Saw this, thought it worth sharing. :-)

A SENIOR MOMENT – I HOPE I HAVE THEM LIKE THIS


A 98 year old woman in the UK wrote this to her bank. The bank manager
thought it amusing enough to have it published in the Times.
Dear Sir,

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured
to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three ‘nanoseconds’
must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my
account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the
automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement, which, I admit,
has been in place for only thirty eight years. You are to be commended
for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my
account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused
me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I
personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to
contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging,
pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I,
like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.
My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be
automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally
and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be
aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to
open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status
which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to
eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your
bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies
of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and
the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts,
assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee with PIN number which he/she
must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than
28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses
required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.
As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press
buttons as follows:

1 – To make an appointment to see me.
2 – To query a missing payment.
3 – To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4 – To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5 – To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6 – To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7 – To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer
is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later
date to
the Authorized Contact.)
8 – To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through to 8.
9 – To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be
put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering
service.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music
will
play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

Your Humble Client

I wonder what the terms of her mortgage are at 98

Saw this, thought it worth sharing. :-)

Amusing but fake :-}

Colin Wilson wrote:
Saw this, thought it worth sharing. :-)

Amusing but fake :-}
Almost certainly, but just occasionly us minor cogs in the machine need
a glimmer of hope that there is some way we can get some small payback
for all the iniquities the system impose upon us.

VH.

"Van Helsing" wrote in message
...
Colin Wilson wrote:
Saw this, thought it worth sharing. :-)

Amusing but fake :-}
Almost certainly, but just occasionly us minor cogs in the machine need a
glimmer of hope that there is some way we can get some small payback for
all the iniquities the system impose upon us.

VH.

I have had every penny back from banks who have charged me for defaulting in
th elast 6 years.
Im not getting into the fair/unfair thing but I got my money back, and I am
having the last laugh.

In article ,
R D S wrote:
I have had every penny back from banks who have charged me for
defaulting in th elast 6 years. Im not getting into the fair/unfair
thing but I got my money back, and I am having the last laugh.

And we'll all laugh when they impose bank charges for those in credit all
the time.

--
*I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Dave Plowman London SW
To e-mail, change noise into sound.

On Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:35:10 +0100, "Dave Plowman (News)"
wrote:

In article ,
R D S wrote:
I have had every penny back from banks who have charged me for
defaulting in th elast 6 years. Im not getting into the fair/unfair
thing but I got my money back, and I am having the last laugh.

And we'll all laugh when they impose bank charges for those in credit all
the time.

I don't think I've ever paid 'bank charges' in some 40+ years, apart
from perhaps for a duplicate copy of a statement (I've no recollection
why I wanted that!) about 40 years ago...

In reality, however, we all pay charges, albeit hidden, out of the
difference between borrowing and saving interest.

--
Frank Erskine

On 2007-08-04 00:30:35 +0100, Frank Erskine
said:

On Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:35:10 +0100, "Dave Plowman (News)"
wrote:

In article ,
R D S wrote:
I have had every penny back from banks who have charged me for
defaulting in th elast 6 years. Im not getting into the fair/unfair
thing but I got my money back, and I am having the last laugh.

And we'll all laugh when they impose bank charges for those in credit all
the time.

I don't think I've ever paid 'bank charges' in some 40+ years, apart
from perhaps for a duplicate copy of a statement (I've no recollection
why I wanted that!) about 40 years ago...

In reality, however, we all pay charges, albeit hidden, out of the
difference between borrowing and saving interest.

Not to mention the margin that they make out of the delay in cheque processing.

On 2007-08-03 20:10:49 +0100, "R D S" said:


"Van Helsing" wrote in message
...
Colin Wilson wrote:
Saw this, thought it worth sharing. :-)

Amusing but fake :-}
Almost certainly, but just occasionly us minor cogs in the machine need a
glimmer of hope that there is some way we can get some small payback for
all the iniquities the system impose upon us.

VH.

I have had every penny back from banks who have charged me for defaulting in
th elast 6 years.
Im not getting into the fair/unfair thing but I got my money back, and I am
having the last laugh.

You may *think* that you have. In reality, you have been charged in
other ways.

On 2007-08-03 22:35:10 +0100, "Dave Plowman (News)"
said:

In article ,
R D S wrote:
I have had every penny back from banks who have charged me for
defaulting in th elast 6 years. Im not getting into the fair/unfair
thing but I got my money back, and I am having the last laugh.

And we'll all laugh when they impose bank charges for those in credit all
the time.

They already do. The charges are simply hidden in most cases.

I had this conversation with my bank manager some while ago.

They don't really care whether they make a margin from the customer
through charges or from use of their money.

Ideally they like customers with a large balance - it doesn't matter to
them whether that is positive or negative. If it's negative, they can
charge interest directly - if positive they can use the money in the
market, and pay the customer less than the market rate, with many types
of account, considerably less.

Charges are used as the makers of money for customers with
comparatively small balances in either direction, and as a proportion
of the balance are considerably more.

"Dave Plowman (News)" wrote in message
...
In article ,
R D S wrote:
I have had every penny back from banks who have charged me for
defaulting in th elast 6 years. Im not getting into the fair/unfair
thing but I got my money back, and I am having the last laugh.

And we'll all laugh when they impose bank charges for those in credit all
the time.

Its fair enough, they provide a service and it needs to be paid for.
I have no problem for paying for banking, after all I use a lot of the
services the bank offers.

Why I, or anyone else should expect that for free is beyond me, especially
if paid for by those with less.

In article ,
R D S wrote:

"Dave Plowman (News)" wrote in message
...
In article , R D S
wrote:
I have had every penny back from banks who have charged me for
defaulting in th elast 6 years. Im not getting into the fair/unfair
thing but I got my money back, and I am having the last laugh.

And we'll all laugh when they impose bank charges for those in credit
all the time.

Its fair enough, they provide a service and it needs to be paid for. I
have no problem for paying for banking, after all I use a lot of the
services the bank offers.

They get their income from the money you effectively lend them for free.

Why I, or anyone else should expect that for free is beyond me,
especially if paid for by those with less.

While actually charging a penalty for going overdrawn is wrong reasonable
charges ain't - unless you expect others to subsidise this. Living beyond
your means on short term credit always ends in tears.

--
*No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver,purple

Dave Plowman London SW
To e-mail, change noise into sound.

Andy Hall wrote:
On 2007-08-04 00:30:35 +0100, Frank Erskine
said:

On Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:35:10 +0100, "Dave Plowman (News)"
wrote:

In article ,
R D S wrote:
I have had every penny back from banks who have charged me for
defaulting in th elast 6 years. Im not getting into the fair/unfair
thing but I got my money back, and I am having the last laugh.

And we'll all laugh when they impose bank charges for those in
credit all the time.

I don't think I've ever paid 'bank charges' in some 40+ years, apart
from perhaps for a duplicate copy of a statement (I've no
recollection why I wanted that!) about 40 years ago...

In reality, however, we all pay charges, albeit hidden, out of the
difference between borrowing and saving interest.

Not to mention the margin that they make out of the delay in cheque
processing.

Royal bank of Scotlang £5.01 billion half year, Barclays £4 billion half
year. Obscene.


--
Dave
The Medway Handyman
www.medwayhandyman.co.uk
01634 717930
07850 597257

On 2007-08-04 17:31:14 +0100, "The Medway Handyman"
said:

Andy Hall wrote:
On 2007-08-04 00:30:35 +0100, Frank Erskine
said:

On Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:35:10 +0100, "Dave Plowman (News)"
wrote:

In article ,
R D S wrote:
I have had every penny back from banks who have charged me for
defaulting in th elast 6 years. Im not getting into the fair/unfair
thing but I got my money back, and I am having the last laugh.

And we'll all laugh when they impose bank charges for those in
credit all the time.

I don't think I've ever paid 'bank charges' in some 40+ years, apart
from perhaps for a duplicate copy of a statement (I've no
recollection why I wanted that!) about 40 years ago...

In reality, however, we all pay charges, albeit hidden, out of the
difference between borrowing and saving interest.

Not to mention the margin that they make out of the delay in cheque
processing.

Royal bank of Scotlang £5.01 billion half year, Barclays £4 billion half
year. Obscene.

Profit is never obscene.

It's an investment opportunity and return for the shareholders.

Who are the shareholders?

Investment funds, pension funds, ISAs, .....

Then the tax man takes a piece. Where does that go?

In article ,
The Medway Handyman wrote:
Not to mention the margin that they make out of the delay in cheque
processing.

Royal bank of Scotlang £5.01 billion half year, Barclays £4 billion half
year. Obscene.

Why? It could be you make a larger percentage profit on your investment in
your own business.

--
*Remember: First you pillage, then you burn.

Dave Plowman London SW
To e-mail, change noise into sound.

In message , Andy Hall writes
On 2007-08-04 17:31:14 +0100, "The Medway Handyman"
said:

Andy Hall wrote:
On 2007-08-04 00:30:35 +0100, Frank Erskine
said:

On Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:35:10 +0100, "Dave Plowman (News)"
wrote:

In article ,
R D S wrote:
I have had every penny back from banks who have charged me for
defaulting in th elast 6 years. Im not getting into the fair/unfair
thing but I got my money back, and I am having the last laugh.
And we'll all laugh when they impose bank charges for those in
credit all the time.
I don't think I've ever paid 'bank charges' in some 40+ years,
apart
from perhaps for a duplicate copy of a statement (I've no
recollection why I wanted that!) about 40 years ago...
In reality, however, we all pay charges, albeit hidden, out of the
difference between borrowing and saving interest.
Not to mention the margin that they make out of the delay in cheque
processing.
Royal bank of Scotlang £5.01 billion half year, Barclays £4 billion
half
year. Obscene.

Profit is never obscene.

Excessive profit is, when there is no realistic alternative


--
geoff

On 2007-08-04 20:48:44 +0100, raden said:

In message , Andy Hall writes
On 2007-08-04 17:31:14 +0100, "The Medway Handyman"
said:

Andy Hall wrote:
On 2007-08-04 00:30:35 +0100, Frank Erskine
said:

On Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:35:10 +0100, "Dave Plowman (News)"
wrote:

In article ,
R D S wrote:
I have had every penny back from banks who have charged me for
defaulting in th elast 6 years. Im not getting into the fair/unfair
thing but I got my money back, and I am having the last laugh.
And we'll all laugh when they impose bank charges for those in
credit all the time.
I don't think I've ever paid 'bank charges' in some 40+ years, apart
from perhaps for a duplicate copy of a statement (I've no
recollection why I wanted that!) about 40 years ago...
In reality, however, we all pay charges, albeit hidden, out of the
difference between borrowing and saving interest.
Not to mention the margin that they make out of the delay in cheque
processing.
Royal bank of Scotlang £5.01 billion half year, Barclays £4 billion half
year. Obscene.

Profit is never obscene.

Excessive profit is, when there is no realistic alternative

What defines 'excessive' though?