I got a call on the answering machine. For my locksmith
business. "Do you do combination locks?"

Well, gee, lets see. Does the caller have a safe, vault,
padlock, bicycle lock, keyless car entry, gunsafe,
briefcase, firesafe, or a kids toy safe?

Does the caller want me to find another lock with the same
numbers? Find another lock with different combination? Find
the lost combination? Change the numbers? Change the
combination to match someting else?

I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty. Ideally, I'd also like it to be
useful for the two or three customers who call each week and
want to know if I do car locks.

At the moment, I'm thinking of "Do you have some food to
eat?" or "do you have a leaf off a tree?" or "do you wear a
hat?" I guess those are objects.

Maybe better is "Do you interact with people?" "Do you
prepare food or drink?" "Do you do lawn work?" I havn't
found the really zippy reply, yet. Do you do zippy replies?

--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
..

In article , "Stormin Mormon" wrote:

I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty.

Now *there*'s a good business plan: being "a bit snotty" to your customers.

Let us know how that works out for you.

On Apr 30, 10:25*pm, (Doug Miller) wrote:
In article , "Stormin Mormon" wrote:



I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty.

Now *there*'s a good business plan: being "a bit snotty" to your customers.

Let us know how that works out for you.

Just one lost customer, and 3 car locks a week, no big deal right.

Stormin Mormon wrote:
I got a call on the answering machine. For my locksmith
business. "Do you do combination locks?"

Well, gee, lets see. Does the caller have a safe, vault,
padlock, bicycle lock, keyless car entry, gunsafe,
briefcase, firesafe, or a kids toy safe?

Does the caller want me to find another lock with the same
numbers? Find another lock with different combination? Find
the lost combination? Change the numbers? Change the
combination to match someting else?

I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty. Ideally, I'd also like it to be
useful for the two or three customers who call each week and
want to know if I do car locks.

At the moment, I'm thinking of "Do you have some food to
eat?" or "do you have a leaf off a tree?" or "do you wear a
hat?" I guess those are objects.

Maybe better is "Do you interact with people?" "Do you
prepare food or drink?" "Do you do lawn work?" I havn't
found the really zippy reply, yet. Do you do zippy replies?


Unless you are booked solid, and the only locksmith in town, you need
the customer more than the customer needs you. Act accordingly. Proper
reply when you call back is 'Well, that depends. What kind of
combination lock are you needing help with?'

--
aem sends...

In article ,
"Stormin Mormon" wrote:

I got a call on the answering machine. For my locksmith
business. "Do you do combination locks?"

Well, gee, lets see. Does the caller have a safe, vault,
padlock, bicycle lock, keyless car entry, gunsafe,
briefcase, firesafe, or a kids toy safe?

Does the caller want me to find another lock with the same
numbers? Find another lock with different combination? Find
the lost combination? Change the numbers? Change the
combination to match someting else?

I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty. Ideally, I'd also like it to be
useful for the two or three customers who call each week and
want to know if I do car locks.

At the moment, I'm thinking of "Do you have some food to
eat?" or "do you have a leaf off a tree?" or "do you wear a
hat?" I guess those are objects.

Maybe better is "Do you interact with people?" "Do you
prepare food or drink?" "Do you do lawn work?" I havn't
found the really zippy reply, yet. Do you do zippy replies?

How about "Does your daughter do mormon top-posters?"

On May 1, 1:18*am, "Stormin Mormon"
wrote:
I got a call on the answering machine. For my locksmith
business. "Do you do combination locks?"

Well, gee, lets see. Does the caller have a safe, vault,
padlock, bicycle lock, key-less car entry, gunsafe,
briefcase, firesafe, or a kids toy safe?

Does the caller want me to find another lock with the same
numbers? Find another lock with different combination? Find
the lost combination? Change the numbers? Change the
combination to match something else?

I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty. Ideally, I'd also like it to be
useful for the two or three customers who call each week and
want to know if I do car locks.

At the moment, I'm thinking of "Do you have some food to
eat?" or "do you have a leaf off a tree?" or "do you wear a
hat?" I guess those are objects.

Maybe better is "Do you interact with people?" "Do you
prepare food or drink?" "Do you do lawn work?" I haven't
found the really zippy reply, yet. Do you do zippy replies?

--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
*www.lds.org
.
Well if this not a troll??????

How does a smart alecky, "Slightly snotty" reply do any good or help
any business?
What such an uncharitable and one might say, 'Unchristian' answer
might imply is the following.

"Well I'm a pretty superior sort of person An expert in my field.Your
question is poorly worded and incomplete. Not sure I can deal with
you".

Yup; nothing better calculated to personally turn me off from doing
business with you. The question is a perfectly reasonable one. It
merely opens a conversation; leading to whether the locksmith is
mobile, does the locksmith travel to your location etc. etc. The
expression 'No such thing as a stupid question ......' comes to mind.

It also opens the possibility for the locksmith to do some coaching of
the potential customer, depending on the amount time available etc.

It is now a few years since we ceased operating a small business; but
still get phone calls (got one tonight in fact for potential business
next Dec 17th) often saying something along the lines of "We were so
pleased with your help and obliging service that we are calling again
for ................... Oh; sorry that you are no longer in
business!".

We were in that business from 1970 to 2004. Sometimes dealing with two
or more generations of the same family!

Maybe an appropriate reply would be "Thank you for your enquiry
of ...... Very happy to discuss your requirement and if it's within
our capability and resources and time available, maybe we can be of
assistance/service".

That leaves door open to declining the work if it's not reasonable,
unprofitable etc. Also how on earth does one know how much business is
or is/not out there if callers get 'turned off' and don't call. Or
worse the locksmith doesn't call back! Or whenthey do have a 'snotty'
attitude

In another business previous to the one already mentioned (in the
1950s to 1960s) we established a reputation for service and fair
dealing in the tube TV repair business (Yes! Villainous TV repair!)
Such that many years later it was mentioned time and again when we
were elected twice, to local town councils and served our
municipality, without remuneration in that capacity for nearly ten
years. A very rewarding experience btw.

In most parts of the English speaking world there are expressions such
as; "What goes around, comes around". In other words 'Do unto others
as you would have them do unto you'. No wonder somebody needs to
"Learn more about Jesus"!

How much better to have someone say "Such an obliging person, that
locksmith; and once he got here he that lock fixed in jig time". The
message coming across as; he is good at what he does, he is obliging
therefore he's in demand and is busy. So we were lucky we called HIM
for our lock work.

Aw heck! (Won't say he**) Here endeth the lesson.

Just go and buy a new lock; forget calling a locksmith.

Must be trolling
"Stormin Mormon" wrote in message
...
I got a call on the answering machine. For my locksmith
business. "Do you do combination locks?"

Well, gee, lets see. Does the caller have a safe, vault,
padlock, bicycle lock, keyless car entry, gunsafe,
briefcase, firesafe, or a kids toy safe?

Does the caller want me to find another lock with the same
numbers? Find another lock with different combination? Find
the lost combination? Change the numbers? Change the
combination to match someting else?

I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty. Ideally, I'd also like it to be
useful for the two or three customers who call each week and
want to know if I do car locks.

At the moment, I'm thinking of "Do you have some food to
eat?" or "do you have a leaf off a tree?" or "do you wear a
hat?" I guess those are objects.

Maybe better is "Do you interact with people?" "Do you
prepare food or drink?" "Do you do lawn work?" I havn't
found the really zippy reply, yet. Do you do zippy replies?

--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
.

"Stormin Mormon" wrote in message
...
I got a call on the answering machine. For my locksmith
business. "Do you do combination locks?"

Well, gee, lets see. Does the caller have a safe, vault,
padlock, bicycle lock, keyless car entry, gunsafe,
briefcase, firesafe, or a kids toy safe?

Does the caller want me to find another lock with the same
numbers? Find another lock with different combination? Find
the lost combination? Change the numbers? Change the
combination to match someting else?

I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty. Ideally, I'd also like it to be
useful for the two or three customers who call each week and
want to know if I do car locks.

At the moment, I'm thinking of "Do you have some food to
eat?" or "do you have a leaf off a tree?" or "do you wear a
hat?" I guess those are objects.

Maybe better is "Do you interact with people?" "Do you
prepare food or drink?" "Do you do lawn work?" I havn't
found the really zippy reply, yet. Do you do zippy replies?

--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
.

If the caller on your answering machine read your post, they'd think you
an obnoxious prick and call someone else

On Thu, 30 Apr 2009 23:12:20 -0700 (PDT), stan
wrote:

On May 1, 1:18*am, "Stormin Mormon"
wrote:
I got a call on the answering machine. For my locksmith
business. "Do you do combination locks?"

Well, gee, lets see. Does the caller have a safe, vault,
padlock, bicycle lock, key-less car entry, gunsafe,
briefcase, firesafe, or a kids toy safe?

Does the caller want me to find another lock with the same
numbers? Find another lock with different combination? Find
the lost combination? Change the numbers? Change the
combination to match something else?

I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty. Ideally, I'd also like it to be
useful for the two or three customers who call each week and
want to know if I do car locks.

At the moment, I'm thinking of "Do you have some food to
eat?" or "do you have a leaf off a tree?" or "do you wear a
hat?" I guess those are objects.

Maybe better is "Do you interact with people?" "Do you
prepare food or drink?" "Do you do lawn work?" I haven't
found the really zippy reply, yet. Do you do zippy replies?

--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
*www.lds.org
.
Well if this not a troll??????

How does a smart alecky, "Slightly snotty" reply do any good or help
any business?

Look at the pool of people who are locksmiths. It's for people who are
otherwise unemployable and don't have many options.

If he's an especially ambitious locksmith, he may repair storm door
screens as a sideline.

"Stormin Mormon" wrote:

I got a call on the answering machine. For my locksmith
business. "Do you do combination locks?"

-snip-
I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty.
-snip-

In your head you reply with a simple "Yes". and wait for the next
question.

In real life, you pick up the phone, call the customer & say "We do
lots of things to combinations locks, Mrs. Smith. what's your
pleasure?"

Because, although the customer is not necessarily always right. . .
they are never, ever, wrong.

Jim
[and if you can't pull off the 'you're the bestest person in the whole
world, Mrs. smith' lie with conviction, then get out of retail. you're
only torturing yourself and the people you come in contact with]

On Apr 30, 11:25*pm, (Doug Miller) wrote:
In article , "Stormin Mormon" wrote:



I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty.

Now *there*'s a good business plan: being "a bit snotty" to your customers.

Let us know how that works out for you.

I've had dealings with an obtuse local locksmith who has my phone
number listed at a business website.
Every couple of months I get a call for his services and in spite of
my talking to the locksmith and emailing and faxing him, the error has
not been corrected. Another great business man.

Stormin Mormon wrote:
I got a call on the answering machine. For my locksmith
business. "Do you do combination locks?"

Well, gee, lets see. Does the caller have a safe, vault,
padlock, bicycle lock, keyless car entry, gunsafe,
briefcase, firesafe, or a kids toy safe?

Does the caller want me to find another lock with the same
numbers? Find another lock with different combination? Find
the lost combination? Change the numbers? Change the
combination to match someting else?

I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty. Ideally, I'd also like it to be
useful for the two or three customers who call each week and
want to know if I do car locks.

At the moment, I'm thinking of "Do you have some food to
eat?" or "do you have a leaf off a tree?" or "do you wear a
hat?" I guess those are objects.

Maybe better is "Do you interact with people?" "Do you
prepare food or drink?" "Do you do lawn work?" I havn't
found the really zippy reply, yet. Do you do zippy replies?


Ever actually read your sig and consider what it means?

Stormin Mormon wrote:
I got a call on the answering machine. For my locksmith
business. "Do you do combination locks?"

Well, gee, lets see. Does the caller have a safe, vault,
padlock, bicycle lock, keyless car entry, gunsafe,
briefcase, firesafe, or a kids toy safe?

Does the caller want me to find another lock with the same
numbers? Find another lock with different combination? Find
the lost combination? Change the numbers? Change the
combination to match someting else?

I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty. Ideally, I'd also like it to be
useful for the two or three customers who call each week and
want to know if I do car locks.

At the moment, I'm thinking of "Do you have some food to
eat?" or "do you have a leaf off a tree?" or "do you wear a
hat?" I guess those are objects.

Maybe better is "Do you interact with people?" "Do you
prepare food or drink?" "Do you do lawn work?" I havn't
found the really zippy reply, yet. Do you do zippy replies?

You shouldn't have asked:

1. "Heh! We find, as the population gets older, more and more people forget
their combinations! I hope they don't discover keys, 'cause we make a pretty
good living off of the addled."

2. "I forget. Probably."

3. "Only if: a) They're good lookin' or b) We're desperate."

4. "We're the only shop in town that can do metric combination locks!"

5. "Only if the numbers on the dial don't exceed 120. Above that, it's too
hot to work on."

6. "Depends... What's the combination?"

7. "I'd rather work on a combination lock than ****!"

8. "Yes, but I need to warn you up front that combination locks are like
muskrats - there is no way to turn them into a nutritious meal."

9. "Vanilla and cinnamon ones are pretty straightforward; its the teal and
taupe ones that cause warts."

10. "Sigh. New Homeland Security regulations under the Patriot Act require
us to log and report all attempts to defeat combination locks. May I please
have your name..."

If you need more suggestions, I'll be glad to show you the video of the
night the cat learned to open the gerbil cage.

"Stormin Mormon" wrote in message
...
I got a call on the answering machine. For my locksmith
business. "Do you do combination locks?"

Well, gee, lets see. Does the caller have a safe, vault,
padlock, bicycle lock, keyless car entry, gunsafe,
briefcase, firesafe, or a kids toy safe?

Does the caller want me to find another lock with the same
numbers? Find another lock with different combination? Find
the lost combination? Change the numbers? Change the
combination to match someting else?

I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty. Ideally, I'd also like it to be
useful for the two or three customers who call each week and
want to know if I do car locks.

At the moment, I'm thinking of "Do you have some food to
eat?" or "do you have a leaf off a tree?" or "do you wear a
hat?" I guess those are objects.

Maybe better is "Do you interact with people?" "Do you
prepare food or drink?" "Do you do lawn work?" I havn't
found the really zippy reply, yet. Do you do zippy replies?

--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org



*I politely return their call and tell them nicely that I don't do that type
of work, but if I know someone who does I will refer them. I also let them
know that they can call me for electrical work in the future. Everyone is a
potential customer if not now then at some time in the future.

The caller inquiring "Do you do combination locks?" was probably only a
maintenance supervisor from a large apartment complex who only wanted
a few hundred mailbox locks redone. Certainly you don't need that kind of
business.


--
Make it as simple as possible, but no simpler.

Larry Wasserman - Baltimore Maryland - lwasserm(a)sdf. lonestar. org

"Stormin Mormon" wrote in message
...
I got a call on the answering machine. For my locksmith
business. "Do you do combination locks?"

Well, gee, lets see. Does the caller have a safe, vault,
padlock, bicycle lock, keyless car entry, gunsafe,
briefcase, firesafe, or a kids toy safe?

Does the caller want me to find another lock with the same
numbers? Find another lock with different combination? Find
the lost combination? Change the numbers? Change the
combination to match someting else?

I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty. Ideally, I'd also like it to be
useful for the two or three customers who call each week and
want to know if I do car locks.

At the moment, I'm thinking of "Do you have some food to
eat?" or "do you have a leaf off a tree?" or "do you wear a
hat?" I guess those are objects.

Maybe better is "Do you interact with people?" "Do you
prepare food or drink?" "Do you do lawn work?" I havn't
found the really zippy reply, yet. Do you do zippy replies?

--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
.

Snotty answer. I got one from a firm I was doing $4k a year with them. Now
that goes to someone else. WW

On May 1, 8:22*am, (Larry W) wrote:
The caller inquiring "Do you do combination locks?" was probably only a
maintenance supervisor from a large apartment complex who only wanted
a few hundred mailbox locks redone. Certainly you don't need that kind of
business.

--
* * *Make it as simple as possible, but no simpler.

* * *Larry Wasserman - Baltimore Maryland - lwasserm(a)sdf. lonestar. org

Or he has a hotel on the ocean and is thinking of changing 300 locks,
and gives rooms and boat free to friends when they are avalaible. Once
I got a call about painting 1 lousy door, It turned out to be 130
doors, I restored brass hardware and sprayed them for a nice hotel,
the place kept me busy for years until they hired a full time live in
painter. If an add says "We do Locks", you do locks, and look for
commercial jobs where you can eat for years. There is nothing better
than big jobs where you get alot done.

On Apr 30, 11:18*pm, "Stormin Mormon"
wrote:
I got a call on the answering machine. For my locksmith
business. "Do you do combination locks?"

Well, gee, lets see. Does the caller have a safe, vault,
padlock, bicycle lock, keyless car entry, gunsafe,
briefcase, firesafe, or a kids toy safe?

Does the caller want me to find another lock with the same
numbers? Find another lock with different combination? Find
the lost combination? Change the numbers? Change the
combination to match someting else?

I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty. Ideally, I'd also like it to be
useful for the two or three customers who call each week and
want to know if I do car locks.

At the moment, I'm thinking of "Do you have some food to
eat?" or "do you have a leaf off a tree?" or "do you wear a
hat?" I guess those are objects.

Maybe better is "Do you interact with people?" "Do you
prepare food or drink?" "Do you do lawn work?" I havn't
found the really zippy reply, yet. Do you do zippy replies?

--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
*www.lds.org
.

I have a standard answer for people like *that*:

"Yes, I do, but not for idiots like you."

In fact, my print ads and website specifically state that I don't do
jobs for idiots. They either have to know exactly what they want and
they must word their requirements exactly the way I want them to or I
tell them to go pound sand.

Sometimes I'm not even that nice. "Go pound sand" can be worded in
ways that really insult the idiots who contact me with their stupid
questions and ignorant requests.

BTW You should see my print ads and website. They're really nice. I
spend a lot of time tweeking them, making them better and better all
the time. I can do that because business has been pretty slow.

It must be the economy.

On 5/1/2009 2:42 AM G. Morgan spake thus:

Stormin Mormon wrote:

I havn't found the really zippy reply, yet.

No you haven't.

Instead of trying to insult your customers, make a joke and say "Does a bear
**** in the woods?"

I thought that was supposed to be "Does the Pope **** in the woods?"


--
Save the Planet
Kill Yourself

- motto of the Church of Euthanasia (http://www.churchofeuthanasia.org/)

On Thu, 30 Apr 2009 23:18:55 -0400, against all advice, something
compelled "Stormin Mormon" ,
to say:

Maybe better is "Do you interact with people?" "Do you
prepare food or drink?" "Do you do lawn work?" I havn't
found the really zippy reply, yet. Do you do zippy replies?


How would Jesus snark?




--

Real men don't text.

Stormin Mormon wrote:
I got a call on the answering machine. For my locksmith
business. "Do you do combination locks?"

Well, gee, lets see. Does the caller have a safe, vault,
padlock, bicycle lock, keyless car entry, gunsafe,
briefcase, firesafe, or a kids toy safe?

Does the caller want me to find another lock with the same
numbers? Find another lock with different combination? Find
the lost combination? Change the numbers? Change the
combination to match someting else?

I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty. Ideally, I'd also like it to be
useful for the two or three customers who call each week and
want to know if I do car locks.

At the moment, I'm thinking of "Do you have some food to
eat?" or "do you have a leaf off a tree?" or "do you wear a
hat?" I guess those are objects.

Maybe better is "Do you interact with people?" "Do you
prepare food or drink?" "Do you do lawn work?" I havn't
found the really zippy reply, yet. Do you do zippy replies?

My favourite peeve with answering machines is people who won't leave a
message but simply say "Call me." I provide a machine so they can give me
something to work with so that my call to them isn't a waste of time for all
of us, especially if they have an answer machine and we both just call back
and forth doing nothing but leaving "call me" messages.

In article , Stormin Mormon
wrote:

I got a call on the answering machine. For my locksmith
business. "Do you do combination locks?"

Well, gee, lets see. Does the caller have a safe, vault,
padlock, bicycle lock, keyless car entry, gunsafe,
briefcase, firesafe, or a kids toy safe?

Does the caller want me to find another lock with the same
numbers? Find another lock with different combination? Find
the lost combination? Change the numbers? Change the
combination to match someting else?

I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty. Ideally, I'd also like it to be
useful for the two or three customers who call each week and
want to know if I do car locks.

At the moment, I'm thinking of "Do you have some food to
eat?" or "do you have a leaf off a tree?" or "do you wear a
hat?" I guess those are objects.

Maybe better is "Do you interact with people?" "Do you
prepare food or drink?" "Do you do lawn work?" I havn't
found the really zippy reply, yet. Do you do zippy replies?

The proper zippy reply for this one is, "Only when I'm awake."

-Frank

--
Here's some of my work:
http://www.franksknives.com/

On Apr 30, 11:18*pm, "Stormin Mormon"
wrote:
I got a call on the answering machine. For my locksmith
business. "Do you do combination locks?"

Well, gee, lets see. Does the caller have a safe, vault,
padlock, bicycle lock, keyless car entry, gunsafe,
briefcase, firesafe, or a kids toy safe?

Does the caller want me to find another lock with the same
numbers? Find another lock with different combination? Find
the lost combination? Change the numbers? Change the
combination to match someting else?

I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty. Ideally, I'd also like it to be
useful for the two or three customers who call each week and
want to know if I do car locks.

At the moment, I'm thinking of "Do you have some food to
eat?" or "do you have a leaf off a tree?" or "do you wear a
hat?" I guess those are objects.

Maybe better is "Do you interact with people?" "Do you
prepare food or drink?" "Do you do lawn work?" I havn't
found the really zippy reply, yet. Do you do zippy replies?

--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
*www.lds.org
.

I think the most snotty answer would be "I change locks. I make
keys. I pick locks. I break into safes. But I do not "DO locks".

Another less snotty answer would be "I do not do locks, but I have
someone on staff who does".

More snooty might be a simple, "yes, as my name states/implies".

Vaguer would be "I suppose".

Personally, I like, "Yes, I have been know to do that". That's pretty
arrogant without being too bad.

Of course, if you want to lose all sense of wholesomeness you could
answer." Yes I do combination locks. I also do your wife every
Tuesday morning but she has to put a bag over her head."

I thought that was supposed to be "Does the Pope **** in the woods?"

Are Bears Catholic ?

"Frank" wrote in message
...
On Apr 30, 11:25 pm, (Doug Miller) wrote:
In article , "Stormin Mormon"
wrote:



I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty.

Now *there*'s a good business plan: being "a bit snotty" to your
customers.

Let us know how that works out for you.

I've had dealings with an obtuse local locksmith who has my phone
number listed at a business website.
Every couple of months I get a call for his services and in spite of
my talking to the locksmith and emailing and faxing him, the error has
not been corrected. Another great business man.



I'd tell all subsequent callers that ..."sorry, I'm out of business. Instead
call (insert another locksmith's phone number)...he can help you."

On May 1, 3:25*pm, "Rudy" wrote:
I thought that was supposed to be "Does the Pope **** in the woods?"

Are Bears Catholic ?

I think the modern version is- Does the Pope's bear **** in the
Vatican?
-----

- gpsman

On Apr 30, 11:25*pm, (Doug Miller) wrote:
In article , "Stormin Mormon" wrote:

I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty.

Now *there*'s a good business plan: being "a bit snotty" to your customers.

Pfft. Some customers you don't want. Those are usually the stupid.

I had a great comeback: 1.5-10 times my usual fee, or whatever they
had in their account, plus $100.

Stupid surcharge.
-----

- gpsman

"Stormin Mormon" wrote in message
...
I got a call on the answering machine. For my locksmith
business. "Do you do combination locks?"

Well, gee, lets see. Does the caller have a safe, vault,
padlock, bicycle lock, keyless car entry, gunsafe,
briefcase, firesafe, or a kids toy safe?

Does the caller want me to find another lock with the same
numbers? Find another lock with different combination? Find
the lost combination? Change the numbers? Change the
combination to match someting else?

I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty. Ideally, I'd also like it to be
useful for the two or three customers who call each week and
want to know if I do car locks.

At the moment, I'm thinking of "Do you have some food to
eat?" or "do you have a leaf off a tree?" or "do you wear a
hat?" I guess those are objects.

Maybe better is "Do you interact with people?" "Do you
prepare food or drink?" "Do you do lawn work?" I havn't
found the really zippy reply, yet. Do you do zippy replies?

--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
.




Chris,

It sounds like you have been working with the public much too long. You and
I should both find different jobs.


Colbyt

Frank wrote:
On Apr 30, 11:25 pm, (Doug Miller) wrote:
In article , "Stormin Mormon" wrote:



I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty.
Now *there*'s a good business plan: being "a bit snotty" to your customers.

Let us know how that works out for you.

I've had dealings with an obtuse local locksmith who has my phone
number listed at a business website.
Every couple of months I get a call for his services and in spite of
my talking to the locksmith and emailing and faxing him, the error has
not been corrected. Another great business man.

But you can return the favor by reporting that you heard he is out of
business due to problems with the government.

Lou

Frank wrote:
On Apr 30, 11:25 pm, (Doug Miller) wrote:
In article , "Stormin Mormon" wrote:



I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty.
Now *there*'s a good business plan: being "a bit snotty" to your customers.

Let us know how that works out for you.

I've had dealings with an obtuse local locksmith who has my phone
number listed at a business website.
Every couple of months I get a call for his services and in spite of
my talking to the locksmith and emailing and faxing him, the error has
not been corrected. Another great business man.

Is it an actual website or just one of those business directory sites
that just leech information?

My buddy has had a problem with google for a long time. They have a
business locater thing. His business is located in a commercial space in
the same town as where his parents live. His parents are elderly and in
ill health and it is clearly a residence but lots of sales people show
up banging on his parents door to make cold sales calls because they got
the information from google. My friend spent over six months before an
actual person from google contacted him. The person said they would fix
it but he had to prove to them that they were in error. He submitted
lots of information and they still haven't fixed their error and won't
respond.

On Fri, 01 May 2009 11:10:56 -0700, David Nebenzahl
wrote:

On 5/1/2009 2:42 AM G. Morgan spake thus:

Stormin Mormon wrote:

I havn't found the really zippy reply, yet.

No you haven't.

Instead of trying to insult your customers, make a joke and say "Does a bear
**** in the woods?"

I thought that was supposed to be "Does the Pope **** in the woods?"

Popes are like Jesus. Their ****ting is entirely through the upper
orifice.

George wrote:
Frank wrote:
On Apr 30, 11:25 pm, (Doug Miller) wrote:
In article , "Stormin Mormon"
wrote:



I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty.
Now *there*'s a good business plan: being "a bit snotty" to your
customers.

Let us know how that works out for you.

I've had dealings with an obtuse local locksmith who has my phone
number listed at a business website.
Every couple of months I get a call for his services and in spite of
my talking to the locksmith and emailing and faxing him, the error has
not been corrected. Another great business man.

Is it an actual website or just one of those business directory sites
that just leech information?

My buddy has had a problem with google for a long time. They have a
business locater thing. His business is located in a commercial space in
the same town as where his parents live. His parents are elderly and in
ill health and it is clearly a residence but lots of sales people show
up banging on his parents door to make cold sales calls because they got
the information from google. My friend spent over six months before an
actual person from google contacted him. The person said they would fix
it but he had to prove to them that they were in error. He submitted
lots of information and they still haven't fixed their error and won't
respond.
Since he has a phone number he should ask for the legal dept as well as
giving google lots of free bad publicity.

Frank wrote in
:

On Apr 30, 11:25*pm, (Doug Miller) wrote:
In article , "Stormin Mormon"
cayoung6
wrote:



I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty.

Now *there*'s a good business plan: being "a bit snotty" to your
customer
s.

Let us know how that works out for you.

I've had dealings with an obtuse local locksmith who has my phone
number listed at a business website.
Every couple of months I get a call for his services and in spite of
my talking to the locksmith and emailing and faxing him, the error has
not been corrected. Another great business man.


Give subsequent callers a quote..."49.95 plus a pair of our wife's
panties. 10% discount if she's in heat."

G. Morgan wrote in
alid:

Red Green wrote:

Give subsequent callers a quote..."49.95 plus a pair of our wife's
panties. 10% discount if she's in heat."

"our" wife's.... LOL



a typo...but maybe a good one :-)

Frank wrote:
On Apr 30, 11:25 pm, (Doug Miller) wrote:
In article , "Stormin Mormon" wrote:



I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty.
Now *there*'s a good business plan: being "a bit snotty" to your customers.

Let us know how that works out for you.

I've had dealings with an obtuse local locksmith who has my phone
number listed at a business website.
Every couple of months I get a call for his services and in spite of
my talking to the locksmith and emailing and faxing him, the error has
not been corrected. Another great business man.

Unless the web site in question belongs to the locksmith, you are
talking to the wrong person. Contact the sysadmin at the web site that
is showing the wrong number, and tell them one of their listed companies
made a typo, and that YOU own the number and want it removed. You can
even supply him with the correct number, if you happen to know it. Yes,
the idiot locksmith in the listing should have had it corrected, but
since he won't, you can either fix the problem yourself, or deal with
the irritation.

--
aem sends...

aemeijers wrote:
Frank wrote:
On Apr 30, 11:25 pm, (Doug Miller) wrote:
In article , "Stormin Mormon"
wrote:



I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty.
Now *there*'s a good business plan: being "a bit snotty" to your
customers.

Let us know how that works out for you.

I've had dealings with an obtuse local locksmith who has my phone
number listed at a business website.
Every couple of months I get a call for his services and in spite of
my talking to the locksmith and emailing and faxing him, the error has
not been corrected. Another great business man.

Unless the web site in question belongs to the locksmith, you are
talking to the wrong person. Contact the sysadmin at the web site that
is showing the wrong number, and tell them one of their listed companies
made a typo, and that YOU own the number and want it removed. You can
even supply him with the correct number, if you happen to know it. Yes,
the idiot locksmith in the listing should have had it corrected, but
since he won't, you can either fix the problem yourself, or deal with
the irritation.

--
aem sends...

Good advice!

That's just about the snotty level I'm seeking. You're
hired!

--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
..


"Doug Miller" wrote in message
...
In article , "Stormin
Mormon" wrote:

I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty.

Now *there*'s a good business plan: being "a bit snotty" to
your customers.

Let us know how that works out for you.

Years ago, my parents home phone was a couple digits away
from TWO totally different hardware stores. We'd get calls
for one hardware, or the other. I finally stopped telling
folks they dialed the wrong number. Whatever it was they
wanted, we had five or six in stock, and choice of colors.
Just come in and ask for Fred.

--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
..


"Frank" wrote in message
...

I've had dealings with an obtuse local locksmith who has my
phone
number listed at a business website.
Every couple of months I get a call for his services and in
spite of
my talking to the locksmith and emailing and faxing him, the
error has
not been corrected. Another great business man.

Jesus had some pretty zippy answers. "Neither do I tell
thee" and things like that. He sure is a good role model.

--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
..


"George" wrote in message
...

Ever actually read your sig and consider what it means?

Now, that's the spirit. Blame the government.

Gerbil cage? Was it a combination lock?

--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
..


"HeyBub" wrote in message
m...

10. "Sigh. New Homeland Security regulations under the
Patriot Act require
us to log and report all attempts to defeat combination
locks. May I please
have your name..."

If you need more suggestions, I'll be glad to show you the
video of the
night the cat learned to open the gerbil cage.