1. GENERAL

1.1 INTRODUCTION
This is the rec.woodworking anti-FAQ. This anti-FAQ will be
posted annually to rec.woodworking on the first of April. The
purpose of this anti-FAQ is to minimize the amount of chatter
about wood working on rec.woodworking, thereby making the
newsgroup more lively and interesting to read.

Suggestions for improvement should be kept to yourself. To be
perfectly honest, I don't give a flying fig about your opinions.
If I want to know what you think, I'll ask you. Just don't hold
your breath.

I realize that putting FAQ in a header ensures that almost nobody
will read it, but I'm doing this for my own satisfaction.

1.2 POSTING GUIDELINES.
While this newsgroup has world-wide distribution, the vast
majority of subscribers live in free countries, so they can say
whatever they please, USENET conventions be damned. Don't bother
with reading "news.answers" or "news.announce.newusers," or any
of those other newsgroups designed to explain USENET's "rules."

"Me-too" posts are particularly appreciated. An example of a
"me-too" is when you quote 50 lines of text, adding only a line
or two of your own. If your .sig is longer than your comments,
then you're probably doing it right. (Another reason to have a
long .sig. Big .sigs are really, really cool.)

Make sure you post in HTML if your browser allows you to. This
makes your posts much more cool, with bold, colour (color, Keith)
and other cutesy gizmos like cool animated GIFs. Don't let the
fact that some obsolete news browsers make your posts look like
gibberish deter you. Those people should apply a crowbar to
their wallet get themselves a new computer and some up to date
software.

POSTING ALL IN CAPITALS IS GENERALLY APPRECIATED AS IT MAKES
THINGS EASIER TO READ, AND ALSO ENSURES THAT PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION
TO WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY!

If you're responding to a post by someone who's got a French name
but can't spell it, make sure that you both post in the group and
send him an email. He will really appreciate it. While you're
at it, you might as well turn-on the HTML, write in capitals and
send him a big attachment with a picture. And spell his name
right. But only do this if you want to stay on his good side.

Finally, the subject line of your article should have nothing at
all to do with what you actually say. This makes the newsgroup
much more lively and interesting to read.

1.3 OFF TOPIC POSTS
Off-topic posts are welcome and the usually provide the most
interesting discussions and flame wars. Don't bother with
putting in "OT" in the subject header. If it wasn't for off
topic posts and people not reading the FAQ, this newsgroup would
die.

Political and religious rants are especially welcome at any time.
They are extremely popular, even more popular than electrical
threads. They allow those who know nothing about woodworking or
anything else to contribute to the group by displaying their
ignorance, bigotry and fanaticism for the whole world to see.

Those damn top posters and bottom posters; mindless commie pinko
liberal lemmings and neo-nazi conservative warmongers;
inconsiderate, anti-religious pseudo-intellectual atheists and
gullible, credulous fundamentalist nuts and fruitcakes; murderous
gun-nuts and gun control freaks; eco-nazis and unconscionable
despoilers of the environment; and knuckle-dragging, club-toting,
need-finishing-school, poetic-waxing, holier-than-thou, in-your-
face, proselytising Neanderthals and power-tooling, noise-making,
wood-munching, dust-sucking, tool-belt-wearing, Normites; deserve
to read your well-reasoned jeremiad so that they will change
their minds and see things your way. Make sure you add some
personal insults and ad hominem attacks in your post.

If you get a blank response from somebody with a Delta tool
handle, it means that YOU HAVE WON the argument!! Those opposed
to you have been rendered speechless. You may now rest on your
laurels, as everyone in the group has conceded to you and agrees
with your inanity, sorry, I meant your well-reasoned views. No
need to post to that thread anymore.

1.4 What should I post about?
Anything and everything. Don't worry, sharing the minute details
of all your woodworking experiences is what the wRECk is all
about so that we can all learn. Michael Baglio provided a good
example of the kind of post that is well appreciated on the
wreck. Here it goes.

Had a similar experience I need to share. About a week ago, I
was framing up the north wall of the workshop and when I was
hammering in the top plate I missed the nail and almost hit my
thumb! As I was using a 28oz Estwing at the time, you can
imagine the shivers I got as I saw a dent in the 2X4 and realized
how much damage I could have done!! Yessiree, being careful is
the name of this tune!!!

How could that have happened you ask? Well the theories are
many, but I really believe I probably swung wide of the nail. It
could have been a momentary attention lapse on my part, or it
could have been a shift in the wind direction, causing just
enough refraction in my swing that the hammer head missed the
nail. Did I mention it was an Estwing? Got it at Lowe's several
years ago for about $29. Been a great hammer. Had to give up
that Stanley I was using, it just couldn't take the abuse, and
besides it vibrated. I called Stanley about it, but they said it
was "supposed" to vibrate. Yeah right! I didn't believe them for
a minute, but no matter how many times I called customer service
they inSISted hammers vibrate. Well, that did it. I went out
and bought an Estwing. I knew that since they were lots of money
they had to be good, and boy I've never looked back. Sure, it
vibrates, too, but it's a MAZing how much better 29 dollar
vibrations feel than cheapie Stanley vibrations do. So, good
vibration's the name of this tune.

Anyway when I missed the nail I put a really big dent in the top
plate. I hope I didn't impringe the integrity of the top 2X4,
does anybody here know if I have to replace the top 2X4? Will I
have to replace them all??? I hope not. I may have to call
Canfor and complain about how easy their 2X4's dent. I don't
think I should have to put up with inferior wood. I think maybe
it wasn't the wood's fault though. It was probably the hammer.
I need a better one. Do they make them more than $29? Do they
make 2X4s that don't dent? Maybe oak or ash or do they make nails
with bigger heads so they still get hit when the wind blows (?)
with a more money hammer? Really want to know. Only want the
best. Does anyone here have any REAL exprerience with this and
not just your unbromided opinions?

So, after I calmed down from that near fatal
hammerheadmissthenailthing, I hammered another nail close to
where the first one was because the first nail jumped OUT of the
hole it was started in. It fell IN the dirt! I had to use
another nail! It was okay though because I had another one.
WHEW, that(!) was lucky. I'm wondering though, can anyone here
tell me if I should make sure to plug that first hole? I'm sure
you can understand how important it is that the sturtctural
integity not be imfamized in the construction here. Strentgth is
the name of this tune. So, if ANYbody knows, let me know. Oh, I
almost forgot. I nailed the second one in about 3/8ths of an
inch away from where the first one ((would have) gone if it had
gone(!)) but it didn't. So does that make a difference? It
probably doesn't but maybe does. Does ANYONE know? I want to
make sure that it's strong and stuff. What kind of filler do you
use? I could make a dowel the exact size of the nail shaft part
thing with some vernereal calipers I got from Lee at Robin
Valley, but I'm not sure there accurate enough. Okay. Cool. I
just ordered the next size up! They have GREAT customer service.
They were way more money but it's important because quality is
the name of this time. I wonder why they don't sell Estwings.
Maybe they do! Does anyone know? Should I glue the dowel into
the hole? I'm pretty concerned about wood movement, wood being
natural and stuff. I think I'll just glue the top part that goes
in the top part and let the rest float. I read about float, does
anyone know? Is regular glue OK? How about Gorilla glue? I'll
need gloves for that though right? OK! Cool. I just ordered up
a case of gloves. I know 144 gloves is a lot, but money's no
object is the name of this tune and I MIGHT, (I say might, not
definetly but might miss), a NAIL like I did last week. I'll
need more gloves if I do, so I have them now. At least I will.
Does anyone know the number for the tracking thing for FEdEX? I
had them shipped overnight because prompt is the name of this
time. I set my Estwing down and it's dark now and I can't find
it. Does anyone know where it is?

1.5 CAN I POST PICTURES OF MY REALLY COOL PROJECT?
Got any really cool pictures? Post them to rec.woodworking. Who
gives a f... about those turkeys who have to download everything
and pay their ISP by the minute? They should take a Crowbar to
their wallet and get some decent equipment and a better ISP.
Anyway, if they live in country with a crappy communication
system, they can move to the good ole USA and get WebTV.

Only Strines and other losers post pictures of their tacky
projects to ABPF & ABPW.

The pictures don't have to be of Adirondack chairs, furniture or
other woodworking projects. In fact, if you've got any pictures
of your wife or girlfriend or cheerleaders in the nude, please
post them. If you don't have any such pictures, just let me
know, and I'll sell you some.

If somebody flames you for posting pictures, flame 'em right back
and go start your own newsgroup. But don't post the URL or
newsgroup name so that those assholes who flamed you can't come
to hassle you in your new newsgroup.

1.6 SHOULD I POST IF I AM A WOMAN?
The internet and woodworking are male things. They both are
about boys playing with their tools. If you don't believe me,
why do you think there are so many porno sites and newsgroups?
So, girls, butt out!

1.7 WHAT IF I'M A GAY WOODWORKER?
We don't like other men playing with our tools either.
Woodworking is for real men. Butt out or you'll get bashed.

1.8 WHAT SHOULD I DO WHEN I SEE A POST I DON'T LIKE?
First, and most importantly, you should take offence. Obviously
the author is an insensitive ******* who is hell-bent on hurting
your feelings. He is an arrogant asshole who deserves much worse
than he will ever receive. Others may tell you that the guy was
"just having a bad day," or that he "didn't mean anything by it,"
but don't you believe it. Remain steadfast and do not waver in
your efforts to get even with the idiot.

Rant and rave, but be sure to do so publicly, by posting to the
group rather than by sending e-mail. Otherwise, how will anyone
else know what a jerk the other guy is? Don't hold back, and
don't let up until you receive satisfaction, or until the thread
has reached 100 articles in length, whichever comes first.
Telling someone how stupid they are is called a "flame." If you
read a flame, please respond to it, even if you have no interest
whatsoever in the issue at hand. This makes the newsgroup much
more lively and interesting to read.

If you find yourself in the middle of a flame war and attacked
from all sides with nobody supporting you, just give yourself
some support. It's easy. Just change the email address in your
newsreading software and write a bunch of posts under assumed
names. Nobody will notice and it will give added credibility to
your position.

1.9 WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT OFFENSIVE CROSS-POSTING TROLLS?
By all means, reply to them telling the poster what an asshole he
is. Make sure that your reply is also cross-posted to all the
newsgroups and add a few more just for good measure. How else
are going to make them go away if we don’t tell them what jerks
they are? Publicly plonking them is especially effective.
Reporting them does no good, since they can get a new free email
address pretty easily. Might as well let them continue to use
the same address as it makes no difference. How else are we
going to learn about the sexual habits of wreck regulars?

1.10 WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT SPELING AND GRAMMER MISSTEAKS?
If you see a spelling mistake, grammatical error, or typo, post a
reply with the offending error underlined with carets (circumflex
accents to those who studied French, the thingie above the "6"
key for the rest of you ignorami). Make sure you question the
original poster's intelligence and woodworking ability in your
post. If he/she can't spell, can he/she be trusted with a table
saw or a plane without spilling blood all over the place? This
is the only helpful way to deal with errors in grammar and
spelling and educating the original poster, while avoiding the
shedding of blood.

BTW the correct spelling accepted in rec.woodworking for some
words a joiner, planner, scrapper, rabbit, tennon (tendon is
definitely wrong), hobbiest, course (not fine), bisket, popular
(Liriodendron tulipifera), cyprus (Taxodium distichum), wracking,
tounge & grove (tongue is a finishing oil), radio alarm saw
(tmLJ).

1.11 WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT SPAM?
If you see a piece of SPAM, then by all means quote the entire
message, adding a clever comment of your own. You see, there are
lots of folks who don't like SPAM, and they've come up with
things like filters and cancelbots in an effort to get rid of it.
While a particular piece of SPAM may show up on your news server,
there's a very good chance that many folks won't get to see it.
Posting a follow-up article to the SPAM will keep it alive,
ensuring *everybody* gets to look at it. This makes the
newsgroup much more lively and interesting to read.

1.12 HOW DO I ADVERTISE MY REALLY NEAT WOODWORKING PRODUCT ON THE
WRECK?
If you're a dealer and you're in with the secret cabal crowd,
just post the stuff you have for sale. No one will flame you.
You're even allowed to flame others who post ads. Don't ask me
how to get into the cabal, it's top secret. It's so secret, I
don't even know whether I'm in it or not. Besides, there is no
cabal. http://www.cabal.org/

If you're not in the secret cabal (TINC), first, think up of all
the titles or subject headers that are even marginally relevant
to your product. Then flood the newsgroup with posts advertising
your product under each header. Also get a bunch of buddies and
employees with email, and sign-up for a whole lot of free email
addresses on the net (hotmail, yahoo, aol with a fake credit card
number, etc.). Use the email addresses to send a whole batch of
different testimonials for your product, like how your
grandfather, the old cabinet maker, really loved it and used it
every day since 1939, and that's why your father was conceived.
Try to vary your spelling mistakes in the shills so that it is
not so obvious you wrote them all.

Second buy a spambot (If you have an email address and have given
it to anyone, you should already have had a few offers on
spambots. If not, post here using your real email address and
just wait a couple of days.) Use it to send a private
personalized email to everybody who has ever posted on this or
any other newsgroup. This should also get you a good response.
However, get a new different email address from which to send
these, and yet a different reply address. Otherwise, your
company's regular email address might get cancelled.

If anybody complains, flame them. No one person makes the rules
or owns this place so you can just tell em to **** off. Whiners
don't know their ass from their elbow anyway. They're just a
bunch of pinko commie socialist limp-wristed liberals who are
against the free enterprise system that made America great, or
secret agents for the secret timber cutting cartel
http://lumbercartel.freeyellow.com/ who are destroying our
forests. Tell'em to go back to Russia. The other people in the
group will really like your ads and will flock to your product
and make you a millionaire in no time. That's what free
enterprise and internet marketing are all about.

Besides, think of all the trees you save by using the internet
rather than paper ads. Ecologically sound capitalism! And more
trees for woodworking! Who cares if everybody else is paying for
your advertising? That's life buddy!

Finally, privately offer a free lifetime supply of your product
to anybody who has written a FAQ for this group to make sure they
give you good reviews. My email address is recnorm at yukonomics dot
ca. Send me an email and I'll give you my shipping address.
(Hint, hint Steve & Ed & Ron & Pat & Robin & Jim)

1.13 ARE HUMOROUS POSTS ALLOWED?
Absolutely. Humour (humor, Keeter, although we know you're not
funny anymore) is greatly appreciated in rec.woodworking,
especially satire, sarcasm and irony. Don't worry, people in
this newsgroup always get it when you are trying to be funny or
ironic.

You could also use a disclaimer (See Disclaimer FAQ) to make sure
people get it, but that sort of spoils it and, anyway, it used to
be only a certain individual who pretended not to get the posts
from another certain individual and vice versa and they ended up
in highly entertaining and articulate flame war, with exegesis
and logic chopping that rivalled the best that mediaeval
scholastics or talmudic scholars came up with.

However, trolls are generally frowned upon. Taking advantage of
newbies' and oldbies' innocence about things liked armed Canadian
EPA agents and church pews is a serious sign of bad form. Did
you get that David, eh? Trolls feed very well on the wreck.

Also any joke about 9/11 is NOT FUNNY and completely
unacceptable!! Racial, ethnic, religious and dead baby jokes are
OK, though.

1.14 THERE ARE TOO MANY POSTS IN THIS GROUP, I HAVE A SUGGESTIONS
ON HOW TO SPLIT IT.
The people on wreck.wood are always open to suggestions on how to
improve the group and we have been looking for ways to split this
group for many years now. As a newbie, you will bring a
different perspective which will be most appreciated. We will
listen to your suggestions on splitting the group and implement
them immediately.

1.15 INTERNET RESOURCES
This is the way to get all the URL's you'll ever need and avoid
testy answers. Don't bother with search engines.

First create a web page. Make sure it has "old iron" or "antique
woodworking machine" on it. Then get your page to set a cookie
every time someone from the "wi.rr.com" domain accesses your
page. Then go into the Duke's computer and steal all the URLs.
Careful, though, the Duke has been known to try selling
pornographic table saws on eBay. If you don't know how to do
this, get a hacker to help you. A hacker is any 10-20 year-old
male who has a computer and is not into sports and doesn't have a
girlfriend.

You also want to take a look at these other FAQs, which might not
be in the Duke's computer:

Disclaimer FAQ
http://groups.google.com/groups?hl=e...24ifl%241%40in
s8.netins.net

Hand Plane FAQ
http://groups.google.com/groups?selm...241%40ins8.net
ins.net&output=gplain

Crowbar FAQ
http://www.klownhammer.org/crowbar

For woodworking books, go to
http://webpages.charter.net/29Y/woodworking/books/


1.16 RESOURCES FOR UK WOODWORKERS?
This newsgroup is about USA woodworking and maybe its northern
sycophantic satellite. God Bless America! It's rec.WOODworking,
not rec.TIMBERworking! You guys went downhill when you joined up
with the other Euro-idiots and went with that inane metric
system. Serves you right you gotta pay double for the tools we
get for real cheap in the good ole USA. Anyways, who wants to
get buzzed with a 240-volt piece of euro junk? Buy American!
Besides, what kind of woodworking can you do without Home Despot?

Same goes for drunken Ozzies (as if there were any other kind, I
know it's redundant), and inny othirs who walk upside down.
Sheesh, butchering all that nice jarrah, silky oak & jummywood
with those pot metal Triton POS.

Message for Strines: This newsgroup uses the Queen's English (or
at least the *******ised seppo version). If you want to post in
your weird lingo, m8, go create your own newsgroup, m8. PS: I
don't care if you get ****ed off that I stuck you with the
whingeing poms, y'all sound alike anyhoo.

Luigi Zanasi wrote in :

1. GENERAL

1.1 INTRODUCTION
This is the rec.woodworking anti-FAQ. This anti-FAQ will be
posted annually to rec.woodworking on the first of April. The
purpose of this anti-FAQ is to minimize the amount of chatter
about wood working on rec.woodworking, thereby making the
newsgroup more lively and interesting to read.

Suggestions for improvement should be kept to yourself. To be
perfectly honest, I don't give a flying fig about your opinions.


HAH! Excellent, Thanks a lot Luigi!!

On Thu, 01 Apr 2004 00:16:06 -0800, Luigi Zanasi
wrote:

1.4 What should I post about?
Anything and everything. Don't worry, sharing the minute details
of all your woodworking experiences is what the wRECk is all
about so that we can all learn. Michael Baglio provided a good
example of the kind of post that is well appreciated on the
wreck. Here it goes.

Had a similar experience I need to share. About a week ago, I
was framing up the north wall of the workshop and when I was...

Heh. Credit where it's due, Luigi. Good comedy benefits from a good
straight man.

....or a really BAD one. ;
http://www.google.com/groups?hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&threadm=v0harvskvuc3p7aevufrmnqm3mt43pfrsu%404ax .com&rnum=2&prev=/groups%3Fq%3Dgroup:rec.woodworking%2Binsubject:Oop s!%2Binsubjectid%2Binsubject:I%2Binsubject:do%2B insubject:that%253F%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26ie%3DUTF-8%26oe%3DUTF-8%26selm%3Dv0harvskvuc3p7aevufrmnqm3mt43pfrsu%2540 4ax.com%26rnum%3D2%26filter%3D0

Michael
Just saytmPL Scary FunnytmSC.