, so you build a jig for
crosscutting Asparagas

9) When some drunk at your local watering hole jokes about "a niiiiice
piece of assh" you think wood, not wimmin..

8) You've spent more on your tools than you have on your truck

7) Your birthday is a company holiday at Woodcraft or Rockler's

6) You know that everything at Harbor Freight is odds-on junk, 'ceptin'
for clamps at 1/2 off

5) You can add fractions like nobody's business

4) You know which Unisaw serial numbers are "good"

3) Your dust collector makes your ears pop when you fire it up

2) You can identify which project your scraps came from when using them as
fireplace kindling

And the number one way to tell you may be a woodworker:

1) You have to go get a neighbor to use fingers to count to ten.... (sorry!)

LOL
Nice!

--
Regards,

Dean Bielanowski
Editor,
Online Tool Reviews
http://www.onlinetoolreviews.com
------------------------------------------------------------
Latest 5 Reviews:
- Workshop Essentials Under $30
- Festool PS 300 Jigsaws
- Delta Universal Tenoning Jig
- Ryobi Reciprocating Saw
- Infinity Router Bits
------------------------------------------------------------

Wed, Jan 7, 2004, 4:37am (EST+5)
(john=A0moorhead) posts:
Okay - Steve Knight's request for writing got me started, and tho' he's
found his man... I think my next stop might be David Letterman... or
not...
Top Ten Ways to Tell You Might Be a Woodworker:

I guess I stored -100% then.

10) =A0 Your wife asks for help fixing dinner, so you build a jig for
crosscutting Asparagas

Not married.

9) =A0 When some drunk at your local watering hole jokes about "a
niiiiice piece of assh" you think wood, not wimmin..

I don't go to bars anymore.

8) =A0 You've spent more on your tools than you have on your truck

It's a used truck, and still probably have more tied up in it than
my tools and shop, combined.

7) =A0 Your birthday is a company holiday at Woodcraft or Rockler's

Nope.

6) =A0 You know that everything at Harbor Freight is odds-on junk,
'ceptin' for clamps at 1/2 off

Harbor Freight has some neat stuff.

5) You can add fractions like nobody's business

It takes a pencil and paper, and even then I'm not always accurate,
so I have to check, and re-check..

4) =A0 You know which Unisaw serial numbers are "good"

Ha, no chance of my buying a Unisaw, in this lifetime.

3) Your dust collector makes your ears pop when you fire it up

No, my dust collector is a broom.

2) You can identify which project your scraps came from when using them
as fireplace kindling

I don't have scraps, only small pieces of wood. Unless mean
sawdust. I've got a fireplace, and havent lit the damn thing in years.

And the number one way to tell you may be a woodworker:
1) You have to go get a neighbor to use fingers to count to ten....
(sorry!)

First time I talked to any of my neighbors in about 5 years, was a
few months ago, in the grocery store.

Bummer.

JOAT
Anyone who hates mimes can't be all bad.

Life just ain't life without good music. - JOAT
Web Page Update 7 Jan 2004.
Some tunes I like.
http://community-2.webtv.net/Jakofal...OMETUNESILIKE/

john moorhead wrote:

Okay - Steve Knight's request for writing got me started, and tho' he's
found his man... I think my next stop might be David Letterman... or not...
SNIP

Very nicely done ... In that spirit, since there are a lot of new
faces here on the Wreck, let me repost something I did here
several years ago - how to tell when you are no longer a WWing Rookie:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

After 5 years of wood-butchery, er I mean, Fine Woodworking, it occurs
to me that we need a formal standard by which someone can declare
themselves no longer a rookie but a "Woodworker" with all the
privileges which accrue to the title. I suggest some measures below,
but others in the rec.woodworking news group on the internet have
added many more. You'll have to look those up yourself! By-The-Way,
I'll 'fess up, I've most of the things below at least once and sometimes
more than once -

You're No Longer A Woodworking Rookie When:
===========================================

- You've blown a hole in the door of your garage-cum-workshop when a piece
of oak gets trapped between the router bit going 24,000 rpm and the
fence (which is standing still). You've repaired the hole so well
no one notices.

- Your saw blade cost as much/more than your table saw.

- The only thing original about your table saw is the the motor and
the on-off switch.

- You'd rather take SWMBO (She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed) to a jewelry store than go
to the woodworking store because the only router bits you don't own cost more
than any piece of jewelry she might desire.

- You have storage problems because you cannot bear to part with that
"gorgeous grained" 2" wide piece of cherry offcut.

- You own more than one router, and realize that you probably "need"
more still.

- You ask SWMBO if it would be alright to install an air compressor system
in the master bedroom above the garage-cum-workshop. You are deeply hurt
with her emphatic "No chance in Hell," response.

- You're a white-collar professional who has to go to Bermuda once
a year to ever actually see daylight, but own a big, bad truck and
insist you bought it for "practical" reasons.

- You dropped your subscriptions to Sports Illustrated and Playboy to
leave more time to read through the new Tool Crib And Trend Lines catalogs
which appear in your mailbox every two or three days.

- Your fantasy life includes dreams of the 14" Radial Arm Saw at Home Depot.

- You spend as much/more time building fixtures, jigs, tooling, and storage
for same as you do actually building final projects.

- Your own list of household "Things To Do" is much longer than the one
SWMBO has for you.

- You go to a trendy party or business function and spend half the evening
admiring the finish on the oak bar. Others join you. All of you ignore
the stunning 23 year old blonde bartender/actress.

- You have memorized the features, prices, virtues, and vices of every
Delta, DeWalt, Jet and Grizzly power tool. You have saved up for the
ones you want. You cannot buy them because there isn't a free square inch
of space in your garage-cum-workshop.

- You contemplate petitioning the Homeowner's Association for your townhome
to allow you to erect a 50' x 50' barn in the common parking space. You
seriously think you have shot at it.

- You start designing your Dream House which turns out to be an efficiency
apartment over a 35,000 sq ft shop. You are thwarted by SWMBO who firmly
believes that living quarters should include a kitchen and bathroom.

- You consider your investment in Law School/Engineering/Medicine/Business
a "complete waste" and ponder the $6/hr apprenticeship being offered
at the local cabinet-maker's shop as a real career opportunity.


--
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tim Daneliuk
PGP Key: http://www.tundraware.com/PGP/

Tim Daneliuk repeats:

- You go to a trendy party or business function and spend half the evening
admiring the finish on the oak bar. Others join you. All of you ignore
the stunning 23 year old blonde bartender/actress

Prolly not. You wouldn't waste the time going to trendy parties, but most male
woodworkers I know do NOT ignore stunning waitresses.

- You start designing your Dream House which turns out to be an efficiency
apartment over a 35,000 sq ft shop. You are thwarted by SWMBO who firmly
believes that living quarters should include a kitchen and bathroom.

Women do tend to be irrational at times.


Charlie Self
"Brevity is the soul of lingerie." Dorothy Parker
http://hometown.aol.com/charliediy/m.../business.html

On 07 Jan 2004 14:30:07 EST, Tim Daneliuk
wrote:

- You go to a trendy party or business function and spend half the evening
admiring the finish on the oak bar. Others join you. All of you ignore
the stunning 23 year old blonde bartender/actress.

You go to a trendy party or business function at the fashionable
downtown bar.

You _made_ the oak bar.

Tim Daneliuk wrote:

I'll 'fess up, I've most of the things below at least once and sometimes
more than once -

Hrmph. I don't consider myself a woodworking rookie, but there are a bunch
on here I haven't done.

- You've blown a hole in the door of your garage-cum-workshop when a piece
of oak gets trapped between the router bit going 24,000 rpm and the

Nope. It didn't leave a hole. It was a table saw, not a router. It hit
the wall, not the door.

- Your saw blade cost as much/more than your table saw.

Nope. I can't see it either. Decent saws are $300-$2,000... Is there
actually a saw blade that costs more than $300?

- The only thing original about your table saw is the the motor and
the on-off switch.

I haven't customized this POS at all.

- You'd rather take SWMBO (She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed) to a jewelry store than

Hell no! Why pay money for useless pieces of shiny metal and rock that
don't do anything?

Besides, we don't have any woodworking stores.

- You have storage problems because you cannot bear to part with that
"gorgeous grained" 2" wide piece of cherry offcut.

Yes, definitely.

- You own more than one router, and realize that you probably "need"
more still.

I only own one, and I hate it. I might change my mind about routers once I
get a real one though.

- You ask SWMBO if it would be alright to install an air compressor system

Air tools are for grease monkeys.

- You're a white-collar professional who has to go to Bermuda once
a year to ever actually see daylight, but own a big, bad truck and
insist you bought it for "practical" reasons.

I'd like to buy a truck, but a used truck costs four times more than a used
car, because trucks are currently "cool." I know a lady at Lowe's who pays
more on her truck payment than I pay on my house payment. That's nuts.

- You dropped your subscriptions to Sports Illustrated and Playboy to
leave more time to read through the new Tool Crib And Trend Lines
catalogs which appear in your mailbox every two or three days.

Sports suck, and Playboy is boring. Who needs porn when you have a gorgeous
200-pound hottie at home anyway?

- Your fantasy life includes dreams of the 14" Radial Arm Saw at Home
Depot.

I have no desire to buy a RAS. My fantasy life includes dreams of copious
square footage, big juice, and industrial quality wood mangling machines.

- You spend as much/more time building fixtures, jigs, tooling, and
storage
for same as you do actually building final projects.

Definitely.

- Your own list of household "Things To Do" is much longer than the one
SWMBO has for you.

Yup.

- You go to a trendy party or business function and spend half the evening
admiring the finish on the oak bar. Others join you. All of you
ignore the stunning 23 year old blonde bartender/actress.

Not a chance. Well, maybe a chance since she's blonde, but if she's a
brunette or redhead, forget the bar.

Besides, I'm too busy in my shop to have time to waste on something stupid
like going to a party.

- You have memorized the features, prices, virtues, and vices of every
Delta, DeWalt, Jet and Grizzly power tool. You have saved up for the
ones you want. You cannot buy them because there isn't a free square
inch of space in your garage-cum-workshop.

More or less, except for the having saved up bit.

- You contemplate petitioning the Homeowner's Association for your
townhome

Hell no! I wouldn't live in a neighborhood that had a Homeowner's
Association. I'm a homeowner, dammit! That means if it isn't illegal,
it's nobody's business. Paint it purple and fill the yard with pukey ducks
and pink flamingos. Let my grass grow to the bottom of the windows! Yeah!

I don't tell anybody else what to do, and if people don't like what I do,
they can **** off. That's why I make house payments and pay property
taxes.

- You start designing your Dream House which turns out to be an efficiency
apartment over a 35,000 sq ft shop. You are thwarted by SWMBO who
firmly believes that living quarters should include a kitchen and
bathroom.

50,000 sq ft, and on the same level as the shop.

- You consider your investment in Law School/Engineering/Medicine/Business
a "complete waste" and ponder the $6/hr apprenticeship being offered
at the local cabinet-maker's shop as a real career opportunity.

If only...

So anyway, that was only a few yups. I guess I fail.

--
Michael McIntyre ---- Silvan
Linux fanatic, and certified Geek; registered Linux user #243621
http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Rue/5407/

On Wed, 07 Jan 2004 04:37:26 GMT, "john moorhead"
wrote:
I like reason #2...

Okay - Steve Knight's request for writing got me started, and tho' he's
found his man... I think my next stop might be David Letterman... or not...

Top Ten Ways to Tell You Might Be a Woodworker:

10) Your wife asks for help fixing dinner, so you build a jig for
crosscutting Asparagas

9) When some drunk at your local watering hole jokes about "a niiiiice
piece of assh" you think wood, not wimmin..

8) You've spent more on your tools than you have on your truck

7) Your birthday is a company holiday at Woodcraft or Rockler's

6) You know that everything at Harbor Freight is odds-on junk, 'ceptin'
for clamps at 1/2 off

5) You can add fractions like nobody's business

4) You know which Unisaw serial numbers are "good"

3) Your dust collector makes your ears pop when you fire it up

2) You can identify which project your scraps came from when using them as
fireplace kindling

And the number one way to tell you may be a woodworker:

1) You have to go get a neighbor to use fingers to count to ten.... (sorry!)

On Wed, 07 Jan 2004 04:37:26 GMT, "john moorhead"
scribbled:

Okay - Steve Knight's request for writing got me started, and tho' he's
found his man... I think my next stop might be David Letterman... or not...

Top Ten Ways to Tell You Might Be a Woodworker:

10) Your wife asks for help fixing dinner, so you build a jig for
crosscutting Asparagus

Marilyn (the LOML) liked this one best.

9) When some drunk at your local watering hole jokes about "a niiiiice
piece of assh" you think wood, not wimmin..

8) You've spent more on your tools than you have on your truck

True!

7) Your birthday is a company holiday at Woodcraft or Rockler's

or Lee Valley

6) You know that everything at Harbor Freight is odds-on junk, 'ceptin'
for clamps at 1/2 off
s
Only works for you Yankees.

5) You can add fractions like nobody's business

4) You know which Unisaw serial numbers are "good"

3) Your dust collector makes your ears pop when you fire it up

What about those of us without dust collectors?

2) You can identify which project your scraps came from when using them as
fireplace kindling

That's also true of Marilyn.

And the number one way to tell you may be a woodworker:

1) You have to go get a neighbor to use fingers to count to ten.... (sorry!)

ouch!

Other suggestions:
When you visit a museum or old church in Europe, you examine the
woodwork rather than the world famous art.

A woodie makes you think of Steve Knight

Luigi
Replace "no" with "yk" for real email address