With summer here, the sound of power tools is once again attracting
neighborhood kids. Some of the "old hands" with a project under their
belt are wanting to do something new, the younger ones quite happy
to just play with the dust collector hose, making sawdust, chips and
an occassional spider or fly disappear. Regretably, they sometimes
make something vanish - that shouldn't - several small pieces of molding
for a jewelry box, perhaps a small part of a jig, etc..

There are times when things happen which warrant, nay - demand
- some verbal expression - of surprise (OH SH*T!), of disapproval
(WHAT THE F$&K ARE YOU DOING?!), disgust (SON-OF-A-B%TCH!)
or satisfaction (D*mn that turned out nice.)

And that gets us to Shop Expletives - specifically - the "abridged"
shop expletives. The last thing you need is an upset parent of one
of your young shop helpers demanding to know if you were the one
who taught their little darling to cuss.

Now there are those who say "Someone who cusses merely displays
their ignorance, their sad lack of a good vocabulary and an inability
to express themselves adequately." To which I say -
"What a crock of crap!"

Cussing has a long and noble history - in every language - with
special versions unique to each trade as well as universal terms
and expressions "blue" in nature.

But there are times when such language is appropriate - and times
when there's a need for "pre-cussing" - or cleaned up versions of
Old Standards. Gosh Darn, Cheese and Rice, Son of a Gun, Oh FUDGE!
Mortar Forker - when uttered in "mixed company" are easily and
automatically translated to their "Adult Equivalent" - by adults
- while merely an interesting expression to youngsters.

Yet even the abridged versions of cussing may cause a parent some
consternation when such words and terms are uttered - or shouted
- by their child - after they've spent some time in your shop.

So - if you're blessed with "summer helpers" and wish to avoid
dealing with an upset parent of same, I give you - CRANUS - the
Swiss Army Pocket Knife of cussing.

Oh CRANUS!

Get you cranus off my bench!

Be very careful with that thing cause it can take your cranus off
in a new york minute (apparently New York has some special for of
the time/space continuim).

Never point a cranus at ANYONE.

If you do that again I'm gonna kick your cranus.

Well you managed to really cranus that up - let's see how we can
fix it.

Give your self a big pat on the back 'cause that piece you
made is nearly cranus perfect!

Have YOU got some Shop Expletives suitable for mixed company?

charlie b