If you're finding it hard to find essential items like toilet rolls
here's an alternative.
1. Fix a hook to your toilet wall.
2 Obtain a copy of the Daily Mail. (Don't worry, you don't have to
read it).
3. Put carefully crafted strips of Daily Mail onto the hook.
4. Have a good ****.
5. Use as many strips of Daily Mail as necessary. If you can find a
strip with the face of Boris Johnson printed on it than so much the
better.
6. Rejoice in the fact that the Daily Mail has been put to good use.