WARNING!!!

The following is racist, xenophobic, intolerant, rude, politically
incorrect, smartassed, klownhammering, quixotic, semi-plagiaristical,
quasi-mystical, and - most importantly - OFF TOPIC!!!


If you are easily offended - bugger off then!


CAMEL LOT: A MUSICAL


"I WONDER WHAT BIN LADEN IS DOING TONIGHT?"


BIN LADEN:
I know what my people are thinking tonight,
As home through the bomb smoke they wander.
Ev'ryone smiling in secret delight,
They stare at my cave and they ponder.
Whenever the stench blows this way,
You can hear the mujahidin say:


I wonder what Bin Laden is doing tonight?
What devilment is Bin Laden pursuing tonight?
The candles in the cave, they never burned as bright.
I wonder what Bin Laden is up to tonight?
How goes the final hour
As he makes his grab for power
The Grand Klegal is illegally prepared?
Well, I'll tell you what Bin Laden is doing tonight:
He's scared! He's scared!


You mean that a Muslim, on the wagon
Who hacked up the great American dragon,
Goes to his bed in terror and distress?
Yes!


A psycho who's so calm in battle
Even his prayer beads do not rattle
Faces the nighttime petrified with fright?
Right!


You mean that appalling clamoring
That sounds like a Blackhawk hammering
Is merely the banging of his boney knees?
Please!


You wonder what Bin Laden is wishing tonight?
He's wishing he were in Riyadh swishing tonight!
What occupies his mind that hears those that have died?
He's searching high and low for some place to hide.
And oh, the expectation,
The sublime anticipation
He must feel about the endless night to come.
Well, I'll tell you what Bin laden is feeling tonight:
He's numb!
He shakes!
He quails! He quakes!
And that's what Bin Laden is doing tonight.


"CAMEL LOT"


BIN LADEN:
It's true! It's true! The Koran makes it clear.
The infidel must be killed all the year.


A law was made a distant moon ago he
No matter what the month it is too hot.
And there's a law against us having snow here
In Camel Lot.
Now Christmas is forbidden in December
And Easter, March or April gets you shot.
We worship the eleventh of September
In Camel Lot.
Camel Lot! Camel Lot!
I know it sounds a bit bizarre,
But in Camel Lot, Camel Lot
That's how conditions are.
The bombs go off from sunrise until sundown.
By eight, the blue-eyed devils disappear.
In short, there's simply not
A more congenial spot
For happily-ever-aftering than here
In Camel Lot.


Camel Lot! Camel Lot!
I know it gives a mullah pause,
But in Camel Lot, Camel Lot
Those are the holy laws.
The bodies turn to slush upon the roadside.
By nine p.m. the nightfighters appear.
In short, there's simply not
A more congenial spot
For happily-ever-aftering than here
In Camel Lot.


(Now, what to do with, "What Do The Simple Folk Do?"?)


(Coming soon to an off-off-off-off broadway venue, or a nasty little
pub near you.)


Tom Watson
tjwatson1ATcomcastDOTnet
www.home.comcast.net/~tjwatson1

Yet another gem - a Keeper - to add to all
the other Keepers, with Norwrecki tales in
their own folder.

thank you sir

charlie b