On 20/04/2018 07:22, Johnny B Good wrote:
Hi everyone,

Before I go any further, I feel I should point out from the start that
this is a rather long post.

You've never sent a short one. Four and half thousand words about buying
a genny! Glory be!

The scene: The Good Household. It is early morning.
Mrs G: What do you want for your breakfast Johnny?
Mr G: I've been giving the matter much thought dear, as I sat on the
lavatory and performed my other ablutions, which in fact were more
extensive, time-consuming and laborious than usual because I decided,
having looked in the bathroom mirror (the one we bought from B & Q in
2006; remember it was a replacement one because the first one had a tiny
but irritating mark at bottom left, about 32mm in from the corner along
the bottom edge)to trim my beard. The beard is, as you know, although
rather splendid if you are a fan of rampant undergrowth, was becoming a
bit of a nuisance whilst driving and was also causing hygiene issues to
arise occasionally. Anyway, to cut a long story short (but not to cut a
long beard too short, ha ha!) I was unable to locate my electric beard
trimmer for several minutes, which added to the time I had to consider
what to have for breakfast. If you remember dear you bought the trimmer
for me as a birthday present when I reached my ninetieth. That was an
occasion to remember! The firemen were quite rude weren't they, after
the 90 candles set the curtains on fire! It was lucky I had the fire
extinguisher that I bought on special offer at Lidl in 2013!
Mrs G: What do want for your ****ing breakfast you despicable old cretin?
Mr G: No need to shout dear. Cornflakes please. Remember when we bought
a pallet of cornflakes from...

Bill