The 12 Opossums



In case you're a little foggy on your biblical stories, let these junior
church students help you with this complete overview of the Bible,
compiled from their essays:

*In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing
but God, Darkness, and some gas.
*The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one,' but I Think He must be a
lot older than that.
*Anyway, God said, 'Give me a Light!' and someone did. Then God
made the world. He split the Adam and Made Eve. Adam and Eve were
naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented
yet.
*Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were
driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in
though, because they didn't have cars.
*Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he
was Abel.
*Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for
Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
*One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy,
but one of his kids was kind of a ham.
*Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on
it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would
have to take a rain check.


*After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more
famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in
exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a
really loud sports coat.
*Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was
Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights
out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues
on Pharaoh's people. These plagues
included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.
*God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then He gave
them His top ten commandments. These include don't lie, cheat, smoke,
dance, or covet your neighbor's bottom (the Bible uses a bad word for
bottom that I'm not supposed to say. But my Dad uses it sometimes when
he talks about the President). Oh, yeah, I just thought of one mo
Humor thy father and thy mother.
*One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua, who was the first Bible
guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence
fell over on the town. After Joshua came David. He got to be king by
killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had
about 300 wives and 500 Porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but
that doesn't sound very wise to me.
*After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One
of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up
on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess
we don't have to worry about them.
*After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the
star of the New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish
I had been born in a barn, too, because my mom is always saying to me,
Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As
a matter of fact, I was.')
*During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the
Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The
worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a
terrible vegetable after him.
*Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached
to some Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans and all those guys put
Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for
Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
*Anyway's, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again.
He went up to Heaven, but will be back at the end of the Aluminum.
His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

There! Now do you understand it??

[nyuk nyuk]
j4

"jo4hn" wrote in message
news

The 12 Opossums



In case you're a little foggy on your biblical stories, let these
junior church students help you with this complete overview of the
Bible, compiled from their essays:

*In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was
nothing but God, Darkness, and some gas.
*The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one,' but I Think He must be
a lot older than that.
*Anyway, God said, 'Give me a Light!' and someone did. Then God
made the world. He split the Adam and Made Eve. Adam and Eve were
naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been
invented yet.
*Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were
driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in
though, because they didn't have cars.
*Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as
he was Abel.
*Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for
Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
*One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy,
but one of his kids was kind of a ham.
*Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals
on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they
would have to take a rain check.


*After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more
famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark
in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who
wore a really loud sports coat.
*Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was
Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights
out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten
plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues
included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.
*God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then He
gave them His top ten commandments. These include don't lie, cheat,
smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's bottom (the Bible uses a bad
word for bottom that I'm not supposed to say. But my Dad uses it
sometimes when he talks about the President). Oh, yeah, I just
thought of one mo Humor thy father and thy mother.
*One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua, who was the first Bible
guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence
fell over on the town. After Joshua came David. He got to be king
by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who
had about 300 wives and 500 Porcupines. My teacher says he was
wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
*After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets.
One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then
barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets,
but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
*After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the
star of the New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I
wish I had been born in a barn, too, because my mom is always saying
to me, Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice
to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')
*During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like
the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums.
The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they
named a terrible vegetable after him.
*Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even
preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans and all
those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot
didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
*Anyway's, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life
again. He went up to Heaven, but will be back at the end of the
Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

There! Now do you understand it??

[nyuk nyuk]
j4

Now I got it!

I always wanted to know; "What is Mount Olive?" Then my brother told
me it was Popeye's greatest ambition.
Marc

Asian News Service wrote:
I always wanted to know; "What is Mount Olive?" Then my brother told
me it was Popeye's greatest ambition.
Marc

Old Joke Alert!!!
Q:You know what happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive???
A:Popeye kicked the whazziz out of him.

gork,
j4

On Apr 8, 9:00*pm, jo4hn wrote:
Asian News Service wrote:
I always wanted to know; "What is Mount Olive?" *Then my brother told
me it was Popeye's greatest ambition.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * Marc

Old Joke Alert!!!
Q:You know what happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive???
A:Popeye kicked the whazziz out of him.

* * * * gork,
* * * * j4

Hey J4,
I like your version too, but the funny thing is the first time I heard
this was from my brother about 3 months ago. And I thought I "heard
them all"

Marc

On Apr 8, 9:00*pm, jo4hn wrote:
Asian News Service wrote:
I always wanted to know; "What is Mount Olive?" *Then my brother told
me it was Popeye's greatest ambition.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * Marc

Old Joke Alert!!!
Q:You know what happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive???
A:Popeye kicked the whazziz out of him.

* * * * gork,
* * * * j4

I thought Olive was a reindeer? The 'other' reindeer?


*smirk*