040110 0540 - wrote:

I helped a friend roof his house in December. The weather was cold
but we got the new shingles on. A few days later there were high
winds and 20 or so shingles ripped off the roof. I checked and found
the self adhesive pads on the shingles were not sticking because it
was too cold. I told him we needed to heat the roof to make them
stick. We replaced the missing shingles, and I tried a hair dryer to
heat them. That was too slow, and was not making them stick very
good. I told him we needed a faster method, and suggested using
gasoline, and told him it was safe as long as it was spread thin
enough. I took two 5 gallon cans of gasoline and brushed it on the
whole roof with a large broom. I got on the ladder so I could get off
the roof fast, and I tossed a match and let it burn. I figured it
would burn fast because of the gas being spread so thinly, and would
go out in a few seconds, but would create enough heat to make the
shingles stick. Instead the whole roof went up in flames and the
house burned to the ground. My friend is blaming me for the fire, and
has even said he is going to sue me, and called the police saying it
was arson. It's not my fault, I already know what went wrong. Some
of the gasoline ran into roof vents and right after I set it on fire
the winds picked up. The winds blew the fire into the vents and
ignited the gasoline that dripped in there, and that started the attic
on fire. The weather is what caused the fire, not me. I do think
that maybe I should have put duct tape on the vents, but I never
thought the winds would pick up right after I started the fire. He's
being a real jerk about it. This is the last time I help a friend.
I shouldn't even call this guy a friend, because he's an asshole. But
if he wants to lose a friend over a stupid house, that's his right. I
already told him he needed a new house anyhow, and pointed out to him
how old, crappy, and run down his house was. But he is just being a
total ass, and so is his wife. I wont help him ever again with
anything.



I wouldn't either. What an ungrateful sob...

040110 0540 - wrote:

I helped a friend roof his house in December. The weather was cold
but we got the new shingles on. A few days later there were high
winds and 20 or so shingles ripped off the roof. I checked and found
the self adhesive pads on the shingles were not sticking because it
was too cold. I told him we needed to heat the roof to make them
stick. We replaced the missing shingles, and I tried a hair dryer to
heat them. That was too slow, and was not making them stick very
good. I told him we needed a faster method, and suggested using
gasoline, and told him it was safe as long as it was spread thin
enough. I took two 5 gallon cans of gasoline and brushed it on the
whole roof with a large broom. I got on the ladder so I could get off
the roof fast, and I tossed a match and let it burn. I figured it
would burn fast because of the gas being spread so thinly, and would
go out in a few seconds, but would create enough heat to make the
shingles stick. Instead the whole roof went up in flames and the
house burned to the ground. My friend is blaming me for the fire, and
has even said he is going to sue me, and called the police saying it
was arson. It's not my fault, I already know what went wrong. Some
of the gasoline ran into roof vents and right after I set it on fire
the winds picked up. The winds blew the fire into the vents and
ignited the gasoline that dripped in there, and that started the attic
on fire. The weather is what caused the fire, not me. I do think
that maybe I should have put duct tape on the vents, but I never
thought the winds would pick up right after I started the fire. He's
being a real jerk about it. This is the last time I help a friend.
I shouldn't even call this guy a friend, because he's an asshole. But
if he wants to lose a friend over a stupid house, that's his right. I
already told him he needed a new house anyhow, and pointed out to him
how old, crappy, and run down his house was. But he is just being a
total ass, and so is his wife. I wont help him ever again with
anything.



I wouldn't either. What an ungrateful sob...

Ever hear of 'The Darwin Awards', or 'News From The Weird' ?


wrote in message
news
I helped a friend roof his house in December. The weather was cold
but we got the new shingles on. A few days later there were high
winds and 20 or so shingles ripped off the roof. I checked and found
the self adhesive pads on the shingles were not sticking because it
was too cold. I told him we needed to heat the roof to make them
stick. We replaced the missing shingles, and I tried a hair dryer to
heat them. That was too slow, and was not making them stick very
good. I told him we needed a faster method, and suggested using
gasoline, and told him it was safe as long as it was spread thin
enough. I took two 5 gallon cans of gasoline and brushed it on the
whole roof with a large broom. I got on the ladder so I could get off
the roof fast, and I tossed a match and let it burn. I figured it
would burn fast because of the gas being spread so thinly, and would
go out in a few seconds, but would create enough heat to make the
shingles stick. Instead the whole roof went up in flames and the
house burned to the ground. My friend is blaming me for the fire, and
has even said he is going to sue me, and called the police saying it
was arson. It's not my fault, I already know what went wrong. Some
of the gasoline ran into roof vents and right after I set it on fire
the winds picked up. The winds blew the fire into the vents and
ignited the gasoline that dripped in there, and that started the attic
on fire. The weather is what caused the fire, not me. I do think
that maybe I should have put duct tape on the vents, but I never
thought the winds would pick up right after I started the fire. He's
being a real jerk about it. This is the last time I help a friend.
I shouldn't even call this guy a friend, because he's an asshole. But
if he wants to lose a friend over a stupid house, that's his right. I
already told him he needed a new house anyhow, and pointed out to him
how old, crappy, and run down his house was. But he is just being a
total ass, and so is his wife. I wont help him ever again with
anything.

Ever hear of 'The Darwin Awards', or 'News From The Weird' ?


wrote in message
news
I helped a friend roof his house in December. The weather was cold
but we got the new shingles on. A few days later there were high
winds and 20 or so shingles ripped off the roof. I checked and found
the self adhesive pads on the shingles were not sticking because it
was too cold. I told him we needed to heat the roof to make them
stick. We replaced the missing shingles, and I tried a hair dryer to
heat them. That was too slow, and was not making them stick very
good. I told him we needed a faster method, and suggested using
gasoline, and told him it was safe as long as it was spread thin
enough. I took two 5 gallon cans of gasoline and brushed it on the
whole roof with a large broom. I got on the ladder so I could get off
the roof fast, and I tossed a match and let it burn. I figured it
would burn fast because of the gas being spread so thinly, and would
go out in a few seconds, but would create enough heat to make the
shingles stick. Instead the whole roof went up in flames and the
house burned to the ground. My friend is blaming me for the fire, and
has even said he is going to sue me, and called the police saying it
was arson. It's not my fault, I already know what went wrong. Some
of the gasoline ran into roof vents and right after I set it on fire
the winds picked up. The winds blew the fire into the vents and
ignited the gasoline that dripped in there, and that started the attic
on fire. The weather is what caused the fire, not me. I do think
that maybe I should have put duct tape on the vents, but I never
thought the winds would pick up right after I started the fire. He's
being a real jerk about it. This is the last time I help a friend.
I shouldn't even call this guy a friend, because he's an asshole. But
if he wants to lose a friend over a stupid house, that's his right. I
already told him he needed a new house anyhow, and pointed out to him
how old, crappy, and run down his house was. But he is just being a
total ass, and so is his wife. I wont help him ever again with
anything.

wrote in message
news
I helped a friend roof his house in December. The weather was cold
but we got the new shingles on. A few days later there were high
winds and 20 or so shingles ripped off the roof. I checked and found
the self adhesive pads on the shingles were not sticking because it
was too cold. I told him we needed to heat the roof to make them
stick. We replaced the missing shingles, and I tried a hair dryer to
heat them. That was too slow, and was not making them stick very
good. I told him we needed a faster method, and suggested using
gasoline, and told him it was safe as long as it was spread thin
enough. I took two 5 gallon cans of gasoline and brushed it on the
whole roof with a large broom. I got on the ladder so I could get off
the roof fast, and I tossed a match and let it burn. I figured it
would burn fast because of the gas being spread so thinly, and would
go out in a few seconds, but would create enough heat to make the
shingles stick. Instead the whole roof went up in flames and the
house burned to the ground. My friend is blaming me for the fire, and
has even said he is going to sue me, and called the police saying it
was arson. It's not my fault, I already know what went wrong. Some
of the gasoline ran into roof vents and right after I set it on fire
the winds picked up. The winds blew the fire into the vents and
ignited the gasoline that dripped in there, and that started the attic
on fire. The weather is what caused the fire, not me. I do think
that maybe I should have put duct tape on the vents, but I never
thought the winds would pick up right after I started the fire. He's
being a real jerk about it. This is the last time I help a friend.
I shouldn't even call this guy a friend, because he's an asshole. But
if he wants to lose a friend over a stupid house, that's his right. I
already told him he needed a new house anyhow, and pointed out to him
how old, crappy, and run down his house was. But he is just being a
total ass, and so is his wife. I wont help him ever again with
anything.

You're a troll aren't you?

If you're not, then you don't need friends, you need professional mental
help.

Hound Dog

wrote in message
news
I helped a friend roof his house in December. The weather was cold
but we got the new shingles on. A few days later there were high
winds and 20 or so shingles ripped off the roof. I checked and found
the self adhesive pads on the shingles were not sticking because it
was too cold. I told him we needed to heat the roof to make them
stick. We replaced the missing shingles, and I tried a hair dryer to
heat them. That was too slow, and was not making them stick very
good. I told him we needed a faster method, and suggested using
gasoline, and told him it was safe as long as it was spread thin
enough. I took two 5 gallon cans of gasoline and brushed it on the
whole roof with a large broom. I got on the ladder so I could get off
the roof fast, and I tossed a match and let it burn. I figured it
would burn fast because of the gas being spread so thinly, and would
go out in a few seconds, but would create enough heat to make the
shingles stick. Instead the whole roof went up in flames and the
house burned to the ground. My friend is blaming me for the fire, and
has even said he is going to sue me, and called the police saying it
was arson. It's not my fault, I already know what went wrong. Some
of the gasoline ran into roof vents and right after I set it on fire
the winds picked up. The winds blew the fire into the vents and
ignited the gasoline that dripped in there, and that started the attic
on fire. The weather is what caused the fire, not me. I do think
that maybe I should have put duct tape on the vents, but I never
thought the winds would pick up right after I started the fire. He's
being a real jerk about it. This is the last time I help a friend.
I shouldn't even call this guy a friend, because he's an asshole. But
if he wants to lose a friend over a stupid house, that's his right. I
already told him he needed a new house anyhow, and pointed out to him
how old, crappy, and run down his house was. But he is just being a
total ass, and so is his wife. I wont help him ever again with
anything.

You're a troll aren't you?

If you're not, then you don't need friends, you need professional mental
help.

Hound Dog

"PhotoMan" wrote:

Ever hear of 'The Darwin Awards'

Doesn't qualify if you live to tell about it.

"PhotoMan" wrote:

Ever hear of 'The Darwin Awards'

Doesn't qualify if you live to tell about it.

.:\:/:.
+-------------------+ .:\:\:/:/:.
| PLEASE DO NOT | :.:\:\:/:/:.:
| FEED THE TROLLS | :=.' - - '.=:
| | '=(\ 9 9 /)='
| Thank you, | ( (_) )
| Jeff | /`-vvv-'\
+-------------------+ / \
| | @@@ / /|,,,,,|\ \
| | @@@ /_// /^\ \\_\
@x@@x@ | | |/ WW( ( ) )WW
\||||/ | | \| __\,,\ /,,/__
\||/ | | | jgs (______Y______)
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\//\/\\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

--

Jeff Wisnia (W1BSV + Brass Rat '57 EE)

"If you can smile when things are going wrong, you've thought of someone
to blame it on."



wrote:

I helped a friend roof his house in December. The weather was cold
but we got the new shingles on. A few days later there were high
winds and 20 or so shingles ripped off the roof. I checked and found
the self adhesive pads on the shingles were not sticking because it
was too cold. I told him we needed to heat the roof to make them
stick. We replaced the missing shingles, and I tried a hair dryer to
heat them. That was too slow, and was not making them stick very
good. I told him we needed a faster method, and suggested using
gasoline, and told him it was safe as long as it was spread thin
enough. I took two 5 gallon cans of gasoline and brushed it on the
whole roof with a large broom. I got on the ladder so I could get off
the roof fast, and I tossed a match and let it burn. I figured it
would burn fast because of the gas being spread so thinly, and would
go out in a few seconds, but would create enough heat to make the
shingles stick. Instead the whole roof went up in flames and the
house burned to the ground. My friend is blaming me for the fire, and
has even said he is going to sue me, and called the police saying it
was arson. It's not my fault, I already know what went wrong. Some
of the gasoline ran into roof vents and right after I set it on fire
the winds picked up. The winds blew the fire into the vents and
ignited the gasoline that dripped in there, and that started the attic
on fire. The weather is what caused the fire, not me. I do think
that maybe I should have put duct tape on the vents, but I never
thought the winds would pick up right after I started the fire. He's
being a real jerk about it. This is the last time I help a friend.
I shouldn't even call this guy a friend, because he's an asshole. But
if he wants to lose a friend over a stupid house, that's his right. I
already told him he needed a new house anyhow, and pointed out to him
how old, crappy, and run down his house was. But he is just being a
total ass, and so is his wife. I wont help him ever again with
anything.

.:\:/:.
+-------------------+ .:\:\:/:/:.
| PLEASE DO NOT | :.:\:\:/:/:.:
| FEED THE TROLLS | :=.' - - '.=:
| | '=(\ 9 9 /)='
| Thank you, | ( (_) )
| Jeff | /`-vvv-'\
+-------------------+ / \
| | @@@ / /|,,,,,|\ \
| | @@@ /_// /^\ \\_\
@x@@x@ | | |/ WW( ( ) )WW
\||||/ | | \| __\,,\ /,,/__
\||/ | | | jgs (______Y______)
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\//\/\\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

--

Jeff Wisnia (W1BSV + Brass Rat '57 EE)

"If you can smile when things are going wrong, you've thought of someone
to blame it on."



wrote:

I helped a friend roof his house in December. The weather was cold
but we got the new shingles on. A few days later there were high
winds and 20 or so shingles ripped off the roof. I checked and found
the self adhesive pads on the shingles were not sticking because it
was too cold. I told him we needed to heat the roof to make them
stick. We replaced the missing shingles, and I tried a hair dryer to
heat them. That was too slow, and was not making them stick very
good. I told him we needed a faster method, and suggested using
gasoline, and told him it was safe as long as it was spread thin
enough. I took two 5 gallon cans of gasoline and brushed it on the
whole roof with a large broom. I got on the ladder so I could get off
the roof fast, and I tossed a match and let it burn. I figured it
would burn fast because of the gas being spread so thinly, and would
go out in a few seconds, but would create enough heat to make the
shingles stick. Instead the whole roof went up in flames and the
house burned to the ground. My friend is blaming me for the fire, and
has even said he is going to sue me, and called the police saying it
was arson. It's not my fault, I already know what went wrong. Some
of the gasoline ran into roof vents and right after I set it on fire
the winds picked up. The winds blew the fire into the vents and
ignited the gasoline that dripped in there, and that started the attic
on fire. The weather is what caused the fire, not me. I do think
that maybe I should have put duct tape on the vents, but I never
thought the winds would pick up right after I started the fire. He's
being a real jerk about it. This is the last time I help a friend.
I shouldn't even call this guy a friend, because he's an asshole. But
if he wants to lose a friend over a stupid house, that's his right. I
already told him he needed a new house anyhow, and pointed out to him
how old, crappy, and run down his house was. But he is just being a
total ass, and so is his wife. I wont help him ever again with
anything.

Snore...........mumbling "troll"
wrote in message
news
I helped a friend roof his house in December. The weather was cold
but we got the new shingles on. A few days later there were high
winds and 20 or so shingles ripped off the roof. I checked and found
the self adhesive pads on the shingles were not sticking because it
was too cold. I told him we needed to heat the roof to make them
stick. We replaced the missing shingles, and I tried a hair dryer to
heat them. That was too slow, and was not making them stick very
good. I told him we needed a faster method, and suggested using
gasoline, and told him it was safe as long as it was spread thin
enough. I took two 5 gallon cans of gasoline and brushed it on the
whole roof with a large broom. I got on the ladder so I could get off
the roof fast, and I tossed a match and let it burn. I figured it
would burn fast because of the gas being spread so thinly, and would
go out in a few seconds, but would create enough heat to make the
shingles stick. Instead the whole roof went up in flames and the
house burned to the ground. My friend is blaming me for the fire, and
has even said he is going to sue me, and called the police saying it
was arson. It's not my fault, I already know what went wrong. Some
of the gasoline ran into roof vents and right after I set it on fire
the winds picked up. The winds blew the fire into the vents and
ignited the gasoline that dripped in there, and that started the attic
on fire. The weather is what caused the fire, not me. I do think
that maybe I should have put duct tape on the vents, but I never
thought the winds would pick up right after I started the fire. He's
being a real jerk about it. This is the last time I help a friend.
I shouldn't even call this guy a friend, because he's an asshole. But
if he wants to lose a friend over a stupid house, that's his right. I
already told him he needed a new house anyhow, and pointed out to him
how old, crappy, and run down his house was. But he is just being a
total ass, and so is his wife. I wont help him ever again with
anything.

Snore...........mumbling "troll"
wrote in message
news
I helped a friend roof his house in December. The weather was cold
but we got the new shingles on. A few days later there were high
winds and 20 or so shingles ripped off the roof. I checked and found
the self adhesive pads on the shingles were not sticking because it
was too cold. I told him we needed to heat the roof to make them
stick. We replaced the missing shingles, and I tried a hair dryer to
heat them. That was too slow, and was not making them stick very
good. I told him we needed a faster method, and suggested using
gasoline, and told him it was safe as long as it was spread thin
enough. I took two 5 gallon cans of gasoline and brushed it on the
whole roof with a large broom. I got on the ladder so I could get off
the roof fast, and I tossed a match and let it burn. I figured it
would burn fast because of the gas being spread so thinly, and would
go out in a few seconds, but would create enough heat to make the
shingles stick. Instead the whole roof went up in flames and the
house burned to the ground. My friend is blaming me for the fire, and
has even said he is going to sue me, and called the police saying it
was arson. It's not my fault, I already know what went wrong. Some
of the gasoline ran into roof vents and right after I set it on fire
the winds picked up. The winds blew the fire into the vents and
ignited the gasoline that dripped in there, and that started the attic
on fire. The weather is what caused the fire, not me. I do think
that maybe I should have put duct tape on the vents, but I never
thought the winds would pick up right after I started the fire. He's
being a real jerk about it. This is the last time I help a friend.
I shouldn't even call this guy a friend, because he's an asshole. But
if he wants to lose a friend over a stupid house, that's his right. I
already told him he needed a new house anyhow, and pointed out to him
how old, crappy, and run down his house was. But he is just being a
total ass, and so is his wife. I wont help him ever again with
anything.

I suspect this is a troll but I also can believe it. I once had an employee
explain to me why he was late:

Me: why are you late?
Him: I had to wait for the fire department to put out my house
Me: Why was the house on fire?
Him: It spread from the garage
Me: Why was the garage on fire?
Him: THe car sorta caught fire
Me: THis sounds good. Go on.
Him: It wouldn't start
(tapping foot sound)
Him: It was cold and we decided to preheat the cars oil
(more foot tapping sounds)
Him: The gasoline we used to light the charcoal under the oil pan kinda
exploded.......

True story.
"Hound Dog" wrote in message
...

wrote in message
news
I helped a friend roof his house in December. The weather was cold
but we got the new shingles on. A few days later there were high
winds and 20 or so shingles ripped off the roof. I checked and found
the self adhesive pads on the shingles were not sticking because it
was too cold. I told him we needed to heat the roof to make them
stick. We replaced the missing shingles, and I tried a hair dryer to
heat them. That was too slow, and was not making them stick very
good. I told him we needed a faster method, and suggested using
gasoline, and told him it was safe as long as it was spread thin
enough. I took two 5 gallon cans of gasoline and brushed it on the
whole roof with a large broom. I got on the ladder so I could get off
the roof fast, and I tossed a match and let it burn. I figured it
would burn fast because of the gas being spread so thinly, and would
go out in a few seconds, but would create enough heat to make the
shingles stick. Instead the whole roof went up in flames and the
house burned to the ground. My friend is blaming me for the fire, and
has even said he is going to sue me, and called the police saying it
was arson. It's not my fault, I already know what went wrong. Some
of the gasoline ran into roof vents and right after I set it on fire
the winds picked up. The winds blew the fire into the vents and
ignited the gasoline that dripped in there, and that started the attic
on fire. The weather is what caused the fire, not me. I do think
that maybe I should have put duct tape on the vents, but I never
thought the winds would pick up right after I started the fire. He's
being a real jerk about it. This is the last time I help a friend.
I shouldn't even call this guy a friend, because he's an asshole. But
if he wants to lose a friend over a stupid house, that's his right. I
already told him he needed a new house anyhow, and pointed out to him
how old, crappy, and run down his house was. But he is just being a
total ass, and so is his wife. I wont help him ever again with
anything.

You're a troll aren't you?

If you're not, then you don't need friends, you need professional mental
help.

Hound Dog

I suspect this is a troll but I also can believe it. I once had an employee
explain to me why he was late:

Me: why are you late?
Him: I had to wait for the fire department to put out my house
Me: Why was the house on fire?
Him: It spread from the garage
Me: Why was the garage on fire?
Him: THe car sorta caught fire
Me: THis sounds good. Go on.
Him: It wouldn't start
(tapping foot sound)
Him: It was cold and we decided to preheat the cars oil
(more foot tapping sounds)
Him: The gasoline we used to light the charcoal under the oil pan kinda
exploded.......

True story.
"Hound Dog" wrote in message
...

wrote in message
news
I helped a friend roof his house in December. The weather was cold
but we got the new shingles on. A few days later there were high
winds and 20 or so shingles ripped off the roof. I checked and found
the self adhesive pads on the shingles were not sticking because it
was too cold. I told him we needed to heat the roof to make them
stick. We replaced the missing shingles, and I tried a hair dryer to
heat them. That was too slow, and was not making them stick very
good. I told him we needed a faster method, and suggested using
gasoline, and told him it was safe as long as it was spread thin
enough. I took two 5 gallon cans of gasoline and brushed it on the
whole roof with a large broom. I got on the ladder so I could get off
the roof fast, and I tossed a match and let it burn. I figured it
would burn fast because of the gas being spread so thinly, and would
go out in a few seconds, but would create enough heat to make the
shingles stick. Instead the whole roof went up in flames and the
house burned to the ground. My friend is blaming me for the fire, and
has even said he is going to sue me, and called the police saying it
was arson. It's not my fault, I already know what went wrong. Some
of the gasoline ran into roof vents and right after I set it on fire
the winds picked up. The winds blew the fire into the vents and
ignited the gasoline that dripped in there, and that started the attic
on fire. The weather is what caused the fire, not me. I do think
that maybe I should have put duct tape on the vents, but I never
thought the winds would pick up right after I started the fire. He's
being a real jerk about it. This is the last time I help a friend.
I shouldn't even call this guy a friend, because he's an asshole. But
if he wants to lose a friend over a stupid house, that's his right. I
already told him he needed a new house anyhow, and pointed out to him
how old, crappy, and run down his house was. But he is just being a
total ass, and so is his wife. I wont help him ever again with
anything.

You're a troll aren't you?

If you're not, then you don't need friends, you need professional mental
help.

Hound Dog

"John Hines" wrote in message
...
"PhotoMan" wrote:

Ever hear of 'The Darwin Awards'

Doesn't qualify if you live to tell about it.

His neighbor may not be through with him. ;-)

"John Hines" wrote in message
...
"PhotoMan" wrote:

Ever hear of 'The Darwin Awards'

Doesn't qualify if you live to tell about it.

His neighbor may not be through with him. ;-)

"Hound Dog"

You're a troll aren't you?

Nah, just another **** stain...

"Hound Dog"

You're a troll aren't you?

Nah, just another **** stain...

In article ,
says...

The combination of the poster's name, the quality of the writing and
grammar, and the abject stupidity of the idea don't add up to a true
story. But it's funny anyway. Have you thought of submitting the
idea to the writers of Trailer Park Boys? I can see Julian and
Bubbles trying this one.

http://www.showcase.ca/trailerparkboys/

Ricky

In article ,
says...

The combination of the poster's name, the quality of the writing and
grammar, and the abject stupidity of the idea don't add up to a true
story. But it's funny anyway. Have you thought of submitting the
idea to the writers of Trailer Park Boys? I can see Julian and
Bubbles trying this one.

http://www.showcase.ca/trailerparkboys/

Ricky

wrote in message
news
I helped a friend roof his house in December. The weather was cold
but we got the new shingles on. A few days later there were high
winds and 20 or so shingles ripped off the roof. I checked and found
the self adhesive pads on the shingles were not sticking because it
was too cold. I told him we needed to heat the roof to make them
stick. We replaced the missing shingles, and I tried a hair dryer to
heat them. That was too slow, and was not making them stick very
good. I told him we needed a faster method, and suggested using
gasoline, and told him it was safe as long as it was spread thin
enough. I took two 5 gallon cans of gasoline and brushed it on the
whole roof with a large broom. I got on the ladder so I could get off
the roof fast, and I tossed a match and let it burn. I figured it
would burn fast because of the gas being spread so thinly, and would
go out in a few seconds, but would create enough heat to make the
shingles stick. Instead the whole roof went up in flames and the
house burned to the ground. My friend is blaming me for the fire, and
has even said he is going to sue me, and called the police saying it
was arson. It's not my fault, I already know what went wrong. Some
of the gasoline ran into roof vents and right after I set it on fire
the winds picked up. The winds blew the fire into the vents and
ignited the gasoline that dripped in there, and that started the attic
on fire. The weather is what caused the fire, not me. I do think
that maybe I should have put duct tape on the vents, but I never
thought the winds would pick up right after I started the fire. He's
being a real jerk about it. This is the last time I help a friend.
I shouldn't even call this guy a friend, because he's an asshole. But
if he wants to lose a friend over a stupid house, that's his right. I
already told him he needed a new house anyhow, and pointed out to him
how old, crappy, and run down his house was. But he is just being a
total ass, and so is his wife. I wont help him ever again with
anything.

Is your last name Bush?

Hound Dog

wrote in message
news
I helped a friend roof his house in December. The weather was cold
but we got the new shingles on. A few days later there were high
winds and 20 or so shingles ripped off the roof. I checked and found
the self adhesive pads on the shingles were not sticking because it
was too cold. I told him we needed to heat the roof to make them
stick. We replaced the missing shingles, and I tried a hair dryer to
heat them. That was too slow, and was not making them stick very
good. I told him we needed a faster method, and suggested using
gasoline, and told him it was safe as long as it was spread thin
enough. I took two 5 gallon cans of gasoline and brushed it on the
whole roof with a large broom. I got on the ladder so I could get off
the roof fast, and I tossed a match and let it burn. I figured it
would burn fast because of the gas being spread so thinly, and would
go out in a few seconds, but would create enough heat to make the
shingles stick. Instead the whole roof went up in flames and the
house burned to the ground. My friend is blaming me for the fire, and
has even said he is going to sue me, and called the police saying it
was arson. It's not my fault, I already know what went wrong. Some
of the gasoline ran into roof vents and right after I set it on fire
the winds picked up. The winds blew the fire into the vents and
ignited the gasoline that dripped in there, and that started the attic
on fire. The weather is what caused the fire, not me. I do think
that maybe I should have put duct tape on the vents, but I never
thought the winds would pick up right after I started the fire. He's
being a real jerk about it. This is the last time I help a friend.
I shouldn't even call this guy a friend, because he's an asshole. But
if he wants to lose a friend over a stupid house, that's his right. I
already told him he needed a new house anyhow, and pointed out to him
how old, crappy, and run down his house was. But he is just being a
total ass, and so is his wife. I wont help him ever again with
anything.

Is your last name Bush?

Hound Dog

Hound Dog wrote:
wrote in message
news
I helped a friend roof his house in December. The weather was cold
but we got the new shingles on. A few days later there were high
winds and 20 or so shingles ripped off the roof. I checked and found
the self adhesive pads on the shingles were not sticking because it
was too cold. I told him we needed to heat the roof to make them
stick. We replaced the missing shingles, and I tried a hair dryer to
heat them. That was too slow, and was not making them stick very
good. I told him we needed a faster method, and suggested using
gasoline, and told him it was safe as long as it was spread thin
enough. I took two 5 gallon cans of gasoline and brushed it on the
whole roof with a large broom. I got on the ladder so I could get off
the roof fast, and I tossed a match and let it burn. I figured it
would burn fast because of the gas being spread so thinly, and would
go out in a few seconds, but would create enough heat to make the
shingles stick. Instead the whole roof went up in flames and the
house burned to the ground. My friend is blaming me for the fire, and
has even said he is going to sue me, and called the police saying it
was arson. It's not my fault, I already know what went wrong. Some
of the gasoline ran into roof vents and right after I set it on fire
the winds picked up. The winds blew the fire into the vents and
ignited the gasoline that dripped in there, and that started the attic
on fire. The weather is what caused the fire, not me. I do think
that maybe I should have put duct tape on the vents, but I never
thought the winds would pick up right after I started the fire. He's
being a real jerk about it. This is the last time I help a friend.
I shouldn't even call this guy a friend, because he's an asshole. But
if he wants to lose a friend over a stupid house, that's his right. I
already told him he needed a new house anyhow, and pointed out to him
how old, crappy, and run down his house was. But he is just being a
total ass, and so is his wife. I wont help him ever again with
anything.


Is your last name Bush?

Hound Dog


Made my day on a boring Saturday.
Hope it was a comic joke.

Hound Dog wrote:
wrote in message
news
I helped a friend roof his house in December. The weather was cold
but we got the new shingles on. A few days later there were high
winds and 20 or so shingles ripped off the roof. I checked and found
the self adhesive pads on the shingles were not sticking because it
was too cold. I told him we needed to heat the roof to make them
stick. We replaced the missing shingles, and I tried a hair dryer to
heat them. That was too slow, and was not making them stick very
good. I told him we needed a faster method, and suggested using
gasoline, and told him it was safe as long as it was spread thin
enough. I took two 5 gallon cans of gasoline and brushed it on the
whole roof with a large broom. I got on the ladder so I could get off
the roof fast, and I tossed a match and let it burn. I figured it
would burn fast because of the gas being spread so thinly, and would
go out in a few seconds, but would create enough heat to make the
shingles stick. Instead the whole roof went up in flames and the
house burned to the ground. My friend is blaming me for the fire, and
has even said he is going to sue me, and called the police saying it
was arson. It's not my fault, I already know what went wrong. Some
of the gasoline ran into roof vents and right after I set it on fire
the winds picked up. The winds blew the fire into the vents and
ignited the gasoline that dripped in there, and that started the attic
on fire. The weather is what caused the fire, not me. I do think
that maybe I should have put duct tape on the vents, but I never
thought the winds would pick up right after I started the fire. He's
being a real jerk about it. This is the last time I help a friend.
I shouldn't even call this guy a friend, because he's an asshole. But
if he wants to lose a friend over a stupid house, that's his right. I
already told him he needed a new house anyhow, and pointed out to him
how old, crappy, and run down his house was. But he is just being a
total ass, and so is his wife. I wont help him ever again with
anything.


Is your last name Bush?

Hound Dog


Made my day on a boring Saturday.
Hope it was a comic joke.

John Hines wrote:

"PhotoMan" wrote:

Ever hear of 'The Darwin Awards'

Doesn't qualify if you live to tell about it.

AAMOF it does *if* the person has rendered themselves incapable of
contributing to the genetic pool as a result of their feat.

--
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle.
I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. - Mother Teresa

John Hines wrote:

"PhotoMan" wrote:

Ever hear of 'The Darwin Awards'

Doesn't qualify if you live to tell about it.

AAMOF it does *if* the person has rendered themselves incapable of
contributing to the genetic pool as a result of their feat.

--
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle.
I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. - Mother Teresa

Melinda Meahan - take out TRASH to reply wrote:

John Hines wrote:

"PhotoMan" wrote:

Ever hear of 'The Darwin Awards'

Doesn't qualify if you live to tell about it.

AAMOF it does *if* the person has rendered themselves incapable of
contributing to the genetic pool as a result of their feat.

I didn't realize he had his nuts cut off, that would qualify, as would
sterilization, say by radiation.

Being too much a loser to get a date doesn't earn any awards.

Melinda Meahan - take out TRASH to reply wrote:

John Hines wrote:

"PhotoMan" wrote:

Ever hear of 'The Darwin Awards'

Doesn't qualify if you live to tell about it.

AAMOF it does *if* the person has rendered themselves incapable of
contributing to the genetic pool as a result of their feat.

I didn't realize he had his nuts cut off, that would qualify, as would
sterilization, say by radiation.

Being too much a loser to get a date doesn't earn any awards.

Well Trollin Stormin Mormin , next time you do a roof I will PAY to
come see the job being done, I dont blame you from hiding your name
You should be embarased

Well Trollin Stormin Mormin , next time you do a roof I will PAY to
come see the job being done, I dont blame you from hiding your name
You should be embarased

Yea to the duct tape. You should have used duct tape.

wrote in message
news
I helped a friend roof his house in December. The weather was cold
but we got the new shingles on. A few days later there were high
winds and 20 or so shingles ripped off the roof. I checked and found
the self adhesive pads on the shingles were not sticking because it
was too cold. I told him we needed to heat the roof to make them
stick. We replaced the missing shingles, and I tried a hair dryer to
heat them. That was too slow, and was not making them stick very
good. I told him we needed a faster method, and suggested using
gasoline, and told him it was safe as long as it was spread thin
enough. I took two 5 gallon cans of gasoline and brushed it on the
whole roof with a large broom. I got on the ladder so I could get off
the roof fast, and I tossed a match and let it burn. I figured it
would burn fast because of the gas being spread so thinly, and would
go out in a few seconds, but would create enough heat to make the
shingles stick. Instead the whole roof went up in flames and the
house burned to the ground. My friend is blaming me for the fire, and
has even said he is going to sue me, and called the police saying it
was arson. It's not my fault, I already know what went wrong. Some
of the gasoline ran into roof vents and right after I set it on fire
the winds picked up. The winds blew the fire into the vents and
ignited the gasoline that dripped in there, and that started the attic
on fire. The weather is what caused the fire, not me. I do think
that maybe I should have put duct tape on the vents, but I never
thought the winds would pick up right after I started the fire. He's
being a real jerk about it. This is the last time I help a friend.
I shouldn't even call this guy a friend, because he's an asshole. But
if he wants to lose a friend over a stupid house, that's his right. I
already told him he needed a new house anyhow, and pointed out to him
how old, crappy, and run down his house was. But he is just being a
total ass, and so is his wife. I wont help him ever again with
anything.

Yea to the duct tape. You should have used duct tape.

wrote in message
news
I helped a friend roof his house in December. The weather was cold
but we got the new shingles on. A few days later there were high
winds and 20 or so shingles ripped off the roof. I checked and found
the self adhesive pads on the shingles were not sticking because it
was too cold. I told him we needed to heat the roof to make them
stick. We replaced the missing shingles, and I tried a hair dryer to
heat them. That was too slow, and was not making them stick very
good. I told him we needed a faster method, and suggested using
gasoline, and told him it was safe as long as it was spread thin
enough. I took two 5 gallon cans of gasoline and brushed it on the
whole roof with a large broom. I got on the ladder so I could get off
the roof fast, and I tossed a match and let it burn. I figured it
would burn fast because of the gas being spread so thinly, and would
go out in a few seconds, but would create enough heat to make the
shingles stick. Instead the whole roof went up in flames and the
house burned to the ground. My friend is blaming me for the fire, and
has even said he is going to sue me, and called the police saying it
was arson. It's not my fault, I already know what went wrong. Some
of the gasoline ran into roof vents and right after I set it on fire
the winds picked up. The winds blew the fire into the vents and
ignited the gasoline that dripped in there, and that started the attic
on fire. The weather is what caused the fire, not me. I do think
that maybe I should have put duct tape on the vents, but I never
thought the winds would pick up right after I started the fire. He's
being a real jerk about it. This is the last time I help a friend.
I shouldn't even call this guy a friend, because he's an asshole. But
if he wants to lose a friend over a stupid house, that's his right. I
already told him he needed a new house anyhow, and pointed out to him
how old, crappy, and run down his house was. But he is just being a
total ass, and so is his wife. I wont help him ever again with
anything.

wrote:
I helped a friend roof his house in December. The weather was cold
but we got the new shingles on. A few days later there were high
winds and 20 or so shingles ripped off the roof. I checked and found
the self adhesive pads on the shingles were not sticking because it
was too cold. I told him we needed to heat the roof to make them
stick. We replaced the missing shingles, and I tried a hair dryer to
heat them. That was too slow, and was not making them stick very
good. I told him we needed a faster method, and suggested using
gasoline, and told him it was safe as long as it was spread thin
enough. I took two 5 gallon cans of gasoline and brushed it on the
whole roof with a large broom. I got on the ladder so I could get off
the roof fast, and I tossed a match and let it burn. I figured it
would burn fast because of the gas being spread so thinly, and would
go out in a few seconds, but would create enough heat to make the
shingles stick. Instead the whole roof went up in flames and the
house burned to the ground. My friend is blaming me for the fire, and
has even said he is going to sue me, and called the police saying it
was arson. It's not my fault, I already know what went wrong. Some
of the gasoline ran into roof vents and right after I set it on fire
the winds picked up. The winds blew the fire into the vents and
ignited the gasoline that dripped in there, and that started the attic
on fire. The weather is what caused the fire, not me. I do think
that maybe I should have put duct tape on the vents, but I never
thought the winds would pick up right after I started the fire. He's
being a real jerk about it. This is the last time I help a friend.
I shouldn't even call this guy a friend, because he's an asshole. But
if he wants to lose a friend over a stupid house, that's his right. I
already told him he needed a new house anyhow, and pointed out to him
how old, crappy, and run down his house was. But he is just being a
total ass, and so is his wife. I wont help him ever again with
anything.



I had a similar problem with a friend. One day he asked me to for help
as his wife wasnt having good orgasms. Now the SOB is blaming me for
his wife is pregnant and he says its mine. I mean like how did he think
I was gonnas help him. WHat did he think I was gonna look up there. He
knows I'm not a Gyno. Some people dont appreciate anything.

wrote:
I helped a friend roof his house in December. The weather was cold
but we got the new shingles on. A few days later there were high
winds and 20 or so shingles ripped off the roof. I checked and found
the self adhesive pads on the shingles were not sticking because it
was too cold. I told him we needed to heat the roof to make them
stick. We replaced the missing shingles, and I tried a hair dryer to
heat them. That was too slow, and was not making them stick very
good. I told him we needed a faster method, and suggested using
gasoline, and told him it was safe as long as it was spread thin
enough. I took two 5 gallon cans of gasoline and brushed it on the
whole roof with a large broom. I got on the ladder so I could get off
the roof fast, and I tossed a match and let it burn. I figured it
would burn fast because of the gas being spread so thinly, and would
go out in a few seconds, but would create enough heat to make the
shingles stick. Instead the whole roof went up in flames and the
house burned to the ground. My friend is blaming me for the fire, and
has even said he is going to sue me, and called the police saying it
was arson. It's not my fault, I already know what went wrong. Some
of the gasoline ran into roof vents and right after I set it on fire
the winds picked up. The winds blew the fire into the vents and
ignited the gasoline that dripped in there, and that started the attic
on fire. The weather is what caused the fire, not me. I do think
that maybe I should have put duct tape on the vents, but I never
thought the winds would pick up right after I started the fire. He's
being a real jerk about it. This is the last time I help a friend.
I shouldn't even call this guy a friend, because he's an asshole. But
if he wants to lose a friend over a stupid house, that's his right. I
already told him he needed a new house anyhow, and pointed out to him
how old, crappy, and run down his house was. But he is just being a
total ass, and so is his wife. I wont help him ever again with
anything.



I had a similar problem with a friend. One day he asked me to for help
as his wife wasnt having good orgasms. Now the SOB is blaming me for
his wife is pregnant and he says its mine. I mean like how did he think
I was gonnas help him. WHat did he think I was gonna look up there. He
knows I'm not a Gyno. Some people dont appreciate anything.

Not true. If you remove yourself from the gene pool,
by way of accidental sterilization via the action, you
qualify.

John Hines wrote in message
...
"PhotoMan" wrote:

Ever hear of 'The Darwin Awards'

Doesn't qualify if you live to tell about it.

Oink oink

Death to the christian cop government.


wrote in message
news
I helped a friend roof his house in December. The weather was cold
but we got the new shingles on. A few days later there were high
winds and 20 or so shingles ripped off the roof. I checked and found
the self adhesive pads on the shingles were not sticking because it
was too cold. I told him we needed to heat the roof to make them
stick. We replaced the missing shingles, and I tried a hair dryer to
heat them. That was too slow, and was not making them stick very
good. I told him we needed a faster method, and suggested using
gasoline, and told him it was safe as long as it was spread thin
enough. I took two 5 gallon cans of gasoline and brushed it on the
whole roof with a large broom. I got on the ladder so I could get off
the roof fast, and I tossed a match and let it burn. I figured it
would burn fast because of the gas being spread so thinly, and would
go out in a few seconds, but would create enough heat to make the
shingles stick. Instead the whole roof went up in flames and the
house burned to the ground. My friend is blaming me for the fire, and
has even said he is going to sue me, and called the police saying it
was arson. It's not my fault, I already know what went wrong. Some
of the gasoline ran into roof vents and right after I set it on fire
the winds picked up. The winds blew the fire into the vents and
ignited the gasoline that dripped in there, and that started the attic
on fire. The weather is what caused the fire, not me. I do think
that maybe I should have put duct tape on the vents, but I never
thought the winds would pick up right after I started the fire. He's
being a real jerk about it. This is the last time I help a friend.
I shouldn't even call this guy a friend, because he's an asshole. But
if he wants to lose a friend over a stupid house, that's his right. I
already told him he needed a new house anyhow, and pointed out to him
how old, crappy, and run down his house was. But he is just being a
total ass, and so is his wife. I wont help him ever again with
anything.

You know - the last few sentences kinda invalidates the believability of
this story. But with the median IQ of the population being 100 - that puts
half of us in the "stupid" range of the IQ scale. With that, it doesn't
totally surprise me that someone would be dumb enough to coat a roof with
gasoline and light it to get the roof shingle set. It sounds like something
my brother, the king of jerry-rigging (also the guy who once sprayed his
kid's ass with Lysol to kill the smell while changing his diaper) would do.

Anyway - major roofing projects in the winter was never a good idea.
They're building a new house not too far from here as we speak - in single
digit temperatures. I can't imagine that will be good for the roof as
summertime is really the ideal time to replace a roof.


wrote in message
news
I helped a friend roof his house in December. The weather was cold
but we got the new shingles on. A few days later there were high
winds and 20 or so shingles ripped off the roof. I checked and found
the self adhesive pads on the shingles were not sticking because it
was too cold. I told him we needed to heat the roof to make them
stick. We replaced the missing shingles, and I tried a hair dryer to
heat them. That was too slow, and was not making them stick very
good. I told him we needed a faster method, and suggested using
gasoline, and told him it was safe as long as it was spread thin
enough. I took two 5 gallon cans of gasoline and brushed it on the
whole roof with a large broom. I got on the ladder so I could get off
the roof fast, and I tossed a match and let it burn. I figured it
would burn fast because of the gas being spread so thinly, and would
go out in a few seconds, but would create enough heat to make the
shingles stick. Instead the whole roof went up in flames and the
house burned to the ground. My friend is blaming me for the fire, and
has even said he is going to sue me, and called the police saying it
was arson. It's not my fault, I already know what went wrong. Some
of the gasoline ran into roof vents and right after I set it on fire
the winds picked up. The winds blew the fire into the vents and
ignited the gasoline that dripped in there, and that started the attic
on fire. The weather is what caused the fire, not me. I do think
that maybe I should have put duct tape on the vents, but I never
thought the winds would pick up right after I started the fire. He's
being a real jerk about it. This is the last time I help a friend.
I shouldn't even call this guy a friend, because he's an asshole. But
if he wants to lose a friend over a stupid house, that's his right. I
already told him he needed a new house anyhow, and pointed out to him
how old, crappy, and run down his house was. But he is just being a
total ass, and so is his wife. I wont help him ever again with
anything.

Don't yall be so hard on this person.I've got a couple neighbours thats
gonna need a roof real soon.Could you send me your # and I'll have them
call you.

This work reminds me of the better quality efforts that trolls used to
produce in the early days of news groups. I, for one, salute the author.
Craftsmanship of this standard is a rare quality among trolls, nowadays, and
this individual has bravely bucked that trend. I say Bravo. Encore!

Rob

On Mon, 12 Jan 2004 02:28:16 GMT, "Specter" wrote:

This work reminds me of the better quality efforts that trolls used to
produce in the early days of news groups. I, for one, salute the author.
Craftsmanship of this standard is a rare quality among trolls, nowadays, and
this individual has bravely bucked that trend. I say Bravo. Encore!

Rob


Hi Rob, you might be interested in "Trolling FAQ". I found this FAQ in a
newsgroup about 10 years ago. I do not know who was the author, other than the
email address below. Anyway, trolling can be entertaining and relaxing. Read it
and enjoy!

This is a beta-test version of the Recreational Trolling FAQ!

Contents:
~~~~~~~~~

Introduction

Section 1: What is a troll?
Section 2: Design Issues
Section 3: Content
Section 4: Newsgroup Selection
Section 5: Know Your Audience
Section 6: Following-Up
Section 7: The Sucessful Troll
Section 8: Troll RFC

INTRODUCTION
~~~~~~~~~~~~

The object of this post is to bring together a definitve document to cover
the phenomena of the Usenet Troll. To many a troll is nothing more than an
annoying method of defeating the killfile whereas to the heavily killfiled,
trolling can be a virtual Godsend.

What I want this document to focus on is how to create entertaining trolls.
I have drawn on the expertise of the writer's of some of Usenet's finest
and best remembered trolls. Trolls are for fun. The object of recreational
trolling is to sit back and laugh at all those gullible idiots that will
believe *anything*.

Section 1: What Is A Troll?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The WWW gives this as a definition:

troll v.,n.

To utter a posting on Usenet designed to attract predictable
responses or flames. Derives from the phrase "trolling for
newbies"; which in turn comes from mainstream "trolling";, a
style of fishing in which one trails bait through a likely spot
hoping for a bite. The well-constructed troll is a post that
induces lots of newbies and flamers to make themselves look even
more clueless than they already do, while subtly conveying to
the more savvy and experienced that it is in fact a deliberate
troll. If you don't fall for the joke, you get to be in on it.

The following extract is from a broader expansion of the defining comments
given above:

In Usenet usage, a "troll" is not a grumpy monster that lives
beneath a bridge accosting passers-by, but rather a provocative
posting to a newsgroup intended to produce a large volume of
frivolous responses.

The content of a "troll" posting generally falls into several
areas. It may consist of an apparently foolish contradiction
of common knowledge, a deliberately offensive insult to the
readers of a newsgroup, or a broad request for trivial follow-up
postings.

There are three reasons why people troll newsgroups:

People post such messages to get attention, to disrupt newsgroups,
and simply to make trouble.

Career trollers tend for the latter two whilst the former is the mark
of the clueless newbie and should be ignored.

Section 2: Design Issues
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A troll is no different to any other Usenet posting. That needs to be
stressed. Any article that you decide to write should be written with
a view to it actually being read by large numbers of people. Simply
X-posting to large numbers of irrelevant newsgroups is not creative
trolling - it is just spam and should be avoided.

The experienced troller spends time carefully choosing the right subject
and delivering it to the right newsgroup. With trolls, delivery is just
as important as the subject.

Start the troll in a reasonable and erudite manner. You have to engage
your readers' interest and draw them in. Never give too much away at
the start - although a brief abstract with hints of what's to come can
work wonders.

Construct your troll in a manner to make it readable. Use short paragraphs
and lots of white space. Keep line length below eighty characters. Use a
liberal amount of emphasis and even the occasional illustration. A good
rule of thumb is that as your troll becomes more and more ludicrous put
extra effort into the presentation - this keeps the mug punter confused.
Let confusion and choas be your goal!

Section 3 Content
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Make your subject a relevant one. Posting "Star Trek Sucks" into hk.forsale
is not going to work very well and is liable to utterly destroy your hard
earned reputation as a troller overnight.

You do not have to make the subject clear. Trolls are aimed at two audiences,
the respondees and the lurkers. The best trolls reveal their true subject
only to the lurkers. In every sense those who reply to your troll are your
tools. So choose a theme for your troll and stick to it.

Outwardly you need to appear sincere, but at the same time you have to tell
your *real* audience that this is blatant flamebait. Your skill is shown in
the easy way that you manipulate large areas of the Usenet community into
making public fools of themselves.

Section 4 Newsgroup Selection
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Choice of newsgroup is as important as the subject, tone and structure of
the troll. You want to appeal to each group you X-post into to ensure
responses from each group. A well delivered troll will anticipate what
those responses will be and thus ensure that contradictions will arise
amongst the different groups that you are setting up.

BAD:

Posting "USA Sucks" to alt.nuke.the.USA, alt.usa-sucks, aus.flame.usa

This is totally on-topic and obvious. A truly useless troll.

AVERAGE:

Posting "God Doesn't Exist" to all the alt.religon newsgroups

Here you are being too obvious. People recognise this sort of
trouble making and have usually learned not to respond to it.
However, if your troll is well written you can actually entrap
a lot of newbies. This, if executed correctly, can be exploited
to cause great offence to those more experienced troll avoiders
on the groups you are attacking. Go for it!

GOOD:

Posting an article that appears relevant to every group but with
no connection between those groups other than the fact that you've
just trolled them.

The best trolls go out to an average of around eight or nine newsgroups.
This will stop them from becoming spam as it's not quite enough to be
a real problem. However, to get by on so few groups you have to include
a couple of popular ones in the list.

When posting to say seven groups you should try to break down your theme
into seven areas - each of which will be of specific interest to just
one of those groups. You then write an eight paragraph troll with a
paragraph for each group and a spare one for yourself with which to lob
in a gratuitous insult to everyone who was dumb enough to read your troll.

It is a matter of choice whether you choose newsgroups before or after
writing the troll. Some experts claim that newsgroup selection is the
key to successful trolling and should be done first, others will write
general trolls and then apply the standard Perl script that trollers use
for Automatic Random Newsgroup Selection. (I think this script is avail-
able on the web but I haven't yet got the URL - sorry)

Section 5 Know Your Audience
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remember that you have two audiences. The people who are going to get
the maximum enjoyment out of your post are other trollers. You need
to keep in contact with them through both your troll itself and the way
you direct its effect. It is trollers that you are trying to entertain
so be creative - trollers don't just want a laugh from you they want to
see good trolls so that they can also learn how to improve their own
in the never ending search for the perfect troll.


The other audience is of course the little people in those newsgroups
that you are attacking. Get to know them. Every newsgroup has its
smartarse who will expose your troll if given half a chance. Research
your targets and learn what their arguemnts are. Then avoid those argu-
ments like the plague. Drag them off-topic - the further off-topic the
better. Remember, you are trying to waste their time. Never take sides -
your goal is not to win an arguement, rather it is to provoke a futile
row that runs forever.

If, for example you were attacking Fast Food then you should also
X-post to Healthy Eating groups, Environmental Protection Groups,
Animal Rights Groups etc....You want to try to ensure that you
have the broadest possible range of opinions as this is the easiest
way to sow confusion. The more confusion the less the likelyhood
of your troll being exposed for what it is.

It can also be shown that the inclusion of just one totally off-topic
newsgroup can have dramatic effects. The list above is taken from a
genuine troll which also included an Artifical Intelligence group, the
result of which was to draw Computer Guru, Professor Marvin Minsky into
a flamewar concerning Ronald McDonald's exploitation of the disabled -
an all-time classic piece of trolling - written by a practising veggie.

Section 6 Following-Up
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Even if this is true......"

That represents the perfect response to any troll. The mark of a gullible
lunatic that will almost certainly believe anything you tell her (women
always make the best trollees as they have a logical reasoning capacity
of zilch). A total group embarrasment. Award yourself a Troll Gold Star
every time you get one!

Other good responses include, but are not limited to....

"Although this is on-topic....."

"I disagree...."

"Yes, but....."

"Can you provide a source for this...."

Try not to follow-up to your own troll. The troll itself quickly becomes
forgotten in the chaos and if you just sit back you can avoid being blamed
for causing it. Remember, if you do follow up you are talking to an idiot.
Treat them with the ill-respect they deserve.

You should also learn to recognise follow-ups from your fellow trollers.
Sometimes an average troll can be elevated into majestic proportions when
several trollers spontaneously join forces via the medium of the follow
up troll.

Ignore cries of wasted bandwidth! This is pure drivel that will always be
posted by the anti-troll lobby. These jerks fail to understand that trolls
are the best way to drive people off the internet thus making available
multi-mbs for the rest of us to download our porn.

Section 7 The Successful Troll
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A good example of troll success is the famous "Oh How I Envy American
Students" troll. This troll was written by an English brick-layer posing
as an american student. He correctly posted it to all the college news-
groups and then left american students to do all the work spreading it.


His troll ran for over a year, it is known to have generated in excess of
3,500 responses (an average of 1 response every 160 minutes for a whole
year) and the greatest coup of all was when an innocent american student
lost not only her internet account but was also expelled from high school
for abuse of the computer systems. Somehow she had managed to get the blame
for causing the troll.

Section 8 Troll RFC
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Applications are requested for a standard API to the existing troller's
tool the "Automatic Random X-Post Generator" - now in pre-release beta.

Experienced trollers and recovered trollees are invited to submit items
for inclusion in this FAQ.

Mirror sites are required for the soon to open Troll WWW Site! Please
send in your favourite trolls. (min 500 verifiable follow-ups).

Suggestions are welcome for an appropriate newsgroup to post the winning
troll into after each Troll of the Month title is awarded.

--
TrollFAQ!



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