1. Tom Watson
Apr 1 2003, 1:59 pm show options

Newsgroups: rec.woodworking
From: Tom Watson - Find messages by this
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Date: Tue, 01 Apr 2003 13:56:33 -0500
Local: Tues, Apr 1 2003 1:56 pm
Subject: 'El Guano' - Was the Ryobi Tablesaw Thread
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'El Guano' first darkened the doorway of my shop at the beginning of
the last decade of the last century.


His predecessor, 'La Makita', purchased during my 'Blue Period'
(marked by the acquisition and usage of many of 'La Makita's' sorority
- Makita Chopsaw, three Makita Cordless Drills, Makita 3012 'Big Dog'
Router) had come to an unfortunate end when she leapt, lemming-like,
over the tailgate of my truck and hit the blacktop going about 55 mph.
La Femme Makita had committed sawicide.


We'll never know why - could life have been so hard? What we do know
is that my 'Yellow Period' (marked by the acquisition and usage of
Dewalt's versions of the aforementioned tools) was still some years in
the future.


I had few problems with 'La Makita'. She had been a reliable field
companion, albeit small of blade and possessed of a delicacy befitting
her gender more than the man hard world that she had been born into.
I went to the local tool emporium to seek out one of her sisters as a
replacement.


That is where I met 'El Guano'.


Of course, 'El Guano' is the 'norm de guerre' of the Ryobi BT3000 10"
Tablesaw. It sat apart from its lesser brethren, enshrined in a
razzle-dazzle display that called one and all to witness this first
iteration of a woodworking implement that was sure to become a
Classic.


Inca-like in its obvious sophistication, it called you to pay heed to
the many features bestowed upon it by those wondrous Japanese
engineers (this was 'Before The Fall' of the Rising Sun).


It could swing a 10" blade - so much more capacity than 'La Makita'.
It purred at 4800 rpm on its dual belt drive - so unlike the shrill
caterwauling of Miss Previous. A manly fence that locked both front
and back - way better than 'The Benign Miss M'. And - be still my
heart - a sliding table with a Huge miter fence. I was in awe (and
yet to be shocked).


Seeing that the hook was set, the salesman came over to reel me in.


"You're looking at the future, Tommy."


This guy had sucked a lot of money out of my wallet over the years and
thus felt very friendly towards me.


"I can see that", said the fish, "Looks like just the ticket".


(This from the man who still owns a hardly used Stanley 358A human
powered mitre (sic) box, purchased during the same year Rockwell came
out with the 9" Power Miter Box because he and everybody at the lumber
yard agreed that: 'These power miter things ain't ever gonna catch
on'.) (I'd vowed never to miss out on the Next Wave again).


The salesman went through his bit, showing me how everything was so
adjustable and everything came apart and went back together so easily
and how light the thing was when broken down into its elements and
ain't that amazing in something that could easily be a stationary shop
tool yet could bring that 'big tool' accuracy and power to the
field...


'El Guano' and I went home together.


'...and we were so happy - for a time.'


'El Guano's' manual was longer and better written than that of my
Unisaw. No Chiwanese instructions, these. And a good thing too,
because 'El Guano' was far more complicated than my Unisaw.


All those bells and whistles needed a machinist's care in order for
them to perform as advertised. Howsomever, after an elongated
courtship, we entered into the putting of wood.


'El Guano' performed flawlessly. This was going to be A Good Thing.
My field cuts were going to be tremendously improved. I was at peace.


It was out in the field where 'El Guano' began to reveal his dark
side.


Where I had thought him to be a mensch, he turned out to be a real
indoor sort of boy.


Where, prior to committing sawicide, La Femme Makita had been as butch
as a Harley riding, snuff dipping, bull dyke - 'El Guano' was to
prove himself to be a foppishly attired little poof.


The slightest bit of manhandling drove 'El Guano' into misalignment.
Attempts to snug up the slop in the fences resulted in breaking the
castings. The impressive looking switch quickly came to work only
intermittently and then not at all. The sliding table became fouled
by the least bit of sawdust. When the belts broke, they were not
immediately available and, once acquired, took a surgeon's hands to
replace. The tilt/elevation wheel stripped.


I'd been drowned by the Next Wave.


'El Guano' still goes out into the field on occasion. He has been
much repaired and much simplified in his elements, as they have broken
and disappeared. He has no switch. His movable arms have been
epoxied in place. God knows where that useless miter fence is.


To be fair, if 'El Guano' had been left to the quiet confines of the
shop, he would probably have done just fine.


He's just an indoor kind of boy.


(ps: apologies to KB for the usurpation and *******ization of the
'norm de guerre' of a truly fine machine - not, on any day of the
week, to be confused with the sorry likes of 'El Guano').


Regards, Tom

Tom Watson - WoodDorker

tjwatson1ATcomcastDOTnet (real email)

http://home.comcast.net/~tjwatson1/

Tom Watson wrote:


'El Guano' first darkened the doorway of my shop at the beginning of
the last decade of the last century.


Oh Dear! And don't I have his cousin lurking in the shop at this very
instant. Have ye had the opportunity to replace the shims?