I'm a cannibal and I just bought a new house where I want to
kill, butcher and skin my victims. That's a real mess and
I always did that outside in the forest, BUT lately the bears
stole two of my victims and I don't want to lose more of the
good meat.

How can I install a butchershop in my cellar, to kill, butcher,
skin and eat humans? How can I disguise it so that the
cops won't find any evidence?

Please help and I may share a piece of meat with you.

How unusual. A complete ****wit posting from google.

"Ed Zagmoon" wrote in message
oups.com...
I'm a google-posting ****wit. Please kill me now.

Ed Zagmoon wrote:

How can I install a butchershop in my cellar, to kill, butcher,
skin and eat?

First off, you never want to butcher in your cellar. It's crawling
with bacteria and you won't have the adequate light to get a proper
filet and you risk knicking the intestines, liver or other organs that
will ruin the meat.

Also, you'll want to build a decent sized chop block made of heavy
plastic or stainless steel. Don't go with wood, it stains and knicks
up too easy...you won't have a long lasting counter that way. Put in
an undermount sink with a heavy duty garbage disposal so you can scoop
waste and most bones, etc through the sewage and not have a bunch of
guts rotting in your trash can. Most garbage disposals can handle a
good sized bone without any trouble. If you do have any waste that
must go out, you should use a public dumpster as they are emptied more
often and the waste won't have a tremendous time to 'fester'. You'll
want to drop into a public dumpster during daylight so if the Police
see you, you can apologize for illegally dumping your trash and didn't
see a problem with dumping household waste at your local McDonald's and
simply take a warning or pay the fine without making too big of a fuss
and you both can get off with your lives. If you dump at night,
they'll know that you know it's wrong and they'll definitely give you
more trouble. They might even search the garbage looking for drugs or
firearms, taking even more of your time.

Spills happen when you butcher. Be sure to clean these up with good
old bleach, then with ammonia. Ammonia will oxidize the iron in
blood. You can pick up small amounts of "Luminol" off the internet
(this is the same stuff Police use in their crime scene investigations,
so it's tried and true) to see if you missed any spots with the
cleanser.

Remember to age the meat before you freeze it...usually a couple days.
This will give any red meat a much mellower flavor and take the
"gamey" flavor out. You can avoid this if you smoke or dry your meat
for jerky.

Also use sharp knives when butchering, and be sure you bleed the animal
out before you start the long task of butchering. Investigate using
other tools like pliers to pry the skin off animals. You'll want to
let any skin dry before you run it down a garbage disposal, use a fan
and place it on something that will allow circulation to both sides.

Be sure to have some allen wrenchs around to clear a jammed disposal.
May even be a good idea to have an extra disposal laying around if your
butchering a large animal...it would be kinda lousy to have to stop
halfway through to get another disposal.

Also, consider bringing your family dog in on the whole deal... Dog's
love scrap. Also, you can keep many organs such as the liver for use
as fish bait. It freezes just like anything else. don't ever
underestimated the power of making your own sausage either, you can mix
all sorts of spices and other species together to make something that
doesn't taste like everything else. I mix up some bratwurst every now
and again with chicken leg meat, pork trimmings and fatty beef (too
fatty for decent hamburger) Use synthetic casings as they're
stronger.

If you have a lot of land, investigate getting a hog. They eat
anything, except bones, but they lick those clean. They make use of
waste and then in turn create more meat in a few years. You can
drop bone into a mix of sodium hydroxide (normal lye like you'd use to
clear drains or make soap with) and water and this will soften them to
the point that you can grind them and mix into your compost for your
garden.


Please help and I may share a piece of meat with you.

Nah, I got a freezer.