Metalworking (rec.crafts.metalworking) Discuss various aspects of working with metal, such as machining, welding, metal joining, screwing, casting, hardening/tempering, blacksmithing/forging, spinning and hammer work, sheet metal work.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #1   Report Post  
Old April 12th 05, 03:16 PM
Joe AutoDrill
 
Posts: n/a
Default Tool Guide

Stole this from anther forum I frequent...

Tool Guide:

HAMMER; Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used
as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object
we are trying to hit.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE; Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes
containing leather and fabric products.

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL; Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their
holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling
mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes to the rear
wheel.

PLIERS; Used to round off bolt heads.

HACKSAW; One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion,
and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your
future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS; Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they
can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH; Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a
brake drum you're trying to get the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS; Once used for working on older British cars and
motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2
socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.

DRILL PRESS; A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal
bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings
your drink across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part
you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL; Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under
the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and
hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, 'Ouc....'

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK; Used for lowering a tractor to the ground, trapping
the jack handle firmly under the chassis somewhere.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 4X4; Used for levering a tractor upward off a
hydraulic jack handle.

TWEEZERS; A tool for removing wood splinters.

PHONE; Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic
floor jack.

SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER; Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for
spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR; A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is
ten times harder than any known drill bit.

TIMING LIGHT; A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup.

TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST; A handy tool for testing the tensile
strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to
disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER; A large motor mount prying tool that
inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without
the handle.

BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER; A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from
a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your
battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS; See hacksaw.

TROUBLE LIGHT; The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop
light, it is a good source of vitamin D, 'the sunshine vitamin,' which is
not otherwise found under tractors at night. Health benefits aside, its main
purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm
howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle
of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER; Normally used to stab the lids of old-style
paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as
the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.

AIR COMPRESSOR; A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power
plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by
hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last
tightened 60 years ago by someone in Dearborn, and rounds them off.

PRY BAR; A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket
you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER; A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.

Regards,
Joe Agro, Jr.
(800) 871-5022
http://www.AutoDrill.com
http://www.Multi-Drill.com

V8013




  #2   Report Post  
Old April 12th 05, 04:42 PM
Eric R Snow
 
Posts: n/a
Default

On Tue, 12 Apr 2005 14:16:12 GMT, "Joe AutoDrill"
wrote:
Greetings Joe,
The last week has been very bad for me. Yesterday I thought I was
going insane. Feeling better today and reading your post made me laugh
until tears flowed and now my stomach hurts. Thank You, Thank You,
Thank You.
Cheers,
Eric R Snow
Stole this from anther forum I frequent...

Tool Guide:

HAMMER; Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used
as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object
we are trying to hit.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE; Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes
containing leather and fabric products.

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL; Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their
holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling
mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes to the rear
wheel.

PLIERS; Used to round off bolt heads.

HACKSAW; One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion,
and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your
future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS; Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they
can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH; Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a
brake drum you're trying to get the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS; Once used for working on older British cars and
motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2
socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.

DRILL PRESS; A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal
bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings
your drink across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part
you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL; Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under
the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and
hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, 'Ouc....'

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK; Used for lowering a tractor to the ground, trapping
the jack handle firmly under the chassis somewhere.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 4X4; Used for levering a tractor upward off a
hydraulic jack handle.

TWEEZERS; A tool for removing wood splinters.

PHONE; Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic
floor jack.

SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER; Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for
spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR; A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is
ten times harder than any known drill bit.

TIMING LIGHT; A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup.

TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST; A handy tool for testing the tensile
strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to
disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER; A large motor mount prying tool that
inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without
the handle.

BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER; A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from
a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your
battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS; See hacksaw.

TROUBLE LIGHT; The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop
light, it is a good source of vitamin D, 'the sunshine vitamin,' which is
not otherwise found under tractors at night. Health benefits aside, its main
purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm
howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle
of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER; Normally used to stab the lids of old-style
paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as
the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.

AIR COMPRESSOR; A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power
plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by
hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last
tightened 60 years ago by someone in Dearborn, and rounds them off.

PRY BAR; A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket
you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER; A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.

Regards,
Joe Agro, Jr.
(800) 871-5022
http://www.AutoDrill.com
http://www.Multi-Drill.com

V8013



  #3   Report Post  
Old April 12th 05, 05:20 PM
Joe AutoDrill
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Greetings Joe,
The last week has been very bad for me. Yesterday I thought I was
going insane. Feeling better today and reading your post made me laugh
until tears flowed and now my stomach hurts. Thank You, Thank You,
Thank You.
Cheers,
Eric R Snow


You are welcome as far as the posting of it goes... But I ahven't a clue
who wrote it. I stole it from a user in a motorcycle forum.

Hope you have a better week... A MUCH better week...
--


Regards,
Joe Agro, Jr.
(800) 871-5022
http://www.AutoDrill.com
http://www.Multi-Drill.com

V8013



  #4   Report Post  
Old April 12th 05, 09:17 PM
RAM^3
 
Posts: n/a
Default

"Joe AutoDrill" wrote in
news:[email protected]:

You are welcome as far as the posting of it goes... But I ahven't a
clue who wrote it. I stole it from a user in a motorcycle forum.


Dunno about the source but it's been around for a while: I first saw it
here about 5 years ago...

It's truly hilarious! Pun deliberate!
  #5   Report Post  
Old April 13th 05, 11:41 AM
Jon Danniken
 
Posts: n/a
Default

"RAM^3" wrote:
"Joe AutoDrill" wrote:

You are welcome as far as the posting of it goes... But I ahven't a
clue who wrote it. I stole it from a user in a motorcycle forum.


Dunno about the source but it's been around for a while: I first saw it
here about 5 years ago...

It's truly hilarious! Pun deliberate!


Some of those tools are useful for turning specialty bolts:
http://eccentrix.com/members/jfcole/bolts.htm

Jon


  #6   Report Post  
Old April 14th 05, 05:39 PM
RAM^3
 
Posts: n/a
Default

"Jon Danniken" wrote in
news:[email protected] eranews:

Some of those tools are useful for turning specialty bolts:
http://eccentrix.com/members/jfcole/bolts.htm



Come to think of it I've got a few of those around here, somewhere!

I could have used some of those "Type B Adapters in 1/2 x 3/8 x 2" a few
months ago. G


Reply
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules

Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
For peer review, new FAQ section: Power Tools. John Rumm UK diy 87 March 8th 05 09:43 PM
drive pin on R8 collets Charles A. Sherwood Metalworking 50 July 9th 04 05:41 AM
Bandsaw Blade Guide Opinions MP Toolman Woodworking 10 November 2nd 03 05:01 AM
Leatherman Tool Henry E Schaffer Woodworking 13 August 27th 03 06:17 AM
Fisher cassette heads bg Electronics Repair 5 July 30th 03 05:04 AM


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 10:32 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2004-2020 DIYbanter.
The comments are property of their posters.
 

About Us

"It's about DIY & home improvement"

 

Copyright © 2017