the_handyman wrote in message
...
I never could figure out why yuppies use drywall screws instead of
nails whenever they build something with wood, (or more likely, hire
someone else to do it for them).

I was raised then when you build something with wood, you use NAILS
and a HAMMER.

I finally figured out the reason a few weeks ago. Being a handyman, I
had to do some work for a yuppie type individual, in a yuppie type
neighborhood. He lived in a condo, and wanted particle board
installed on the inside walls of his attached garage. He was to
furnish the materials. I went there to start the job, and he had a
stack of particle board, some molding, a few 2X4's for the corners,
and a huge box of drywall screws. I looked at the screws with a
rather puzzled expression, and asked him if he wanted me to drywall
something too. He explained that the clerk at Home Depot said that
they are better than nails. I looked at this man, and said, "Sir,
they are made for DRYWALL, NOT particle board".
I then told him to take them back, and get the nails I ordered him to
buy, going on to explain that those screws will work ON THE PARTICLE
board, but NOT on the corner 2X4's nor the molding. I also told him
the if I had to use the screws on the p. board, I would have to charge
for additional labor, since it takes much longer to use them than
nails.

The customer took the screws back to Home Depot, and got my nails.
I began to install some corner 2X4's, and then the boards. After
installing the 3rd sheet, the man came out to the garage, praised my
work, but asked if there was any way I could do it more quietly,
explaining that the neighbor in the adjoining unit was complaining
about the noise. I explained that there is no way to be any more
quiet, and joked that no one makes a noiseless hammer.

I proceeded to work, when suddenly a police car pulled up on the
driveway, right in front of me. The officer asked my name, and asked
what I was doing. I explained my job to the officer. The officer
said he was sorry, but said that the were called because of the noise.
The officer politely asked me to keep it as quiet as possible, and
drove off in their squad.

I get back to work, and install a few more sheets, when suddenly a
fine dressed gentleman walks up to the garage, with his poodle on
leash, and starts cussing at me, calling me all sorts of foul names,
and ends by telling me to "shut the f##k up, or he'll sue me for
upsetting his dog", who he went on to say is on sedatives for
nervousness......

Wouldn't you know, that just as that "idiot" is walking away, the
police pull up again. This time they are not smiling, and explain
that they have received NUMEROUS complaints about the noise.
I explain that I am only doing my job, it is mid day (not midnight),
and there is no other way to do my job. The cop tells me that I will
have to find another quieter way to do my work, and that they dont
want to have to come back again, or else they'll have to take me
downtown.

That did it, I threw my hammer on the concrete floor, went into the
house, and told the owner to take the nails back to Home Depot, and
get me drywall screws. I said I want big ones for the 2x4's. smaller
ones for the panels, and teeny tiny ones for the molding. I also told
him to get me a dozen phillips screwdrivers, a hand operated twist
drill, with a dozen bits, a good sharp hand saw, a caulking gun, and a
whole case of liquid nails cartridges. I also told him that to
complete the job, I must charge him an additional $500, because I must
do the job in silence, and that will require several extra days of
labor.

NOW I know why yuppies use those damn drywall screws !!!!!!!