I spent the last 2 years completely finishing the basement of our
dreamhouse. I did everything myself including learn to sweat pipe, run
CAT5, electrical, etc. I put in lots of sound insulation and a smooth
finished ceiling. I designed the coolest handmade stainless steel
handrailing with built in mood light and oak trim. It is totally awesome.
Any one that could see what I acomplished would be very impressed. I'm not
bragging just proud - kind of. The last 2 months of the project I set a
goal of finishing for my daughter's slumber party. Everything that I put
into the basement was for my kids. I kept them in mind all the time for
their ultimate playroom. But the night before the slumber party my wife
said she wanted a divorce. A week later I found out she had been lying
about an affair. She would get off a late nurses shift and go out drinking
with friends. I would call her me working late on the basemnt and be like,
come on! won't you come home and help me with this? So we are now 2 months
later and the dream house is for sale. Her parents think she should get
their original gift money out of the house. I'm um, just a little ticked
considering all the blood sweat and now tears that went into the house.
What she did to me and our 3 little kids was criminal. That in and of
itself is heartbreaking. If you saw the basement you would be saddened as
well. I keep asking myself what kind of person it takes to walk away from
"this". I've learned that there is a disorder and its called narcissism.
By the way, I will always remember sitting on the stairs watching the girls
at the slumber party dancing to the disco lights but my heart shattered and
my spirit broken. At first I thought it was me spending all that time away
from family working on the basement. But I've come to know that this women
has issues that are so beyond explaination. Sorry for the vent. Its a
classic story in my life that I hope I can take the good of what I created
and learn from the bad.

so sorry to hear that. Hope your kids stay with you.

"SpritE8" wrote in message
. ..
I spent the last 2 years completely finishing the basement of our
dreamhouse. I did everything myself including learn to sweat pipe, run
CAT5, electrical, etc. I put in lots of sound insulation and a smooth
finished ceiling. I designed the coolest handmade stainless steel
handrailing with built in mood light and oak trim. It is totally awesome.
Any one that could see what I acomplished would be very impressed. I'm
not
bragging just proud - kind of. The last 2 months of the project I set a
goal of finishing for my daughter's slumber party. Everything that I put
into the basement was for my kids. I kept them in mind all the time for
their ultimate playroom. But the night before the slumber party my wife
said she wanted a divorce. A week later I found out she had been lying
about an affair. She would get off a late nurses shift and go out
drinking
with friends. I would call her me working late on the basemnt and be
like,
come on! won't you come home and help me with this? So we are now 2
months
later and the dream house is for sale. Her parents think she should get
their original gift money out of the house. I'm um, just a little ticked
considering all the blood sweat and now tears that went into the house.
What she did to me and our 3 little kids was criminal. That in and of
itself is heartbreaking. If you saw the basement you would be saddened as
well. I keep asking myself what kind of person it takes to walk away from
"this". I've learned that there is a disorder and its called narcissism.
By the way, I will always remember sitting on the stairs watching the
girls
at the slumber party dancing to the disco lights but my heart shattered
and
my spirit broken. At first I thought it was me spending all that time
away
from family working on the basement. But I've come to know that this
women
has issues that are so beyond explaination. Sorry for the vent. Its a
classic story in my life that I hope I can take the good of what I created
and learn from the bad.

"SpritE8" wrote
I spent the last 2 years completely finishing the basement of our
dreamhouse. I did everything myself including learn to sweat pipe, run
CAT5, electrical, etc. I put in lots of sound insulation and a smooth
finished ceiling. I designed the coolest handmade stainless steel
handrailing with built in mood light and oak trim. It is totally awesome.
Any one that could see what I acomplished would be very impressed. I'm
not
bragging just proud - kind of. The last 2 months of the project I set a
goal of finishing for my daughter's slumber party. Everything that I put
into the basement was for my kids. I kept them in mind all the time for
their ultimate playroom.

Dude,

You have my sympathy, but there is always two sides to every story. I'm
sure your spouse wanted a perfect marriage, and it wasn't working out.

You seem very proud of your work, and you should be. It also sounds like
you spent a lot of time away from your family, to do this for your family.
I think we've all seen where one spouse was working their behind off, to
have for their family. In reality, they should have spending time with the
family because all their work was in haste. Quality family time is first,
there's not much sense in just keeping a room-mate, unless that works for
both.

Hopefully you and your kids will remain on getting a closer relationship,
don't blow this one, you'll pay for it the rest of your life.

Sorry to hear that. Hope you find someone else. Divorce is one thing,
but affair is another. No self respecting person would do that. Shame.

Don't sweat the basement dude. The skill is more important that the
results. You can build another one.

Good luck m8,


CL



SpritE8 wrote:
I spent the last 2 years completely finishing the basement of our
dreamhouse. I did everything myself including learn to sweat pipe, run
CAT5, electrical, etc. I put in lots of sound insulation and a smooth
finished ceiling. I designed the coolest handmade stainless steel
handrailing with built in mood light and oak trim. It is totally awesome.
Any one that could see what I acomplished would be very impressed. I'm not
bragging just proud - kind of. The last 2 months of the project I set a
goal of finishing for my daughter's slumber party. Everything that I put
into the basement was for my kids. I kept them in mind all the time for
their ultimate playroom. But the night before the slumber party my wife
said she wanted a divorce. A week later I found out she had been lying
about an affair. She would get off a late nurses shift and go out drinking
with friends. I would call her me working late on the basemnt and be like,
come on! won't you come home and help me with this? So we are now 2 months
later and the dream house is for sale. Her parents think she should get
their original gift money out of the house. I'm um, just a little ticked
considering all the blood sweat and now tears that went into the house.
What she did to me and our 3 little kids was criminal. That in and of
itself is heartbreaking. If you saw the basement you would be saddened as
well. I keep asking myself what kind of person it takes to walk away from
"this". I've learned that there is a disorder and its called narcissism.
By the way, I will always remember sitting on the stairs watching the girls
at the slumber party dancing to the disco lights but my heart shattered and
my spirit broken. At first I thought it was me spending all that time away
from family working on the basement. But I've come to know that this women
has issues that are so beyond explaination. Sorry for the vent. Its a
classic story in my life that I hope I can take the good of what I created
and learn from the bad.




--
Respectfully,


CL Gilbert

"Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that entereth not by the door() into
the sheepfold{}, but climbeth up some other *way, the same is a thief
and a robber."

GnuPG Key Fingerprint:
82A6 8893 C2A1 F64E A9AD 19AE 55B2 4CD7 80D2 0A2D

For a free Java interface to Freechess.org see
http://www.rigidsoftware.com/Chess/chess.html

Thanks for the input M8. I'll keep the skill part in mind...


"CL (dnoyeB) Gilbert" wrote in message
...
Sorry to hear that. Hope you find someone else. Divorce is one thing,
but affair is another. No self respecting person would do that. Shame.

Don't sweat the basement dude. The skill is more important that the
results. You can build another one.

Good luck m8,


CL

On Sat, 06 Aug 2005 03:22:31 GMT, someone wrote:

I spent the last 2 years completely finishing the basement of our
dreamhouse.

Dreamhouse? How I hate that term. A house is a pretty damn
real-world physical object. When people attach their dreams to some
image in their minds of a house, there is often some un-reality
somewhere. Do they think they will automatically live "happily ever
after", once that house is built? You can live happily in a wide
range of places and conditions, don't put all the responsibility on a
house.

I leasrned.... I designed the coolest.... It is totally awesome....
Any one that could see what I acomplished would be very impressed.

Anyone except your wife. She did not share your dream. Did you check
with her before following it? There you were learning all these new
skills. What was she getting our of it?


.... But the night before the slumber party my wife
said she wanted a divorce. A week later I found out she had been lying
about an affair. She would get off a late nurses shift and go out drinking
with friends. I would call her me working late on the basemnt and be like,
come on! won't you come home and help me with this?...

Because she would rather be out with friends, and a man who is paying
attention to her, rather than working on a basement with a guy who
cares more for his house. And BTW, very few people "tell the truth
about an affair" so no news there.


What she did to me and our 3 little kids was criminal.

Nope. Its a strictly civil matter. If you don't beleive me, ask your
lawyer. (Well, maybe you are in a backwards state where they still
have the "adultery" law on the books...)


If you saw the basement you would be saddened as
well. I keep asking myself what kind of person it takes to walk away from
"this". I've learned that there is a disorder and its called narcissism.

Yeah pal, and you've got it. You are STILL comparing the basement
playroom decor to your marriage? You are sad for your BASEMENT? Be
sad that you neglected your wife for 2 years to finish a farking
BASEMENT. Capt. Ahab obsessed with the White Whale. If you didn't
have a finished basement, you might still have a marriage.

Actually, the "home construction divorce" is a fairly common phenom.
DIY home building is very stressful and it can easily blow up a
marriage. When we built our house, while I was the designer and GC of
record, I actually only did maybe 10% of the work, the rest was
contracted out. My time with my wife was more important than saving a
couple of bucks on labor.

Look dude, divorce is upsetting. I am previously divorced myself, as
is my wife. But really, the law has been moving away from 'fault'
divorce. You and she didn't share the same dream. You wanted to
finish a basement by yourself, and she wanted to socialize with
PEOPLE. It is not AT ALL clear which one of you has a psychological
"disease".

Sell the house, which has a nice basement. Go build another house,
maybe it'll make you feel better.


Reply to NG only - this e.mail address goes to a kill file.

In article , v says...

On Sat, 06 Aug 2005 03:22:31 GMT, someone wrote:

I spent the last 2 years completely finishing the basement of our
dreamhouse.

Dreamhouse? How I hate that term. A house is a pretty damn
real-world physical object. When people attach their dreams to some
image in their minds of a house, there is often some un-reality
somewhere. Do they think they will automatically live "happily ever
after", once that house is built? You can live happily in a wide
range of places and conditions, don't put all the responsibility on a
house.

With this much I heartily agree.


I leasrned.... I designed the coolest.... It is totally awesome....
Any one that could see what I acomplished would be very impressed.

Anyone except your wife. She did not share your dream. Did you check
with her before following it? There you were learning all these new
skills. What was she getting our of it?


Something definitely worth thinking about... but..


.... But the night before the slumber party my wife
said she wanted a divorce. A week later I found out she had been lying
about an affair. She would get off a late nurses shift and go out drinking
with friends. I would call her me working late on the basemnt and be like,
come on! won't you come home and help me with this?...

Because she would rather be out with friends, and a man who is paying
attention to her, rather than working on a basement with a guy who
cares more for his house. And BTW, very few people "tell the truth
about an affair" so no news there.

Now wait.

I'm of the female persuasion, and should be the one to see the wife's POV if
there is one (and there probably is...) but my reaction to this stuff about how
he was ignoring his wife to do his basement is ... who knows?

When that happens it's a staw-that-broke-the-camel's-back thing; a long history
of disengagement that finally culminates in divorce. Not one basement project,
no matter how big.

*Maybe* that's what happened, or *maybe* the orignial poster is just expressing
his sadness at a future lost for whatever reason, whoever is at fault, and the
beautiful finished basement is more of a symbolic thing.

Y'all are jumping all over this guy with insufficient information.



Actually, the "home construction divorce" is a fairly common phenom.
DIY home building is very stressful and it can easily blow up a
marriage. When we built our house, while I was the designer and GC of
record, I actually only did maybe 10% of the work, the rest was
contracted out. My time with my wife was more important than saving a
couple of bucks on labor.


Yes, that happens. And sometimes what's really the guy's hobby is held up as
all-for-the-wife. It's nice though if the guy and girl both can integrate
their pursuits and pleasures into a partnership. But, you're right, for some
wives, a husband with his nose buried too long in a pile of lumber and power
tools is a marriage-breaker.

Depends.

Look dude, divorce is upsetting. I am previously divorced myself, as
is my wife. But really, the law has been moving away from 'fault'
divorce. You and she didn't share the same dream. You wanted to
finish a basement by yourself, and she wanted to socialize with
PEOPLE. It is not AT ALL clear which one of you has a psychological
"disease".

Right, it's not AT ALL clear who is at fault.

Banty (maybe it's that I come from a family with a lot of long-haul truckers
with happy wives, but if it *is* the basement thing that broke the marriage, did
you think maybe he just married too needy a girl?)

You sir are a jerk. There is no justification for cheating. There is
justificaiton for divorce, and ignoring someone can be that. But none
for cheating, sorry.

--
Respectfully,


CL

CL (dnoyeB) Gilbert wrote:
You sir are a jerk. There is no justification for cheating. There is
justificaiton for divorce, and ignoring someone can be that. But none
for cheating, sorry.
The only consolation is that cheaters will usually cheat on the next
person too. Remember Donald Trump having that fling with Marla Maples?
Don't see them together now, do you?
And the best revenge you can get on someone is to have a great life,
not always easy though. Make the next dream house super duper.

In article .com,
wrote:

Make the next dream house super duper.

When I've said "dream house," it's referred fairly specifically to the
type of house and setting that I'd find ideal. (I also have the luxury
of doing it alone, and not having to accommodate anyone else's dreams
and projections).

So I have it now. It's visually and physically everything I'd want and
more, and the setting is perfect. For what such things can offer, I've
gotten my dream (and very glad I included central air now that it's
August).

Ilene B