trimmer for several minutes, which added to the time I had to consider
what to have for breakfast. If you remember dear you bought the trimmer
for me as a birthday present when I reached my ninetieth. That was an
occasion to remember! The firemen were quite rude weren't they, after
the 90 candles set the curtains on fire! It was lucky I had the fire
extinguisher that I bought on special offer at Lidl in 2013!
Mrs G: What do want for your ****ing breakfast you despicable old cretin?
Mr G: No need to shout dear. Cornflakes please. Remember when we bought
a pallet of cornflakes from...


That saga reads very similar to the classic Victorian spoof "Diary of a Nobody" by Grossmith in which he manages to screw up the house maintenance and just about everything else in his life, while blaming everybody else. Circa 1890.