copied from another group

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2011
Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on
December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the
Grill
House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a
small
band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't
be
surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas
tree will
be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at
that
time; however, no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of
gifts
easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty


Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2011
Gala Holiday Party


In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We
recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides
with
Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on,
we're
calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other
employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating
Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas
carols
will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.


Happy now?


Happy Holidays to you and your family,


Patty


Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2011
Holiday Party


Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,
"AA
Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle
this?


Somebody?


And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed
since
the union members feel that £10.00 is too much money and the
executives
believe £10.00 is a little chintzy.


REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.


Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2011
Generic Holiday Party


What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins
the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate
how a
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim
employees'
beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal
until
the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it
home in
little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?


Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
farthest from
the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to
the
restrooms.


Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
with
Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be
flower
arrangement for the Gay men's table.


To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks
that no
cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about
confusion in
the restrooms. Sorry.


We will have booster seats for short people.


Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.


I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in
the
food. The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure
taste a
bite first.


There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but
the
restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!


Did I miss anything?!?!?


Patty


Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2011


The F*%^ing Holiday Party


I've had it with you vegetarian jerks!!! We're going to keep this
party at
the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at
the
table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it,
and
you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But
you
know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them.
I've
heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!


The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have
a
rotten holiday!


Drive drunk and die,


The B*tch from H*ll!!!


Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2011
Patty Lewis and Holiday Party


I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy
recovery and
I'll continue to forward your cards to her.


In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party
and give
everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.


Happy Holidays!

On Wed, 14 Dec 2011 02:35:08 -0800 (PST), harry
wrote:

copied from another group

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2011
Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on
December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the
Grill
House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a
small
band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't
be
surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas
tree will
be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at
that
time; however, no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of
gifts
easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty


Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2011
Gala Holiday Party


In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We
recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides
with
Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on,
we're
calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other
employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating
Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas
carols
will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.


Happy now?


Happy Holidays to you and your family,


Patty


Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2011
Holiday Party


Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,
"AA
Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle
this?


Somebody?


And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed
since
the union members feel that £10.00 is too much money and the
executives
believe £10.00 is a little chintzy.


REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.


Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2011
Generic Holiday Party


What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins
the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate
how a
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim
employees'
beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal
until
the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it
home in
little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?


Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
farthest from
the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to
the
restrooms.


Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
with
Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be
flower
arrangement for the Gay men's table.


To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks
that no
cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about
confusion in
the restrooms. Sorry.


We will have booster seats for short people.


Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.


I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in
the
food. The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure
taste a
bite first.


There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but
the
restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!


Did I miss anything?!?!?


Patty


Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2011


The F*%^ing Holiday Party


I've had it with you vegetarian jerks!!! We're going to keep this
party at
the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at
the
table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it,
and
you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But
you
know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them.
I've
heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!


The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have
a
rotten holiday!


Drive drunk and die,


The B*tch from H*ll!!!


Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2011
Patty Lewis and Holiday Party


I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy
recovery and
I'll continue to forward your cards to her.


In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party
and give
everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.


Happy Holidays!



Nice. I didn't see it but did they leave out the transgender?
Probably best to just cancel the Holiday completely at this point.

That's a thought. The party house did not have a unisex bathroom. Good
point.

--

Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
..

"Doug" wrote in message
...


Nice. I didn't see it but did they leave out the transgender?
Probably best to just cancel the Holiday completely at this point.

harry wrote in news:51e4ed69-7e9d-4f02-99b2-
:


HARRY! I am f*ing Ohfeeeeeeeeended. My religion does not allow the reading
of mock holiday memos. May a Gypsy curse your tea bags.

I need counseling now.

Red Green wrote in
:


p.s. Your post is right on. These people are laughingly stupid.

On Dec 15, 12:21*am, Red Green wrote:
harry wrote in news:51e4ed69-7e9d-4f02-99b2-
:

HARRY! *I am f*ing Ohfeeeeeeeeended. My religion does not allow the reading
of mock holiday memos. May a Gypsy curse your tea bags.

I need counseling now.

Take a pill. Lie down for a couple of hours. Make your mind a blank.

On Dec 14, 4:35*am, harry wrote:
copied from another group

Company Memo
FROM: * * * Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: * * * * * * All Employees
DATE: * * * *October 1, 2011
* * * * * * Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on
December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the
Grill
House. *There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! *We'll have a
small
band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. *And don't
be
surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! *A Christmas
tree will
be lit at 1:00 PM. *Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at
that
time; however, no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of
gifts
easy for everyone's pockets. *This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty

Company Memo
FROM: * * * Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: * * * * * * All Employees
DATE: * * * *October 2, 2011
* * * * * * Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. *We
recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides
with
Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. *However, from now on,
we're
calling it our "Holiday Party." *The same policy applies to any other
employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating
Reconciliation Day. *There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas
carols
will be sung. *We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty

Company Memo
FROM: * * * Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: * * * * * * All Employees
DATE: * * * *October 3, 2011
* * * * * * *Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. *I'm happy
to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,
"AA
Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. *How am I supposed to handle
this?

Somebody?

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed
since
the union members feel that £10.00 is too much money and the
executives
believe £10.00 is a little chintzy.

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Company Memo
FROM: * * * Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: * * * * * * *All Employees
DATE: * * * *October 4, 2011
* * * * * * Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! *I had no idea that December 20th begins
the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during
daylight hours. *There goes the party! *Seriously, we can appreciate
how a
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim
employees'
beliefs. *Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal
until
the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it
home in
little foil doggy baggy. *Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
farthest from
the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to
the
restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. *Lesbians do not have to sit
with
Gay men, each group will have their own table. *Yes, there will be
flower
arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks
that no
cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about
confusion in
the restrooms. *Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in
the
food. *The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure
taste a
bite first.

There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but
the
restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

Company Memo
FROM: * * * Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: * * * * * * All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: * * * *October 5, 2011

* * * * * * The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I've had it with you vegetarian jerks!!! *We're going to keep this
party at
the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at
the
table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it,
and
you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. *But
you
know, tomatoes have feelings, too. *They scream when you slice them.
I've
heard them scream. *I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. *I hope you all have
a
rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The B*tch from H*ll!!!

Company Memo
FROM: * * * Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: * * * *October 6, 2011
* * * * * * Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy
recovery and
I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party
and give
everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

It's funny. but sooooooo true.