HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR:
2029
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh
largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.
*White minorities still trying to have English recognized as
Mexifornia's third language.
*
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and
livestock.
*
Baby conceived naturally. *Scientists stumped.
*
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
*
Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the AmericanTerritory of
the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq,Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
*
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more
years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
*
France pleads for global help after being taken over by
Jamaica.
*
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported
legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
*
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
*
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces
mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
*
85-year $75.8 billion study: *Diet and Exercise is the key to weight
loss.
*
Average weight of Americans
drops to 250 lbs.
*
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter
speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
*
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
*
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals, violates their civil
rights.
*
Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
*
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers,
fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January
2036.
*
Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political
contributions to campaign accounts.
*
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
*
Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.



JOAT
Politician \Pol`i*ti"cian\, n. Latin for career criminal