Thank heavens it's Xmas at last!

After 15 magic gigs and a host of customers all wanting jobs done before
Xmas I'm bloody knackered.

Seasons greetings to all on UK DIY.


--
Dave
The Medway Handyman
www.medwayhandyman.co.uk
01634 717930
07850 597257

The Medway Handyman wrote:

After 15 magic gigs and a host of customers all wanting jobs done before
Xmas I'm bloody knackered.

Make hay when the snow falls

Seasons greetings to all on UK DIY.

Likewise. Having completely ignored crimbo until yesterday afternoon,
I'm now ready for festivities to commence ...

The Medway Handyman wrote:
Thank heavens it's Xmas at last!

After 15 magic gigs and a host of customers all wanting jobs done before
Xmas I'm bloody knackered.

best mate is on call out.

3 so far: south staffs, north derbys and lincoln central. that's gotta hurt.

Seasons greetings to all on UK DIY.

jingle ya bells !

On 2006-12-24 17:05:51 +0000, "The Medway Handyman"
said:

Thank heavens it's Xmas at last!

After 15 magic gigs and a host of customers all wanting jobs done
before Xmas I'm bloody knackered.

Seasons greetings to all on UK DIY.

Which did you enjoy the more though?

Happy Christmas, Dave.

On Sun, 24 Dec 2006 17:19:34 +0000, Andy Burns wrote:

Having completely ignored crimbo until yesterday afternoon,
I'm now ready for festivities to commence ...

Can't claim to have avoided it until just yesterday, but it was largely
passing me by until about 10 to 14 days ago. Luverly being able to start
enjoying the season[1] when there's only a couple of weeks left.

We agreed years ago not to bother with pressies[2] - we just go and buy
what we want when we want it. That takes no end of pressure off, and we
both finish up with what we want!

[1] No, no, I just can't quite bring myself to say........

[2] Only just this minute remembered to sign the card that's been hiding
under Yellow Pages in a drawer in the study!

--
the dot wanderer at tesco dot net

The Medway Handyman wrote:
Thank heavens it's Xmas at last!

After 15 magic gigs and a host of customers all wanting jobs done
before Xmas I'm bloody knackered.

Seasons greetings to all on UK DIY.

And to you Dave - congratulations on your well-deserved prosperity, may it
long continue.

Andy Hall wrote:
On 2006-12-24 17:05:51 +0000, "The Medway Handyman"
said:

Thank heavens it's Xmas at last!

After 15 magic gigs and a host of customers all wanting jobs done
before Xmas I'm bloody knackered.

Seasons greetings to all on UK DIY.

Which did you enjoy the more though?

To be honest I enjoy both, but Xmas magic gigs tend to be rather trying in
general. I published this last year on a magic group;

Some simple guidelines to make your company Xmas party a success!

1.. Book the venue 6 months ahead, but leave the booking of the magician
till the last minute.
2.. Make sure you book a venue that does not appear on any road map!
3.. If this is not possible, seek out a venue at the edge of a page or
under a staple in the map book.
4.. Make sure there are absolutely NO parking facilities for at least a
ten-mile radius around the venue!
5.. Have the close up magician arrive at least an hour before any guests
arrive. If the venue is inside London's congestion charge zone, request that
he arrive there no later than 18.30.
6.. As a rule of thumb, one close up magician can be expected to entertain
at least 450 guests.
7.. Don't worry if you only have a small party, close up magicians have
enough tricks to entertain eight people for two hours
8.. Have a free bar for at least an hour before dinner. Extend this to an
hour and a half.
9.. Make sure the bar area is 'cosy'. As a guide, 10 people per square
yard is about right. Make sure there is nowhere to put drinks down.
10.. Delay dinner by another half an hour.
11.. If you have booked 'Strolling Magic', for your reception, ensure you
have enough waiters with trays of canapés to interrupt the magician every 20
seconds or so.
12.. Get the boss to make a really interesting & humorous speech lasting
for 15 minutes halfway through.
13.. Have a strict seating plan. Friends can easily talk to each other by
wandering aimlessly about the restaurant between courses.
14.. Cram as many people on each table as possible. Weld the chairs
together to make this easier. On no account should any space be left on the
table.
15.. The temperature in the restaurant should be at least 95 degrees
centigrade.
16.. The lighting should be so low that it is impossible to see anything.
17.. Make sure the restaurant only employs waiting staff with no grasp of
English.
18.. Have a disco playing background music during the meal. A Military
aircraft at take-off is 140 decibels. Aim for a little above that.
19.. Get the boss to make a 25-minute speech just before the main course
is served.
20.. Organise raffles or games to keep people occupied throughout the
meal.
21.. Have plenty of party poppers on the tables. Failing that, small hard
bread rolls make a dual-purpose substitute. They can be eaten or thrown.
22.. Forget to bring the magicians cheque, he won't mind waiting until
after Christmas.

Happy Christmas, Dave.

And to you matey.



--
Dave
The Medway Handyman
www.medwayhandyman.co.uk
01634 717930
07850 597257

Steve Walker wrote:
The Medway Handyman wrote:
Thank heavens it's Xmas at last!

After 15 magic gigs and a host of customers all wanting jobs done
before Xmas I'm bloody knackered.

Seasons greetings to all on UK DIY.

And to you Dave - congratulations on your well-deserved prosperity,
may it long continue.

Thanks matey. Not so sure about the prosperous bit - most of the extra will
go to Gordon Brown :-)

Seasons greeting to you & your family.


--
Dave
The Medway Handyman
www.medwayhandyman.co.uk
01634 717930
07850 597257

Andy Burns wrote:
The Medway Handyman wrote:

After 15 magic gigs and a host of customers all wanting jobs done
before Xmas I'm bloody knackered.

Make hay when the snow falls

Seasons greetings to all on UK DIY.

Likewise. Having completely ignored crimbo until yesterday afternoon,
I'm now ready for festivities to commence ...

I can't wait for Wednesday..

I loathe it more as time goes by.

It's worse than having the World Cup on.

Reduced to watching te 'world at war' today - the ONLY channel that was
free of all references to Christmas..

The Natural Philosopher wrote:
Andy Burns wrote:
The Medway Handyman wrote:

After 15 magic gigs and a host of customers all wanting jobs done
before Xmas I'm bloody knackered.

Make hay when the snow falls

Seasons greetings to all on UK DIY.

Likewise. Having completely ignored crimbo until yesterday afternoon,
I'm now ready for festivities to commence ...

I can't wait for Wednesday..

I loathe it more as time goes by.

The work of the devil I reckon. A festival celebrating all that is
ghastly about the human race

It's worse than having the World Cup on.

Reduced to watching te 'world at war' today - the ONLY channel that was
free of all references to Christmas..

"The Medway Handyman" wrote in message
.uk...

... Xmas magic gigs tend to be rather trying in general. I published
this last year on a magic group;

Isn't it bad planning, having Christmas at such a busy time!



Some simple guidelines to make your company Xmas party a success!

1.. Book the venue 6 months ahead, but leave the booking of the magician
till the last minute.
2.. Make sure you book a venue that does not appear on any road map!
3.. If this is not possible, seek out a venue at the edge of a page or
under a staple in the map book.
4.. Make sure there are absolutely NO parking facilities for at least a
ten-mile radius around the venue!
5.. Have the close up magician arrive at least an hour before any guests
arrive. If the venue is inside London's congestion charge zone, request
that he arrive there no later than 18.30.
6.. As a rule of thumb, one close up magician can be expected to
entertain at least 450 guests.
7.. Don't worry if you only have a small party, close up magicians have
enough tricks to entertain eight people for two hours
8.. Have a free bar for at least an hour before dinner. Extend this to an
hour and a half.
9.. Make sure the bar area is 'cosy'. As a guide, 10 people per square
yard is about right. Make sure there is nowhere to put drinks down.
10.. Delay dinner by another half an hour.
11.. If you have booked 'Strolling Magic', for your reception, ensure you
have enough waiters with trays of canapés to interrupt the magician every
20 seconds or so.
12.. Get the boss to make a really interesting & humorous speech lasting
for 15 minutes halfway through.
13.. Have a strict seating plan. Friends can easily talk to each other by
wandering aimlessly about the restaurant between courses.
14.. Cram as many people on each table as possible. Weld the chairs
together to make this easier. On no account should any space be left on
the table.
15.. The temperature in the restaurant should be at least 95 degrees
centigrade.
16.. The lighting should be so low that it is impossible to see anything.
17.. Make sure the restaurant only employs waiting staff with no grasp of
English.
18.. Have a disco playing background music during the meal. A Military
aircraft at take-off is 140 decibels. Aim for a little above that.
19.. Get the boss to make a 25-minute speech just before the main course
is served.
20.. Organise raffles or games to keep people occupied throughout the
meal.
21.. Have plenty of party poppers on the tables. Failing that, small hard
bread rolls make a dual-purpose substitute. They can be eaten or thrown.
22.. Forget to bring the magicians cheque, he won't mind waiting until
after Christmas.

I'm saving that in my chuckle file, with your permission :-)

Mary

In message , Stuart Noble
writes
The Natural Philosopher wrote:
Andy Burns wrote:
The Medway Handyman wrote:

After 15 magic gigs and a host of customers all wanting jobs done
before Xmas I'm bloody knackered.

Make hay when the snow falls

Seasons greetings to all on UK DIY.

Likewise. Having completely ignored crimbo until yesterday
afternoon, I'm now ready for festivities to commence ...
I can't wait for Wednesday..
I loathe it more as time goes by.

The work of the devil I reckon. A festival celebrating all that is
ghastly about the human race

It's worse than having the World Cup on.
Reduced to watching te 'world at war' today - the ONLY channel that
was free of all references to Christmas..

The Grinch is on ITV now (according to the Radio Times) - just for you

Personally I have the door locked and alcohol enough to see it through

--
geoff

Mary Fisher wrote:
SNIP

I'm saving that in my chuckle file, with your permission :-)

Please do! I promise every single thing has happened to me personally!


--
Dave
The Medway Handyman
www.medwayhandyman.co.uk
01634 717930
07850 597257

"The Medway Handyman" wrote in message
.uk...
Mary Fisher wrote:
SNIP

I'm saving that in my chuckle file, with your permission :-)

Please do! I promise every single thing has happened to me personally!

I believe!

Mary

I'd believe even without all the wine and wine and sherry and wine and rum
and wine and whisky to come - oh, and port.

Yes, we're old - that means that we enjoy ourselves with the best.

I hope you do too - but you probably won't have enjoyed eating a hand reared
cockerel!

Mary