Hi Chairman!

(waves)

It seems you're upset. Well, let's turn that frown upside down!

Here are two stories that maybe you'll find toe-lik'n, cock-suk'n good!

See what your fellow american countrymen are sticking in their mouths:

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Walmart Weirdo Sought In Toe Sucking Scheme

MARCH 20-- Police are searching for a man who posed as a podiatry
student and sucked the toes of a woman trying on shoes at a Walmart in
North Carolina.

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http://www.thesmokinggun.com/sites/d...almartpod1.jpg

Photo of typical, average american guy arriving at work. He can almost
taste the toe-jam.
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The suspect, seen in the above store surveillance photo, approached the
35-year-old victim Monday morning inside a store in Lincolnton, a city
about 40 miles northwest of Charlotte.

Claiming to be a podiatry student, the man struck up a conversation with
the victim and “talks [her] into trying on several pair of shoes in the
shoe department," according to police. “At one point the suspect took
the victim’s foot, put it into his mouth and sucked the victim’s toes,”
cops added.

The suspect, a black male wearing a sweater and tan pants, departed the
Walmart after the woman extricated her toes from his clutch.

Lincolnton Police Department officers have asked anyone who recognizes
the suspect (or has details about the toe sucking) to call cops or Crime
Stoppers. Information leading to the man’s arrest could result in a
reward of up to $1000.

And, no, this is not the first time police have investigated an unwanted
Walmart toe sucking:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documen...-sucker-356129

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What's that Seatman?

You want to know more about what your fellow american countryMEN are
doing with their mouths?

How about this:

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Man Busted For Craigslist Sex Barter Offer

MARCH 13--Meet Stan Syring.

In need of a 16-foot trailer for a flat-bottom boat, the Iowa man went
on Craigslist and posted an ad proposing a barter deal in the site’s
“For Sale/Wanted” section.

What Syring allegedly offered in exchange for the trailer resulted in
his arrest this week, according to police.

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http://i.cdn.turner.com/dr/teg/tsg/r...stansyring.jpg

Photo of average american guy, just doing what the average american
man does in an incredible recovering US economy - offer a blowjob
or his anus in return for a used boat trailer.
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The Craigslist post by Syring, a married, 37-year-old father, noted that
the boat trailer was needed “asap,” and that the poster “will trade for
sex if need be.”

After Marion Police Department officers learned of the online ad, they
exchanged e-mails with the Craigslist poster discussing whether the
offered act would be oral or anal sex. The parties agreed that detail
would be settled when they met in person, according to police.

During a subsequent meeting with a male undercover officer, Syring
“offered his services as a partner in a sex act in exchange for a boat
trailer,” according to a District Court criminal complaint.

Investigators allege that Syring also agreed to give the cop $25 (in
addition to the sex act, which is not further described in court
papers). A used 16-foot boat trailer typically sells for several hundred
dollars.

Syring was subsequently arrested and charged with prostitution. He was
booked Monday into the Linn County jail on the misdemeanor count, and
was released from custody the following day.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documen...-arrest-345761

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So tell me Chairlady - do these heartwarming and inspirational stories
about what your fellow countrymen are doing make you smile with pride?