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As Bill Engvall would say, "Here's your Sign!"



I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador Retriever
and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again,
although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last
time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care
ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and I.V.s in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the
hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car
hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.



LMAO, I see you laughing, wipe the grin off your face. Ok don't, who
could after that, is this stuff funny or what? Sorry could resist
sharing this one with you all. Some things are better shared, this is one

mahalo,
jo4hn
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On Mon, 14 Aug 2006 19:23:44 -0700, jo4hn wrote:

As Bill Engvall would say, "Here's your Sign!"



I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador Retriever
and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again,
although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last
time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care
ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and I.V.s in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the
hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car
hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.



LMAO, I see you laughing, wipe the grin off your face. Ok don't, who
could after that, is this stuff funny or what? Sorry could resist
sharing this one with you all. Some things are better shared, this is one


You sir, have an evil streak. I like that. ;-)

Good story.


+--------------------------------------------------------------------------------+

If you're gonna be dumb, you better be tough

+--------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
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jo4hn writes:


LMAO, I see you laughing, wipe the grin off your face. Ok don't, who
could after that, is this stuff funny or what? Sorry could resist
sharing this one with you all. Some things are better shared, this is
one


Oh god. This is a riot. I'm still laughing.

My mouth aches from laughing so much.
Thanks for making my day, Jo4hn!


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"jo4hn" wrote in message

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car
hit me.


Git-r-done!

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Last update: 8/13/06


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What makes this even worse, back in the early 80's a survivalist group was
touting food storage. They had such ideas as putting corn in containers and
adding dry ice to create CO2 to preserve it and other such long term ideas.
One of their methods for long term food storage was Purina dog chow complete
with a recipe book which included burgers and "meat" loaf. They even
suggested dropping Purina dog chow to people in areas hit with famine
instead of sending them corn etc.. Needless to say I cracked up over this
post.
"jo4hn" wrote in message
...
As Bill Engvall would say, "Here's your Sign!"



I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador Retriever
and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again,
although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last
time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care
ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and I.V.s in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the
hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car
hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.



LMAO, I see you laughing, wipe the grin off your face. Ok don't, who
could after that, is this stuff funny or what? Sorry could resist
sharing this one with you all. Some things are better shared, this is one

mahalo,
jo4hn





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On Mon, 14 Aug 2006 19:23:44 -0700, jo4hn
wrote:

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador Retriever
and was in line to check out.


I now know where else you hang out. Same place I read that joke a
couple of days ago. Hail Igor.


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Shamelessly whoring my website since 1999

http://www.woodbutcher.net

Proud participant of rec.woodworking since February, 1997

email addy de-spam-ified due to 1,000 spams per month.
If you can't figure out how to use it, I probably wouldn't
care to correspond with you anyway.
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Actually, you are not far off from a REAL survival tip.

Agreed, some of those people went a bit far, but the nutrition is there. For
long distance voyagers, especially the 'around-the-world-single-handed'
sailors, having small, sealed, packages of dry dog food aboard is a
recommendation.

The idea is that BECAUSE the idea and lack of taste is un-appealing, the
sailor WON'T snack on it. It often happens that the compact 'emergency
rations' are used up because it is easier, and handier, then actually
cooking or preparing a meal from the stores. THEN, when they are ACTUALLY
NEEDED . . .

Regards,
Ron Magen
Backyard Boatshop
{'Milkbone' medium size are tasty, the bulk 'Mother Hubbard' brand large
size are 'O.K.'}

"sweetsawdust" wrote in message
.. .
What makes this even worse, back in the early 80's a survivalist group was
touting food storage. They had such ideas as putting corn in containers

and
adding dry ice to create CO2 to preserve it and other such long term

ideas.
One of their methods for long term food storage was Purina dog chow

complete
with a recipe book which included burgers and "meat" loaf. They even
suggested dropping Purina dog chow to people in areas hit with famine
instead of sending them corn etc.. Needless to say I cracked up over this
post.



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"Ron Magen" wrote in message
news:8mmEg.63795$u05.31894@trnddc01...
Actually, you are not far off from a REAL survival tip.

The group was real and they were serious. I even tried the 'burgers" and
they were not bad, not good but not bad. One of the members in the group (a
lawyer) wrote a novel called I believe "First Angel", based on the survival
ideas that they were trying to get forth.


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This one has made its rounds for the last month or so.


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On Tue, 15 Aug 2006 19:35:08 -0400, "Brent Beal"
wrote:

This one has made its rounds for the last month or so.


The last 15 years or so....

-Zz


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[snipped a very funny joke]

mahalo,
jo4hn


WHICH reminds me...I know, I know....don't shoot me....

A dog was licking his balls. Two guys were passing by and watched this
for a bit and one said: "I wish I could do that.."
The other fella said: "well, you should probably pet him first ?"

-----------------


Dogs only lick their balls because they can.

------------------


stop me ....


r

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