MY PROFUSE APOLOGIES

Something happened to me when I woke up this morning. I suddenly
realize that I've been a friggin asshole most of my life, and that I
need to come clean, if I value my soul and the Here After.

I'm an old fart now, fat, bald and ugly (well, "ugly" has been with me
since birth)...and am hoping it's not too late to receive forgiveness
from anyone here, that I've offended.

I'm a crazy piece o'sh*t, and deserve all the lashing anyone cares to
give. I have mucked up a lot of decent, heartfelt conversations in
this group, and many others...and have influenced impressionable youth
to also become obnoxious jerkwads like myself.

I am SO sorry I've ever behaved like this...and intend to make up for
all my bad deeds, for the rest of my pathetic excuse of a life.

Don't know how well I can control my crazy urges...it's sorta like
tourette syndrome. I know that's a poor excuse, but I do request with
all my heart, that, should I continue my ugly ways, do NOT hesitate to
confront me, and report me to every authority in the book. I deserve
that, and it might indeed put me on the right path.

Again, my profuse apologies...I hope this will be a good start in
rectifying all my sins.

Colonel Edmund J. Burke
a flunky, a nobody, a loser w/o compare