Time to post this old rag again. Modern additions and improvements
welcome.

Assembler: You spend months in machine shop, hand crafting
the bullet, the cartridge, and the gun. You do your all your own
casting, stamping, machining, etc. You assemble it yourself, and you
lubricate it using oils that you press from seeds in a mill that you
copied from another shop where you used to work. You set up your own
chemical laboratory to make the powder and the primer. You go so far
over budget that you can only giggle about it when they ask how things
are going.

Finally, you put it all together, you point the gun at your foot,
you fire; and then your boss walks in and tells you to shoot the
other foot too. You calmly explain to him why you're going to have
to make another gun.

Perl: it'll take a very long time to find the trigger, and once you
have found it, you will notice that there are in fact an infinite number
of triggers, and that you have an infinite number of toes, and you'll
never be able to decide which toe you will shoot with which trigger.
And without making any decision, you'll eventually end up deprived
of your legs.
C: You shoot yourself in the foot.

FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in every toe, slowly, one by one,
until all toes are used up. Then you read the next foot and
repeat the process. You will continue, even though you have
used up all the ammunition, because there's no routine for
exception handling.

PL/I: You use up all the system resources including the
off-line ammunition. DP and personnel management double their
size, triple their budgets, buy four new mainframes and let the
old one drop on your foot.

Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.

Forth: You shoot yourself through both feet with a single bullet
since you are standing with one foot on top of the other.

Algol: You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket. The musket
is fascinating in aesthetic respects and the wound confuses the
young nurse in the first-aid room.

Modula-2: After discovering that you will never ever be able to
manage anything in this language you shoot yourself in the head.

Ada: If you're stupid enough to engage in this language the US
ministry of defense will kidnap you, put you in front of an
execution squad and command: Shoot at his feet!

C++: You incidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and
shoot all of them in the foot. First aid isn't possible, as it
cannot be decided which instances are bit-accurate copies and which
only point to other ones: "Over there that's me."

Smalltalk: You are spending so much time playing with the graphics
and the windowing system, that your boss will shoot you in the foot,
take away your work station and has you coding Cobol on a
character-based terminal.

Lisp: You will shoot into the accessory, which holds the gun, that
you are using to shoot into the accessory....

Prolog: You try to shoot yourself in the foot, but the bullet,
which misses the target, ricochets into the gun which explodes in your
face.

Visual Basic: You pay Microsoft an inordinate amount of money, then
they put a control right there on the button bar that shoots you in
the foot. If you don't like the implementation, fine - shoot your
foot in another language. But don't forget to buy WIN 2000 first.
Assembler
You put the bullet over your foot and drive it in to the instep with a
hammer.

Javascript
You attach the bullet to every shoe and it fires into the foot as you
tie the shoestring.

Java
You attach the gun to every shoe. When you tie the shoestring, it
goes and gets a bullet and fires it into your foot. You also can get
athletes foot using Java.

BC
You fire bullets into your foot of any arbitrary length and any cross
section. Best used for bullets that are several feet long.




Regards,

Boris Mohar

Got Knock? - see:
Viatrack Printed Circuit Designs (among other things) http://www.viatrack.ca