T i m wrote:


I wonder if the women in these relationships suffer as much as the men
at such times, as it's often us that go first?

I ask because my Mum didn't seem to mourn that much for my Dad (well,
not in our company), even though they were happily married for a good
few years and did lots of stuff together.

She had a clear out of all his clothes after about 6 months and we
think the reason it wasn't sooner was more for what others might think
than for herself.

My mother appeared the same when my stepdad died although she had been
preparing for the expected event for a while and he had just reached 90,
Sister was staying at the time . They got a bit tipsy while reminiscing
and next day cleared his wardrobes either to the tip or a charity shop.

I have wondered if her apparent hard and matter of fact attitude was
conditioned by events 60 years before when as a young woman in her twenties
she watched her Husband and Mother both deteriorate and then die from
cancer in the same hospital sometimes visiting them in separate wards on
same trip to the hospital .Dad went first Gran a few weeks later.

Knowing that she had got through that and eventually coming through perhaps
helped.


GH