"The Medway Handyman" wrote in message
.uk...

... Xmas magic gigs tend to be rather trying in general. I published
this last year on a magic group;

Isn't it bad planning, having Christmas at such a busy time!



Some simple guidelines to make your company Xmas party a success!

1.. Book the venue 6 months ahead, but leave the booking of the magician
till the last minute.
2.. Make sure you book a venue that does not appear on any road map!
3.. If this is not possible, seek out a venue at the edge of a page or
under a staple in the map book.
4.. Make sure there are absolutely NO parking facilities for at least a
ten-mile radius around the venue!
5.. Have the close up magician arrive at least an hour before any guests
arrive. If the venue is inside London's congestion charge zone, request
that he arrive there no later than 18.30.
6.. As a rule of thumb, one close up magician can be expected to
entertain at least 450 guests.
7.. Don't worry if you only have a small party, close up magicians have
enough tricks to entertain eight people for two hours
8.. Have a free bar for at least an hour before dinner. Extend this to an
hour and a half.
9.. Make sure the bar area is 'cosy'. As a guide, 10 people per square
yard is about right. Make sure there is nowhere to put drinks down.
10.. Delay dinner by another half an hour.
11.. If you have booked 'Strolling Magic', for your reception, ensure you
have enough waiters with trays of canapés to interrupt the magician every
20 seconds or so.
12.. Get the boss to make a really interesting & humorous speech lasting
for 15 minutes halfway through.
13.. Have a strict seating plan. Friends can easily talk to each other by
wandering aimlessly about the restaurant between courses.
14.. Cram as many people on each table as possible. Weld the chairs
together to make this easier. On no account should any space be left on
the table.
15.. The temperature in the restaurant should be at least 95 degrees
centigrade.
16.. The lighting should be so low that it is impossible to see anything.
17.. Make sure the restaurant only employs waiting staff with no grasp of
English.
18.. Have a disco playing background music during the meal. A Military
aircraft at take-off is 140 decibels. Aim for a little above that.
19.. Get the boss to make a 25-minute speech just before the main course
is served.
20.. Organise raffles or games to keep people occupied throughout the
meal.
21.. Have plenty of party poppers on the tables. Failing that, small hard
bread rolls make a dual-purpose substitute. They can be eaten or thrown.
22.. Forget to bring the magicians cheque, he won't mind waiting until
after Christmas.

I'm saving that in my chuckle file, with your permission :-)

Mary