[
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the
local township administrative office to request the removal of the
Deer
Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: "too many deer were being hit by cars" and he didn't want
them to cross there anymore.


My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce."
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.


I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your
knowledge?"
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I
know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."


The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine when
she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing
driving?!"


At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving
the
company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "this
is
fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just
looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.


I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
and
for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn
on.


When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up
our
car, we were told the keys had been locked! in it. We went to the
service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock
the
driver's side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door
handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the
technician, "it's open!"
To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side."

They walk among us..............scary!!
]

I've noticed that . . . . and some of them have PhD's.
Bugs

And you want more of my tax dollars to go to them. . . .

Cliff wrote:
[
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the
local township administrative office to request the removal of the
Deer
Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: "too many deer were being hit by cars" and he didn't want
them to cross there anymore.

Cliff wrote:

[
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the
local township administrative office to request the removal of the
Deer
Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: "too many deer were being hit by cars" and he didn't want
them to cross there anymore.


My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce."
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.


I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your
knowledge?"
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I
know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."


The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine when
she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing
driving?!"


At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving
the
company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "this
is
fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just
looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.


I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
and
for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn
on.


When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up
our
car, we were told the keys had been locked! in it. We went to the
service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock
the
driver's side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door
handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the
technician, "it's open!"
To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side."

They walk among us..............scary!!
]
Just gotta watch the fish from the local river. Where did the water come from.
Bottom feeders pecking on shinny spots of mercury ?

That gives the 'brain dead' 'sickness'.

Martin

--
Martin Eastburn
@ home at Lions' Lair with our computer lionslair at consolidated dot net
NRA LOH, NRA Life
NRA Second Amendment Task Force Charter Founder

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On Sun, 21 Aug 2005 14:10:58 GMT, Sue wrote:

On Sun, 21 Aug 2005 06:51:43 -0400, Cliff wrote:

On Sun, 21 Aug 2005 01:00:04 GMT, Sue wrote:

Real-life Welfare Quotations

I've seen these and have my doubts. Certainly possible but not
probable. I've seen, heard and read some pretty odd and funny real
life things in my job though.

Have any more good ones?

Usually it's the names that give us a chuckle. Recently I saw a birth
certificate for a child of one of my clients that showed the girl's
middle name to be Douche. Honest.

I once heard of a kid who showed up at his first day of school with a name tag
on and the teachers had a bit of a problem with his name. It was spelled
****head, but according to his mother it was pronounced Shuh THEY ed, or
something like that, and meant something in Swahili or some other African
language. Something tells me that kid would be explaining that name a LOT of
times in his life, or getting a nickname(or getting it changed as soon as he
could ).

On Sun, 21 Aug 2005 17:42:53 GMT, (The Watcher)
wrote:

On Sun, 21 Aug 2005 14:10:58 GMT, Sue wrote:

On Sun, 21 Aug 2005 06:51:43 -0400, Cliff wrote:

On Sun, 21 Aug 2005 01:00:04 GMT, Sue wrote:

Real-life Welfare Quotations

I've seen these and have my doubts. Certainly possible but not
probable. I've seen, heard and read some pretty odd and funny real
life things in my job though.

Have any more good ones?

Usually it's the names that give us a chuckle. Recently I saw a birth
certificate for a child of one of my clients that showed the girl's
middle name to be Douche. Honest.

I once heard of a kid who showed up at his first day of school with a name tag
on and the teachers had a bit of a problem with his name. It was spelled
****head, but according to his mother it was pronounced Shuh THEY ed, or
something like that, and meant something in Swahili or some other African
language. Something tells me that kid would be explaining that name a LOT of
times in his life, or getting a nickname(or getting it changed as soon as he
could ).

I don't know that your story is true (and don't know that it isn't),
but it amazes me what some people name their kids. We had another
good one recently, but I can't for the life of me remember what it
was.
Sue

Sue wrote:


I don't know that your story is true (and don't know that it isn't),
but it amazes me what some people name their kids. We had another
good one recently, but I can't for the life of me remember what it
was.

Someone I once knew called King used to threaten to call his first
daughter Kiki and any sons either Joe or Smoe.

Anyways:
http://www.amiright.com/names/siblings/index.shtml

On Sun, 21 Aug 2005 20:27:30 +0100, Guido wrote:

Sue wrote:


I don't know that your story is true (and don't know that it isn't),
but it amazes me what some people name their kids. We had another
good one recently, but I can't for the life of me remember what it
was.

Someone I once knew called King used to threaten to call his first
daughter Kiki and any sons either Joe or Smoe.

I assume he didn't follow through. I would imagine that there are
lots of Joe Kings.


Anyways:
http://www.amiright.com/names/siblings/index.shtml

Off the name business, but yesterday in the fruit and vegetable
department of the grocery store I overheard 3 teenagers talking. One
of the boys asked his companions what arugula is. The girl replied,
"You know. That's the place where that girl was killed."
Sue

On Sun, 21 Aug 2005 21:58:03 GMT, Sue wrote:

On Sun, 21 Aug 2005 20:27:30 +0100, Guido wrote:

Sue wrote:


I don't know that your story is true (and don't know that it isn't),
but it amazes me what some people name their kids. We had another
good one recently, but I can't for the life of me remember what it
was.

Someone I once knew called King used to threaten to call his first
daughter Kiki and any sons either Joe or Smoe.

I assume he didn't follow through. I would imagine that there are
lots of Joe Kings.


Anyways:
http://www.amiright.com/names/siblings/index.shtml

Off the name business, but yesterday in the fruit and vegetable
department of the grocery store I overheard 3 teenagers talking. One
of the boys asked his companions what arugula is. The girl replied,
"You know. That's the place where that girl was killed."
Sue

A co worker was named Harold Charles Ball.

Of course he went through life being called Harry.

Gunner

"Pax Americana is a philosophy. Hardly an empire.
Making sure other people play nice and dont kill each other (and us)
off in job lots is hardly empire building, particularly when you give
them self determination under "play nice" rules.

Think of it as having your older brother knock the **** out of you
for torturing the cat." Gunner

I used to work with a fellow whose family name was "Coxhead". He
changed his to "Crager". Can't imagine why.

dennis
in nca

On Aug 21 Sue said:
I don't know that your story is true (and don't know that it isn't),
but it amazes me what some people name their kids. We had another
good one recently, but I can't for the life of me remember what it
was.
Sue

On 22 Aug 2005 08:51:14 -0700, "rigger" wrote:

I used to work with a fellow whose family name was "Coxhead". He
changed his to "Crager". Can't imagine why.

dennis
in nca

On Aug 21 Sue said:
I don't know that your story is true (and don't know that it isn't),
but it amazes me what some people name their kids. We had another
good one recently, but I can't for the life of me remember what it
was.
Sue

Which brings to mind the exchange between the Sherrif of Nottingham
and Maid Marions handmaiden Latrine.

Sherriff...interesting name..Latrine
HM...oh yes, Father changed the original family name
Sherriff...He actually changed the name to Latrine??????
HM...yes, and he was quite proud of the change
Sherriff...what in Gods name was it before???
Hm... ****house.



Gunner

"Pax Americana is a philosophy. Hardly an empire.
Making sure other people play nice and dont kill each other (and us)
off in job lots is hardly empire building, particularly when you give
them self determination under "play nice" rules.

Think of it as having your older brother knock the **** out of you
for torturing the cat." Gunner

Let the record show that Gunner Asch wrote back on
Mon, 22 Aug 2005 18:22:44 GMT in misc.survivalism :
On 22 Aug 2005 08:51:14 -0700, "rigger" wrote:

I used to work with a fellow whose family name was "Coxhead". He
changed his to "Crager". Can't imagine why.

dennis
in nca

On Aug 21 Sue said:
I don't know that your story is true (and don't know that it isn't),
but it amazes me what some people name their kids. We had another
good one recently, but I can't for the life of me remember what it
was.
Sue

Which brings to mind the exchange between the Sherrif of Nottingham
and Maid Marions handmaiden Latrine.

Sherriff...interesting name..Latrine
HM...oh yes, Father changed the original family name
Sherriff...He actually changed the name to Latrine??????
HM...yes, and he was quite proud of the change
Sherriff...what in Gods name was it before???
Hm... ****house.

Old geezer about the young snotnose:

"La Fontaine, La Fontaine, his father changed it from Spritzwasser.
But I knew his grandfather - Mort the ****er."

--
pyotr filipivich
"MTV may talk about lighting fires and killing children,
but Janet Reno actually does something about it." --Spy Magazine

This was posted the other day in a Caribbean travel group:

I have been a Travel Agent for thirty years in Washington, D.C.. Here
are examples why we might just be in BIG trouble!

A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed
in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I
reminded him that he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China
many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and
sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said,
"Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted
my American Express!"

I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat, so that her
hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. I
started to explain the length of the flight and the passport
information, then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you
look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make
her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in
Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response (click).

A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we
did. I asked what was wrong with his vacation in Orlando. He said he was
expecting an ocean-view room & he didn't have one. I tried to explain
That is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He
replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map, and Florida is a very
thin state!"

I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it possible to see
England from Canada?" I said, "No." She said, "But they look so close on
the map."

An aide for a Bush cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent
a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only
a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a
car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car
to drive between the gates to save time."

An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it
was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20 a.m. and got into
Chicago at 8:33 am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead
of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones.
Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical
description on luggage tags? I replied, "No, why do you ask?" She
replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my
luggage that said (FAT), and I am overweight but I think that is very
rude!" After putting her on hold for a minute while I 'looked into it'
(I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for
Fresno, CA is (FAT), and that the airline was just putting a destination
tag on her luggage.

A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After
going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to
California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do
I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to
which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these
darn planes have numbers on them."

A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, FL. Do I
have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if she
meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah,
whatever!"

A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, "I want to go
from Chicago to Rhino, New York." I was at a loss for words Finally, I
said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do
you have?" replied the lady. After some searching, I came back with,
"I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and
can't find a Rhino anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly!
Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" I scoured a map of the
state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?"
"That's it! I knew it was a big animal," she replied.



--
Glenn Ashmore

I'm building a 45' cutter in strip/composite. Watch my progress (or lack
there of) at: http://www.rutuonline.com
Shameless Commercial Division: http://www.spade-anchor-us.com

"Cliff" wrote in message
...
[
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the
local township administrative office to request the removal of the
Deer
Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: "too many deer were being hit by cars" and he didn't want
them to cross there anymore.


My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce."
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.


I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your
knowledge?"
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I
know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."


The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine when
she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing
driving?!"


At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving
the
company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "this
is
fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just
looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.


I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
and
for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn
on.


When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up
our
car, we were told the keys had been locked! in it. We went to the
service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock
the
driver's side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door
handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the
technician, "it's open!"
To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side."

They walk among us..............scary!!
]