Enjoy

Lew
---------------------------------------------------------------
BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT

These are classified ads which were actually placed
in U.K. Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old, Hateful little *******. Bites!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
FREE PUPPIES
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German
Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences
in a single bound..
-----------------------------------------------------------------
COWS, CALVES:
NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
100 Pounds Sterling
Call Stephanie.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
And the WINNER is...

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, 200 Pounds Sterling or best offer.
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
(Statement of the Century)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--
Billy Connolly.

"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,
How come they can't have a headache and sex at
the same time?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Children Are Quick

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math
multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong,
but you asked me how I spell it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today
that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
-----------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his
father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand......
-----------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers
before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly
the same as your brother's..
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
-----------------------------------------------------------------
PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH

Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel
has been turned off.

in 1554367 20130607 005751 "Lew Hodgett" wrote:
Enjoy

Lew
---------------------------------------------------------------
BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT

These are classified ads which were actually placed
in U.K. Newspapers:

snip

Very good, but no Brit kid would ever say "Mom".
("Mum" in the South and "Mam" in parts of North, roughly)

On 6/7/2013 2:58 AM, Bob Martin wrote:
in 1554367 20130607 005751 "Lew Hodgett" wrote:
Enjoy

Lew
---------------------------------------------------------------
BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT

These are classified ads which were actually placed
in U.K. Newspapers:

snip

Very good, but no Brit kid would ever say "Mom".
("Mum" in the South and "Mam" in parts of North, roughly)

Not to mention outside of the USA, "HUMOUR" is spelled like this.

--
Froz...


The system will be down for 10 days for preventive maintenance.

On Friday, June 7, 2013 7:58:09 AM UTC+1, Bob Martin wrote:

Very good, but no Brit kid would ever say "Mom".

("Mum" in the South and "Mam" in parts of North, roughly)

Actually, "Mom" is fairy common in parts of the Midlands, and in Norn Iron!

And in South Eastern accents, "mum" comes out as "mam". Being a proper northern man, I call me mam "mam".

Cheers!

in 1554597 20130611 214622 wrote:
On Friday, June 7, 2013 7:58:09 AM UTC+1, Bob Martin wrote:

Very good, but no Brit kid would ever say "Mom".

("Mum" in the South and "Mam" in parts of North, roughly)

Actually, "Mom" is fairy common in parts of the Midlands, and in Norn Iron!

And in South Eastern accents, "mum" comes out as "mam".

There's something wrong with your hearing!

Being a proper northern man, I call me mam "mam".

On Wednesday, June 12, 2013 8:37:18 AM UTC+1, Bob Martin wrote:

There's something wrong with your hearing!

Pardon?

(obviously!)

wrote in message
...

On Wednesday, June 12, 2013 8:37:18 AM UTC+1, Bob Martin wrote:

There's something wrong with your hearing!

Pardon?

(obviously!)

--
Geeezzz! There's summit wrong wit' yur 'earin.

On Thursday, June 13, 2013 8:36:24 PM UTC+1, Josepi wrote:

Geeezzz! There's summit wrong wit' yur 'earin.

Ee by gum lad! The's nowt wrong wi' me 'earin'! It's thee! Y'keep mumblin'!