"Born again"-- Another religious (ridiculous!) idea born right outa the
pages of cheap dime store fiction. I have, in the perilous past, attended
Holy Roller church services. Not just once, mind you, but I recall it was
probably for a period of several months. A friend of a friend had gotten
suckered into it. . . .

As a younger man at the time, my logical sensibilities were most unprepared
for this circuslike event. I was truly appalled (that word really doesn't
begin to describe my mixed feeling of shame and embarrassment) when, at
nearly every church service, some joker up front began to roll around in the
isle, on the carpet, babbling tremendous nonsense. The weak-minded
believers called it speaking in tongues. Indeed! After the "show," many
parishioners congratulated the performer, holding him/her up as something
really special. Naturally the encouragement offered others a similar
opportunity to grab a little social grace, as it were. "You must be really
blessed." Or, "Jesus must have big plans for you," is what they said. In
reality, this "speaking in tongues" was just a lot of noise signifying
nothing, if I may borrow a line from Shakespeare.

All organized religion is a sham in that it supposes a proof where none
exists. When willing participants begin to falter, they are told to have
faith. Meaningless tripe, as faith is the exact opposite of fact. This
being the case, religion serves only a common human (not divine) purpose: to
separate a man from his money. I rest my case.

Sincerely,
Colonel Edmund J. Burke
philosopher, grammarian, ladies' man