First posted Mon, 27 Nov 2006

Tom Watson still around?

He first reminded me:

Enjoy

Lew
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Ave
Beaver Valley, Colorado

Dec 14, 1998

Dearest John:

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a
pear tree.
What a thourghly delightful gift.
I couldn't have been more surprized.

With deepest love and devotion,

Agnes

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Ave
Beaver Valley, Colorado

Dec 15, 1998

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift.
Just imagine - two turtle doves!
I'm delighted at your very thoughtful gift.

They are just adorable.

All my love,

Agnes

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Ave
Beaver Valley, Colorado

Dec 16, 1998

Dear John:

Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one.
Now I really must protest.
I don't deserve such generosity - three french hens.
They are just darling but I must insist - you've been too kind.

Love,

Agnes

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Ave
Beaver Valley, Colorado

Dec 17, 1998

Dear John:

Today the postman delivered four calling birds.
Now really, they're beautiful but don't you think enough is enough?
You're being too romantic.

Affectionately,

Agnes

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Ave
Beaver Valley, Colorado

Dec 18, 1998

Dearest John:

What a suprise!
Today the postman delivered five golden rings.
One for every finger.
You're just impossible, but I love it.
Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.

All my love,

Agnes

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Ave
Beaver Valley, Colorado

Dec 19, 1998

Dear John:

When I opened the door there were actually six geese a-laying on my
front steps.
So your back to the birds again, huh?
Those geese are huge.
Where will I ever keep them?
The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket.

Please stop.

Cordially,

Agnes

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Ave
Beaver Valley, Colorado

Dec 20, 1998

John:

What's with you and those ****ing birds???
Seven swans a-swimming.
What kind of god damn joke is this?
There's bird **** all over the house and they never stop
with the racket.
I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck.
it's not funny, so stop with those ****ing birds.

Sincerely,

Agnes

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Ave
Beaver Valley, Colorado

Dec 21, 1998

Ok Buster:

I think I prefer the birds.
What the hell am I going to do with eight maids a-milking?
It's not enough with all those birds and eight maids a-milking,
but they had to bring their god damn cows.
There's **** all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house.
Just lay off me smart ass.

Agnes

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Ave
Beaver Valley, Colorado

Dec 22, 1998

Hey ****head:

What are you?
Some kind of sadist?
Now there's nine pipers playing, and christ do they play.
They've never stopped chasing those maids since they
got here yesterday morning.
The cows are getting upset and there stepping all over those
screeching birds.
What am I going to do?
The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.

You'll get yours asshole,

Agnes

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Ave
Beaver Valley, Colorado

Dec 23, 1998

You Rotten Prick:

Now there's ten ladies dancing.
I don't know why I call those sluts ladies.
They've been balling those pipers all night long.
Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea.
My living room is a river of ****.
The commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to show
cause why the building should not be condemned.

I'm sicking the police on you.

One Who Means It

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Ave
Beaver Valley, Colorado

Dec 24, 1998

Listen ****head:

What's with the eleven lords a-leaping on those maids and ladies?
Some of those broads will never walk again.
Those pipers ran through the maids and have been commiting
sodomy with the cows.

All twenty three of the birds are dead.
They've been trampled to death in the orgy.
I hope you're satisfied you rotten, vicious swine.

Your sworn enemy,

Agnes

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Law Offices
Badger, Bender and Cajole
303 Knave St
Denver, Colorado

Dec 25, 1998

Dear Sir:

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling
which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes
McHolstein.

The destruction was of course total.

All correspondence should come to our attention.

If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale
Sanatarium,
the attendants have instructions to shoot you
on sight.

Enclosed please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

Cordially,

Badger, Bender and Cajole