A bloke gets marooned on an Island with his faithful companion his dog and a
sheep.
anyway nights go by where they are sitting by the shore and looking out at
the moon on the horizon and one night the bloke starts getting frisky and
looks at the sheep, the dog sees this and starts snarling, this go's on for
a week, one night the bloke sees something bobbing on the horizon and swims
out to see what it is, finds out its a woman and swims back to shore
clutching her around the waist.

That night he introduces her to their ritual of sitting at the shore and as
the evening wears on the bloke starts getting realy frisky and turns to the
woman and says...will you do me a real favour, he ask her...she says whats
that then...will you take the dog for a walk he replies.

"ben" wrote in message
. uk...
A bloke gets marooned on an Island with his faithful companion his dog and
a
sheep.
anyway nights go by where they are sitting by the shore and looking out at
the moon on the horizon and one night the bloke starts getting frisky and
looks at the sheep, the dog sees this and starts snarling, this go's on
for
a week, one night the bloke sees something bobbing on the horizon and
swims
out to see what it is, finds out its a woman and swims back to shore
clutching her around the waist.

That night he introduces her to their ritual of sitting at the shore and
as
the evening wears on the bloke starts getting realy frisky and turns to
the
woman and says...will you do me a real favour, he ask her...she says whats
that then...will you take the dog for a walk he replies.



A student from St' Andrews University had to do a survey across Scotland on
how many farmers actually did shag their sheep. Firstly she was sent off to
the Orkney islands where she found out that the farmers were well and truly
giving their sheep a good roggering when the fancy took them. The student
asked which technique they used to hold sheep in place while the deed was
done. They told her that they threw the sheep's front legs over the dyke so
they couldn't run off, and the farmer took them from behind.

The student was then sent off to the lowlands of central Scotland where she
found out that the farmers took their sheep from behind as well, but used a
differing technique from the highlands and islands farming folks. They used
the traditionally known one of placing the sheep's hind legs in the welly
boots so they could run away while the farmer roggered them from behind.

The final area the student visited was way down in the Scottish Borders
region. The farmers there were more than open about their sheep shagging
escapades, and they told to the student that the method they used was to
throw the sheep's front legs over their shoulders and take the take the
sheep in a sort of vertical missionary position against the wall of the
barn.

The student tells them that this is the first time she'd heard of the sheep
actually facing the farmer while the act was being done, and that in the
other regions of Scotland the farmers all preferred the rear entry
techniques. The Borders farmers all retorted "What? No Kissing?"

Be aware that the French government announced yesterday that it has raised
its terror alert level from Run to Hide.

The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate.

The rise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white
flag factory, effectively paralyzing their military.

"Tony" wrote

Be aware that the French government announced yesterday that it has raised
its terror alert level from Run to Hide.

The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate.

The rise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white
flag factory, effectively paralyzing their military.

ROFL!

Try this. Go to Google.com and type French Military Victories in the search
box, then hit I'm Feeling Lucky button..

Dave

David Lang wrote:
"Tony" wrote

Be aware that the French government announced yesterday that it has
raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide.

The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate.

The rise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's
white flag factory, effectively paralyzing their military.

ROFL!

Try this. Go to Google.com and type French Military Victories in the
search box, then hit I'm Feeling Lucky button..


Doesn't work any more.

It used to say 'None found - did you mean French Military *Defeats*?'

Try 'miserable failure' instead.

http://www.answers.com/topic/google-bomb has a long list, most of which are
now extinct.

PC Paul wrote:
David Lang wrote:
"Tony" wrote

Be aware that the French government announced yesterday that it has
raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide.

The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate.

The rise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's
white flag factory, effectively paralyzing their military.

ROFL!

Try this. Go to Google.com and type French Military Victories in the
search box, then hit I'm Feeling Lucky button..


Doesn't work any more.

worked ok here

"PC Paul" wrote

Doesn't work any more.

Did for me 10 seconds ago.

It used to say 'None found - did you mean French Military *Defeats*?'

Still does.

Try 'miserable failure' instead.

Try 'again'?

Dave

David Lang wrote:

Try this. Go to Google.com and type French Military Victories in the search
box, then hit I'm Feeling Lucky button..

"French military victories" returns a fake google error page which
suggests "French military defeats" as an alternate search.

David Lang wrote:
"PC Paul" wrote

Doesn't work any more.

Did for me 10 seconds ago.

It used to say 'None found - did you mean French Military *Defeats*?'

Still does.

Try 'miserable failure' instead.

Try 'again'?


My Bad. I read it wrong.

Ah well.

Try 'swivel eyed loons' then....

"ben" wrote in message
. uk...
A bloke gets marooned on an Island with his faithful companion his dog and
a
sheep.
anyway nights go by where they are sitting by the shore and looking out at
the moon on the horizon and one night the bloke starts getting frisky and
looks at the sheep, the dog sees this and starts snarling, this go's on
for
a week, one night the bloke sees something bobbing on the horizon and
swims
out to see what it is, finds out its a woman and swims back to shore
clutching her around the waist.

That night he introduces her to their ritual of sitting at the shore and
as
the evening wears on the bloke starts getting realy frisky and turns to
the
woman and says...will you do me a real favour, he ask her...she says whats
that then...will you take the dog for a walk he replies.

Texan joke

A man is being tried for bestiality with his sheep.

In his defence he says, 'Wall y'honor, the sheep just looked at me with
its big eyes and then turned round and invited me in.'

One juror turns to the other and says, 'Yup. A good sheep'll
do that for ya'.

Peter Scott

PC Paul wrote:
http://www.answers.com/topic/google-bomb has a long list, most of which are
now extinct.

Quote from that site;

"****wit (http://www.google.com/search?&q=****wit) used to return
John Prescott who is Deputy Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. He
rose through the trade union movement from humble beginnings as a
steward in the merchant navy, and is renowned for his straight-talking
manner."

Thanks for that Paul. :-)

"Peter Scott" wrote in message
...

"ben" wrote in message
. uk...
A bloke gets marooned on an Island with his faithful companion his dog
and
a
sheep.
anyway nights go by where they are sitting by the shore and looking out
at
the moon on the horizon and one night the bloke starts getting frisky
and
looks at the sheep, the dog sees this and starts snarling, this go's on
for
a week, one night the bloke sees something bobbing on the horizon and
swims
out to see what it is, finds out its a woman and swims back to shore
clutching her around the waist.

That night he introduces her to their ritual of sitting at the shore and
as
the evening wears on the bloke starts getting realy frisky and turns to
the
woman and says...will you do me a real favour, he ask her...she says
whats
that then...will you take the dog for a walk he replies.

Texan joke

A man is being tried for bestiality with his sheep.

In his defence he says, 'Wall y'honor, the sheep just looked at me with
its big eyes and then turned round and invited me in.'

One juror turns to the other and says, 'Yup. A good sheep'll
do that for ya'.

Peter Scott


ROFL Must be off the Welsh breed then. ROFL :-)

"David Lang" wrote in message
...

"Tony" wrote

Be aware that the French government announced yesterday that it has
raised
its terror alert level from Run to Hide.

The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate.

The rise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white
flag factory, effectively paralyzing their military.

ROFL!

Try this. Go to Google.com and type French Military Victories in the
search box, then hit I'm Feeling Lucky button..

Dave



Do you mean to say it omits the Norman invasion of Britain in 1066 where
they defeated Harold and went on to govern this country for the next
hundreds of years, whilst introducing the Magna Carta and completely
modernising the state?

"BigWallop" wrote in message
. uk...

"Peter Scott" wrote in message
...

"ben" wrote in message
. uk...
A bloke gets marooned on an Island with his faithful companion his dog
and
a
sheep.
anyway nights go by where they are sitting by the shore and looking out
at
the moon on the horizon and one night the bloke starts getting frisky
and
looks at the sheep, the dog sees this and starts snarling, this go's on
for
a week, one night the bloke sees something bobbing on the horizon and
swims
out to see what it is, finds out its a woman and swims back to shore
clutching her around the waist.

That night he introduces her to their ritual of sitting at the shore
and
as
the evening wears on the bloke starts getting realy frisky and turns
to
the
woman and says...will you do me a real favour, he ask her...she says
whats
that then...will you take the dog for a walk he replies.

Texan joke

A man is being tried for bestiality with his sheep.

In his defence he says, 'Wall y'honor, the sheep just looked at me with
its big eyes and then turned round and invited me in.'

One juror turns to the other and says, 'Yup. A good sheep'll
do that for ya'.

Peter Scott


ROFL Must be off the Welsh breed then. ROFL :-)



Bloke goes to the doctor with bar of soap up his arse. Doc says "that's life
boy".

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the
lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the
manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they
asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts
boasting in an open foyer."

Doctor doctor I've caught a cricket ball in my bum". The doctor looks
confused at his patient and says "hows that?". The strained patient looks
back in an annoyed manner and says "dont you bloody well start"

"Doctor, Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's." Doc says "Well you
can't say fairer than that then"

RedOnRed wrote:

Do you mean to say it omits the Norman invasion of Britain in 1066 where
they defeated Harold and went on to govern this country for the next
hundreds of years, whilst introducing the Magna Carta and completely
modernising the state?


No, you're confusing the French with the Normans. The French would
probably have executed William the *******, as they call(ed) him, if
they'd been able to catch him.

"Aidan" wrote in message
oups.com...


RedOnRed wrote:

Do you mean to say it omits the Norman invasion of Britain in 1066 where
they defeated Harold and went on to govern this country for the next
hundreds of years, whilst introducing the Magna Carta and completely
modernising the state?


No, you're confusing the French with the Normans. The French would
probably have executed William the *******, as they call(ed) him, if
they'd been able to catch him.


Oh, I see, Normandy has nothing to do with France - either now or then?

RedOnRed wrote:

Oh, I see, Normandy has nothing to do with France - either now or then?

Not then. Normans, originally from the North, same as Norsemen, Vikings etc
--
David Clark

$message_body_include ="PLES RING IF AN RNSR IS REQIRD"

"DJC" wrote in message
. uk...
RedOnRed wrote:

Oh, I see, Normandy has nothing to do with France - either now or then?

Not then. Normans, originally from the North, same as Norsemen, Vikings
etc
--
David Clark

$message_body_include ="PLES RING IF AN RNSR IS REQIRD"

Does it matter?

The same race of people are now included in the state of France.

What do you call a police woman who shaves her fanny?

A; ****stubble

RedOnRed wrote:

Does it matter?

Not to me & I'd hope not to you. Just me being a little pedantic, hope
you'll excuse me.

French & Norman then were probably as different as English & Welsh
now. William had no valid claim to the throne and usurped it by
violence. It might matter to the English since this is was the starting
point for their monarchy.

The same race of people are now included in the state of France.

They might want to deny that.

"Aidan" wrote in message
ups.com...


RedOnRed wrote:

Does it matter?

Not to me & I'd hope not to you. Just me being a little pedantic, hope
you'll excuse me.

French & Norman then were probably as different as English & Welsh
now. William had no valid claim to the throne and usurped it by
violence. It might matter to the English since this is was the starting
point for their monarchy.

The same race of people are now included in the state of France.

They might want to deny that.


Hmmm, I have to take my hat off to you for pushing back the boundaries of
pedantism.

You're almost making a persuasive argument.

RedOnRed wrote:
Do you mean to say it omits the Norman invasion of Britain in 1066

It does omit the French victory at Castillion, where they thorougly
defeated the English & ended the 100 years war. We didn't learn about
that at school.

OK, pedant mode off, on with the sheep jokes.

Aidan wrote:

RedOnRed wrote:

Do you mean to say it omits the Norman invasion of Britain in 1066


It does omit the French victory at Castillion, where they thorougly
defeated the English & ended the 100 years war. We didn't learn about
that at school.

OK, pedant mode off, on with the sheep jokes.


Perhaps the jokes should be about Vendéen sheep.

--
Howard Neil

In message , RedOnRed
writes

"David Lang" wrote in message
k...

"Tony" wrote

Be aware that the French government announced yesterday that it has
raised
its terror alert level from Run to Hide.

The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate.

The rise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white
flag factory, effectively paralyzing their military.

ROFL!

Try this. Go to Google.com and type French Military Victories in the
search box, then hit I'm Feeling Lucky button..

Dave



Do you mean to say it omits the Norman invasion of Britain in 1066 where
they defeated Harold and went on to govern this country for the next
hundreds of years, whilst introducing the Magna Carta and completely
modernising the state?

Good to see you getting onto the spirit of things

(even if you're confusing French and Normans)

--
geoff

In message , RedOnRed
writes

"Aidan" wrote in message
roups.com...


RedOnRed wrote:

Do you mean to say it omits the Norman invasion of Britain in 1066 where
they defeated Harold and went on to govern this country for the next
hundreds of years, whilst introducing the Magna Carta and completely
modernising the state?


No, you're confusing the French with the Normans. The French would
probably have executed William the *******, as they call(ed) him, if
they'd been able to catch him.


Oh, I see, Normandy has nothing to do with France - either now or then?

It was owned on and off by England IIRC too

--
geoff

In message , RedOnRed
writes

"DJC" wrote in message
.uk...
RedOnRed wrote:

Oh, I see, Normandy has nothing to do with France - either now or then?

Not then. Normans, originally from the North, same as Norsemen, Vikings
etc
--
David Clark

$message_body_include ="PLES RING IF AN RNSR IS REQIRD"

Does it matter?

The same race of people are now included in the state of France.

No, that would be the Franks

.... which is why France is called Frankreich in German

--
geoff

"raden" wrote in message
...
In message , RedOnRed
writes

"David Lang" wrote in message
. uk...

"Tony" wrote

Be aware that the French government announced yesterday that it has
raised
its terror alert level from Run to Hide.

The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate.

The rise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's
white
flag factory, effectively paralyzing their military.

ROFL!

Try this. Go to Google.com and type French Military Victories in the
search box, then hit I'm Feeling Lucky button..

Dave



Do you mean to say it omits the Norman invasion of Britain in 1066 where
they defeated Harold and went on to govern this country for the next
hundreds of years, whilst introducing the Magna Carta and completely
modernising the state?

Good to see you getting onto the spirit of things

(even if you're confusing French and Normans)

--
geoff

The point is that as Normandy is now part of France, their record is
relevant (simply through bloodline) even if it was 1000 years ago.

If it's not, then half of our history needs to be wiped off the records due
having used mercanaries and foreign alliances and for not being a united
state at the time.

raden wrote:
It was owned on and off by England IIRC too
--
geoff

No, no, no, pay attention at the back there.
The Norman/French aristocracy owned England. They still own much of
it. That's one of the reasons why building land is so expensive.

Now, try to concentrate on the sheep jokes.

In message .com,
Aidan writes


raden wrote:
It was owned on and off by England IIRC too
--
geoff

No, no, no, pay attention at the back there.
The Norman/French aristocracy owned England. They still own much of
it. That's one of the reasons why building land is so expensive.

Well, actually it got kicked back and forwards several times


Now, try to concentrate on the sheep jokes.

I'm not Welsh

--
geoff

How is a pussy like a warm toilet seat? They both feel good, but you can't
help wondering who was there before you.

Hi Red
Do you mean to say it omits the Norman invasion of Britain in 1066 where
they defeated Harold and went on to govern this country for the next
hundreds of years, whilst introducing the Magna Carta and completely
modernising the state?

Yup! The Normans were not French. They were Norsemen who were given the
area of land now known as Normandy 150 years prior to the invasion by the
French King as a bribe. Normandy was independent of France.

Anyway, William the ******* was so incredibly lucky it's untrue. Noddy &
Big Ears could have won under the circumstances.

Dave

Mummy, Mummy, why does everyone call me big head?
It's alright darling, they're only having fun with you. Now put your hat in
the garage and come have some dinner.

Mummy, Mummy, can I lick the bowl?

No dear, pull the flush like everyone else please.

Daddy, Daddy, Mummy's gone out again.

It's OK, just pour some more petrol on her.

Mummy, Mummy, I hate Daddy's guts.

Put them on the side of your plate and eat the rest then.

Mummy, Mummy, is the lady next really a robot?

I don't think so darling, why do you ask that?

Well, it's just that Daddy said he was going to screw the ass off her.

My Darling, I can't get over you. So I suppose I'll have to get up and walk
round.



No No Darling, they're not calling you fat. They're only asking you to move
further up the beach to let the tide come in.



Darling, you look like a million dollars. You're all sort of green and
wrinkled.