Leon wrote:
"Upscale" wrote in message
...
wrote in message
Hmmm.... sounds like a spew from a denizen of the lesser states...
Possibly, the attitude of superiority from Texans? You just did it
yourself
by calling other states "lesser", maybe unconsciously, but still done
nevertheless.

Good observation but all but one state are smaller than Texas. LOL

I heard that if Texans did not stop bragging about how big their state
is that the Alaskans are going to cut their state into two pieces and
make Texas the third largest state. ;-)


Dan

jtpryan wrote:

OMG, take a joke.

Although, I have to say, with the possible exception of Austin, the
tone of the joke is dead on. And I've been there a lot.

Now, I grew up in NYC, so if I can't take a joke about my home turf I
would be in big trouble. And NY is, as we all know, the center of the
universe.


Bumper sticker:
"South Austin: We're all here because we're not all there"

Robatoy wrote:

I got into a cab in NYC and asked the driver for the time. He snarkily
said: "You mean NOW??"

I asked a taxi driver in D.C. why there were no gun stores. The conversation
went as follows:

Driver: "Where youz from?"
Me: "Texas"
Driver: "Youz got guns in Texas?"
Me: "In general, or me personally?"
Driver: "Youz personally!"
Me: "Oh. I have just your basic starter-set."
Driver: "Starter set? Whaz that?"
Me: "Uh, short-barrel shotgun, carbine, pistol, and a throw-down. Just your
basic household set. Three were wedding shower gifts."
Driver: "...Wherez you want off!"

Morris Dovey wrote:
HeyBub wrote:

snippage of Judean adaptations

I think all of those were brought back from either Egypt or Babylon.

:-)

So, tell me, how do you have a hurricane in Babylon?

Morris Dovey wrote:
HeyBub wrote:

snippage of Judean adaptations

I think all of those were brought back from either Egypt or Babylon.

:-)

Alright, enough with the Jewish jokes already.

Two Chinamen meet in a bar. One says to the other: "So, when's your boy's
bar mitzvah..."

"Jimmy Mac" wrote in message
...
On Mar 1, 10:02 am, "Leon" wrote:
Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one
entitled, "Survivor, Texas-Style."


WOW Leon - you sure nuff know how to start a political war on the
wreck! LOL! Didn't we talk about this when I lived in Texas? MORE
LOL! And to think I missed the wreck that much. Just forgot some of
the fun that goes on here. I'd seen this before and thinks it's as
funny as ever. Having lived in Texas for 21+ years, it gives me the
right to laugh. For those of you who don't thanks for the extra
chuckle. Come on guys - it's a joke. Is it politically correct?
Probably not . . . but then again take a look at Washington and let me
know everything there is "politically correct" as well. Right on Leon
- Paul Harvey passed away . . . keep the tongue-in-chee

Politically correct, Hell no! unless you live in Texas. ;~)
So uh, are there any piney trees out there in the desert? Are you doing any
wood working these days?

"Leon" wrote:


The border guard must have been in his early 20's and was very wise, ;~) to
us Texans, especially the ones driving pick up trucks.
When we went through the border crossing my wife and her aunt just scooted
on through. My ten year son and I were stopped and "questioned". LOL

What is your business in Canada? How long are you staying?

Do you know what the Canada's policy is, concerning guns being brought in
across the border?

I had a similar experience crossing into Canada last year in a car with Texas
plates. It has to be part of their training. The question I found most odd was
"Do you have guns at home?". If I did, they were at home, 1800 miles away. Not
likely to be a danger to peace loving Canadians.

Three months later, I crossed into Canada in a rental car with Washington State
plates. Not a single discussion of guns.

-- Doug

"Douglas Johnson" wrote in message
...
"Leon" wrote:
What is your business in Canada? How long are you staying?

Do you know what the Canada's policy is, concerning guns being brought in
across the border?

I had a similar experience crossing into Canada last year in a car with
Texas
plates. It has to be part of their training. The question I found most
odd was
"Do you have guns at home?". If I did, they were at home, 1800 miles
away. Not
likely to be a danger to peace loving Canadians.

Three months later, I crossed into Canada in a rental car with Washington
State
plates. Not a single discussion of guns.

-- Doug

A little profiling there. I didn't think the utopians believed in profiling.
:-)

On Mar 2, 5:37*pm, "HeyBub" wrote:

Bumper sticker:
"South Austin: We're all here because we're not all there"

Oh man... I like that one!!

Robert

Douglas Johnson wrote:
"Leon" wrote:


The border guard must have been in his early 20's and was very wise,
;~) to us Texans, especially the ones driving pick up trucks.
When we went through the border crossing my wife and her aunt just
scooted on through. My ten year son and I were stopped and
"questioned". LOL

What is your business in Canada? How long are you staying?

Do you know what the Canada's policy is, concerning guns being
brought in across the border?

I had a similar experience crossing into Canada last year in a car
with Texas plates. It has to be part of their training. The
question I found most odd was "Do you have guns at home?". If I did,
they were at home, 1800 miles away. Not likely to be a danger to
peace loving Canadians.

Three months later, I crossed into Canada in a rental car with
Washington State plates. Not a single discussion of guns.


I've found that when asked by Canadian border authorities if I brought any
guns from Texas with me, that simply saying: "No, I mailed them ahead to my
hotel" is good for a chuckle or two.

On Mar 2, 6:45*pm, "HeyBub" wrote:
Morris Dovey wrote:
HeyBub wrote:

snippage of Judean adaptations

I think all of those were brought back from either Egypt or Babylon.

:-)

Alright, enough with the Jewish jokes already.

Two Chinamen meet in a bar. One says to the other: "So, when's your boy's
bar mitzvah..."

A Jewish grandmother, finally, after pleading, gets to take her
grandson to the beach. Little Sammy suddenly gets swept out to sea by
a rogue wave.
The grandmother, in fear of her daughter's wrath starts promising God
all kinds of things... like giving all her money to charity..anything
as long as God brings back little Sammy. The next big wave drops
little Sammy off, right beside her. She looks at Sammy, then up to the
heavens and says: "Hey! He had a hat!?"

Leon wrote:

Politically correct, Hell no! unless you live in Texas. ;~)
So uh, are there any piney trees out there in the desert? Are you
doing any wood working these days?

Uh, Texas does have deserts. And mountains. And grasslands. and, believe it
or not, trees.

Texas has five national forests* in the "Piney Woods" area of east Texas
comprising about 635,000 acres of pine trees. These National Forests cover
an area a little less than 1,000 square miles, but there's plenty of pine
trees outside these forests - evidently there's a waiting list to get in.

Here's a list of several hundred trees native to Texas, from Acacia to Yucca
(strange, I didn't know Yucca was a tree, but this list was put together by
drunk Aggies, so use circumspection...).

http://aggie-horticulture.tamu.edu/o...ndexcommon.htm

------
* Angelina, Caddo, Davy Crockett (PBUH), Sabine, Sam Houston (PBUH).

Hey! Even as just a visitor to the fair town of Kyle, I was afforded
a "tab" at the Kyle Hardware Store, a seat at the old kitchen table
in the back, free coffee if I had my own cup, and got to know a
half dozen local characters sitting around that table in the back
- one an old flamboyant gay gentleman, another a crusty weather
worn rancher, an about to retire lineman for the electric company
who shoots some of his buddies up on a pole - with a pellet gun -
just for fun (he only give the rifle a pump or two), a semi-retired
elderly gambler, and Bubba, the son of the couple who own the place,
who invited me to go Muddin' with him sometime before my visit
ended.

When a furniture maker friend suggested I stop in at a local
turning club meeting - held in a VFW room - I was made to feel at
home the minute I walked in the door.

And it's easy to strike up a conversation with Texans, unlike city
dwelling New Yorkers. And they don't hold it against you if you
don't drive a pickup - with or without a gun rack. And smoking
isn't a Scurge On The Town, nor is tilting back a couple, even in
public, assuming it isn't snowing or hailing. And folks don't bitch
and moan when the thermometer breaks the 85 degree, or 30
degree barrier.

I'm not thrilled about the idea that they have a Death Sentence
Express Lane - but that's just my view.

So, hats off to Texans. I won't hold Dubya against them either
- since he's actually a New England Blue Blood, despite his
Aw Shucks, **** Kicker fascade, Tejano disguise.

HeyBub wrote:
Robatoy wrote:
On Mar 2, 9:45 am, Morris Dovey wrote:
Dave in Houston wrote:
We tell Aggie jokes [sorry, Swing] but many of those are just
retooled Polish jokes.

Heh - it's been a while, but at the last really good Polish bash I
went to (pre-glasnost/peristroika, in Chicago) the Poles were
telling Russian jokes, and they pretty much sounded like the Italian
and Irish jokes I'd heard in New York.

I kinda had to wonder if they didn't start out as Greek, Persian, or
Egyptian jokes...

Indeed, as there are no Jewish jokes.

Wanna bet? Very many comedians are Jewish. Here's 193
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Jewish_comedians

They left out Sammy Davis, Jr.

--
Gerald Ross
Cochran, GA

Ambiguity is the first refuge of the wrong.

Robatoy wrote:

I don't think Texas has an edge on assholes, it's just that the world
has been looking at the biggest one for about 8 years. He has done for
the Texas image what he has done for anything else he touched. Ruined
it.
So Texas has some recovering to do; some damage control.

Any that think Texas sucks (or not) based on the fact that 57 states
voted and he was elected has to be competing for the worlds biggest
assholes degree!
--
Jack
Using FREE News Server: http://Motzarella.org
http://jbstein.com

On Mar 3, 7:40*am, Jack Stein wrote:
Robatoy wrote:
I don't think Texas has an edge on assholes, it's just that the world
has been looking at the biggest one for about 8 years. He has done for
the Texas image what he has done for anything else he touched. Ruined
it.
So Texas has some recovering to do; some damage control.

Any that think Texas sucks (or not) based on the fact that 57 states
voted and he was elected has to be competing for the worlds biggest
assholes degree!
--
Jack
Using FREE News Server:http://Motzarella.orghttp://jbstein.com

Therein lies the problem. Fraud. Not votes. I mean, 57 states?

You're just being contrary, aintcha Jack?

On Mar 2, 4:40*pm, "Leon" wrote:
"Jimmy Mac" wrote in message

...
On Mar 1, 10:02 am, "Leon" wrote:

Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one
entitled, "Survivor, Texas-Style."

WOW Leon - you sure nuff know how to start a political war on the
wreck! * LOL! *Didn't we talk about this when I lived in Texas? * MORE
LOL! *And to think I missed the wreck that much. * Just forgot some of
the fun that goes on here. *I'd seen this before and thinks it's as
funny as ever. *Having lived in Texas for 21+ years, it gives me the
right to laugh. *For those of you who don't thanks for the extra
chuckle. *Come on guys - it's a joke. *Is it politically correct?
Probably not . . . but then again take a look at Washington and let me
know everything there is "politically correct" as well. *Right on Leon
- Paul Harvey passed away . . . keep the tongue-in-chee

Politically correct, Hell no! unless you live in Texas. *;~)
So uh, are there any piney trees out there in the desert? *Are you doing any
wood working these days?

Piney wood trees are out here on the sides of the mountains. Las
Vegas is in the middle of a soup bowl of mountains. The north side
goes up to Mt. Charleston (11,000' elev) and a beautiful place.
Woodworking? Me? Yeah - can't get it out of my blood - you know that
Leon. LOL! I built my entire back yard furnture setting: 2
adirondack chairs, two tables, long bench (more like a couch)
octagonal dining table (looks like a poker table without the felt) and
another smaller bench for out in the garden area. Oh yeah - a
complete outside kitchen (grill, fridge, countertops) and an outdoor
storage shed that looks more like a mini-condo. The strange part of
all this is that the furniture is all from redwood - no piney wood in
sight! This will probably shock most of the older wreckers! LOL!
Since it rarely rains out here in the desert, you can start a project
and leave it out for a few days and come back with no problem of
moisture, dew, or anything else. Amazing!

Good to see you're still here kicking it Leon!

Jimmy Mac (aka Jums, Jummy, Minwax Max)

"HeyBub" wrote in message
...
Leon wrote:

Politically correct, Hell no! unless you live in Texas. ;~)
So uh, are there any piney trees out there in the desert? Are you
doing any wood working these days?

Uh, Texas does have deserts. And mountains. And grasslands. and, believe
it or not, trees.

Texas has five national forests* in the "Piney Woods" area of east Texas
comprising about 635,000 acres of pine trees. These National Forests cover
an area a little less than 1,000 square miles, but there's plenty of pine
trees outside these forests - evidently there's a waiting list to get in.

Here's a list of several hundred trees native to Texas, from Acacia to
Yucca (strange, I didn't know Yucca was a tree, but this list was put
together by drunk Aggies, so use circumspection...).

http://aggie-horticulture.tamu.edu/o...ndexcommon.htm

Ywah, I know all that, I've lived here almost 55 years. The desert I was
referring to is the one Las Vegas is in.

Gerald Ross wrote:
Indeed, as there are no Jewish jokes.

Wanna bet? Very many comedians are Jewish. Here's 193
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Jewish_comedians

They left out Sammy Davis, Jr.

I don't think he was famous for being a comedian - looks had more to do with
it. Same as Dinah Shore, Elizabeth Taylor, or Marilyn Monroe.

Robatoy wrote:
On Mar 3, 7:40 am, Jack Stein wrote:
Robatoy wrote:
I don't think Texas has an edge on assholes, it's just that the
world has been looking at the biggest one for about 8 years. He has
done for the Texas image what he has done for anything else he
touched. Ruined it.
So Texas has some recovering to do; some damage control.

Any that think Texas sucks (or not) based on the fact that 57 states
voted and he was elected has to be competing for the worlds biggest
assholes degree!
--
Jack
Using FREE News Server:http://Motzarella.orghttp://jbstein.com

Therein lies the problem. Fraud. Not votes. I mean, 57 states?

You're just being contrary, aintcha Jack?

Fifty-seven entities voted in the Democratic Party selection process. There
were the fifty states, of course, plus:

District of Columbia
Guam
Puerto Rico
American Samoa
American Virgin Islands
Patagonia and, uh,
Either the Hebrides Islands or Uruguay, I forget.

"HeyBub" wrote in message
m...
Robatoy wrote:
On Mar 3, 7:40 am, Jack Stein wrote:
Robatoy wrote:
I don't think Texas has an edge on assholes, it's just that the
world has been looking at the biggest one for about 8 years. He has
done for the Texas image what he has done for anything else he
touched. Ruined it.
So Texas has some recovering to do; some damage control.

Any that think Texas sucks (or not) based on the fact that 57 states
voted and he was elected has to be competing for the worlds biggest
assholes degree!
--
Jack
Using FREE News Server:http://Motzarella.orghttp://jbstein.com

Therein lies the problem. Fraud. Not votes. I mean, 57 states?

You're just being contrary, aintcha Jack?

Fifty-seven entities voted in the Democratic Party selection process.
There were the fifty states, of course, plus:

District of Columbia
Guam
Puerto Rico
American Samoa
American Virgin Islands
Patagonia and, uh,
Either the Hebrides Islands or Uruguay, I forget.

Michigan's and Florida's votes didn't count; only 48 states.

Dave in Houston

On Mar 3, 11:24*am, "HeyBub" wrote:
Robatoy wrote:
On Mar 3, 7:40 am, Jack Stein wrote:
Robatoy wrote:
I don't think Texas has an edge on assholes, it's just that the
world has been looking at the biggest one for about 8 years. He has
done for the Texas image what he has done for anything else he
touched. Ruined it.
So Texas has some recovering to do; some damage control.

Any that think Texas sucks (or not) based on the fact that 57 states
voted and he was elected has to be competing for the worlds biggest
assholes degree!
--
Jack
Using FREE News Server:http://Motzarella.orghttp://jbstein.com

Therein lies the problem. Fraud. Not votes. I mean, 57 states?

You're just being contrary, aintcha Jack?

Fifty-seven entities voted in the Democratic Party selection process. There
were the fifty states, of course, plus:

District of Columbia
Guam
Puerto Rico
American Samoa
American Virgin Islands
Patagonia and, uh,
Either the Hebrides Islands or Uruguay, I forget.

What? No Iraq?

HeyBub wrote:
Gerald Ross wrote:
Indeed, as there are no Jewish jokes.
Wanna bet? Very many comedians are Jewish. Here's 193
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Jewish_comedians

They left out Sammy Davis, Jr.

I don't think he was famous for being a comedian - looks had more to do with
it. Same as Dinah Shore, Elizabeth Taylor, or Marilyn Monroe.


That and no little talents in the areas of singing, dancing, acting,
welding, road grading, bonsai, down hill skiing, and the like.
mahalo,
jo4hn

ps Full disclosu I may have made up some of that stuff.

jo4hn wrote:
HeyBub wrote:
Gerald Ross wrote:
Indeed, as there are no Jewish jokes.
Wanna bet? Very many comedians are Jewish. Here's 193
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Jewish_comedians

They left out Sammy Davis, Jr.

I don't think he was famous for being a comedian - looks had more to
do with it. Same as Dinah Shore, Elizabeth Taylor, or Marilyn Monroe.


That and no little talents in the areas of singing, dancing, acting,
welding, road grading, bonsai, down hill skiing, and the like.
mahalo,
jo4hn

ps Full disclosu I may have made up some of that stuff.

No problem. I discovered long ago that it's easier to just make stuff up.
Except that I know Dinah Shore, Liz Taylor and Marily Monroe were Jewish.
I'm not sure, admittedly, about Barak Obama.

Robatoy wrote:
On Mar 3, 11:24 am, "HeyBub" wrote:
Robatoy wrote:
On Mar 3, 7:40 am, Jack Stein wrote:
Robatoy wrote:
I don't think Texas has an edge on assholes, it's just that the
world has been looking at the biggest one for about 8 years. He
has done for the Texas image what he has done for anything else he
touched. Ruined it.
So Texas has some recovering to do; some damage control.

Any that think Texas sucks (or not) based on the fact that 57
states voted and he was elected has to be competing for the worlds
biggest assholes degree!
--
Jack
Using FREE News Server:http://Motzarella.orghttp://jbstein.com

Therein lies the problem. Fraud. Not votes. I mean, 57 states?

You're just being contrary, aintcha Jack?

Fifty-seven entities voted in the Democratic Party selection
process. There were the fifty states, of course, plus:

District of Columbia
Guam
Puerto Rico
American Samoa
American Virgin Islands
Patagonia and, uh,
Either the Hebrides Islands or Uruguay, I forget.

What? No Iraq?

No. The Democrats have an aversion to Iraq. Heck, they no longer even
mention it.