(should point out before anyone complains, these are not serious
opinions-its a joke!)

10 - Life is sexually transmitted.

9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can
die.

8a - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see one without an
erection, make him a sandwich.

8b - Women have two obsessions: Handbags and shoes. Either are always
acceptable.

7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; Teach a person to
use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

6 - Some people are like a Slinky... not really good for anything, but
you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

5 - Health freaks are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.

4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
attention to criticism.

3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you 50 quid and a substantial
tax cut saves you 50p?

2 - In the 60s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the World
is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2006:

1 - We know exactly where any untaxed car is located among the millions
of cars in Britain. But we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of
illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the
DVLA in charge of immigration.

8b - Women have two obsessions: Handbags and shoes. Either are always
acceptable.

That's an unjustified generalisation.

I've had no handbag since I was 17. Fifty years ago.

I don't wear shoes - wellies or sandals (the latter home-made).

Good wine, however, is always acceptable.

Mary

Mary Fisher wrote:
8b - Women have two obsessions: Handbags and shoes. Either are always
acceptable.

That's an unjustified generalisation.

I've had no handbag since I was 17. Fifty years ago.

I don't wear shoes - wellies or sandals (the latter home-made).


Ther are rumours you aren't a woman either...

Good wine, however, is always acceptable.

You left the 'h' out...;-)

The Natural Philosopher wrote:
Mary Fisher wrote:

8b - Women have two obsessions: Handbags and shoes. Either are always
acceptable.

That's an unjustified generalisation.

I've had no handbag since I was 17. Fifty years ago.

I don't wear shoes - wellies or sandals (the latter home-made).


Ther are rumours you aren't a woman either...

Good wine, however, is always acceptable.


You left the 'h' out...;-)

CAT FIGHT, CAT FIGHT :-)

Dave

Mary Fisher wrote:
8b - Women have two obsessions: Handbags and shoes. Either are always
acceptable.

That's an unjustified generalisation.

I've had no handbag since I was 17. Fifty years ago.

I read this and thought "Hmmm..."


I don't wear shoes - wellies or sandals (the latter home-made).


Then, resisting the urge to look to see who posted, "It must be..."

Good wine, however, is always acceptable.


That clinched it. Hello Mary

Si

"Mungo "Two Sheds" Toadfoot" wrote in message
...
Mary Fisher wrote:
8b - Women have two obsessions: Handbags and shoes. Either are always
acceptable.

That's an unjustified generalisation.

I've had no handbag since I was 17. Fifty years ago.

I read this and thought "Hmmm..."


I don't wear shoes - wellies or sandals (the latter home-made).


Then, resisting the urge to look to see who posted, "It must be..."

Good wine, however, is always acceptable.


That clinched it. Hello Mary

:-)

The sandals should have clinched it! You said nothing about The Hat ...

Mary

Si

In article ,
Mary Fisher wrote:

I've had no handbag since I was 17. Fifty years ago.

I don't wear shoes - wellies or sandals (the latter home-made).

While I rarely wear 'formal' clothes, I can still brush up quite well for
weddings and funerals etc. Women are allowed a bit more room for
expression at such things, but I've yet to see one wearing wellies.

Good wine, however, is always acceptable.

You'd not get an invite to my wake dressed like that. Suppose you could
help out the grave diggers, though. ;-)

--
*Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Dave Plowman London SW
To e-mail, change noise into sound.

While I rarely wear 'formal' clothes, I can still brush up quite well for
weddings and funerals etc. Women are allowed a bit more room for
expression at such things, but I've yet to see one wearing wellies.

My sister got married in a pair of Doc Martens a couple of months ago

"Colin Wilson" wrote in message
t...
While I rarely wear 'formal' clothes, I can still brush up quite well for
weddings and funerals etc. Women are allowed a bit more room for
expression at such things, but I've yet to see one wearing wellies.

My sister got married in a pair of Doc Martens a couple of months ago

What did the bride wear ;-)

Adam

My sister got married in a pair of Doc Martens a couple of months ago
What did the bride wear ;-)

White dress, Doc Martens, not sure what else she had on (or not, as the
case might be) !

The message
from Colin Wilson contains these words:

While I rarely wear 'formal' clothes, I can still brush up quite well for
weddings and funerals etc. Women are allowed a bit more room for
expression at such things, but I've yet to see one wearing wellies.

My sister got married in a pair of Doc Martens a couple of months ago

The bikers who turned up at my cousin's funeral were all in leathers.
Word had gone out that he'd come back and haunt anyone turning up in
sombre clothes.

--
Skipweasel
Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.

Mary Fisher wrote:

The sandals should have clinched it! You said nothing about The Hat
...

I try not to think about it.

Si

On 2006-09-23 14:44:56 +0100, Guy King said:

The message
from Colin Wilson contains these words:

While I rarely wear 'formal' clothes, I can still brush up quite well for
weddings and funerals etc. Women are allowed a bit more room for
expression at such things, but I've yet to see one wearing wellies.

My sister got married in a pair of Doc Martens a couple of months ago

The bikers who turned up at my cousin's funeral were all in leathers.
Word had gone out that he'd come back and haunt anyone turning up in
sombre clothes.

Quite right too.

I've specified that anyone turning up in formal dress or even wearing a
tie gets nothing.

"Dave Plowman (News)" wrote in message
...
In article ,
Mary Fisher wrote:

I've had no handbag since I was 17. Fifty years ago.

I don't wear shoes - wellies or sandals (the latter home-made).

While I rarely wear 'formal' clothes, I can still brush up quite well for
weddings and funerals etc. Women are allowed a bit more room for
expression at such things, but I've yet to see one wearing wellies.

I understand there are very fashionable ones these days - mine aren't,
they're just white with faint creosote stains. My sandals are perfectly
acceptable for when I'm dressed formally. I'm far too intelligent to cram my
toes in silly shoes.

Good wine, however, is always acceptable.

You'd not get an invite to my wake dressed like that.

I wouldn't go to the wake of anyone who used such English - 'invite' is a
verb.

Suppose you could
help out the grave diggers, though. ;-)

That's man's work. Or, these days, a machine's.

"Owain" wrote in message
...
Dave Plowman (News) wrote:
While I rarely wear 'formal' clothes, I can still brush up quite well for
weddings and funerals etc.

My morning and evening tails went to the charity shop, I wore them so
little.

Women are allowed a bit more room for
expression at such things, but I've yet to see one wearing wellies.

I can remember that complaints were made about a uni lecturer delivering
lectures in bright yellow wellies wasn't quite appropriate for Law,

How silly. Students whould have been listening to what was said rather than
observing clothing.

so she changed them to blue tie-top ones.

Oh! I pictured the lecturer as a man!

:-)

Mary

Owain

"Colin Wilson" wrote in message
t...
While I rarely wear 'formal' clothes, I can still brush up quite well for
weddings and funerals etc. Women are allowed a bit more room for
expression at such things, but I've yet to see one wearing wellies.

My sister got married in a pair of Doc Martens a couple of months ago

They do weddings everywhere these days ...

The message
from Andy Hall contains these words:

The bikers who turned up at my cousin's funeral were all in leathers.
Word had gone out that he'd come back and haunt anyone turning up in
sombre clothes.

Quite right too.

I've specified that anyone turning up in formal dress or even wearing a
tie gets nothing.

I made myself a fully lined waistcoat out of this stuff specially for
the event.
http://www.frogstore.com/catalog/Fab...wd-p-1021.html

Shame I can no longer get into it. Made one for my sister, too. She's a
teacher and uses it when leading groups outside the school 'cos it's
easier for the kids to centre on her. Sort of like tour-guides carrying
an umbrella only more fun.

--
Skipweasel
Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.

"Guy King" wrote in message
...

The bikers who turned up at my cousin's funeral were all in leathers.
Word had gone out that he'd come back and haunt anyone turning up in
sombre clothes.

Good for him.

One of the happiest funerals I went to was that of a Civil War re-enactor.
Almost everyone was in kit - of various periods. Weapons had to be left at
the door. He'd have loved it.

I asked Spouse what he'd like to wear in his shroud, he could choose from
every period from Roman to C21st. He said that as he spent more time in a
boiler suit than anything else it would be fitting for him to be laid out in
one.

At our wedding - in 1960 - the guard of honour was an arch of front bicycle
wheels held aloft by members of our cycling club. Both Spouse and I and the
best man and bridesmaids were formally dressed, we were all committee
members. The posh wedding car was followed to the reception by an escort of
cyclists in racing strip.

One of our sons had a Morris Minor estate as his wedding car - his choice.
Another son was the only male in the party at his wedding who wore
trousers. It was in St Paul's Cathedral, Dundee and all the clergy, choir,
men and boys wore kilts except 'our kid', who wore his best RAF blues.

Mary



Mary

In article ,
Mary Fisher wrote:
You'd not get an invite to my wake dressed like that.

I wouldn't go to the wake of anyone who used such English - 'invite' is
a verb.


Collins GEM English Dictionary
invite v. request the company of; ask politely for; attract, e.g. the
plan invited criticism. ˜n. Informal invitation. ˜inviting adj.
˜invitation n.

--
*Taxation WITH representation ain't much fun, either.

Dave Plowman London SW
To e-mail, change noise into sound.

On 2006-09-23 17:45:18 +0100, Owain said:

Andy Hall wrote:
I've specified that anyone turning up in formal dress or even wearing a
tie gets nothing.

We'll all turn up wearing Man At Aldi t-shirts then.

Owain

Plural? I'd have thought you cheapskates would have just bought the
one and shared it round :-)

The message
from Andy Hall contains these words:

Plural? I'd have thought you cheapskates would have just bought the
one and shared it round :-)

http://www.yonkis.com/w.php?id=1892006181127.jpg

Not safe for work. Well, the item is, but the rest of the site isn't.

--
Skipweasel
Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.

On 2006-09-23 21:07:59 +0100, Owain said:

Andy Hall wrote:
We'll all turn up wearing Man At Aldi t-shirts then.
Plural? I'd have thought you cheapskates would have just bought the
one and shared it round :-)

Oh, do they last for more than one wearing then?

Owain

As long as you buy XXL and the fabric doesn't touch anything

"Dave Plowman (News)" wrote in message
...
In article ,
Mary Fisher wrote:
You'd not get an invite to my wake dressed like that.

I wouldn't go to the wake of anyone who used such English - 'invite' is
a verb.


Collins GEM English Dictionary
invite v. request the company of; ask politely for; attract, e.g. the
plan invited criticism. ~n. Informal invitation. ~inviting adj.
~invitation n.

I don't respond to informals.

In article ,
Mary Fisher wrote:
You'd not get an invite to my wake dressed like that.

I wouldn't go to the wake of anyone who used such English - 'invite'
is a verb.


Collins GEM English Dictionary
invite v. request the company of; ask politely for; attract, e.g. the
plan invited criticism. ~n. Informal invitation. ~inviting adj.
~invitation n.

I don't respond to informals.

You're not getting one anyway.

--
*Modulation in all things *

Dave Plowman London SW
To e-mail, change noise into sound.

"Dave Plowman (News)" wrote in message
...
In article ,
Mary Fisher wrote:
You'd not get an invite to my wake dressed like that.

I wouldn't go to the wake of anyone who used such English - 'invite'
is a verb.


Collins GEM English Dictionary
invite v. request the company of; ask politely for; attract, e.g. the
plan invited criticism. ~n. Informal invitation. ~inviting adj.
~invitation n.

I don't respond to informals.

You're not getting one anyway.

Hook, line and sinker :-)

In article ,
Mary Fisher wrote:
"Dave Plowman (News)" wrote in message
...
In article ,
Mary Fisher wrote:
You'd not get an invite to my wake dressed like that.

I wouldn't go to the wake of anyone who used such English -
'invite' is a verb.


Collins GEM English Dictionary invite v. request the company of;
ask politely for; attract, e.g. the plan invited criticism. ~n.
Informal invitation. ~inviting adj. ~invitation n.

I don't respond to informals.

You're not getting one anyway.

Hook, line and sinker :-)

Woooooooosh...

--
*Great groups from little icons grow *

Dave Plowman London SW
To e-mail, change noise into sound.

On Sat, 23 Sep 2006 14:35:33 +0100, Colin Wilson
wrote:

My sister got married in a pair of Doc Martens a couple of months ago
What did the bride wear ;-)

White dress, Doc Martens, not sure what else she had on (or not, as the
case might be) !

woosh

My sister got married in a pair of Doc Martens a couple of months ago
What did the bride wear ;-)
White dress, Doc Martens, not sure what else she had on (or not, as the
case might be) !
woosh

I got it, I just ignored it :-p

"Mungo \"Two Sheds\" Toadfoot" typed


Mary Fisher wrote:
8b - Women have two obsessions: Handbags and shoes. Either are always
acceptable.

That's an unjustified generalisation.

I've had no handbag since I was 17. Fifty years ago.

I read this and thought "Hmmm..."

I don't use handbags either...


I don't wear shoes - wellies or sandals (the latter home-made).

.... and seldom wear shoes


Then, resisting the urge to look to see who posted, "It must be..."

Good wine, however, is always acceptable.


Barefoot of Burnt Oak.

--
Helen D. Vecht:
Edgware.

On 2006-09-25 09:12:23 +0100, Helen Deborah Vecht
said:

"Mungo \"Two Sheds\" Toadfoot" typed


Mary Fisher wrote:
8b - Women have two obsessions: Handbags and shoes. Either are always
acceptable.

That's an unjustified generalisation.

I've had no handbag since I was 17. Fifty years ago.

I read this and thought "Hmmm..."

I don't use handbags either...


I don't wear shoes - wellies or sandals (the latter home-made).

... and seldom wear shoes


Then, resisting the urge to look to see who posted, "It must be..."

Good wine, however, is always acceptable.


Barefoot of Burnt Oak.

So you don't see yourself as Golders Green's answer to Emelda Marcos
then Helen ;-) ?

The message
from Andy Hall contains these words:

So you don't see yourself as Golders Green's answer to Emelda Marcos
then Helen ;-) ?

According to my MiL she was just an amateur.

--
Skipweasel
Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.