Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said, "Where did
you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike She
threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take
what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."


Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to
be.


Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting
for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word
with him."

"Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I ill say a special prayer for
them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"


Understanding Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.


Understanding Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer." Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical connections."


The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would
run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"


Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet"

Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the passion
and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" "Yeah. If you have a wife and
a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other
woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

Understanding Engineers - Take Nine

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He
bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into
a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer
took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the
pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the
engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

In article .com, "Tom Watson" wrote:
Understanding Engineers - Take Ten

One of my undergrad mathematics professors had a poster on his wall entitled
"Comparison of Various Disciplines." It ran something like this:

When asked to prove the false conjecture that all odd numbers are prime:

The mathematician says, "9 is not prime; clearly the conjecture is false."

The theologian says, "1 is prime -- yes, all odd numbers are prime."

The physicist says, "1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is
prime -- no, wait, 9 is composite -- 11 is prime, 13 is prime -- yes, all odd
numbers are prime; 9 must be an experimental error."

The engineer says, "1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is
prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, 15 is prime..."

--
Regards,
Doug Miller (alphageek at milmac dot com)

It's time to throw all their damned tea in the harbor again.

What's the difference between auto mechanics and quantum mechanics?

A quantum mechanic can park the car in the garage without opening the
door first.

DJ Delorie wrote:
| What's the difference between auto mechanics and quantum mechanics?
|
| A quantum mechanic can park the car in the garage without opening
| the door first.

Yes; but he can't know for certain that it's actually in there at any
given instant. :-)

--
Morris Dovey
DeSoto Solar
DeSoto, Iowa USA
http://www.iedu.com/DeSoto

Morris Dovey wrote:
DJ Delorie wrote:
| What's the difference between auto mechanics and quantum mechanics?
|
| A quantum mechanic can park the car in the garage without opening
| the door first.

Yes; but he can't know for certain that it's actually in there at any
given instant. :-)

Well he can...but then he can't also know how fast it's going.

Chris

Engineers Explained

People who work in the fields of science and technology are not like other people.
This can be frustrating to the non-technical people who have to deal with them. The
secret to coping with technology-oriented people is to understand their motivations.
This will help to teach you everything you need to know. I learned their customs and
mannerisms by observing them, much the way Jane Goodall learned about the great apes,
but without the hassle of grooming.

Engineering is so trendy these days that everybody wants to be one. The word
"engineer" is greatly overused. If there's somebody in your life who you think is
trying to pass as an engineer, give him this test to discern the truth.

ENGINEER IDENTIFICATION TEST

You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked.

You...
A. Straighten it.
B. Ignore it.
C. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar-powered,
self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor
of the nail was a total moron.

The correct answer is "C" but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes "It
depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on
"Marketing."

SOCIAL SKILLS

Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction.

"Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social
interaction:
*Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation
*Important social contacts
*A feeling of connected ness with other humans

In contrast to "normal" people, engineers have rational objectives for social
interactions:
*Get it over with as soon as possible.
*Avoid getting invited to something unpleasant.
*Demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all subjects.

FASCINATION WITH GADGETS

To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories:
(1) things that need to be fixed, and (2) things that will need to be fixed after
you've had a few minutes to play with them.

Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they
will create their own problems. Normal people don't understand this concept; they
believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't
broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

No engineer looks at a television remote control without wondering what it would take
to turn it into a stun gun. No engineer can take a shower without wondering if some
sort of Teflon coating would make showering unnecessary. To the engineer, the world
is a toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys.

FASHION AND APPEARANCE

Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic thresholds for
temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages are freezing or
sticking together, and if no genitalia or mammary glands are swinging around in plain
view, then the objective of clothing has been met. Anything else is a waste.

LOVE OF "STAR TREK"

Engineers love all of the "Star Trek" television shows and movies. It's a small
wonder, since the engineers on the star ship Enterprise are portrayed as heroes,
occasionally even having sex with aliens. This is much more glamorous than the real
life of an engineer, which consists of hiding from the universe and having sex
without the participation of other life forms.

DATING AND SOCIAL LIFE

Dating is never easy for engineers. A normal person will employ various indirect and
duplicitous methods to create a false impression of attractiveness. Engineers are
incapable of placing appearance above function.

Fortunately, engineers have an ace in the hole. They are widely recognized as
superior marriage material: intelligent, dependable, employed, honest, and handy
around the house. While it's true that many normal people would prefer not to date an
engineer, most normal people harbor an intense desire to mate with them, thus
producing engineer-like children who will have high-paying jobs long before losing
their virginity.

Male engineers reach their peak of sexual attractiveness later than normal men,
becoming irresistible erotic dynamos in their mid thirties to late forties. Just look
at these examples of sexually irresistible men in technical professions:
* Bill Gates.
* Mac Gyver.
* Et cetera.

Female engineers become irresistible at the age of consent and remain that way until
about thirty minutes after their clinical death. Longer if it's a warm day.

HONESTY

Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human relationships. That's
why it's a good idea to keep engineers away from customers, romantic interests, and
other people who can't handle the truth.

Engineers sometimes bend the truth to avoid work. They say things that sound like
lies but technically are not because nobody could be expected to believe them. The
complete list of engineer lies is listed below.
"I won't change anything without asking you first."
"I'll return your hard-to-find cable tomorrow."
"I have to have new equipment to do my job."
"I'm not jealous of your new computer."

FRUGALITY

Engineers are notoriously frugal. This is not because of cheapness or mean spirit; it
is simply because every spending situation is simply a problem in optimization, that
is, "How can I escape this situation while retaining the greatest amount of cash?"

POWERS OF CONCENTRATION

If there is one trait that best defines an engineer it is the ability to concentrate
on one subject to the complete exclusion of everything else in the environment. This
sometimes causes engineers to be pronounced dead prematurely. Some funeral homes in
high-tech. areas have started checking resumes before processing the bodies. Anybody
with a degree in electrical engineering or experience in computer programming is
propped up in the lounge for a few days just to see if he or she snaps out of it.

RISK

Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they can. This is
understandable, given that when an engineer makes one little mistake, the media will
treat it like it's a big deal or something.

EXAMPLES OF BAD PRESS FOR ENGINEERS
* Hindenberg.
* Space Shuttle Challenger.
* SPANet(tm)
* Hubble space telescope.
* Apollo 13.
* Titanic.
* Ford Pinto.
* Corvair.

The risk/reward calculation for engineers looks something like this:
RISK: Public humiliation and the death of thousands of innocent people.
REWARD: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome plastic frame.

Being practical people, engineers evaluate this balance of risks and rewards and
decide that risk is not a good thing. The best way to avoid risk is by advising that
any activity is technically impossible for reasons that are far too complicated to
explain.

If that approach is not sufficient to halt a project, then the engineer will fall
back to a second line of defense: "It's technically possible but it will cost too
much."

EGO

Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:
* How smart they are.
* How many cool devices they own.

The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare that the problem
is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem until it's
solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the engineer off the case.
These types of challenges quickly become personal -- a battle between the engineer
and the laws of nature.

Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem.(Other times
just because they forgot.) And when they succeed in solving the problem they will
experience an ego rush that is better than sex--and I'm including the kind of sex
where other people are involved.

Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than the suggestion that somebody has
more technical skill. Normal people sometimes use that knowledge as a lever to
extract more work from the engineer. When an engineer says that something can't be
done (a code phrase that means it's not fun to do), some clever normal people have
learned to glance at the engineer with a look of compassion and pity and say
something along these lines: "I'll ask Bob to figure it out. He knows how to solve
difficult technical problems."

At that point it is a good idea for the normal person to not stand between the
engineer and the problem. The engineer will set upon the problem like a starved
Chihuahua on a pork chop.

Subject

Now Godiva was a lady,
Who thru Coventry did ride,

Just to show to all the villagers,
Her clean and Lilly white hide,

And of all the men assembled,
Was an engineer of course,

The only man that noticed,
That Godiva rode a horse,

Chorus:

We are, we are, we are the engineers,
We can, we can, we can demolish 40 beers,
Drink rum, drink rum, drink rum and come away with us,
For we don't give a damn, for any damn man,
Who doesn't give a damn for us.


Lew

"Chris Friesen" wrote in message
...
Morris Dovey wrote:
DJ Delorie wrote:
| What's the difference between auto mechanics and quantum mechanics?
|
| A quantum mechanic can park the car in the garage without opening
| the door first.

Yes; but he can't know for certain that it's actually in there at any
given instant. :-)

Well he can...but then he can't also know how fast it's going.

Chris

And if he checks to see if it's there, then it will be different...

Chris Friesen wrote:

Morris Dovey wrote:
DJ Delorie wrote:
| What's the difference between auto mechanics and quantum mechanics?
|
| A quantum mechanic can park the car in the garage without opening
| the door first.

Yes; but he can't know for certain that it's actually in there at any
given instant. :-)

Well he can...but then he can't also know how fast it's going.

Ok - now lets explain again how the P orbital's probability envelope
is a figure 8 shape, rotated about its long axis, with a zero
probability
at the nucleus, the pinch point of the figure 8. A hyrdrogen atom
has only one electron, which means it cannot be in both parts of the
figure 8 since it would have to pass through the nucleus to do so.
That is theoretically impossible. So . . .?

It's a particle!

No, it's a wave!

"Just turn off the damned light!"

"Good night Gracie."

charlie b

Lew Hodgett wrote:
Subject

Now Godiva was a lady,
Who thru Coventry did ride,

At our annual ritual, the committee in charge of hiring a Lady Godiva
ran out of money during the research phase (strip clubs). They settled
for a transvestite and a donkey. There almost was a lynching that day,
but fun was had by all,..... or so I was told.

r

Bruce T wrote:
"Chris Friesen" wrote in message
...
Morris Dovey wrote:
DJ Delorie wrote:
| What's the difference between auto mechanics and quantum mechanics?
|
| A quantum mechanic can park the car in the garage without opening
| the door first.

Yes; but he can't know for certain that it's actually in there at any
given instant. :-)
Well he can...but then he can't also know how fast it's going.

Chris

And if he checks to see if it's there, then it will be different...


And there is a very small but nonzero probability that it will be in his
neighbor's garage as well.

Why parents drink

A boss wondered why his computer technician, one of his most valued
employees had not arrived at work & had not phoned in sick either. Having
an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialled the
employee's
home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello."
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your
Mommy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave! a message, the
boss
asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman"
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss
asked, May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered
answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter
through
the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again! , whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed
the helicopter."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are
they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle: "ME."

Eddie wrote:
Why parents drink

A boss wondered why his computer technician, one of his most valued
employees had not arrived at work & had not phoned in sick either. Having
an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialled the
employee's
home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello."
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your
Mommy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave! a message, the
boss
asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman"
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss
asked, May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered
answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter
through
the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again! , whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed
the helicopter."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are
they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle: "ME."

Wonderful!! Thanks for the laugh.

Ok - now lets explain again how the P orbital's probability envelope
is a figure 8 shape, rotated about its long axis, with a zero
probability
at the nucleus, the pinch point of the figure 8. A hyrdrogen atom
has only one electron, which means it cannot be in both parts of the
figure 8 since it would have to pass through the nucleus to do so.
That is theoretically impossible. So . . .?

Hydrogen atoms have no P orbital. Only 1S orbital which is not figure 8
shaped.

In article , .@. says...
Ok - now lets explain again how the P orbital's probability envelope
is a figure 8 shape, rotated about its long axis, with a zero
probability
at the nucleus, the pinch point of the figure 8. A hyrdrogen atom
has only one electron, which means it cannot be in both parts of the
figure 8 since it would have to pass through the nucleus to do so.
That is theoretically impossible. So . . .?

Hydrogen atoms have no P orbital. Only 1S orbital which is not figure 8
shaped.

What about excited hydrogen (all set to emit a Lyman Alpha photon?) Or
is the presence of a full S orbital (two electrons in the lowest energy
state) necessary to produce the P orbitals in the first place? It's
been over 30 years, lots of details are gone... :-(

In answer to the original question, it is common in qm to have multiple
disjoint places where something can exist while being prohibited from
being in between. For example, see the double slit experiments,
described in any introductory quantum mechanics book. The electron
is behaving like a wave and doesn't have a well defined location, just
a probability of being in one of the lobes. (And a zero probability of
being in the nucleus, since the lobes collapse to a point there.)

But like I said, its been over 30 years since I studied quantum
mechanics, so I could have this all wrong. "But", to quote Adrian Monk,
"I don't think so."

--
John

John Santos wrote:

In answer to the original question, it is common in qm to have multiple
disjoint places where something can exist while being prohibited from
being in between.

There's no contradiction. You simply can't use absolutist phrases like
"where something can exist" and "prohibited from being in between" in
QM.