Been getting into turning. Just about any piece of wood that’s at least
3/4 inches thick and at least 4 inches long is a candidate for turning
into something - literally. And while turning the third variation of
what started with a Turned Snot-tite

see alt.binaries.pictures.woodworking for photo or
http://home.comcast.net/~charliebcz/.../Turning4.html

I had a flash of insight into how to become a Studio Woodworker, more
specifically a Turnist, Furniturist and maybe a Boxist. Woodist is just
to vague.

First, you’ve got to come up with a “style” which is easily recognized.
It can either be easily copied (gets your style out there in the public
eye and makes your “original works” more valuable, or so complicated
that no one else can figure out how to do knock offs before you come up
with your next new style).

Second, you’ve got to work in “series” or “periods” or “phases”, making
variations and variations of variations of a “concept” that fits into
your “style”. A great story about the genesis of each “series” and a
unique story about each piece, along, perhaps, with your interpretation
of its meaning, is also a good idea. If you’re going after The Art
World, skip your interpretation of a piece’s meaning - art collectors
love to interpret things and share their insights with guests at
cocktail parties. If that’s your market, better use obscure names for
each piece.

Third, you must come up with memorable names for each “piece” In a
series. The name should fit the story developed in The Second Insight.

Fourth, sign and date each piece, or at least initial it and date it.

Fifth, keep a written journal of your “work” - that will add to the
“provenance” and extracts can be included in the catalogue of each of
your shows.

Sixth, work in either rare, exotic woods OR really cheap/less expensive
very common woods - either end of the spectrum will work - if you get
out on the extremes.

Seventh, always give the dimensions of each piece in millimeters - it’s
more continental and makes things seem bigger than they actually are.
That’s if you’re in the USA. If you’re anywhere else, use inches.
Patrons love to do a little mental exercise between writing checks.

Eighth, change how you pronounce your first name - the one on your birth
certificate. It’ll stick in peoples’ minds better. Charles for example
becomes Chawls or Sharuls or Shawls.

Ninth, add some kind of accent mark to your last name to change the
emphasized syllable. Jones with a tilde over the “e” becomes jo-Nez. If
your last name is only one syllable, add a letter or two. Smith sounds
pretty common. But Smiythe on the other hand, or better yet Smipth (the
“p” Is silent, as in swimming, (sorry - lifeguard joke) will stick in
peoples heads. If all else fails, add an umlaut (sp?)

Tenth, use words that don’t go together “my work is nano-monumental” or
“has a certain dynamic repose” or “is perfectly asymetirc” or “has a
static fluidity to it”. (Worked for Lead Zepplin - but didn’t work for
Iron Butterfly). If you can’t come up with anything in english, throw in
some french. Avoid GERMAN - too guttural. If a word requires phlegm to
pronounce it correctly it’s best to skip it- unless your market is in
Germany, Austria or Belgium. Also avoid Russian - finding fonts for
your ‘exhibit” catalogue might be difficult.

Still working on Attire, Hair, Accessories and Studio Ambiance.

charlie b

Goddam this is funny.

wrote in message

Goddam this is funny.


Ditto ... makes you wonder if a PhD in either Education or Psychology
wouldn't be an excellent prerequisite for coming up with the phraseology
needed to be a successful "woodworkerist".

--
www.e-woodshop.net
Last update: 7/23/05

The "nano-monumental" and "dynamic repose" reminded me of Thurber on
wine: "It's an unassuming little wine, but I think you'll be amused by
its pretentiousness."

Swingman wrote:
wrote in message

Goddam this is funny.


Ditto ... makes you wonder if a PhD in either Education or Psychology
wouldn't be an excellent prerequisite for coming up with the phraseology
needed to be a successful "woodworkerist".

--
www.e-woodshop.net
Last update: 7/23/05

Nah...just read the "art" reviews in Time & Newsweek and about three of
the snootier papers from here and BG.

More meaningless BS than you can believe, and the thing is, these guys
can string it out to the point where levity fails and boredom sets in.
You can only laugh so long. Then, when your sides are incredibly
painful, you hunker down and nod off, at least imitating boredom.

If you try to stifle the guffaw's, you'll probably end up with the
turned snot Charlie B described hung up in your nose.

On Fri, 29 Jul 2005 09:21:14 -0700, charlie b
wrote:

.... snip

Still working on Attire, Hair, Accessories and Studio Ambiance.

charlie b

LOL! :-)




+--------------------------------------------------------------------------------+

If you're gonna be dumb, you better be tough

+--------------------------------------------------------------------------------+

On Fri, 29 Jul 2005 09:21:14 -0700, charlie b
wrote:

Well, Charlie, I think you've got most of it...

Still working on Attire, Hair, Accessories and Studio Ambiance.

Now, having known a lot of art students when I was living in
Minneapolis, I can tell you what I saw.

Some different types (mostly college aged)

Type one: Tight all black clothing, beret. Red hair for women, black
hair for men, with goatee (no mustache) dirty and greasy looking in
both cases. Smelly, with gaudy cheap jewelery. Slight greenish tint
to the very pale skin. Dead fish cold handshake.

Accessories- Silver ankh, facial piercings, shiny shoes with square
toes, eyeshadow (men and women) red wine, attitude problem.

Studio ambience- crypt. Lots of black and red curtains, and fake
spider webs hanging on the wall-mounted candle holders.

Type two: Retro- clothes from the thrift shop, usually polyester
shirts in loud prints with the top couple of buttons open. Dirty
jeans with colorful patches. Straw cowboys hats and sandals seem to
be popular with these folks. Spiky extreme-sports hairdos. Smelly as
well, but more tanned and often freckled.

Accessories- Plastic bracelets, Lots of japanese-anime type kitch
and/or rusty bits of junk they call "found art". Expensive imported
beer.

Studio ambience- Flat white. Lots of fluorescents. Pictures of
things like monkeys riding bicycles, and black and white photographs
of small children with balloons.

Type three: (sculptors, mostly) Dusty and dirty- bib overalls and
work boots. Big cuts and callouses. Generally not too smelly, but
extremely quiet. Didn't bother even looking at their hair after
toweling it off. Always touching stuff.

Accessories- Often carry a caliper around, and have a rusty truck
with banged up bed. Cresent wrench, Chisel and sledgehammer. Look
like tradesmen, and often do the same work, but with a different end
result (good people to know if you need something welded) Seem to
prefer 5 gallon pails as tool boxes.

Studio ambience- barn or garage. Lots of bits of junk hanging on the
walls for easy access. (This whole deal is probably different for
stone scuptors, but I never met any of them.)

Of course, there are plenty of other types, but these were the most
common that I saw. Woodturners are more likely to be "type three" if
you had to choose one of the above, but I suppose you could have one
that thought they were a vampire as well. Then again, I never met a
turner that went to art school- most of them I know look and act like
really friendly lumberjacks. And in my book, that's better than being
lumped in with a bunch of creepy artist types anyhow.

Then again, YMMV!

On Sat, 30 Jul 2005 09:37:58 -0500, the opaque Prometheus
clearly wrote:

On Fri, 29 Jul 2005 09:21:14 -0700, charlie b
wrote:

Well, Charlie, I think you've got most of it...

Still working on Attire, Hair, Accessories and Studio Ambiance.

Now, having known a lot of art students when I was living in
Minneapolis, I can tell you what I saw.

Some different types (mostly college aged)

Type one: Tight all black clothing, beret. Red hair for women, black
hair for men, with goatee (no mustache) dirty and greasy looking in
both cases. Smelly, with gaudy cheap jewelery. Slight greenish tint
to the very pale skin. Dead fish cold handshake.

Women with goatees? Tres gauche! (In addition to the other highly
admirable traits listed. Ick incarnate.)

(snip of other cute crap)


--
Guns don't kill people. Rappers do!
-----------------------------------
www.diversify.com Rap-free Website Development

On Fri, 29 Jul 2005 09:21:14 -0700, charlie b
wrote:


Third, you must come up with memorable names for each “piece” In a
series. The name should fit the story developed in The Second Insight.



I think yer onto somethin' real good hear, charlieb.

Fer instance, the padauk snot stalactite might be;

"C-less Dripping PolyUrinestain Onto The Transcendental BowSaur Under
A Full Moon".

OK, mebbe not.

How about; "Note To Myself: Schedule Prostate Exam".

Prolly ain't mysticalish enough.

Anyways, yer doin' real good and I expects ta see ya between the
covers of Fyne WoodDorkyng any day now, hopefully not while yer
sleeping on a park bench.



Tom Watson - WoodDorker
tjwatson1ATcomcastDOTnet (email)
http://home.comcast.net/~tjwatson1/ (website)

On Sun, 31 Jul 2005 15:54:55 -0400, the opaque Tom Watson
clearly wrote:

I think yer onto somethin' real good hear, charlieb.

Fer instance, the padauk snot stalactite might be;

"C-less Dripping PolyUrinestain Onto The Transcendental BowSaur Under
A Full Moon".

OK, mebbe not.

sizzle Right, maybe not.


How about; "Note To Myself: Schedule Prostate Exam".

Prolly ain't mysticalish enough.

No, but it's mighty evocative.


--
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