Dave Plowman (News) formulated the question :
Or more because there simply wasn't any room under the bonnet. Mini vans
had it behind the driver's seat.

Wasn't it under the overhang of the load deck?


But away from engine heat is actually the most sensible place for a
battery.

Very true, especially for the older open vented batteries.

On Thu, 10 May 2018 15:14:54 +0100, Dave Plowman (News) wrote:

In article ,
Bob Eager wrote:
The original Mini had battery in the boot (a sod to top up). Of course,
the cable didn't have to be all that long to reach the front...!

(to get guaranteed weight over the back wheels, which tended to lock up
when braking)

Or more because there simply wasn't any room under the bonnet. Mini vans
had it behind the driver's seat.

But away from engine heat is actually the most sensible place for a
battery.

There was a specific decision to move it from the engine compartment, as
discussed here (by a close friend of Issigonis):

"...he (Griffin) made some calculations based on facts about wheelbase,
weight distribution and centre of gravity which proved that really hard
braking could result in locking teh rear wheels and complete loss of
control. This being an incontrovertible argument it led ... to the
transfer of the battery from the engine compartment to the rear luggage
locker, so as to transfer some weight from the front to the rear, and to
the introduction of the rear-brake limiting pressure valve."

So clearly the battery *was* originally in the front. This is also shown
by an early photograph of the engine compartment, which shows the battery
(note that this particular version has the engine oriented the other way
round - later changed due to carburettor icing).

Photograph he

http://www.ancientgeek.org.uk/misc/mini_engine.jpg






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"Harry Bloomfield" wrote in message
news
Dave Plowman (News) formulated the question :
Or more because there simply wasn't any room under the bonnet. Mini vans
had it behind the driver's seat.

Wasn't it under the overhang of the load deck?


But away from engine heat is actually the most sensible place for a
battery.

Very true, especially for the older open vented batteries.

The VW beetle had it under the back seat, but that has the engine very close
to there.

On 10/05/2018 15:12, Bill Wright wrote:
On 10/05/2018 10:04, Graeme wrote:

It is a problem those of us involved with old toy trains are well
aware of, using up to, say, 20v/5amp, but more usually 12-15v/1amp.
Even with longer track lengths (36 inches) and good, tight rail
connections, the difference across an oval can be substantial,

An oval? I thought it was two semicircles connected by two straights?
For an oval you'd need an infinite range of differently curved tracks,
wouldn't you?

Flexitrack!

SteveW

On 10/05/2018 20:48, Max Demian wrote:
On 10/05/2018 15:12, Bill Wright wrote:
On 10/05/2018 10:04, Graeme wrote:

It is a problem those of us involved with old toy trains are well
aware of, using up to, say, 20v/5amp, but more usually 12-15v/1amp.
Even with longer track lengths (36 inches) and good, tight rail
connections, the difference across an oval can be substantial,

An oval? I thought it was two semicircles connected by two straights?
For an oval you'd need an infinite range of differently curved tracks,
wouldn't you?

You're thinking of an ellipse. Oval is a much vaguer term.

An ellipse is a line following a specific mathematical equation.

An oval is a squashed circle and only needs only symmetry in one plane.

A racetrack with two semi-circles is not an ellipse.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stadium_(geometry)

On Thu, 10 May 2018 15:17:19 +0100, "Dave Plowman (News)"
wrote:

In article ,
T i m wrote:
One to be careful of is not having it on Amps when measuring Volts ...
or having it on a too low range when measuring Amps (although some are
fuse protected).

Indeed. On one of mine, a replacement fuse costs more than a cheap DVM.
I tend to use a clamp meter first to make sure there's nothing silly, then
the DVM for an accurate reading.

That's the thing isn't it, to be able to do much of this easily,
accurately and safely (to both the user and the equipment) you really
need quite a range of equipment (and not all of it that expensive).

Like two DMM's with one setup on volts and the other amps so you can
measure both simultaneously (and not necessarily at the same place).

One tool I've come across recently that has so far been very good at a
very basic go/no-go level of vehicle faultfinding is the voltage probe
thing:

http://www.sealey.co.uk/PLPageBuilde...oduc tid=7224

(found cheaper elsewhere etc).

Test for the presence of 6-24 volts or ground (red / green LED) and /
or apply the vehicle voltage or earth to a point.

A classic example of it's usage would be the kitcars o/s indicator
repeater not working.

Take the lamp out and apply the earth clip to the lamp body and push
the rocker switch forward to apply a live to the lamp contact and lamp
lights (so good lamp).

With the o/s indicator running, touch the probe on the centre contact
in the lamp holder and watch the LED go red / green in sync with the
other indicators (indicator feed to lamp holder ok).

Put the lamp back in, pull the toggle switch backwards and touch the
probe on the lamp case to give it an earth, lamp flashes.

Touch the probe (still 'earth') on the lamp holder beside the lamp,
lamp flashes.

Touch the probe (still 'earth') on the rest of the metal body of the
fitting, no lamp flash?

Release toggle and check status of the metal fitting and it shows
earth.

Fault, a high resistance or open circuit in the joint where the lamp
bayonet female is peened into the metal base of the fitting itself!

Temp solution, run some bare copper wire from beside lamp base to the
lens retaining pillar whilst I order a new pair of fittings. ;-)

Cheers, T i m

In article ,
Cynic wrote:
Some of us managed perfectly well with an Avo

Was a time when a Morris Minor was state of the art too. ;-)

--
*If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? *

Dave Plowman London SW
To e-mail, change noise into sound.

In article ,
Harry Bloomfield wrote:
Dave Plowman (News) formulated the question :
Or more because there simply wasn't any room under the bonnet. Mini vans
had it behind the driver's seat.

Wasn't it under the overhang of the load deck?

Yup. You had to move the driver's seat to get at it.


But away from engine heat is actually the most sensible place for a
battery.

Very true, especially for the older open vented batteries.

Longest lasting battery I had ever - 11 years - was situated in the boot
of a BMW. But that was a modern semi-sealed type.

--
*Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Dave Plowman London SW
To e-mail, change noise into sound.

In article ,
Bob Eager wrote:
So clearly the battery *was* originally in the front. This is also shown
by an early photograph of the engine compartment, which shows the
battery (note that this particular version has the engine oriented the
other way round - later changed due to carburettor icing).

It was a major engineering job to turn the engine round, involving adding
transfer gears. And situating the battery right above the exhaust manifold
would have been a recipe for disaster.

--
*A fool and his money are soon partying *

Dave Plowman London SW
To e-mail, change noise into sound.

In article ,
Tim Watts wrote:
Adam may shed some light on this, but the only time I can think you'd
want to separate conductors in a device is for locating a suspected
fault. There's no routine testing I can think of that would need that,
*except* if you needed to isolate a branch because it had a sensitive
device on the end. If the device *is* the sensitive part, you might take
it off and stick a terminal block on the end of the wires.

You don't twist the bare line or neutral together along their length
inside a box, so why do it with the earth?

--
*Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Dave Plowman London SW
To e-mail, change noise into sound.

On 11/05/2018 00:29, Dave Plowman (News) wrote:
In article ,
Bob Eager wrote:
So clearly the battery *was* originally in the front. This is also shown
by an early photograph of the engine compartment, which shows the
battery (note that this particular version has the engine oriented the
other way round - later changed due to carburettor icing).

It was a major engineering job to turn the engine round, involving adding
transfer gears.

So spinning the engine in the opposite direction wasn't an option?

On Thu, 10 May 2018 20:39:32 +0100, Bill Wright wrote:

On 10/05/2018 16:57, Graeme wrote:
In message , Bill Wright
writes
On 10/05/2018 10:04, Graeme wrote:

It is a problem those of us involved with old toy trains are well
aware of, using up to, say, 20v/5amp, but more usually 12-15v/1amp.
Even with longer track lengths (36 inches) and good, tight rail
connections, the difference across an oval can be substantial,

An oval? I thought it was two semicircles connected by two straights?
For an oval you'd need an infinite range of differently curved tracks,
wouldn't you?

YKWIM :-)

I had a ferocious geometry teacher. He would point to an ellipse on the
blackboard and ask the class what it was. Anyone who said it was an oval
regretted it.

Did they get spanked?

--
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

On Thu, 10 May 2018 14:20:03 +0100, Bob Eager wrote:

On Thu, 10 May 2018 12:39:00 +0100, tony sayer wrote:

In article , Harry Bloomfield harry.m1byt@N
OSPAM.tiscali.co.uk scribeth thus
on 10/05/2018, Bill Wright supposed :
I helped a friend (a friend in need...) who had a similar problem in a
motorhome. For some bizarre reason the starter battery was in a locker
instead of in the engine compartment. It wasn't all that far but
during a start the voltage at the starter motor was about 6V. In the
end we put the battery back where it should have been and that fixed
it.

Many people do not understand volts drop and just how serious a problem
it can be at such low voltages. They base their calculations simply on
the current rating of the cable and even the pros ignore volts drop..

Me Audi A6 has a boot mounted battery and thats right at the back with
some sort of switch relay in line but still works fine, pretty thick
cables tho...

The original Mini had battery in the boot (a sod to top up). Of course,
the cable didn't have to be all that long to reach the front...!

(to get guaranteed weight over the back wheels, which tended to lock up
when braking)

BMW have still to learn RWD is ****.

--
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

On 11/05/2018 01:15, Jimmy Wilkinson Knife wrote:

I had a ferocious geometry teacher. He would point to an ellipse on the
blackboard and ask the class what it was. Anyone who said it was an oval
regretted it.

Did they get spanked?


If the teacher felt that they were being cheeky (what he called
'insubordinate') he would generally deal with them appropriately.

Bill

On 10/05/2018 20:48, Max Demian wrote:
On 10/05/2018 15:12, Bill Wright wrote:
On 10/05/2018 10:04, Graeme wrote:

It is a problem those of us involved with old toy trains are well
aware of, using up to, say, 20v/5amp, but more usually 12-15v/1amp.
Even with longer track lengths (36 inches) and good, tight rail
connections, the difference across an oval can be substantial,

An oval? I thought it was two semicircles connected by two straights?
For an oval you'd need an infinite range of differently curved tracks,
wouldn't you?

You're thinking of an ellipse. Oval is a much vaguer term.

It isn't vague in the way he used it, it's just plain wrong.

Bill

On 10/05/2018 22:45, Fredxx wrote:

An oval is a squashed circle and only needs only symmetry in one plane.

An oval can be egg shaped!

Bill

On 11/05/18 00:29, Dave Plowman (News) wrote:
In article ,
Tim Watts wrote:
Adam may shed some light on this, but the only time I can think you'd
want to separate conductors in a device is for locating a suspected
fault. There's no routine testing I can think of that would need that,
*except* if you needed to isolate a branch because it had a sensitive
device on the end. If the device *is* the sensitive part, you might take
it off and stick a terminal block on the end of the wires.

You don't twist the bare line or neutral together along their length
inside a box, so why do it with the earth?


I wouldn't either, but I might twist the ends if the screw was being
unreliable holding onto 1 of 2 or 3 conductors (I've had that happen).

I was primarily challenging the notion that "twisting makes it difficult
to test" when, at least with my limited knowledge of testing, you'd
generally not unwire the backs of devices, only the final cable(s) into
the CU.

If you did do a lot of unwiring, it would compromise the testing anyway,
as you'd be disturbing stuff needlessly in the name of making it better,
when that would generally have the opposite effect.

The best testing would undo nothing, but the rise of electronic elements
and the fact you have to isolate the circuit means a small amount is
unavoidable.

Graeme wrote:
In message , Harry Bloomfield
writes

Many people do not understand volts drop and just how serious a problem
it can be at such low voltages. They base their calculations simply on
the current rating of the cable and even the pros ignore volts drop.

It is a problem those of us involved with old toy trains are well aware
of, using up to, say, 20v/5amp, but more usually 12-15v/1amp. Even with
longer track lengths (36 inches) and good, tight rail connections, the
difference across an oval can be substantial, so multiple feeds are
required, using good quality heavy duty wiring, with soldered
connections. None of you needed to know that :-)

Hornby originally used a much higher voltage.

http://www.brightontoymuseum.co.uk/i...,_110V_(Hornby)

They soon found shocking and possibly killing their customer base and the
household cat was not good for follow up sales.
Probably the paint was lead based as well.
Imagine what those poker faced €œ I try to look €˜ard but am completely
uselessness €œ presenters on watchdog etc would make of it.
GH

On Fri, 11 May 2018 01:09:51 +0100, Fredxx wrote:

On 11/05/2018 00:29, Dave Plowman (News) wrote:
In article ,
Bob Eager wrote:
So clearly the battery *was* originally in the front. This is also
shown by an early photograph of the engine compartment, which shows
the battery (note that this particular version has the engine oriented
the other way round - later changed due to carburettor icing).

It was a major engineering job to turn the engine round, involving
adding transfer gears.

So spinning the engine in the opposite direction wasn't an option?

No. They considered that, but too much would have had to be changed -
including the camshaft, distributor ... the loss in power was considered
acceptable. They were trying to use existing production parts as much as
possible. The engine block and transfer gear(s) were new, of course, but
not much else.

Not that I think turning the engine around had any effect on the battery
position as such - the exhaust manifold was at the front (then at the
back), which didn't change the distance to the battery.



--
My posts are my copyright and if @diy_forums or Home Owners' Hub
wish to copy them they can pay me £1 a message.
Use the BIG mirror service in the UK: http://www.mirrorservice.org
*lightning surge protection* - a w_tom conductor

In message , Marland
writes

Hornby originally used a much higher voltage.

http://www.brightontoymuseum.co.uk/i...rground_locomo
tive,_110V_(Hornby)

Yes, I have two of the 'Met' locos, but neither are high voltage,
although I do have a high voltage loco by the French maker, JEP.

They soon found shocking and possibly killing their customer base and the
household cat was not good for follow up sales.

I'm sure they recognised the potential (!) danger, and doubtless there
were some shocks, but no recorded fatalities.

Probably the paint was lead based as well.
Imagine what those poker faced €œ I try to look €˜ard but am completely
uselessness €œ presenters on watchdog etc would make of it.

g Indeed. All those sharp tin edges, high voltages, lead figures.
How did we survive?
--
Graeme

On Fri, 11 May 2018 04:49:51 +0100, Bill Wright, obviously another mentally
deficient, troll-feeding retard, blabbered again:


Did they get spanked?


If the teacher felt that they were being cheeky (what he called
'insubordinate') he would generally deal with them appropriately.

Bill

Unbelievable, the retarded sociopathic Scottish sow, attention whore and
troll asks, and this senile idiot delivers obediently! LOL

On 11/05/2018 00:22, Dave Plowman (News) wrote:
In article ,
Cynic wrote:
Some of us managed perfectly well with an Avo

Was a time when a Morris Minor was state of the art too. ;-)


And ahead of its time with all that ash woodwork, so eco
friendly (shame about the CO other nasty stuff) :-)

On Thursday, 10 May 2018 18:42:33 UTC+1, Cynic wrote:
Some of us managed perfectly well with an Avo

I bet some on here used to managed with a couple of frog legs in their day ;-)

In article ,
Fredxx wrote:
On 11/05/2018 00:29, Dave Plowman (News) wrote:
In article ,
Bob Eager wrote:
So clearly the battery *was* originally in the front. This is also
shown by an early photograph of the engine compartment, which shows
the battery (note that this particular version has the engine
oriented the other way round - later changed due to carburettor
icing).

It was a major engineering job to turn the engine round, involving
adding transfer gears.

So spinning the engine in the opposite direction wasn't an option?

It would have seemed obvious. But I'd guess lots might need changing to do
that. Perhaps dizzy, waterpump, cam drive arrangements, and maybe even the
dynamo and starter. Most of which were bought in.

I assumed they added up the costs of changing the engine to run in the
opposite direction and concluded transfer gearing was cheaper.

--
*If vegetable oil comes from vegetables, where does baby oil come from? *

Dave Plowman London SW
To e-mail, change noise into sound.

In article ,
Bob Eager wrote:
Not that I think turning the engine around had any effect on the battery
position as such - the exhaust manifold was at the front (then at the
back), which didn't change the distance to the battery.

I'm trying to remember my many Minis owned a long time ago, but I'd guess
if you could have located the battery at the front, it would have been
where the Minor one is - just below the windscreen. And I don't think
there was room given the carb and filter are there.

The Minor has lots of room under the bonnet which might help keep things
cooler. But I never liked that battery position as hot air is going to
find its way to it. Better to have it at the front of the engine
compartment, cooling wise. But not in event of a collision. ;-)

--
*If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Dave Plowman London SW
To e-mail, change noise into sound.

In article ,
Andrew wrote:
On 11/05/2018 00:22, Dave Plowman (News) wrote:
In article ,
Cynic wrote:
Some of us managed perfectly well with an Avo

Was a time when a Morris Minor was state of the art too. ;-)


And ahead of its time with all that ash woodwork, so eco
friendly (shame about the CO other nasty stuff) :-)

The original post war Minor was of course meant to have a all new boxer
engine. But Morris accountants decided a pre-war side valve would be just
as good. ;-) The traveller came rather later on in the model range.

--
*Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one? *

Dave Plowman London SW
To e-mail, change noise into sound.

whisky-dave pretended :
I bet some on here used to managed with a couple of frog legs in their day
;-)

Well they are almost digital, on or off lol

On Fri, 11 May 2018 04:49:51 +0100, Bill Wright wrote:

On 11/05/2018 01:15, Jimmy Wilkinson Knife wrote:

I had a ferocious geometry teacher. He would point to an ellipse on the
blackboard and ask the class what it was. Anyone who said it was an oval
regretted it.

Did they get spanked?

If the teacher felt that they were being cheeky (what he called
'insubordinate') he would generally deal with them appropriately.

Appropriate is subjective. I had teachers that yelled, teachers that struck with metre sticks, and one who regretted yelling when a boy punched him in the stomach sending him sprawling across the floor.

--
Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

On 11/05/2018 04:54, Bill Wright wrote:
On 10/05/2018 22:45, Fredxx wrote:

An oval is a squashed circle and only needs only symmetry in one plane.

An oval can be egg shaped!

Etymologically it always is.

--
Max Demian

On Friday, 11 May 2018 04:54:24 UTC+1, Bill Wright wrote:
On 10/05/2018 22:45, Fredxx wrote:

An oval is a squashed circle and only needs only symmetry in one plane.

An oval can be egg shaped!

The word `oval' comes from the Latin word for egg.


Bill

On Friday, 11 May 2018 10:09:07 UTC+1, Graeme wrote:
In message , Marland
writes

Hornby originally used a much higher voltage.

http://www.brightontoymuseum.co.uk/i...rground_locomo
tive,_110V_(Hornby)

Yes, I have two of the 'Met' locos, but neither are high voltage,
although I do have a high voltage loco by the French maker, JEP.

They soon found shocking and possibly killing their customer base and the
household cat was not good for follow up sales.

I'm sure they recognised the potential (!) danger, and doubtless there
were some shocks, but no recorded fatalities.

Probably the paint was lead based as well.
Imagine what those poker faced €œ I try to look €˜ard but am completely
uselessness €œ presenters on watchdog etc would make of it.

g Indeed. All those sharp tin edges, high voltages, lead figures.
How did we survive?

We didn't all survive.


NT

On Fri, 11 May 2018 11:11:40 +0100, Dave Plowman (News) wrote:

In article ,
Bob Eager wrote:
Not that I think turning the engine around had any effect on the
battery position as such - the exhaust manifold was at the front (then
at the back), which didn't change the distance to the battery.

I'm trying to remember my many Minis owned a long time ago, but I'd
guess if you could have located the battery at the front, it would have
been where the Minor one is - just below the windscreen. And I don't
think there was room given the carb and filter are there.

See the picture at the link I posted. It was under the bonnet, on the
opposite side to the fan.



--
My posts are my copyright and if @diy_forums or Home Owners' Hub
wish to copy them they can pay me £1 a message.
Use the BIG mirror service in the UK: http://www.mirrorservice.org
*lightning surge protection* - a w_tom conductor

In article ,
Bob Eager wrote:
On Fri, 11 May 2018 11:11:40 +0100, Dave Plowman (News) wrote:

In article ,
Bob Eager wrote:
Not that I think turning the engine around had any effect on the
battery position as such - the exhaust manifold was at the front (then
at the back), which didn't change the distance to the battery.

I'm trying to remember my many Minis owned a long time ago, but I'd
guess if you could have located the battery at the front, it would have
been where the Minor one is - just below the windscreen. And I don't
think there was room given the carb and filter are there.

See the picture at the link I posted. It was under the bonnet, on the
opposite side to the fan.

Ah - just looked at it. However it does beg the question if the engine end
plate and clutch cover etc with the new transfer gears had the same sort
of space available. I'd have thought boot space on such a small cheap car
more important than weight distribution for handling.

--
*What hair colour do they put on the driver's license of a bald man? *

Dave Plowman London SW
To e-mail, change noise into sound.

On 11/05/2018 12:09, Jimmy Wilkinson Knife wrote:

If the teacher felt that they were being cheeky (what he called
'insubordinate') he would generally deal with them appropriately.

Appropriate is subjective.* I had teachers that yelled, teachers that
struck with metre sticks, and one who regretted yelling when a boy
punched him in the stomach sending him sprawling across the floor.


I used to find assembly amusing. First we would be told about
Christian forgiveness, then the names of those who must report to the
headmaster's office would be read out. I never imagined that they would
be there so he could forgive them...

My life was changed for ever one day in 1964. I wanted to leave school
and go to a tech college, in order to eventually get a job in
electronics or broadcast. In order to do this I needed documentation
from the school head. I knew he would be displeased because if I left it
would be one less in the GCE class, of which he was very proud. I
knocked and waited, but there was no reply. Then from within I heard the
sounds of an almighty beating. The repeated swish-crack of the Head's
notorious cane; shrieks of pain, sobs, pleas for mercy. My nerve was
gone and I slunk away. I never returned to that door. I didn't transfer
to the tech. I stayed on at school, and eventually became a teacher. Had
I approached the Head's door at any other time I would had had a
different life thereafter.

Bill

On 11/05/2018 13:36, Max Demian wrote:
On 11/05/2018 04:54, Bill Wright wrote:
On 10/05/2018 22:45, Fredxx wrote:

An oval is a squashed circle and only needs only symmetry in one plane.

An oval can be egg shaped!

Etymologically it always is.


What's butterflies got to do with it?

Bill

PS please realise this is a joke

On 11/05/2018 14:20, whisky-dave wrote:
On Friday, 11 May 2018 04:54:24 UTC+1, Bill Wright wrote:
On 10/05/2018 22:45, Fredxx wrote:

An oval is a squashed circle and only needs only symmetry in one plane.

An oval can be egg shaped!

The word `oval' comes from the Latin word for egg.

Well **** me drunk.

Bill

On 11/05/2018 09:36, Marland wrote:

Hornby originally used a much higher voltage.

http://www.brightontoymuseum.co.uk/i...,_110V_(Hornby)

"The first version of the Hornby Metropolitan loco had an additional
level of realism in that - just like the real thing - it seemed to offer
the possibility of accidentally electrocuting yourself if you touched
the rails. The "HV" ("High Voltage") model's motor ran off one hundred
and ten Volts AC current, which was obtained from the 240V mains power
by passing the power through a lightbulb before it passed through the
speed controller and reached the rails."

Can't see the lightbulb idea working very well. It certainly wouldn't
produce a regulated 110V supply.

Bill

On 11/05/2018 14:24, wrote:

We didn't all survive.

Good thing too. The problem nowadays is that the dim-witted are
protected from their own stupidity, so they go on to breed. Since
intelligence is largely inherited this is preventing the forward
progress of the species.

Bill

On 11/05/2018 10:05, Graeme wrote:


gÂ* Indeed.Â* All those sharp tin edges, high voltages, lead figures.
How did we survive?

By not being able to a££ord to buy them.

Much like rich kids these days kill themselves in helicopter crashes
while you survive because you can't a££ord one.

It can't be a significant effect though or evolution would remove the
rich from the gene pool.

On Fri, 11 May 2018 14:59:04 +0100, Bill Wright wrote:

On 11/05/2018 12:09, Jimmy Wilkinson Knife wrote:

If the teacher felt that they were being cheeky (what he called
'insubordinate') he would generally deal with them appropriately.

Appropriate is subjective. I had teachers that yelled, teachers that
struck with metre sticks, and one who regretted yelling when a boy
punched him in the stomach sending him sprawling across the floor.


I used to find assembly amusing. First we would be told about
Christian forgiveness, then the names of those who must report to the
headmaster's office would be read out. I never imagined that they would
be there so he could forgive them...

My life was changed for ever one day in 1964. I wanted to leave school
and go to a tech college, in order to eventually get a job in
electronics or broadcast. In order to do this I needed documentation
from the school head. I knew he would be displeased because if I left it
would be one less in the GCE class, of which he was very proud. I
knocked and waited, but there was no reply. Then from within I heard the
sounds of an almighty beating. The repeated swish-crack of the Head's
notorious cane; shrieks of pain, sobs, pleas for mercy. My nerve was
gone and I slunk away. I never returned to that door. I didn't transfer
to the tech. I stayed on at school, and eventually became a teacher. Had
I approached the Head's door at any other time I would had had a
different life thereafter.

We should go back to that. Kids nowadays just misbehave all the time and there's **** all teachers can do about it.

--
An elderly British gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. At the French
customs desk he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on
bag. 'You have been to France before, Monsieur?' the customs officer asked
sarcastically.
The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.
'Then you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready,' the customs
officer said. The elderly gentleman replied, 'The last time I was here, I
didn't have to show it.'
'Impossible! The British always have to show their passports on arrival in
France !'
The Man gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained;
'Well, when I came ashore on the Beach on D-Day in 1944, I couldn't find any
****ing Frenchmen to show it to...!!