"blueman" wrote in message
...
"Doug Kanter" writes:
That's the LEAST outrageous of the stories I could tell you. :-)

Please share some of the more outrageous onew with us too

Let's see.....there was the electric can opener, reminiscent of something
out of an M.C. Escher painting. She once left it on a stove burner and
melted it in such a way that it leaned forward at about a 20 degree angle.
Since it was originally tall enough to open a 46 oz juice can, you could
still get a 16 oz can under it, even with the tilt. But, the magnet would no
longer hold the can in place at that angle, so you had to palm the can from
beneath while it was opened. Of course, this meant that whatever was in the
can ended up all over your hand and the counter. Her only other options were
3 or 4 of those little openers intended for campers who are gluttons for
punishment. We bought her a nice new electric opener which she refused to
even take out of the box. "That old one's just fine, thank you." Then, she'd
go for the bug spray and hose down the gap between the stove and the
counter, where the effluent from tilted cans spilled and attracted every ant
in the neighborhood.

New phone: She had an ancient rotary phone. It took almost a minute to dial
anyone. Since she never opened the windows in the kitchen, the phone was
encrusted with years' worth of grease and crud, which made the dialer thing
sluggish. We figured that if she ever needed to dial 911, she'd be dead
before she got past 9. So, in went a touch tone phone with big buttons. The
first objection was that she didn't want to pay for touch tone service. Once
we explained that the phone didn't require it, she decided it was still too
fancy for her, and refused to make or receive calls until the phone was
removed. That took 2 weeks, and it was paid for with OUR money. :-)

Free Government Food: She thought it was frugal to get on some sort of
program which offered free "staple" food items to people in need, which she
was not. Things like canned pork, with white labels that just said "Pork",
and "USDA - Don't Call Us If You Don't Like This Stuff". She'd come home
from wherever and usually put away the 5 lb brick of American cheese.
Usually. Not always. Twice, we found shopping bags in the basement with
cheese that had turned green and expanded to the point where it blew open
the thick plastic wrapper. Sometimes, bags of rice crawling with maggots. We
have no idea what the "pork" was, although dog food comes to mind.

Time to mow the lawn.