Top 10 Ways to Tell You May Be a Woodworker
Okay - Steve Knight's request for writing got me started, and tho' he's
found his man... I think my next stop might be David Letterman... or not... Top Ten Ways to Tell You Might Be a Woodworker: 10) Your wife asks for help fixing dinner, so you build a jig for crosscutting Asparagas 9) When some drunk at your local watering hole jokes about "a niiiiice piece of assh" you think wood, not wimmin.. 8) You've spent more on your tools than you have on your truck 7) Your birthday is a company holiday at Woodcraft or Rockler's 6) You know that everything at Harbor Freight is odds-on junk, 'ceptin' for clamps at 1/2 off 5) You can add fractions like nobody's business 4) You know which Unisaw serial numbers are "good" 3) Your dust collector makes your ears pop when you fire it up 2) You can identify which project your scraps came from when using them as fireplace kindling And the number one way to tell you may be a woodworker: 1) You have to go get a neighbor to use fingers to count to ten.... (sorry!) |
Top 10 Ways to Tell You May Be a Woodworker
LOL :)
Nice! -- Regards, Dean Bielanowski Editor, Online Tool Reviews http://www.onlinetoolreviews.com ------------------------------------------------------------ Latest 5 Reviews: - Workshop Essentials Under $30 - Festool PS 300 Jigsaws - Delta Universal Tenoning Jig - Ryobi Reciprocating Saw - Infinity Router Bits ------------------------------------------------------------ |
Top 10 Ways to Tell You May Be a Woodworker
john moorhead wrote:
Okay - Steve Knight's request for writing got me started, and tho' he's found his man... I think my next stop might be David Letterman... or not... SNIP Very nicely done ... In that spirit, since there are a lot of new faces here on the Wreck, let me repost something I did here several years ago - how to tell when you are no longer a WWing Rookie: ----------------------------------------------------------------------- After 5 years of wood-butchery, er I mean, Fine Woodworking, it occurs to me that we need a formal standard by which someone can declare themselves no longer a rookie but a "Woodworker" with all the privileges which accrue to the title. I suggest some measures below, but others in the rec.woodworking news group on the internet have added many more. You'll have to look those up yourself! By-The-Way, I'll 'fess up, I've most of the things below at least once and sometimes more than once - You're No Longer A Woodworking Rookie When: =========================================== - You've blown a hole in the door of your garage-cum-workshop when a piece of oak gets trapped between the router bit going 24,000 rpm and the fence (which is standing still). You've repaired the hole so well no one notices. - Your saw blade cost as much/more than your table saw. - The only thing original about your table saw is the the motor and the on-off switch. - You'd rather take SWMBO (She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed) to a jewelry store than go to the woodworking store because the only router bits you don't own cost more than any piece of jewelry she might desire. - You have storage problems because you cannot bear to part with that "gorgeous grained" 2" wide piece of cherry offcut. - You own more than one router, and realize that you probably "need" more still. - You ask SWMBO if it would be alright to install an air compressor system in the master bedroom above the garage-cum-workshop. You are deeply hurt with her emphatic "No chance in Hell," response. - You're a white-collar professional who has to go to Bermuda once a year to ever actually see daylight, but own a big, bad truck and insist you bought it for "practical" reasons. - You dropped your subscriptions to Sports Illustrated and Playboy to leave more time to read through the new Tool Crib And Trend Lines catalogs which appear in your mailbox every two or three days. - Your fantasy life includes dreams of the 14" Radial Arm Saw at Home Depot. - You spend as much/more time building fixtures, jigs, tooling, and storage for same as you do actually building final projects. - Your own list of household "Things To Do" is much longer than the one SWMBO has for you. - You go to a trendy party or business function and spend half the evening admiring the finish on the oak bar. Others join you. All of you ignore the stunning 23 year old blonde bartender/actress. - You have memorized the features, prices, virtues, and vices of every Delta, DeWalt, Jet and Grizzly power tool. You have saved up for the ones you want. You cannot buy them because there isn't a free square inch of space in your garage-cum-workshop. - You contemplate petitioning the Homeowner's Association for your townhome to allow you to erect a 50' x 50' barn in the common parking space. You seriously think you have shot at it. - You start designing your Dream House which turns out to be an efficiency apartment over a 35,000 sq ft shop. You are thwarted by SWMBO who firmly believes that living quarters should include a kitchen and bathroom. - You consider your investment in Law School/Engineering/Medicine/Business a "complete waste" and ponder the $6/hr apprenticeship being offered at the local cabinet-maker's shop as a real career opportunity. -- ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tim Daneliuk PGP Key: http://www.tundraware.com/PGP/ |
Top 10 Ways to Tell You May Be a Woodworker
Tim Daneliuk repeats:
- You go to a trendy party or business function and spend half the evening admiring the finish on the oak bar. Others join you. All of you ignore the stunning 23 year old blonde bartender/actress Prolly not. You wouldn't waste the time going to trendy parties, but most male woodworkers I know do NOT ignore stunning waitresses. - You start designing your Dream House which turns out to be an efficiency apartment over a 35,000 sq ft shop. You are thwarted by SWMBO who firmly believes that living quarters should include a kitchen and bathroom. Women do tend to be irrational at times. Charlie Self "Brevity is the soul of lingerie." Dorothy Parker http://hometown.aol.com/charliediy/m.../business.html |
Top 10 Ways to Tell You May Be a Woodworker
On 07 Jan 2004 14:30:07 EST, Tim Daneliuk
wrote: - You go to a trendy party or business function and spend half the evening admiring the finish on the oak bar. Others join you. All of you ignore the stunning 23 year old blonde bartender/actress. You go to a trendy party or business function at the fashionable downtown bar. You _made_ the oak bar. |
Top 10 Ways to Tell You May Be a Woodworker
Tim Daneliuk wrote:
I'll 'fess up, I've most of the things below at least once and sometimes more than once - Hrmph. I don't consider myself a woodworking rookie, but there are a bunch on here I haven't done. - You've blown a hole in the door of your garage-cum-workshop when a piece of oak gets trapped between the router bit going 24,000 rpm and the Nope. It didn't leave a hole. It was a table saw, not a router. It hit the wall, not the door. - Your saw blade cost as much/more than your table saw. Nope. I can't see it either. Decent saws are $300-$2,000... Is there actually a saw blade that costs more than $300? - The only thing original about your table saw is the the motor and the on-off switch. I haven't customized this POS at all. - You'd rather take SWMBO (She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed) to a jewelry store than Hell no! Why pay money for useless pieces of shiny metal and rock that don't do anything? Besides, we don't have any woodworking stores. - You have storage problems because you cannot bear to part with that "gorgeous grained" 2" wide piece of cherry offcut. Yes, definitely. - You own more than one router, and realize that you probably "need" more still. I only own one, and I hate it. I might change my mind about routers once I get a real one though. - You ask SWMBO if it would be alright to install an air compressor system Air tools are for grease monkeys. - You're a white-collar professional who has to go to Bermuda once a year to ever actually see daylight, but own a big, bad truck and insist you bought it for "practical" reasons. I'd like to buy a truck, but a used truck costs four times more than a used car, because trucks are currently "cool." I know a lady at Lowe's who pays more on her truck payment than I pay on my house payment. That's nuts. - You dropped your subscriptions to Sports Illustrated and Playboy to leave more time to read through the new Tool Crib And Trend Lines catalogs which appear in your mailbox every two or three days. Sports suck, and Playboy is boring. Who needs porn when you have a gorgeous 200-pound hottie at home anyway? - Your fantasy life includes dreams of the 14" Radial Arm Saw at Home Depot. I have no desire to buy a RAS. My fantasy life includes dreams of copious square footage, big juice, and industrial quality wood mangling machines. - You spend as much/more time building fixtures, jigs, tooling, and storage for same as you do actually building final projects. Definitely. - Your own list of household "Things To Do" is much longer than the one SWMBO has for you. Yup. - You go to a trendy party or business function and spend half the evening admiring the finish on the oak bar. Others join you. All of you ignore the stunning 23 year old blonde bartender/actress. Not a chance. Well, maybe a chance since she's blonde, but if she's a brunette or redhead, forget the bar. Besides, I'm too busy in my shop to have time to waste on something stupid like going to a party. - You have memorized the features, prices, virtues, and vices of every Delta, DeWalt, Jet and Grizzly power tool. You have saved up for the ones you want. You cannot buy them because there isn't a free square inch of space in your garage-cum-workshop. More or less, except for the having saved up bit. - You contemplate petitioning the Homeowner's Association for your townhome Hell no! I wouldn't live in a neighborhood that had a Homeowner's Association. I'm a homeowner, dammit! That means if it isn't illegal, it's nobody's business. Paint it purple and fill the yard with pukey ducks and pink flamingos. Let my grass grow to the bottom of the windows! Yeah! I don't tell anybody else what to do, and if people don't like what I do, they can **** off. That's why I make house payments and pay property taxes. - You start designing your Dream House which turns out to be an efficiency apartment over a 35,000 sq ft shop. You are thwarted by SWMBO who firmly believes that living quarters should include a kitchen and bathroom. 50,000 sq ft, and on the same level as the shop. - You consider your investment in Law School/Engineering/Medicine/Business a "complete waste" and ponder the $6/hr apprenticeship being offered at the local cabinet-maker's shop as a real career opportunity. If only... So anyway, that was only a few yups. I guess I fail. -- Michael McIntyre ---- Silvan Linux fanatic, and certified Geek; registered Linux user #243621 http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Rue/5407/ |
Top 10 Ways to Tell You May Be a Woodworker
On Wed, 07 Jan 2004 04:37:26 GMT, "john moorhead"
wrote: I like reason #2... Okay - Steve Knight's request for writing got me started, and tho' he's found his man... I think my next stop might be David Letterman... or not... Top Ten Ways to Tell You Might Be a Woodworker: 10) Your wife asks for help fixing dinner, so you build a jig for crosscutting Asparagas 9) When some drunk at your local watering hole jokes about "a niiiiice piece of assh" you think wood, not wimmin.. 8) You've spent more on your tools than you have on your truck 7) Your birthday is a company holiday at Woodcraft or Rockler's 6) You know that everything at Harbor Freight is odds-on junk, 'ceptin' for clamps at 1/2 off 5) You can add fractions like nobody's business 4) You know which Unisaw serial numbers are "good" 3) Your dust collector makes your ears pop when you fire it up 2) You can identify which project your scraps came from when using them as fireplace kindling And the number one way to tell you may be a woodworker: 1) You have to go get a neighbor to use fingers to count to ten.... (sorry!) |
Top 10 Ways to Tell You May Be a Woodworker
On Wed, 07 Jan 2004 04:37:26 GMT, "john moorhead"
scribbled: Okay - Steve Knight's request for writing got me started, and tho' he's found his man... I think my next stop might be David Letterman... or not... Top Ten Ways to Tell You Might Be a Woodworker: 10) Your wife asks for help fixing dinner, so you build a jig for crosscutting Asparagus Marilyn (the LOML) liked this one best. 9) When some drunk at your local watering hole jokes about "a niiiiice piece of assh" you think wood, not wimmin.. 8) You've spent more on your tools than you have on your truck True! 7) Your birthday is a company holiday at Woodcraft or Rockler's or Lee Valley 6) You know that everything at Harbor Freight is odds-on junk, 'ceptin' for clamps at 1/2 off s Only works for you Yankees. 5) You can add fractions like nobody's business 4) You know which Unisaw serial numbers are "good" 3) Your dust collector makes your ears pop when you fire it up What about those of us without dust collectors? 2) You can identify which project your scraps came from when using them as fireplace kindling That's also true of Marilyn. And the number one way to tell you may be a woodworker: 1) You have to go get a neighbor to use fingers to count to ten.... (sorry!) ouch! Other suggestions: When you visit a museum or old church in Europe, you examine the woodwork rather than the world famous art. A woodie makes you think of Steve Knight Luigi Replace "no" with "yk" for real email address |
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